Alcoholic Girlfriend Cheated
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 4
Alcoholic Girlfriend Cheated
Hi, I recently found this site while looking up information on how alcoholics behave during a blackout and found everyone here is really helpful with their advice so here it goes!
Basically, me and my girlfriend have been dating now for 1 year and 3 months exactly. We had been friends for a year before this too, and I did know she had a problem with drinking when we began dating however I didn't realise the extent of the problem.
She has depression, anxiety, and ptsd as well has having been drinking every day for around the past 2 to 3 years (She is 22, I'm 20). Honestly we have had a great relationship however recently I've learnt that in the first 3 months of our relationship she cheated on me with 3 different people and does largely blame it on alcohol (She is also on antidepressants so the amount she was drinking definitely affected her).
The first time it was an accidental kiss between her and my friend after a night out. They had both drunk pretty heavily and I forgave them both. This was the only one I was told about instantly, whereas I found out the next two incidents little more than 2 months ago.
The second time a guy from america she had known online for a while had been planning to visit the UK for months (before we'd even got together) and she went on this trip with him believing they would be friends and that was it. I only found out about this from a letter he had sent that I'd found once I'd moved in with my girlfriend, she'd recently moved from her aunts house where she was sent the letter and it was just amongst a pile of other letters and she claims she had forgotten about it. The first story she told me was that she barely remembers the two weeks he came over, she said she had thought she loved him but was wrong and they had slept together 3 times and that was it. They hadn't acted like a couple the whole two weeks and she'd told him again and again she had a girlfriend and it wasn't going to happen. He had still stayed with her until the end of his trip still trying to sleep with her. She'd been at a really low point of her life at this point not knowing where she would be living when the summer ended and also thoughts of her alcoholic father who committed suicide were at the front of her mind, and she was drinking heavily. She'd told me he had taken advantage of her drunken state and her being weak to convince her to sleep with him.
The story however changed more recently as she went through each day trying to recall the events. Now on the first night he had admitted that he liked her but she told him it wouldn't happen because she was taken. (They were drinking almost every day bearing in mind because she does that anyway, not making excuses because I also think its stupid to drink so much in the same hotel room as someone you only know online and he has admitted to liking her). The second night she said she barely remembered the events of the day, but he had forced himself on her when they were both drunk and had she had struggled but eventually gave up and he raped her. As well as asking for more after he'd had sex with her as in 'just do this & I'll let you go to bed.' He does sound like a horrible manipulative person who was looking for just one thing from her (and this again isn't an excuse). She woke up the next morning thinking she had cheated on me because she felt it was her fault for getting so drunk in that situation and not doing more to stop him. For the rest of the two weeks he again tried to sleep with her and tried to convince her to be in a relationship with him but she stopped him and claims to have toned down her drinking since that night. She has panic attacks when recalling these two weeks so I'm inclined to believe her, or at least believe this is what she thinks happened. Whats horrible is that the letter he sent made it sound like it was her who came onto him, and things such as 'pushing him down onto the bed and kissing him' she calls was just a hug where he had tried to turn it into a kiss and she had left the room.
Obviously after hearing the first story I'm not sure I believe the second story which does take away a lot of the blame. I had asked why she didn't remove herself from the hotel and his presence and stopped drinking around him and she said it was because she believed it wouldn't happen again and had thought he was her friend, but he continued trying to pressure her into sex and a relationship and he knew about me and asked about me too.
The third time it happened was a week before I would move into my student house with 8 of my friends in the city of my university. She was living there while I was at my hometown. Her and one of my best friends were quite heavy drinkers, we were 3 months into our relationship at this point, and they slept together one night. She had been seriously depressed and they had both been drinking heavily and quickly (taking shots) and both believe they blacked out soon after that and have no recollection of the events at all. She woke up in his bed with her pants off (the room next to where I would be staying and all) and he had already gone to the living room to hang with friends. They didn't talk about it and continued acting how they were before and continued to get drunk around each other.
Now nothing has happened since, and I know she has an alcohol addiction and so it would have been hard for her to stop drinking.
What I'd like to know is - is it possible to sleep with someone in a blackout state without making the choice to? I mean, are they still responsible and does it mean a part of them wanted to do that?
I adore her, but the thought of her actively wanting to sleep with these two guys while drunk scares me especially because she has been drinking in the same way for the majority of our relationship, she has given up but only now that I've found out. And as more arguments happen because I don't know if I can trust that she never had any intention of doing these things or wanted to, she is turning to drink as an option to help her cope. Luckily she hasn't yet but I am scared for her not just as her girlfriend but as her best friend!
Any advice you can give me would be great!
Basically, me and my girlfriend have been dating now for 1 year and 3 months exactly. We had been friends for a year before this too, and I did know she had a problem with drinking when we began dating however I didn't realise the extent of the problem.
She has depression, anxiety, and ptsd as well has having been drinking every day for around the past 2 to 3 years (She is 22, I'm 20). Honestly we have had a great relationship however recently I've learnt that in the first 3 months of our relationship she cheated on me with 3 different people and does largely blame it on alcohol (She is also on antidepressants so the amount she was drinking definitely affected her).
The first time it was an accidental kiss between her and my friend after a night out. They had both drunk pretty heavily and I forgave them both. This was the only one I was told about instantly, whereas I found out the next two incidents little more than 2 months ago.
The second time a guy from america she had known online for a while had been planning to visit the UK for months (before we'd even got together) and she went on this trip with him believing they would be friends and that was it. I only found out about this from a letter he had sent that I'd found once I'd moved in with my girlfriend, she'd recently moved from her aunts house where she was sent the letter and it was just amongst a pile of other letters and she claims she had forgotten about it. The first story she told me was that she barely remembers the two weeks he came over, she said she had thought she loved him but was wrong and they had slept together 3 times and that was it. They hadn't acted like a couple the whole two weeks and she'd told him again and again she had a girlfriend and it wasn't going to happen. He had still stayed with her until the end of his trip still trying to sleep with her. She'd been at a really low point of her life at this point not knowing where she would be living when the summer ended and also thoughts of her alcoholic father who committed suicide were at the front of her mind, and she was drinking heavily. She'd told me he had taken advantage of her drunken state and her being weak to convince her to sleep with him.
The story however changed more recently as she went through each day trying to recall the events. Now on the first night he had admitted that he liked her but she told him it wouldn't happen because she was taken. (They were drinking almost every day bearing in mind because she does that anyway, not making excuses because I also think its stupid to drink so much in the same hotel room as someone you only know online and he has admitted to liking her). The second night she said she barely remembered the events of the day, but he had forced himself on her when they were both drunk and had she had struggled but eventually gave up and he raped her. As well as asking for more after he'd had sex with her as in 'just do this & I'll let you go to bed.' He does sound like a horrible manipulative person who was looking for just one thing from her (and this again isn't an excuse). She woke up the next morning thinking she had cheated on me because she felt it was her fault for getting so drunk in that situation and not doing more to stop him. For the rest of the two weeks he again tried to sleep with her and tried to convince her to be in a relationship with him but she stopped him and claims to have toned down her drinking since that night. She has panic attacks when recalling these two weeks so I'm inclined to believe her, or at least believe this is what she thinks happened. Whats horrible is that the letter he sent made it sound like it was her who came onto him, and things such as 'pushing him down onto the bed and kissing him' she calls was just a hug where he had tried to turn it into a kiss and she had left the room.
Obviously after hearing the first story I'm not sure I believe the second story which does take away a lot of the blame. I had asked why she didn't remove herself from the hotel and his presence and stopped drinking around him and she said it was because she believed it wouldn't happen again and had thought he was her friend, but he continued trying to pressure her into sex and a relationship and he knew about me and asked about me too.
The third time it happened was a week before I would move into my student house with 8 of my friends in the city of my university. She was living there while I was at my hometown. Her and one of my best friends were quite heavy drinkers, we were 3 months into our relationship at this point, and they slept together one night. She had been seriously depressed and they had both been drinking heavily and quickly (taking shots) and both believe they blacked out soon after that and have no recollection of the events at all. She woke up in his bed with her pants off (the room next to where I would be staying and all) and he had already gone to the living room to hang with friends. They didn't talk about it and continued acting how they were before and continued to get drunk around each other.
Now nothing has happened since, and I know she has an alcohol addiction and so it would have been hard for her to stop drinking.
What I'd like to know is - is it possible to sleep with someone in a blackout state without making the choice to? I mean, are they still responsible and does it mean a part of them wanted to do that?
I adore her, but the thought of her actively wanting to sleep with these two guys while drunk scares me especially because she has been drinking in the same way for the majority of our relationship, she has given up but only now that I've found out. And as more arguments happen because I don't know if I can trust that she never had any intention of doing these things or wanted to, she is turning to drink as an option to help her cope. Luckily she hasn't yet but I am scared for her not just as her girlfriend but as her best friend!
Any advice you can give me would be great!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
She is an adult making choices. She is responsible for her behavior.
If she had been driving drunk and gotten pulled over or in an accident, she would be accountable whether or not she "remembered making the decision" to drive.
This is clearly a pattern with her and if you stay and accept this behavior and her excuses you are setting yourself up for more of the same.
Eta: what do you consider a relationship deal breaker if not alcoholism and cheating?
If she had been driving drunk and gotten pulled over or in an accident, she would be accountable whether or not she "remembered making the decision" to drive.
This is clearly a pattern with her and if you stay and accept this behavior and her excuses you are setting yourself up for more of the same.
Eta: what do you consider a relationship deal breaker if not alcoholism and cheating?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 38
I am sorry you are going through this. It is very sad when someone disappoints you/us.
I would step back and look at the big picture she cheated 3 months in, so far several men. Blackout or sober this behavior is destructive behavior. What is your breaking point 100 men ( a disease isn't going to care if she is blackout or sober)
IMO she doesn't respect herself, let alone you and nothing you say or do is going to change that.It sounds like you are getting use to this behavior and accepting it and giving excuses to stay instead of realizing you deserve more.
I would work on me and not look back. There are plenty other people you can adore that are healthy and will not hurt you the way you have been.
I would step back and look at the big picture she cheated 3 months in, so far several men. Blackout or sober this behavior is destructive behavior. What is your breaking point 100 men ( a disease isn't going to care if she is blackout or sober)
IMO she doesn't respect herself, let alone you and nothing you say or do is going to change that.It sounds like you are getting use to this behavior and accepting it and giving excuses to stay instead of realizing you deserve more.
I would work on me and not look back. There are plenty other people you can adore that are healthy and will not hurt you the way you have been.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 38
Originally Posted by spia 
I met my husband at a young age. Please don't sacrifice yourself for someone who will not think twice to throw you under the bus. Do not lose yourself.
Please don't sacrifice yourself for someone who will not think twice to throw you under the bus. Do not lose yourself.
It sounds like she ran over you in the bus went out to check to see if there was a pulse and backed up several times.
You deserve better. I hope you realize that soon.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: tx
Posts: 101
You have to know that you are very deserving of a healthy and loving relationship in which you are fully supported.
You are not currently involved with someone that is capable of doing that. She isn't even capable of taking care of herself. That is part of the reason she is sleeping around. Not because she is drinking (yes it plays apart)but she needs to feel something. And that's another way of getting something filling avoid.
Does she have potential to be a great lover, spouce, and a great person????. Yes, she has that potential. Everyone does.
But don't fall in love with someone's potential. I made that mistake. And now I'm older. My time had been lost. Cherished memories have been blemishes. And my child is also in pain.
Wait to have that relationship that you do fully deserve to have.
You are not currently involved with someone that is capable of doing that. She isn't even capable of taking care of herself. That is part of the reason she is sleeping around. Not because she is drinking (yes it plays apart)but she needs to feel something. And that's another way of getting something filling avoid.
Does she have potential to be a great lover, spouce, and a great person????. Yes, she has that potential. Everyone does.
But don't fall in love with someone's potential. I made that mistake. And now I'm older. My time had been lost. Cherished memories have been blemishes. And my child is also in pain.
Wait to have that relationship that you do fully deserve to have.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Legally the guy that she spent 2 weeks with, perhaps after the one time she could call it rape, but, and this is a very big BUT, she did not remove herself from the situation, she continued to stay with him. She stated she drank less, well alcoholics have a really hard time doing that after the first sip.
So she knows she gets like this, continues to drink, and continues to blame the alcohol.
So while alcoholism may be a disease, it does not mean that you need the alcohol to survive, it means you need to stop the alcohol altogether.
So she knows she gets like this, continues to drink, and continues to blame the alcohol.
So while alcoholism may be a disease, it does not mean that you need the alcohol to survive, it means you need to stop the alcohol altogether.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 4
Hi Ladyscribbler,
I've said this to her myself, that she must have made the choice to sleep with them but she denies it completely and I do have trouble believing her of course. I have blacked out several times before (though I don't have a drinking problem) and haven't done anything like that. Since the last time it happened she got a job and moved to my home town so she could provide and get a house for us to live in for when I came back. We did start dating at a very low point in her life because she had failed uni and was gonna have to move back in with her abusive parents if she didn't find a job. Now obviously none of this changes anything about what she did but she has changed since then. Honestly now I look at it I do sound like a fool for even considering staying, but she has gave up drinking completely, and she has done so much for me in the past year. You're right though, if I've stayed with her after this what is it going to take for me to leave? I'm gonna think about it. Thank you for your reply.
Hi biminiblue,
She believes she only has a future now that I've turned her life around because she was seriously spiraling downwards. I know that sounds like I'm being used. We are currently on a break so as a friend I'm just trying to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid. I don't think I'm the kind of person who could leave anyone alone in the state she is in right now.
Hi ashamed2day,
Thank you for the kind words, yes she was acting VERY destructively I'd say from the point she gave up on university until around the time she moved to my home city and got a job. I know thats no excuse for doing anything in the relationship. She says she couldn't tell me because she knew I would break up with her, which is true at the time I definitely would have, its the past year we've been so close and everything she's done for me that are making me consider staying. Like I do believe she has changed, but its only now that she's gave up drinking so had she really changed? Its a hard question to think about because I feel like if she hadn't then the time I spent with her has been a lie.
Hi Spia,
Your words mean a lot. I know I am really young, too young to be experiencing this kind of hurt really, I will think about what you have said. I already feel like a lot of my memories with her this year have been tainted now I've found out what she did before. I will miss the way we have been with each other for over a year after the last time she cheated but I am thinking about simply being friends with her. But even to be friends I still feel like I need closure on whats happened.
Hi anvilhead,
Yeah definitely. I thought these were the greatest friends I'd ever met. We've been falling apart for this entire year though, and its only now I found out what one of my best friends had done. Honestly he's very sex obsessed and has even tried to pull it on me once or twice when we were drunk.
Hi amy55,
I know exactly what you mean. She said she felt like the rape was her fault. I asked her like how could she know that she weren't the one who initiated it? She says she doesn't believe it possibly could be because she wasn't attracted to him at all and also didn't like sex with men at all because she'd been sexually assaulted before. (I'm a girl by the way, I'm her first girlfriend and she says I'm the only person she's ever felt safe with when we have sex). She didn't remove herself from it because he would have had nowhere to stay and she felt guilty. She does have low self esteem but I am so confused why she wouldn't have called the police or just left completely. I know I would do that if I were raped by a guy regardless if he had a place to stay in the UK or not.
From hereon forth shes trying to make it up to me, she's being completely open about anyone she is speaking to and anything she is doing and until a few days ago hasn't even mentioned having a drink. She tried to commit suicide a few days ago after an argument we were having because she said she couldn't deal with it anymore and I had to ring for an ambulance. At the minute I am so furious with her but I would never want something bad to happen to her. I think we are going to try couples counselling (I know we are really too young for all this) but no amount of counselling at the end of the day can change what happened.
I know its definitely hard for people to understand why I would want to stay with her. I guess what I want to hear is that she made mistakes but that just isn't the entire story at all.
I've said this to her myself, that she must have made the choice to sleep with them but she denies it completely and I do have trouble believing her of course. I have blacked out several times before (though I don't have a drinking problem) and haven't done anything like that. Since the last time it happened she got a job and moved to my home town so she could provide and get a house for us to live in for when I came back. We did start dating at a very low point in her life because she had failed uni and was gonna have to move back in with her abusive parents if she didn't find a job. Now obviously none of this changes anything about what she did but she has changed since then. Honestly now I look at it I do sound like a fool for even considering staying, but she has gave up drinking completely, and she has done so much for me in the past year. You're right though, if I've stayed with her after this what is it going to take for me to leave? I'm gonna think about it. Thank you for your reply.
Hi biminiblue,
She believes she only has a future now that I've turned her life around because she was seriously spiraling downwards. I know that sounds like I'm being used. We are currently on a break so as a friend I'm just trying to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid. I don't think I'm the kind of person who could leave anyone alone in the state she is in right now.
Hi ashamed2day,
Thank you for the kind words, yes she was acting VERY destructively I'd say from the point she gave up on university until around the time she moved to my home city and got a job. I know thats no excuse for doing anything in the relationship. She says she couldn't tell me because she knew I would break up with her, which is true at the time I definitely would have, its the past year we've been so close and everything she's done for me that are making me consider staying. Like I do believe she has changed, but its only now that she's gave up drinking so had she really changed? Its a hard question to think about because I feel like if she hadn't then the time I spent with her has been a lie.
Hi Spia,
Your words mean a lot. I know I am really young, too young to be experiencing this kind of hurt really, I will think about what you have said. I already feel like a lot of my memories with her this year have been tainted now I've found out what she did before. I will miss the way we have been with each other for over a year after the last time she cheated but I am thinking about simply being friends with her. But even to be friends I still feel like I need closure on whats happened.
Hi anvilhead,
Yeah definitely. I thought these were the greatest friends I'd ever met. We've been falling apart for this entire year though, and its only now I found out what one of my best friends had done. Honestly he's very sex obsessed and has even tried to pull it on me once or twice when we were drunk.
Hi amy55,
I know exactly what you mean. She said she felt like the rape was her fault. I asked her like how could she know that she weren't the one who initiated it? She says she doesn't believe it possibly could be because she wasn't attracted to him at all and also didn't like sex with men at all because she'd been sexually assaulted before. (I'm a girl by the way, I'm her first girlfriend and she says I'm the only person she's ever felt safe with when we have sex). She didn't remove herself from it because he would have had nowhere to stay and she felt guilty. She does have low self esteem but I am so confused why she wouldn't have called the police or just left completely. I know I would do that if I were raped by a guy regardless if he had a place to stay in the UK or not.
From hereon forth shes trying to make it up to me, she's being completely open about anyone she is speaking to and anything she is doing and until a few days ago hasn't even mentioned having a drink. She tried to commit suicide a few days ago after an argument we were having because she said she couldn't deal with it anymore and I had to ring for an ambulance. At the minute I am so furious with her but I would never want something bad to happen to her. I think we are going to try couples counselling (I know we are really too young for all this) but no amount of counselling at the end of the day can change what happened.
I know its definitely hard for people to understand why I would want to stay with her. I guess what I want to hear is that she made mistakes but that just isn't the entire story at all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Hi, BraveBelt. Welcome to SR. There have recently been several other threads w/the same focus as yours. Here are the links to a couple, if you'd like to take a look:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-through.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...blackouts.html
Regarding the counseling, I've seen it said here on more than one occasion that couples counseling is pretty much pointless until the alcoholism is dealt with, and that makes sense to me. How can anyone possibly hope to have a healthy relationship w/an unhealthy person? And an addict is definitely an unhealthy person in almost anyone's book.
Love is not enough to overcome an addiction. If it was, this site would not even exist.
Read here as much as you can, BB, and make sure not to miss the stickies at the top of the page. There is a ton of wisdom here at SR, and you can learn a lot and start to see your situation a lot more clearly.
You've gotten a bunch of good advice here, and I hope you can take it to heart. Wishing you strength and clarity.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-through.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...blackouts.html
Regarding the counseling, I've seen it said here on more than one occasion that couples counseling is pretty much pointless until the alcoholism is dealt with, and that makes sense to me. How can anyone possibly hope to have a healthy relationship w/an unhealthy person? And an addict is definitely an unhealthy person in almost anyone's book.
Love is not enough to overcome an addiction. If it was, this site would not even exist.
Read here as much as you can, BB, and make sure not to miss the stickies at the top of the page. There is a ton of wisdom here at SR, and you can learn a lot and start to see your situation a lot more clearly.
You've gotten a bunch of good advice here, and I hope you can take it to heart. Wishing you strength and clarity.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Hon, this girl has serious issues that have nothing to do with her alcoholism, that is just one more layer of the overall dysfunction. Do a little reading on borderline personality disorder. The rapid pace of your relationship, the multiple incidents of cheating, the suicide attempt all point to her drinking to self medicate for severe mental issues.
Think hard about why all this drama is so appealing and if you really need so much crazymaking in your life at a time when your focus should be on getting an education and enjoying university life.
Think hard about why all this drama is so appealing and if you really need so much crazymaking in your life at a time when your focus should be on getting an education and enjoying university life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Melbourne, Victoria
Posts: 215
You're in for an emotional roller coaster ride.
She is a young alcoholic and it's going to get worse.
There might be periods when she can pull up or moderate for a bit, which will give you fresh hope, but she won't stay like that, alcoholism is progressive.
If your wondering how I can say with such certainty, that was me.
I was drinking into blackouts by my mid teens. Sometimes I'd come to and get told I'd behaved Ok, but a lot of the time I didn't. Fights, hitting on girls I shouldn't have, verbal abuse, I was just a pain in the bum to other people when I drank so much I blacked out.
Could not guarantee my behaviour, but every time I started drinking, the thought in my mind was, don't drink so much, behave this time, you don't wanna end up in hospital again...... But I did.
The body of an alcoholic processes it differently, triggers a craving for more. 98% of the population don't get it, they can't understand "why does she drink SO much"
Lots of people drink and lots of people like to get drunk, but they will always manage to do so in reasonable safety, and if they ever do have something bad happen, they will learn from it.
Alcoholics will repeat the lesson over and over and over. Both in terms of their inability to control their intake (remember, her body craves) and their inability to guarantee their behaviours.
And yes, she genuinely does not remember things.
Mornings that I woke up in police cells, I had absolutely no memory of how I got there, the last thing I remember before one of them, was being refused entry to a club at around 11pm.
Police records showed I was taken in at 5.15am and I came to around 9am.
25 years later, I still have no memory of what I did that night, who I was with, where I'd been, nothing.
The cops could have pinned a crime on me.... I would have had no idea.
She is a young alcoholic and it's going to get worse.
There might be periods when she can pull up or moderate for a bit, which will give you fresh hope, but she won't stay like that, alcoholism is progressive.
If your wondering how I can say with such certainty, that was me.
I was drinking into blackouts by my mid teens. Sometimes I'd come to and get told I'd behaved Ok, but a lot of the time I didn't. Fights, hitting on girls I shouldn't have, verbal abuse, I was just a pain in the bum to other people when I drank so much I blacked out.
Could not guarantee my behaviour, but every time I started drinking, the thought in my mind was, don't drink so much, behave this time, you don't wanna end up in hospital again...... But I did.
The body of an alcoholic processes it differently, triggers a craving for more. 98% of the population don't get it, they can't understand "why does she drink SO much"
Lots of people drink and lots of people like to get drunk, but they will always manage to do so in reasonable safety, and if they ever do have something bad happen, they will learn from it.
Alcoholics will repeat the lesson over and over and over. Both in terms of their inability to control their intake (remember, her body craves) and their inability to guarantee their behaviours.
And yes, she genuinely does not remember things.
Mornings that I woke up in police cells, I had absolutely no memory of how I got there, the last thing I remember before one of them, was being refused entry to a club at around 11pm.
Police records showed I was taken in at 5.15am and I came to around 9am.
25 years later, I still have no memory of what I did that night, who I was with, where I'd been, nothing.
The cops could have pinned a crime on me.... I would have had no idea.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: tx
Posts: 101
Until she decides that her life is worth living she will continue on a path of death and self destruction. And despite her want and need to be a "good"person she will continue to fail. Thus, being friends or any sort of relationship with her you will be on the same roller coaster (that she's in charge of).
Love will not save her. Let me say it again love will not save her.
The only way for her to heal is for her to get sick and tired of being sick and tired. She has to want more for herself and you can't make her do that or love her into doing it.
If you decide to have her in your life work hard on being you. Do not lose you.
It's very hard to get yourself back once you've given everything away.
You deserve to be happy and healthy. She deserves to be happy and healthy. But happy and healthy is a choice we must each make.
Love will not save her. Let me say it again love will not save her.
The only way for her to heal is for her to get sick and tired of being sick and tired. She has to want more for herself and you can't make her do that or love her into doing it.
If you decide to have her in your life work hard on being you. Do not lose you.
It's very hard to get yourself back once you've given everything away.
You deserve to be happy and healthy. She deserves to be happy and healthy. But happy and healthy is a choice we must each make.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: tx
Posts: 101
I can't tell you to leave her. I struggle daily with trying to make my marriage work. But, I am married. You are not. Think long and hard on the life you want. Think on what sacrifices you are willing to make.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 399
Mate I'm sorry to say this but she cheating on you is not on, and three times?? She knows what she is doing.. My husband did the say with over thirty women.. You can't blame everything on the alcohol. I hope you can find the strength to love you and move on..
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Hi again, and welcome to SR. You have heard a lot today, a lot of good advice, and perhaps some that you don't want to here, but need to think about for awhile. Just know that we are here for you and we wish you the best.
((((((hugs)))))
amy
((((((hugs)))))
amy
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Dude. Run. And get yourself tested for everything under sun while you're at it. Seriously. Cheating and alcoholism are two different things. The alcohol didn't cause this to happen any more than me standing in my garage will make me a car. Get out while you still have a shred of self-respect left.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Originally Posted by BraveBelt
She tried to commit suicide a few days ago after an argument we were having because she said she couldn't deal with it anymore and I had to ring for an ambulance. .
You gotta a lot going on here - cheating, alcoholism, and a suicide attempt at the age of 20? Look - perhaps what you should be doing is not focusing so much on what's behind why she did what she did, and whether her story is true. Rather, why are you dealing with all of this? What has your life become?
Depression and alcoholism don't make someone cheat.
Perhaps she is the exception, but I find it nearly impossible to believe anyone would spend two weeks voluntarily with someone who raped them.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
