it's easier to leave because I have SR
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Kalgoorlie
Posts: 18
it's easier to leave because I have SR
Update: found a house for the kids and I and told stbxabf that we were leaving. That was 3 days ago and boy has he been laying on the charm! He's asked what he can do to make me stay, has done housework and things with the kids. But I see it all for what it is, he's manipulating me! It is lovely to have this caring man around but I haven't seen this side of him for months! I've been sleeping in the spare room for over 6 weeks and not once did he sneak in to kiss me goodbye in the morning but now, geez, he even goes for a grope.
If I didn't have your support or have read others experiences I'm sure I'd be telling the real estate that I'd changed my mind. His attention has actually made me want to leave quicker! I can't stand being around someone who can change so quickly! He's still drinking, I watched him battle with himself on Friday night "do I go get more beer or do I try to look like I'm okay with just a couple" you could see his thought process in his face. He didn't go get more (good for him!) But it doesn't change my feelings.
I've spoken to his sister in law who used to brush off my complaints in the past but now she's behind me and realises I'm not exagerating my circumstances. She and my partner's brother used to try and make us feel bad for neglectung his alcoholic mother so I told her, "I've got my own alcoholic to worry about!" And now she gets it.
My brother is going to help me move on Thursday, I'll start taking what I can in my car up until then. I'm excited, it's a lovely little house and my son's dad has said he will try and help with expenses.
The only thing that I'm angry about is my partner said," you say this is all because of my drinking but I can't help to think there's more to it" he didn't need to elaborate I know he was insinuating that I've met someone else! Pig! As if!
I also know he attempted to go through my phone when I left it on the kitchen bench, it was out of battery and the kitten had chewed through the cord. Well suck balls cos there is absolutely nothing on there he can hold against me unless he looks up this site, he might learn something if he did!
Once again, thank you for just being here!
If I didn't have your support or have read others experiences I'm sure I'd be telling the real estate that I'd changed my mind. His attention has actually made me want to leave quicker! I can't stand being around someone who can change so quickly! He's still drinking, I watched him battle with himself on Friday night "do I go get more beer or do I try to look like I'm okay with just a couple" you could see his thought process in his face. He didn't go get more (good for him!) But it doesn't change my feelings.
I've spoken to his sister in law who used to brush off my complaints in the past but now she's behind me and realises I'm not exagerating my circumstances. She and my partner's brother used to try and make us feel bad for neglectung his alcoholic mother so I told her, "I've got my own alcoholic to worry about!" And now she gets it.
My brother is going to help me move on Thursday, I'll start taking what I can in my car up until then. I'm excited, it's a lovely little house and my son's dad has said he will try and help with expenses.
The only thing that I'm angry about is my partner said," you say this is all because of my drinking but I can't help to think there's more to it" he didn't need to elaborate I know he was insinuating that I've met someone else! Pig! As if!
I also know he attempted to go through my phone when I left it on the kitchen bench, it was out of battery and the kitten had chewed through the cord. Well suck balls cos there is absolutely nothing on there he can hold against me unless he looks up this site, he might learn something if he did!
Once again, thank you for just being here!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Good for you to ser through it. Mine did the same down to accusing me of having affair w a man or a woman LOL! That was a new one, ha!!! It all boils down to the same thing, you deserve more.
Good luck on the move!!!
Good luck on the move!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 10
Good for you!!! SR is such a wonderful support tool and it's so helpful to have the support of others who have been through similar experiences. Experience, strength and hope! Best of luck to you on your new journey to a happier, serenity filled life.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Kal, good luck with your move. You're showing great determination and strength. It's great you have some family support in town and the SIL is on-side.
Let us know how it goes won't you?
Let us know how it goes won't you?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Congratulations on finding a house!!!
And you know, if he's going to get sober, he will get sober. It's a great idea I think to take care of yourself and the kids and make sure you can create a healthy home for you guys.
And you know, if he's going to get sober, he will get sober. It's a great idea I think to take care of yourself and the kids and make sure you can create a healthy home for you guys.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Kalgoorlie
Posts: 18
Grrrr! Apparently I'm horrible because I'm disrupting the children's lives by leaving. I'm subjecting them to a horrible ****** life where I'll be struggling to pay the bills.
He has again offered to leave but I've already paid the bond on the new place and I'm not so sure it's strength and determination as it is Taurus stubborness!
He thinks it'd be better if we stay and he goes. I'm stupid and bossy and will do what I want to do like always and that his ideas are crap!
" Yeah, you're ideas are great, like the time you drove home drunk at 11am on a Thursday or when you used that much lighter fluid on the fire you nearly burnt the house down?!"
No I didn't say that just screamed it in my head.
I'm not an idiot I do know it will be tight but I'm also very resourceful and am looking forward to the challenge and the opportunity for my children to live in a healthier alcohol free environment.
He has again offered to leave but I've already paid the bond on the new place and I'm not so sure it's strength and determination as it is Taurus stubborness!
He thinks it'd be better if we stay and he goes. I'm stupid and bossy and will do what I want to do like always and that his ideas are crap!
" Yeah, you're ideas are great, like the time you drove home drunk at 11am on a Thursday or when you used that much lighter fluid on the fire you nearly burnt the house down?!"
No I didn't say that just screamed it in my head.
I'm not an idiot I do know it will be tight but I'm also very resourceful and am looking forward to the challenge and the opportunity for my children to live in a healthier alcohol free environment.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,414
You are doing a fantastic job--don't let him trigger you.
He's just trying to control the situation if he can. If he gets you to stay, he buys himself more time and has access to the house (at least in his own mind) so you are wise to move.
Start fresh and don't let anything cloud your vision of a peaceful, happy home without a drunk in it.
I grew up with a drunk, and I can assure you your kids are going to be so much better off this way whatever it takes.
Keep moving forward. You are changing your life, and your children's lives, for the better.
He can get sober or not as he chooses, and it isn't your problem any more. . .
He's just trying to control the situation if he can. If he gets you to stay, he buys himself more time and has access to the house (at least in his own mind) so you are wise to move.
Start fresh and don't let anything cloud your vision of a peaceful, happy home without a drunk in it.
I grew up with a drunk, and I can assure you your kids are going to be so much better off this way whatever it takes.
Keep moving forward. You are changing your life, and your children's lives, for the better.
He can get sober or not as he chooses, and it isn't your problem any more. . .
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Nowhere, VA
Posts: 540
Originally Posted by kalalanon 
Update: found a house for the kids and I and told stbxabf that we were leaving. That was 3 days ago and boy has he been laying on the charm! He's asked what he can do to make me stay, has done housework and things with the kids. But I see it all for what it is, he's manipulating me! It is lovely to have this caring man around but I haven't seen this side of him for months! I've been sleeping in the spare room for over 6 weeks and not once did he sneak in to kiss me goodbye in the morning but now, geez, he even goes for a grope.
If I didn't have your support or have read others experiences I'm sure I'd be telling the real estate that I'd changed my mind. His attention has actually made me want to leave quicker! I can't stand being around someone who can change so quickly! He's still drinking, I watched him battle with himself on Friday night "do I go get more beer or do I try to look like I'm okay with just a couple" you could see his thought process in his face. He didn't go get more (good for him!) But it doesn't change my feelings.
I've spoken to his sister in law who used to brush off my complaints in the past but now she's behind me and realises I'm not exagerating my circumstances. She and my partner's brother used to try and make us feel bad for neglectung his alcoholic mother so I told her, "I've got my own alcoholic to worry about!" And now she gets it.
My brother is going to help me move on Thursday, I'll start taking what I can in my car up until then. I'm excited, it's a lovely little house and my son's dad has said he will try and help with expenses.
The only thing that I'm angry about is my partner said," you say this is all because of my drinking but I can't help to think there's more to it" he didn't need to elaborate I know he was insinuating that I've met someone else! Pig! As if!
I also know he attempted to go through my phone when I left it on the kitchen bench, it was out of battery and the kitten had chewed through the cord. Well suck balls cos there is absolutely nothing on there he can hold against me unless he looks up this site, he might learn something if he did!
Once again, thank you for just being here!
If I didn't have your support or have read others experiences I'm sure I'd be telling the real estate that I'd changed my mind. His attention has actually made me want to leave quicker! I can't stand being around someone who can change so quickly! He's still drinking, I watched him battle with himself on Friday night "do I go get more beer or do I try to look like I'm okay with just a couple" you could see his thought process in his face. He didn't go get more (good for him!) But it doesn't change my feelings.
I've spoken to his sister in law who used to brush off my complaints in the past but now she's behind me and realises I'm not exagerating my circumstances. She and my partner's brother used to try and make us feel bad for neglectung his alcoholic mother so I told her, "I've got my own alcoholic to worry about!" And now she gets it.
My brother is going to help me move on Thursday, I'll start taking what I can in my car up until then. I'm excited, it's a lovely little house and my son's dad has said he will try and help with expenses.
The only thing that I'm angry about is my partner said," you say this is all because of my drinking but I can't help to think there's more to it" he didn't need to elaborate I know he was insinuating that I've met someone else! Pig! As if!
I also know he attempted to go through my phone when I left it on the kitchen bench, it was out of battery and the kitten had chewed through the cord. Well suck balls cos there is absolutely nothing on there he can hold against me unless he looks up this site, he might learn something if he did!
Once again, thank you for just being here!
Oh I love hearing this, thank you for sharing! I just went and looked at a house Friday, I called a lender today and am waiting to hear back. I totally feel what you are saying, If I hadn't found SR I would still be stuck. Were you nervous with telling him? I'm not sure how my ABF will react, I think I'm going to have my brother there just incase. (I have a 3 year old with ABF)
Good luck to you! stay strong!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: somewhere south
Posts: 510
I agree, having SR does make it so much easier. Its a reality check when I desperately need one!!! I too recognize the "charm" for what it is, manipulation.
My STBXAH is doing the same thing, throwing on the charm since I filed for divorce, helping around the house and with the kids, etc. Mine is still drinking too and even though it is less and he is acting more "involved" and caring, I can see right through it. Its only a matter of time before the cycle begins again and this time I wont let it because as other's say. I am stepping off this crazy train!
My STBXAH is doing the same thing, throwing on the charm since I filed for divorce, helping around the house and with the kids, etc. Mine is still drinking too and even though it is less and he is acting more "involved" and caring, I can see right through it. Its only a matter of time before the cycle begins again and this time I wont let it because as other's say. I am stepping off this crazy train!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Kalgoorlie
Posts: 18
Hey Blossom. Yes I was very nervous!! It tooke me about 2 weeks to actually say," I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore" I bet it came out all sulky and squeaky like a mouse.
The toddler still doesn't know everything. I've been doing reading and getting advice for how to tell her. He went for a walk lastnight and didn't say goodbye to the kids, he was gone for over an hour and neither child asked where he was!
The toddler still doesn't know everything. I've been doing reading and getting advice for how to tell her. He went for a walk lastnight and didn't say goodbye to the kids, he was gone for over an hour and neither child asked where he was!
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