Counseling Tonight--Bring on the Prayers and Positive Vibes
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 765
When we walk away from people it crops up their abandonment issues. This is painful and perhaps why he gets upset.
When we say kindly, "I feel I need to take a break right now" and leave the room, that's usually better.
Without him getting well in recovery, all bets are off.
If he can find the willingness to go to recovery, things can markedly improve - slowly.
The Chapter in AA's Big Book called "To Wives" is helpful. You may know about this reading.
I wish you and your family all the best as you each move forward in your journey.
When we say kindly, "I feel I need to take a break right now" and leave the room, that's usually better.
Without him getting well in recovery, all bets are off.
If he can find the willingness to go to recovery, things can markedly improve - slowly.
The Chapter in AA's Big Book called "To Wives" is helpful. You may know about this reading.
I wish you and your family all the best as you each move forward in your journey.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 262
Went thru this same thing with my AH last night. Alot of my issues stem from his drinking, and we keep going in the cycle, she asked him if he knows how much pain has caused our marriage, would he be willing to give it up, he down right said no, he enjoys that, that's who he is and I shouldn't want to change who he is. So to me, he basically picked alcohol over his family. While the therapist said I can work on the things he needs from me, it is not going to do any good as long as he drinks. So I told him that he made his decision and I will leave it at that. Wel today he is being an ass and saying that I should work on my things to help our marriage and that its not all him. The counselor agreed that it will be hard for him to quit so he is using that as a boo hoo me line. He still doesn't get it. Thinks I need to work on me and we should work together. I am tired of banging my head against the wall trying to get him to see that if he does nothing for his problem that he will not see anything from me. GRRRRRRRR
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Originally Posted by myfreedom 
I am tired of banging my head against the wall trying to get him to see that if he does nothing for his problem that he will not see anything from me. GRRRRRRRR
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
I will be honest here...I am totally celebrating my progress today. I have come a loooooong way from that person who, almost four years ago, sobbed and begged AH not to leave after I found evidence he had gotten a strange woman's phone number in a bar.
Who WAS that person who obsessively searched through his text messages? Who WAS that person who counted beers? Who WAS that person who stood by and allowed the verbal abuse to fly and fed into the whole dysfunctional situation? It was me. But it's not me anymore, and it never will be again.
Who WAS that person who obsessively searched through his text messages? Who WAS that person who counted beers? Who WAS that person who stood by and allowed the verbal abuse to fly and fed into the whole dysfunctional situation? It was me. But it's not me anymore, and it never will be again.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by Wisconsin
I will be honest here...I am totally celebrating my progress today. I have come a loooooong way from that person who, almost four years ago, sobbed and begged AH not to leave after I found evidence he had gotten a strange woman's phone number in a bar.
Who WAS that person who obsessively searched through his text messages? Who WAS that person who counted beers? Who WAS that person who stood by and allowed the verbal abuse to fly and fed into the whole dysfunctional situation? It was me. But it's not me anymore, and it never will be again.
Who WAS that person who obsessively searched through his text messages? Who WAS that person who counted beers? Who WAS that person who stood by and allowed the verbal abuse to fly and fed into the whole dysfunctional situation? It was me. But it's not me anymore, and it never will be again.
You've come a long way, baby.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Originally Posted by hopeful4
Wisconsin, your progress is absolutely amazing. Glad you are feeling better today.
Much love and many hugs coming your way!!!!
Much love and many hugs coming your way!!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 154
Thanks for the hope, W. Two years ago I sat in couple's counseling begging and crying and living out a completely dysfunctional relationship. Today, I'm only about 6 months into my own recovery from codependency, but I already can start to identify with the moments of strength you've been displaying. Keep up the great work--you're an inspiration to me!
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