New- but I need your advice
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: London
Posts: 1
New- but I need your advice
Hi everyone, I'm new. I'm sure nothing I am about to write on here will be new to any of you but I do need your advice.
My mum has been an alcoholic all my life having been anorexic before this. She drinks in cycles (is NOT a daily dependent) The cycles are usually 6 weeks with 5 days of drinking. She takes anti depressants but the reasons she gives for drinking change every time. It is always somebody else's fault. My sister and I were blamed to our faces as kids, our dad accused of having an affair (even thought it turned out it was her), her mum was blamed, she said she was bullied by her sisters, people at work saying things she didn't like etc etc.
She has been in rehab 3+ times, had various forms of therapy, been to alcoholics anonymous.
She has been drunk at many key times (usually when attention is on somebody else such as my sisters 21st, when 'nursing' my dad through terminal cancer etc)
Over the years, we have learned only one way to deal with it; she won't admit she has a problem so we literally cut her off until she is sober again (about 2-10 days) We remove her car keys so she can't drink drive (but HAS done before)
Here's the big issue. She recently had a stroke (obviously caused by the drinking) She is also responsible for a cat. She has been drinking on her recovery. She cancelled her own retirement party hours before it was due to start. She has been caught since then out in a taxi buying more drink. She lives away from my sister and I. As a danger to herself, we are thinking we may need to try and get her sectioned. Is there anything we can do?
My mum has been an alcoholic all my life having been anorexic before this. She drinks in cycles (is NOT a daily dependent) The cycles are usually 6 weeks with 5 days of drinking. She takes anti depressants but the reasons she gives for drinking change every time. It is always somebody else's fault. My sister and I were blamed to our faces as kids, our dad accused of having an affair (even thought it turned out it was her), her mum was blamed, she said she was bullied by her sisters, people at work saying things she didn't like etc etc.
She has been in rehab 3+ times, had various forms of therapy, been to alcoholics anonymous.
She has been drunk at many key times (usually when attention is on somebody else such as my sisters 21st, when 'nursing' my dad through terminal cancer etc)
Over the years, we have learned only one way to deal with it; she won't admit she has a problem so we literally cut her off until she is sober again (about 2-10 days) We remove her car keys so she can't drink drive (but HAS done before)
Here's the big issue. She recently had a stroke (obviously caused by the drinking) She is also responsible for a cat. She has been drinking on her recovery. She cancelled her own retirement party hours before it was due to start. She has been caught since then out in a taxi buying more drink. She lives away from my sister and I. As a danger to herself, we are thinking we may need to try and get her sectioned. Is there anything we can do?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello chazb, and welcome to SoberRecovery 
No worries. SR exists to be a support for _people_ who are new, so feel free to ask anything at all.
Goodness, I am _so_ sorry to hear that. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you. From reading your post it is clear to me that you still love her in spite of her behavior. Your compassion and forgiveness is commendable.
Yes, there is a _lot_ you can do. However, it is not the obvious things that you would do for someone who has a medical condition such as cancer, or a broken bone, or any other reasonable problem.
The first thing you can do is educate yourself about the disease of addiction. You have already started that by joining us on this forum.
Next is to protect yourself and others from the emotional and physical damage that your mum might cause. You mention that you cut her off until she is sober. That is called a "boundary", and it sounds like you are handling that very well. Taking her car keys is perfect, it is generally close to impossible to do that with an alcoholic, so you are also doing great in this area.
The process of doing that is called an "intervention". If you have seen it done on some TV shows be aware that it is depicted completely _wrong_. I strongly recommend you find a professional at one of those rehabs she has been to. This expert will help you plan and coordinate the myriad details necessary in order to give the intervention a good chance of success. Proper timing of the intervention is crucial, another area where a professional will be an asset.
We have a wealth of information at the top of this forum, they are called "Sticky" posts. I suggest you start with these:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-acronyms.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Please do post any questions that arise as you browse thru the "Stickies". The terminology can be confusing and sometimes overwhelming. Many of the suggestions appear counter-intuitive. If you consider that an alcoholic's mind is usually completely opposite to reality then the counter-intuitive suggesions will start to make sense.... in a rather twisted way.
All of us are here for you, to provide you support, encouragement and be your cheerleaders. Everybody here understands what you are going thru because we have been there and survived that. Many of our members are presently struggling with exactly the same situation that you are dealing with. You, your sister, and anyone else that loves your mum are not alone in this effort. You just found hundreds of people that will be your friends.
Welcome again
Mike
Moderator, SR
Originally Posted by chazb 
... I'm sure nothing I am about to write on here will be new to any of you...
Originally Posted by chazb
... My mum has been an alcoholic all my life ...
Originally Posted by chazb
... Is there anything we can do?...
The first thing you can do is educate yourself about the disease of addiction. You have already started that by joining us on this forum.
Next is to protect yourself and others from the emotional and physical damage that your mum might cause. You mention that you cut her off until she is sober. That is called a "boundary", and it sounds like you are handling that very well. Taking her car keys is perfect, it is generally close to impossible to do that with an alcoholic, so you are also doing great in this area.
Originally Posted by chazb
... we are thinking we may need to try and get her sectioned...
We have a wealth of information at the top of this forum, they are called "Sticky" posts. I suggest you start with these:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-acronyms.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Please do post any questions that arise as you browse thru the "Stickies". The terminology can be confusing and sometimes overwhelming. Many of the suggestions appear counter-intuitive. If you consider that an alcoholic's mind is usually completely opposite to reality then the counter-intuitive suggesions will start to make sense.... in a rather twisted way.
All of us are here for you, to provide you support, encouragement and be your cheerleaders. Everybody here understands what you are going thru because we have been there and survived that. Many of our members are presently struggling with exactly the same situation that you are dealing with. You, your sister, and anyone else that loves your mum are not alone in this effort. You just found hundreds of people that will be your friends.
Welcome again
Mike
Moderator, SR
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I don't have an awful lot to add to Mike's post -- but wanted you to know that you're very welcome here and there is a lot of information and experience among the folks that post here.
Lots of hugs to you!
Lots of hugs to you!
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