Alcoholic Girlfriend Cheated
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 399
Originally Posted by whalebelow 
You're in for an emotional roller coaster ride. She is a young alcoholic and it's going to get worse. There might be periods when she can pull up or moderate for a bit, which will give you fresh hope, but she won't stay like that, alcoholism is progressive. If your wondering how I can say with such certainty, that was me. I was drinking into blackouts by my mid teens. Sometimes I'd come to and get told I'd behaved Ok, but a lot of the time I didn't. Fights, hitting on girls I shouldn't have, verbal abuse, I was just a pain in the bum to other people when I drank so much I blacked out. Could not guarantee my behaviour, but every time I started drinking, the thought in my mind was, don't drink so much, behave this time, you don't wanna end up in hospital again...... But I did. The body of an alcoholic processes it differently, triggers a craving for more. 98% of the population don't get it, they can't understand "why does she drink SO much" Lots of people drink and lots of people like to get drunk, but they will always manage to do so in reasonable safety, and if they ever do have something bad happen, they will learn from it. Alcoholics will repeat the lesson over and over and over. Both in terms of their inability to control their intake (remember, her body craves) and their inability to guarantee their behaviours. And yes, she genuinely does not remember things. Mornings that I woke up in police cells, I had absolutely no memory of how I got there, the last thing I remember before one of them, was being refused entry to a club at around 11pm. Police records showed I was taken in at 5.15am and I came to around 9am. 25 years later, I still have no memory of what I did that night, who I was with, where I'd been, nothing. The cops could have pinned a crime on me.... I would have had no idea.
Originally Posted by spia
Until she decides that her life is worth living she will continue on a path of death and self destruction. And despite her want and need to be a "good"person she will continue to fail. Thus, being friends or any sort of relationship with her you will be on the same roller coaster (that she's in charge of). Love will not save her. Let me say it again love will not save her. The only way for her to heal is for her to get sick and tired of being sick and tired. She has to want more for herself and you can't make her do that or love her into doing it. If you decide to have her in your life work hard on being you. Do not lose you. It's very hard to get yourself back once you've given everything away. You deserve to be happy and healthy. She deserves to be happy and healthy. But happy and healthy is a choice we must each make.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
Hi, Bravebelt.
I hope you're well and we haven't scared you off.
A question: Is cheating a dealbreaker for you? Is alcoholism a dealbreaker for you? If not, why not?
If I were you, this is where I would spend my time thinking. You seem to be looking for loopholes where your beloved is not responsible for the decisions she makes about her life. Are depression and addiction running her life? Yes, absolutely. But she is the adult in the situation and is ultimately responsible for running her own life, including deciding whether or not to make mistakes and deal with the consequences of those mistakes without your approval, validation, forgiveness, or assistance.
You're so young. There are so many people out there that don't have chronic mental health and addiction issues that would love to spend time with you. Really. Why hitch your horse to a wagon as burdensome as this one?
I hope you're well and we haven't scared you off.
A question: Is cheating a dealbreaker for you? Is alcoholism a dealbreaker for you? If not, why not?
If I were you, this is where I would spend my time thinking. You seem to be looking for loopholes where your beloved is not responsible for the decisions she makes about her life. Are depression and addiction running her life? Yes, absolutely. But she is the adult in the situation and is ultimately responsible for running her own life, including deciding whether or not to make mistakes and deal with the consequences of those mistakes without your approval, validation, forgiveness, or assistance.
You're so young. There are so many people out there that don't have chronic mental health and addiction issues that would love to spend time with you. Really. Why hitch your horse to a wagon as burdensome as this one?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 4
Hi everyone, sorry for not replying, I did read all your messages and I tried to make sense of what I wanted to do about the whole thing.
Its been a really rough month and we've fought so much. I've moved out now for my next year of uni and so I won't see her often at all & its just the second day but I already started panicking incase she was drinking or anything while I was gone. I think I'm too paranoid to stay with her even if I could forgive her, and I'm scared that I'll be like this in future relationships if there are any.
I have to see the friend who she slept with every day at uni and I've reached out to him to try and get answers but suddenly after saying he would try and help fix things he wants nothing to do with me or to even try and help. He is staying with my friends while I've moved out alone because none of them know about it, and they don't know what has happened and are blaming me for moving out and isolating me. So its quite rough and lonely right now despite not having done anything to earn all of this.
Thank you for your messages though & trying to help, I really have no idea what to do but I'm going to try and see a doctor this week for some help for myself.
Its been a really rough month and we've fought so much. I've moved out now for my next year of uni and so I won't see her often at all & its just the second day but I already started panicking incase she was drinking or anything while I was gone. I think I'm too paranoid to stay with her even if I could forgive her, and I'm scared that I'll be like this in future relationships if there are any.
I have to see the friend who she slept with every day at uni and I've reached out to him to try and get answers but suddenly after saying he would try and help fix things he wants nothing to do with me or to even try and help. He is staying with my friends while I've moved out alone because none of them know about it, and they don't know what has happened and are blaming me for moving out and isolating me. So its quite rough and lonely right now despite not having done anything to earn all of this.
Thank you for your messages though & trying to help, I really have no idea what to do but I'm going to try and see a doctor this week for some help for myself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 4
She is also starting counselling next week and says she will try and figure out what happened.
I don't think it will make much difference, but answers would be nice.
I keep swinging from 'I need to stay with her and there's no way I want to break up with her' to 'I need to get away I can't spend my life with someone who's done this to me' and I can never settle on a feeling and I'm trying extremely hard to think of what to do but I feel like my head just isn't working with me and hasn't been for the past 3 months since I found out.
I don't think it will make much difference, but answers would be nice.
I keep swinging from 'I need to stay with her and there's no way I want to break up with her' to 'I need to get away I can't spend my life with someone who's done this to me' and I can never settle on a feeling and I'm trying extremely hard to think of what to do but I feel like my head just isn't working with me and hasn't been for the past 3 months since I found out.
Pressure makes diamonds
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 521
My advice is to end the relationship and run in the other direction. She is using alcohol as an excuse since she knows you are sympathetic to a degree since you don't suffer from the problem and don't understand it as well as she does. Everything in life is a choice and on SEVERAL occasions she has made the choice to betray your trust at the expense of drinking. This behavior will not stop unless she stops drinking, and that is a choice that only she can make, and may never make.
You are young. The world right now is your oyster! Remove yourself from the situation and find someone who is worthy of your trust. Staying in this situation will cost you time and heartache and possibly STD's because I doubt she is considering protection while that intoxicated. You can't help someone until they WANT to be helped.
You are young. The world right now is your oyster! Remove yourself from the situation and find someone who is worthy of your trust. Staying in this situation will cost you time and heartache and possibly STD's because I doubt she is considering protection while that intoxicated. You can't help someone until they WANT to be helped.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: The Bright Side of the Moon
Posts: 528
Originally Posted by BraveBelt
I'm scared that I'll be like this in future relationships if there are any.
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