I'm Alone and afraid - a lost soul
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Weymouth Dorset Uk
Posts: 8
I'm Alone and afraid - a lost soul
I am in a hotel room to attend a conference in San Francisco (a long way from home, I am from England) - something that I expected and hoped might be an enjoyable experience. There is a beautiful view from the window, but the whole room feels empty. It feels empty because my soul feels empty, damaged, and afraid. I feel like I am on the edge of my sanity. I feel terribly confused and lost, in a crisis with myself, and finding it hard to cope. I’m hoping that trying to say how I feel may help. I haven’t posted like this before.
I’ve found out in the last 2 weeks that my ex gf has started a relationship with someone else. I am grieving, and it is hurting me deeply - my worst fear - rejection, isolation, loneliness.
The relationship lasted five years. Though, it has been more clinging on and endurance for me, for the last four. She has an alcohol problem that has led to SO may incidences and problems, that I have no hope of remembering them all. Examples are collecting her from a police station in the morning, staying in hospital all night to prevent her from being sectioned to a mental health hospital and taken from her children.
In this time I would keep going back over and over to “help”, despite things getting worse, me living in fear of her drinking, and feeling less and less like a human being, losing a mind of my own. It had become my normality, and I had come to a point where all I cared about was HER, and making HER BETTER. So much, that my whole psyche had no room left for me. my family or friends, for emotion, for feelings, for anything.
She had a relationship with someone else (for 2 months) 18 months ago, when we were in a “break-up phase”. I went back to her afterwards. I gave her the utmost care and consideration as a person, and thought I had a beautiful and deep bond with her. But, after all this time of damage and fear, the problem was that I knew it couldn't work as a relationship, and I know that I can never make her stop drinking. I know she is an alcoholic, and the last thing I want to do is blame her for that. She is a beautiful person, except, she has a relationship with alcohol that is terribly destructive.
I had been trying to detach, and thought I had managed to pull away emotionally, and in the last six months had worked hard to try to keep us physically separate, while being honest with her. This was technically a “break-up period”, but it has all become so blurred emotionally with us being together and apart. I didn’t know that, in reality, my heart has still holding out hope for being with her. It has hit me so hard now to grieve like this, and I feel so confused. I feel like I need help.
I have been neglecting who I am so much that I am completely lost and confused and don’t know how to start building a relationship with my own self again. I know, and fully admit to myself that I am codependent. I want to be in recovery, and to heal from this. I am scared because I am in crisis, it feels like despair. I don’t know if I can handle this, especially when I have a very demanding job. I know many others have been through these things from reading the forums. I am hoping for some help and guidance.
I know it is not much, but all I can give back is my love to anyone for reading and sharing my feelings. Thank you.
Wodge
I’ve found out in the last 2 weeks that my ex gf has started a relationship with someone else. I am grieving, and it is hurting me deeply - my worst fear - rejection, isolation, loneliness.
The relationship lasted five years. Though, it has been more clinging on and endurance for me, for the last four. She has an alcohol problem that has led to SO may incidences and problems, that I have no hope of remembering them all. Examples are collecting her from a police station in the morning, staying in hospital all night to prevent her from being sectioned to a mental health hospital and taken from her children.
In this time I would keep going back over and over to “help”, despite things getting worse, me living in fear of her drinking, and feeling less and less like a human being, losing a mind of my own. It had become my normality, and I had come to a point where all I cared about was HER, and making HER BETTER. So much, that my whole psyche had no room left for me. my family or friends, for emotion, for feelings, for anything.
She had a relationship with someone else (for 2 months) 18 months ago, when we were in a “break-up phase”. I went back to her afterwards. I gave her the utmost care and consideration as a person, and thought I had a beautiful and deep bond with her. But, after all this time of damage and fear, the problem was that I knew it couldn't work as a relationship, and I know that I can never make her stop drinking. I know she is an alcoholic, and the last thing I want to do is blame her for that. She is a beautiful person, except, she has a relationship with alcohol that is terribly destructive.
I had been trying to detach, and thought I had managed to pull away emotionally, and in the last six months had worked hard to try to keep us physically separate, while being honest with her. This was technically a “break-up period”, but it has all become so blurred emotionally with us being together and apart. I didn’t know that, in reality, my heart has still holding out hope for being with her. It has hit me so hard now to grieve like this, and I feel so confused. I feel like I need help.
I have been neglecting who I am so much that I am completely lost and confused and don’t know how to start building a relationship with my own self again. I know, and fully admit to myself that I am codependent. I want to be in recovery, and to heal from this. I am scared because I am in crisis, it feels like despair. I don’t know if I can handle this, especially when I have a very demanding job. I know many others have been through these things from reading the forums. I am hoping for some help and guidance.
I know it is not much, but all I can give back is my love to anyone for reading and sharing my feelings. Thank you.
Wodge
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: OREGON
Posts: 228
I am sorry for your pain. I am sorry.... perhaps this is the first step for each of us you know. An alcoholic will not get better, when in denial... the same goes for us as well. When we admit that we are codependent, that is our wake up call perhaps. That is us telling ourselves we have a problem caring for others so much that we neglect ourselves. Perhaps, feeling neglected by others, our loved ones, etc, it comes to us that we really don't need that tenderness and compassion for ourselves. We lead by the example set by them. It is confusing for us... it is hard, and so bitter. However, this is your first step and there is a lot of support here, and very kind and caring people. I don't have a lot of advise to give you as I am new here as well, and learning myself... but I read here often, and see I am not alone on this quest to being happier, healthier and more fulfilled in my life. Please be kind to yourself. Blessings and hugs being sent your way. Your hotel room may feel empty and you may feel alone, but when you are here, you are not, as we are all connected in one way or another.
Baby Steps
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Hi wodge welcome to SR you have taken a big step in your recovery by coming here and posting.
I am sure you have read that you can't help her you can only help yourself and I understand how hard that is to understand, actually addiction is hard to understand and I am trying to accept that it is a condition that I will never make sense of why they make the decisions and choices they do.
Can you take some time away from work I know that helped me to be able to focus on me, it's hard to focus on work and responsibilities when your world is in turmoil.
I have found great support and advise when I post here and helps me feel that I am not alone and neither are you. Keep posting and reading and take one day at a time.
I wish you peace
I am sure you have read that you can't help her you can only help yourself and I understand how hard that is to understand, actually addiction is hard to understand and I am trying to accept that it is a condition that I will never make sense of why they make the decisions and choices they do.
Can you take some time away from work I know that helped me to be able to focus on me, it's hard to focus on work and responsibilities when your world is in turmoil.
I have found great support and advise when I post here and helps me feel that I am not alone and neither are you. Keep posting and reading and take one day at a time.
I wish you peace
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Hi Wodge - so sorry you are feeling all this. Hope can be a terrible thing because it often imprisons us in a future that is not going to happen.
The reality is that even if she had not moved onto another relationship this relationship would have failed because she is an active alcoholic - so there was never a possibility of this being what you wished. Alcoholics need co-dependents and enablers to function. They will seek them out. So even if this woman loves you if you were not meeting her needs in order for her to continue her relationship with alcohol to the level she wished; she will move on to someone who will.
You guys were looking at this from different perspectives. Your goal was to get her healthy and sober. Her goal was to continue to drink. So while you put all that effort and emotional energy into your goal, all she was ever doing was using it to maintain her goal of stays quo. That's what alcoholics do…….their first love is booze. There really isn't any room for anything else.
As far as what you should do to heal from this I recommend that you get into Al Anon stat. Work the step program. This will help you understand more about why what is happened happened, and it will heal you from your co-dependent and enabling nature. In long term relationships with A's the sober partner is usually just as sick as the alcoholic. You have neglected yourself and your own needs for years. You probably don't recognize who you are any more. That is a normal feeling. The first positive step is that you have reached out here - that says a lot. There is much healing on SR.
Today do something that you know will be good for yourself. That is how you start the healing process. Go exercise, go sightseeing, treat yourself to a fabulous dinner, go get a massage. It isn't instantaneous; however, when you stop the neglect of yourself and YOUR needs you will be on the right path.
The reality is that even if she had not moved onto another relationship this relationship would have failed because she is an active alcoholic - so there was never a possibility of this being what you wished. Alcoholics need co-dependents and enablers to function. They will seek them out. So even if this woman loves you if you were not meeting her needs in order for her to continue her relationship with alcohol to the level she wished; she will move on to someone who will.
You guys were looking at this from different perspectives. Your goal was to get her healthy and sober. Her goal was to continue to drink. So while you put all that effort and emotional energy into your goal, all she was ever doing was using it to maintain her goal of stays quo. That's what alcoholics do…….their first love is booze. There really isn't any room for anything else.
As far as what you should do to heal from this I recommend that you get into Al Anon stat. Work the step program. This will help you understand more about why what is happened happened, and it will heal you from your co-dependent and enabling nature. In long term relationships with A's the sober partner is usually just as sick as the alcoholic. You have neglected yourself and your own needs for years. You probably don't recognize who you are any more. That is a normal feeling. The first positive step is that you have reached out here - that says a lot. There is much healing on SR.
Today do something that you know will be good for yourself. That is how you start the healing process. Go exercise, go sightseeing, treat yourself to a fabulous dinner, go get a massage. It isn't instantaneous; however, when you stop the neglect of yourself and YOUR needs you will be on the right path.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Wodge, I am so sorry. Its so hard to have to let go of someone you love, even when it is a matter of your survival.
It's obvious that you did all you could do, and you would have cured her alcoholism if you could, but that is sadly impossible.
Its messy, painful, confusing, and all yukky stuff when it finally falls apart... when we know we cannot hold it all together by ourselves, and let it go.
Thank you for sharing. This is a very good place to come share, and learn, by reading stickies by others who have been where you are and how they found peace. Al-anon is wonderful, and would give you some face to face support.
I am sorry its so hard.. but we just cannot go down with the ship , when they won't climb in the life raft.
we are here for you. it will get easier..... life has so many joys that you should be able to relish. take care of you today, ok?
It's obvious that you did all you could do, and you would have cured her alcoholism if you could, but that is sadly impossible.
Its messy, painful, confusing, and all yukky stuff when it finally falls apart... when we know we cannot hold it all together by ourselves, and let it go.
Thank you for sharing. This is a very good place to come share, and learn, by reading stickies by others who have been where you are and how they found peace. Al-anon is wonderful, and would give you some face to face support.
I am sorry its so hard.. but we just cannot go down with the ship , when they won't climb in the life raft.
we are here for you. it will get easier..... life has so many joys that you should be able to relish. take care of you today, ok?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Weymouth Dorset Uk
Posts: 8
I am sitting here in floods of tears because I am completely overwhelmed by your support, understanding, and wisdom and that people care so much to write like this. It means everything to me to know that I am not alone, and to be able to share with people gives strength. I need to compose myself before posting again. Thank you so much
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Wodge, you aren't alone in that hotel room. Many of us have been there, and many of us are still there with you. And what is most important for you to know now, and to believe, is that many of us have walked out of that metaphorical hotel room to new, happier, fuller lives.
You might stop at a San Francisco book store and pick up a copy of Co-Dependent No More by Melodie Beatty. It is a book about and for those of us who live hopelessly and helplessly with and for alcoholics. I think you will feel comforted reading about a community of those who have lived with alcoholics and recovered themselves. The book is very insightful. The hotel desk can probably direct you to a nearby bookstore; Barnes and Noble is a large chain here in the US.
Post as often as you want; we're here for you and with you.
ShootingStar1
You might stop at a San Francisco book store and pick up a copy of Co-Dependent No More by Melodie Beatty. It is a book about and for those of us who live hopelessly and helplessly with and for alcoholics. I think you will feel comforted reading about a community of those who have lived with alcoholics and recovered themselves. The book is very insightful. The hotel desk can probably direct you to a nearby bookstore; Barnes and Noble is a large chain here in the US.
Post as often as you want; we're here for you and with you.
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 215
I know this feeling of emptiness you speak off. My exbf who I recently reconnected with after 17 yrs apart ended things last week. He is in the first year of recovery for heroin addiction. I would like to say he ended us because he is guarding his sobriety and us reconnecting was too much for this early stage in recovery, but I strongly feel that he did so bc their is someone else. I feel very used as over the last 5 months I really opened my heart to him. Most days,my moods fluctuate between an empty sadness, to anger, resentment, hopelessness and back again.
I have a list of addicts who have affected my life and I too admit to some codependent behaviors. I started attending Nar-Anon a few months ago and it is definitely helping some. I found SR last week and it has really been both educational and comforting. I'm really hoping the ole adage "time heals all wounds" will happen in my case and yours as well. Just know your not alone - keep reading and posting here and find an Al-Anon meeting if you can. Hugs.
I have a list of addicts who have affected my life and I too admit to some codependent behaviors. I started attending Nar-Anon a few months ago and it is definitely helping some. I found SR last week and it has really been both educational and comforting. I'm really hoping the ole adage "time heals all wounds" will happen in my case and yours as well. Just know your not alone - keep reading and posting here and find an Al-Anon meeting if you can. Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 120
You deserve peace, love, kindness and respect in a relationship. You are worthy of that.... Sadly, your ex can't be the parnter you wish her to be when she is not in recovery. I understand your pain and confusion, I let my husband go after being together for 16 years. You are a kind soul and mental illness is incomprehensible, the only thing you can do is be kind to yourself...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Weymouth Dorset Uk
Posts: 8
Thank you for all the beautiful comments, they are really helping me and giving strength. It has really helped me to understand that it wasn’t possible for it to work with my ex. I had been lying here in bed, panicking and getting into scary anxiety attacks where I was thinking back into the relationship, and finding reasons for hating myself for things that had happened. The comments about being kind to your self are also really important to me, because its the exact opposite of what I have been doing for all my adult life.
The grief of knowing that my ex was truly gone, and facing that I have been addicted to her, have allowed me to understand, for real, in myself, that I am codependent. I had never seen codependency as a “real addiction” and thought that the substance abuser was the real problem, that needed to be fixed. I had made some progress in becoming aware that I was codependent over time (I’m 41 now) and went through my previous relationships. My relationship before this one was also with an addict.
A big change happened recently when I started to admit to myself that it started from trauma that I experienced as a child from my parents two divorces, and multiple serious break ups within their abusive relationship (I lost count, but at least 10 between the ages of 12 and 15). This massively affected my belief in trust and love, and I had become so upset and hurt by this, that I suppressed my emotions to protect myself, and have never recovered since.
I tried to get in contact with my childhood by imagining myself as I was, as I believe I need to confront it, and feel I need to re-establish a relationship of trust and love in my own internal relationship. But it opened a floodgate of emotion that I just didn’t know was there, This, mixed with the grief for my ex, feels so overwhelming, and has truly scared me. But I have learnt something extremely valuable - that I cannot handle this alone, and need to ask for help. I am extremely fortunate to have found the people here to have put their arms around my heart at this time (tears again).
….
OK, I need to go to a conference now and try to “act normal”. It is a real challenge for me to do that for just this one day - taking one day at a time.
Thank you so much for listening to my feelings, I feel the genuine love and trust of your words to me.
The grief of knowing that my ex was truly gone, and facing that I have been addicted to her, have allowed me to understand, for real, in myself, that I am codependent. I had never seen codependency as a “real addiction” and thought that the substance abuser was the real problem, that needed to be fixed. I had made some progress in becoming aware that I was codependent over time (I’m 41 now) and went through my previous relationships. My relationship before this one was also with an addict.
A big change happened recently when I started to admit to myself that it started from trauma that I experienced as a child from my parents two divorces, and multiple serious break ups within their abusive relationship (I lost count, but at least 10 between the ages of 12 and 15). This massively affected my belief in trust and love, and I had become so upset and hurt by this, that I suppressed my emotions to protect myself, and have never recovered since.
I tried to get in contact with my childhood by imagining myself as I was, as I believe I need to confront it, and feel I need to re-establish a relationship of trust and love in my own internal relationship. But it opened a floodgate of emotion that I just didn’t know was there, This, mixed with the grief for my ex, feels so overwhelming, and has truly scared me. But I have learnt something extremely valuable - that I cannot handle this alone, and need to ask for help. I am extremely fortunate to have found the people here to have put their arms around my heart at this time (tears again).
….
OK, I need to go to a conference now and try to “act normal”. It is a real challenge for me to do that for just this one day - taking one day at a time.
Thank you so much for listening to my feelings, I feel the genuine love and trust of your words to me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Wild West, USA
Posts: 407
I am very sorry you are in such pain. When I discovered my separated husband was dating someone else, I went through the worst pain of my adult life. My mother died when I was a child, and I had believed nothing could ever hurt me that much again. But the loss of my husband might have been as bad.
For me, that was the very worst though. Like you I had never learned to be kind to myself. The months just before and after our divorce were a crash course in figuring out how to look out for me, how to not treat myself so harshly. My life did improve a great deal in the next few years: I made friends, I started a better career. I believe in myself now, and I didn't when I was married.
So the point of all this is to tell you that it gets better, the grief and anxiety don't stay so intense. In the meanwhile be gentle with yourself. You deserve the best care you can manage.
For me, that was the very worst though. Like you I had never learned to be kind to myself. The months just before and after our divorce were a crash course in figuring out how to look out for me, how to not treat myself so harshly. My life did improve a great deal in the next few years: I made friends, I started a better career. I believe in myself now, and I didn't when I was married.
So the point of all this is to tell you that it gets better, the grief and anxiety don't stay so intense. In the meanwhile be gentle with yourself. You deserve the best care you can manage.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
this would be a good time to go NO contact with her. that will give you the space you need to truly separate emotionally and begin to heal. LET her have her life, release her and then you can fully embrace YOUR life. it's like rock climbing.....you need both hands free or you'll just end up dangling from a rope.......
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Weymouth Dorset Uk
Posts: 8
I made it through the day.
I know that I wouldn't have been able to do that without the support and friendship you have provided to me in my dark hours. I felt able to cope today because I now know that there are amazing human beings in the World that care and believe in each other without judgement, and with open hearts to share these experiences we find in this life. It is something quite incredible to realise you are reacting in a way that is not insane, even though it feels like that is happening. Truly, this has saved me Today.
I am trying to rebuild the humanity that is within, to trust, and be honest about what is really felt. I felt the first moments of recovery today, it was a genuine belief that I was able to cope.
I really am overawed by the humanity I have found here. Feeling this, and and being able to find this in the chaos is something so deep and beautiful, that it actually gives meaning to being alive. I know that recovery is going to be hard, but I can now start to see what it means. Thank you for all your loving support to me.
I know that I wouldn't have been able to do that without the support and friendship you have provided to me in my dark hours. I felt able to cope today because I now know that there are amazing human beings in the World that care and believe in each other without judgement, and with open hearts to share these experiences we find in this life. It is something quite incredible to realise you are reacting in a way that is not insane, even though it feels like that is happening. Truly, this has saved me Today.
I am trying to rebuild the humanity that is within, to trust, and be honest about what is really felt. I felt the first moments of recovery today, it was a genuine belief that I was able to cope.
I really am overawed by the humanity I have found here. Feeling this, and and being able to find this in the chaos is something so deep and beautiful, that it actually gives meaning to being alive. I know that recovery is going to be hard, but I can now start to see what it means. Thank you for all your loving support to me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 215
I like the way you put into words what I am also trying to do"rebuild my humanity from the inside". I was just recently left by a recovering addict and it too was a 2nd relationship with an addict which was preceded by numerous failed relationships before. I too think my reason for gravitating towards these types of relationships stemmed from my childhood and were then solidified about 8 yrs ago when I lost my only sibling to an Oxy overdose. I'm working hard on repairing my very wounded soul and I hope that one day that work will pay off with a happy, healthy mutually fulfilling relationship. I too am fairly new to SR and feel so blessed to have stumbled across it. The kindness and comfort I have received here from complete strangers is slowly restoring my faith both in myself and in the human race. I hope you have a good, positive Monday and a hopeful start to your week.
Still I rise.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
I think it's a real sign of strength to reach out to us when you are so low in SF. You're journey to becoming whole is beginning. Please reach out and seek support as needed. Sending you peace and continuing strength in your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
Posts: 700
Wodge, I am so jealous. I have always wanted to visit San Fran. It looks like an exceptionally beautiful place. I understand the pain of break ups all to well. I have been the breaker and the breakee and it is not easy on either side. I am at a place right now, that is very selfish. It is all about ME. I have decided that I don't want to waste anymore of my life future tripping and moping the lose of something that was out of my control. A little step of maye leaving your hotel room and taking a walk about would be so good for you right now. Slip on some shades and get your mind off your troubles if even for an hour. You are worth it and I would hate you see you kick yourself in 6 months for letting the opportunity slip by of seeing one of the most beautiful cities there is. You can do it, for you own sanity you need to.
It gets better! I promise
It gets better! I promise
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Weymouth Dorset Uk
Posts: 8
I would like to express heartfelt thanks to LadyInBC, WendyOR, Butterfly, redatlanta, chicory, ShootingStar1, smc92va, Readreadread, BuffaloGal, AnvilHeadII, soverylost, RevivingOphelia, and Sungrl. You have all given me the incredible gift of support - that I didn’t know was there. There were times when my heart was literally hanging on a thread, and you guys were THERE. Thank you for intervening, with genuine kindness and wisdom, to help me in these times.
I’m sorry I haven’t posted for a while - it seems like the last week has been a blur. I did make the most of San Francisco, as far as I could. It was a little strange, as I felt like I had to “suspend” the recovery process, which was a kind of suppression to get through the week. I couldn’t really let myself be who I am socially, with any honesty, in the (work-related) company I was with. I kind of shut my emotions down (robot mode) to deal with it.
Additionally,I received a text from my ex soon after my last post. She told me she’d been dismissed from work and wanted my advice. I made a decision to text her and give here the number of the Union, and to say that I couldn’t help her any more, but wished her the best - and told her again that I didn’t want any more contact. She then replied twice saying that she is finding it very difficult to leave me because of the bond that we had, and that she is gutted we are apart. She asked if I didn’t want any contact by text.
I didn’t reply to any of the two texts, but feel a little now that I should have, because it is respectful to do so (to myself as well as her)? - even if just to say “I don’t want contact by text". At the same time, I don’t want to risk opening anything up again - she is with someone else now, after all! In any case, I now haven’t heard from her in a week, so maybe its the feeling of missing her again that is making me want to text again.
AnvilHeadII’s comment of "this would be a good time to go NO contact with her. that will give you the space you need to truly separate emotionally and begin to heal.” was with me when I thought about answering. There have been so many times when something has re-started that way.
I guess I’m just asking how people see the No Contact thing? In a way I feel that my ex can’t help the fact that I became addicted to her, and she is an addict of alcohol - so it is just being decent and human to be non-judgemental, not apportion blame, and reply in an honest way. But on the other hand, replying has high risk of leading to a big relapse again, so it is being protective and responsible not to reply.
Thanks again
I’m sorry I haven’t posted for a while - it seems like the last week has been a blur. I did make the most of San Francisco, as far as I could. It was a little strange, as I felt like I had to “suspend” the recovery process, which was a kind of suppression to get through the week. I couldn’t really let myself be who I am socially, with any honesty, in the (work-related) company I was with. I kind of shut my emotions down (robot mode) to deal with it.
Additionally,I received a text from my ex soon after my last post. She told me she’d been dismissed from work and wanted my advice. I made a decision to text her and give here the number of the Union, and to say that I couldn’t help her any more, but wished her the best - and told her again that I didn’t want any more contact. She then replied twice saying that she is finding it very difficult to leave me because of the bond that we had, and that she is gutted we are apart. She asked if I didn’t want any contact by text.
I didn’t reply to any of the two texts, but feel a little now that I should have, because it is respectful to do so (to myself as well as her)? - even if just to say “I don’t want contact by text". At the same time, I don’t want to risk opening anything up again - she is with someone else now, after all! In any case, I now haven’t heard from her in a week, so maybe its the feeling of missing her again that is making me want to text again.
AnvilHeadII’s comment of "this would be a good time to go NO contact with her. that will give you the space you need to truly separate emotionally and begin to heal.” was with me when I thought about answering. There have been so many times when something has re-started that way.
I guess I’m just asking how people see the No Contact thing? In a way I feel that my ex can’t help the fact that I became addicted to her, and she is an addict of alcohol - so it is just being decent and human to be non-judgemental, not apportion blame, and reply in an honest way. But on the other hand, replying has high risk of leading to a big relapse again, so it is being protective and responsible not to reply.
Thanks again
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