about to take on a lot and don't know how to do it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 13
about to take on a lot and don't know how to do it.
Hey all, I am new to the friends and family forums, very familiar with SR for my own sobriety.
I am here now because my sister has finally hit the brick wall she needed to get her to see what this poison is and has done to her life.
It has ended her 6 year relationship and has cost her the love of her life. She now has been left with nothing much but her car, not even friends.
I straight away offered her my spare room but am ery anxious and unsure of how to handle this.
I struggle with tough love with my sister and she can very easily manipulate me and although I recognize it, I don't honestly know if I can change that. I have always been the protector. I am just really anxious.
I will do anything in my power to help her and I think that may get in my way of truly helping her.
Thank you for reading. I look forward to some words of wisdom.
I am here now because my sister has finally hit the brick wall she needed to get her to see what this poison is and has done to her life.
It has ended her 6 year relationship and has cost her the love of her life. She now has been left with nothing much but her car, not even friends.
I straight away offered her my spare room but am ery anxious and unsure of how to handle this.
I struggle with tough love with my sister and she can very easily manipulate me and although I recognize it, I don't honestly know if I can change that. I have always been the protector. I am just really anxious.
I will do anything in my power to help her and I think that may get in my way of truly helping her.
Thank you for reading. I look forward to some words of wisdom.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Welcome, kristabell. Be sure that your recovery is always your first priority. You can't help anyone else if you're teetering on the edge of madness again. You already say you're unsure because she's manipulative. I'd keep chewing on that and figuring out if your sobriety is worth potentially throwing away in an attempt to help maintain hers.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi krista, bless you for your kind heart. Have you placed any conditions on her living with you, such as not drinking at home? Is she going to pay board? Best to work this out in advance rather than make it up as you go along. My own sister has a drinking problem and I would hesitate to have her living with me.
Does this affect anyone else or are you living alone?
Does this affect anyone else or are you living alone?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Kristabell......you are facing a really tough situation. Your own gut is telling you where the danger lies.
If you love her (and, it is obvious that you do)....the greatest thing you can do is to tell her the truth. We trust that the ones who truly love us the most will always be honest with us.
****Do not fear that she will stop loving you***
Even if she is angry with you....and gives you a hard time about it....that is what alcoholics do to everyone who comes between them and their drink. It doesn't mean that she doesn't love you down deep.
I do hope that you will make it clear that while you will support her in recovery---you love her too much to enable her to continue on her self-destructive path. Remember that if you make her comfortable enough to continue to drink in comfort...that is enabling her.
It will be far less painful if you set the boundaries straight up front....than to try to amend things after she has started to walk all over your generosity. Chances are...that is how she has lost every friend and her mate....
You will gain so much knowledge and support for your position if you will go to the top of the main page and read through all of the "stickies". You will need to understand what you are up against when you are dealing with a l oved one with this disease.
We are here for you.
dandylion
If you love her (and, it is obvious that you do)....the greatest thing you can do is to tell her the truth. We trust that the ones who truly love us the most will always be honest with us.
****Do not fear that she will stop loving you***
Even if she is angry with you....and gives you a hard time about it....that is what alcoholics do to everyone who comes between them and their drink. It doesn't mean that she doesn't love you down deep.
I do hope that you will make it clear that while you will support her in recovery---you love her too much to enable her to continue on her self-destructive path. Remember that if you make her comfortable enough to continue to drink in comfort...that is enabling her.
It will be far less painful if you set the boundaries straight up front....than to try to amend things after she has started to walk all over your generosity. Chances are...that is how she has lost every friend and her mate....
You will gain so much knowledge and support for your position if you will go to the top of the main page and read through all of the "stickies". You will need to understand what you are up against when you are dealing with a l oved one with this disease.
We are here for you.
dandylion
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I too would set some very tight boundaries and you will have to have a zero tolerance for breaking those, especially for a sibling. Hopefully this is her "bottom."
The best thing you can do is encourage her, and get out of her way. This has to be her recovery, she has to be in charge of it. Let her do that. The more she puts into her own need for recovery the more likely it is to stick. The more it is forced down her throat the more it won't.
So make the boundaries clear. A written agreement signed by the both of you would be a very good thing.
Hugs. You're a great sister. I will pray for both of you!
The best thing you can do is encourage her, and get out of her way. This has to be her recovery, she has to be in charge of it. Let her do that. The more she puts into her own need for recovery the more likely it is to stick. The more it is forced down her throat the more it won't.
So make the boundaries clear. A written agreement signed by the both of you would be a very good thing.
Hugs. You're a great sister. I will pray for both of you!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
do notes up around the house and rules and smiley faces of you can do it.. sometimes that helps them to remember why they are there and how to be a help. and then again it could get all shot to bits.. my hubby I do the wash and folding and for 3 weeks it sat in the dinningroom so I took it up the stairs slowly as they are bigg stairs and he said so Iam not doing enough around here. all he had to to was take the completed wash up stairs. well so much for that thought .. ekekkekek good luck kiddo you will need it..
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Kristabell.....another thought that might help you....perhaps get someone who is knowlegable about alcoholism....or has been though your exact situation to help you with what ground rules or boundaries to establish. This is a very hard thing to do if you have never done it before. Being that she is your sister...makes it doubly difficult, I think. Your past relationship and your own ego is all tied up in it.....
dandylion
dandylion
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