That feeling: the bottom is going to drop out, Again!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 85
That feeling: the bottom is going to drop out, Again!
Every once in awhile, I get a feeling.
And 9 times out of 10, no really, make it 10 times out of 10.
Shortly after - something unsettling happens with my exAH.
Maybe it is an attack email from his lawyer or he ends up in the hospital again...my brother asked me if I am still connected to him and still have a direct line to his ebbs and flows so to speak or is it that we were married so long that I just know when the sh#& will hit the fan. Even with No contact, radio silence etc--- I just get a feeling.
I don't know, why
I try to ignore it and refocus on my life -- but it does give me great pause.
In Alnon I once heard: there are different types of feelings by those impacted by alcoholism....
Those that think the bottom is going to drop out - and it never does - they just fear the worst outcome because of a trigger....
Those that are in a very bad situation and keep thinking it will get better and each time it does go downhill they still have optimism it will get better.
I used to be the latter....but now.
It is like my body is still on the (his) cycle and knows it too well.
A Brace Yourself (built in alert) .... and here it comes (again) mode.
Let's hope today is the first time - I am wrong - [but that would be going back to my optimism mode, not reality mode]
I could argue with myself not to waste time fretting about him just because I get a feeling. But I am interested to know if this happens to people when making that permanent break from your qualifier?
And how long did it take for you to really recover from your enmeshment.
And 9 times out of 10, no really, make it 10 times out of 10.
Shortly after - something unsettling happens with my exAH.
Maybe it is an attack email from his lawyer or he ends up in the hospital again...my brother asked me if I am still connected to him and still have a direct line to his ebbs and flows so to speak or is it that we were married so long that I just know when the sh#& will hit the fan. Even with No contact, radio silence etc--- I just get a feeling.
I don't know, why
I try to ignore it and refocus on my life -- but it does give me great pause.
In Alnon I once heard: there are different types of feelings by those impacted by alcoholism....
Those that think the bottom is going to drop out - and it never does - they just fear the worst outcome because of a trigger....
Those that are in a very bad situation and keep thinking it will get better and each time it does go downhill they still have optimism it will get better.
I used to be the latter....but now.
It is like my body is still on the (his) cycle and knows it too well.
A Brace Yourself (built in alert) .... and here it comes (again) mode.
Let's hope today is the first time - I am wrong - [but that would be going back to my optimism mode, not reality mode]
I could argue with myself not to waste time fretting about him just because I get a feeling. But I am interested to know if this happens to people when making that permanent break from your qualifier?
And how long did it take for you to really recover from your enmeshment.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Enmeshment? Wasn't really there once I left. I had spent four years in Al-Anon before I left, so I think I had detached fairly well long before I physically left him.
But that feeling of "the other shoe is going to drop"? That stuck around. For me, I think it's been a gradual process of simply learning that there is good in the universe and that bad things don't always have to happen.
But that feeling of "the other shoe is going to drop"? That stuck around. For me, I think it's been a gradual process of simply learning that there is good in the universe and that bad things don't always have to happen.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
In my experience...when you know a person really well--especially one that you have been so connected to...their ebb and flow...their patterns of behavior becomes predictable. Very predictable. I don't think it has a damn thing to do with intuition or some special talent on your part.
I think as you develop more of your own life outside of him---the less you will think about his movements..one way or another. You simply won't have so much head space available for him.
dandylion
I think as you develop more of your own life outside of him---the less you will think about his movements..one way or another. You simply won't have so much head space available for him.
dandylion
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