"Bad blood" song
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 350
"Bad blood" song
Has anyone heard the "bad blood" song by Bastille. I really like the song, but the lyrics have me triggered with irritation. In the song he basically says that the bad blood should be let dry, or that the other person should just "let it lie".
This is the kind of excuse I get from my two estranged siblings who have no intention to stop doing the very thing I asked them to stop doing - insulting my wife. They say things like, "just forget it", "stop dwelling on the past", "let it go", etc. Neither of them have made amends to my wife for the things they've said, or continue to say. Why would we want to be around that? ("your wife is crazy", "it's in your best interest to divorce", "she's not my favorite person", etc)
I've read many books about it and one person pointed out that you don't have to reconcile to forgive. Even one other said that people that don't repent don't deserve forgiveness.
What is holding a grudge or not letting it go, really? Is it more like the issue was actually resolved and the person simply can't get past the misbehavior and the trust is gone and they say, 'I'm sorry, but the trust is gone and I don't think it's coming back." Or they wish harm on the other person - swear that person's name - wishing them ill?
(PS - I am a recovering alcoholic - about 2 years sober - I believe they're both active in their alcoholism - one brother's 3 year-old son offered him a beer when he offered me a water - the other got jack daniels bottles for his birthday from 5 different friends of his, etc)
This is the kind of excuse I get from my two estranged siblings who have no intention to stop doing the very thing I asked them to stop doing - insulting my wife. They say things like, "just forget it", "stop dwelling on the past", "let it go", etc. Neither of them have made amends to my wife for the things they've said, or continue to say. Why would we want to be around that? ("your wife is crazy", "it's in your best interest to divorce", "she's not my favorite person", etc)
I've read many books about it and one person pointed out that you don't have to reconcile to forgive. Even one other said that people that don't repent don't deserve forgiveness.
What is holding a grudge or not letting it go, really? Is it more like the issue was actually resolved and the person simply can't get past the misbehavior and the trust is gone and they say, 'I'm sorry, but the trust is gone and I don't think it's coming back." Or they wish harm on the other person - swear that person's name - wishing them ill?
(PS - I am a recovering alcoholic - about 2 years sober - I believe they're both active in their alcoholism - one brother's 3 year-old son offered him a beer when he offered me a water - the other got jack daniels bottles for his birthday from 5 different friends of his, etc)
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
The tricky part in your case is that there was not a single triggering incident that you are lingering on, but ongoing behavior that you don't want to be around. Of course they say get over it, because they don't want to change.
The bottom line is that they treat your wife and you in a way that is unacceptable. You have done all you can to make them aware of how their behavior affects you and they have not altered it. Since you cannot control other people's behavior, or make them more sensitive or anything other than what you have already done, your only option here is to not be around them and to move on. I know it is easier said than done, but continuing to twist yourself into knots over their actions is only easy because it is familiar. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
The bottom line is that they treat your wife and you in a way that is unacceptable. You have done all you can to make them aware of how their behavior affects you and they have not altered it. Since you cannot control other people's behavior, or make them more sensitive or anything other than what you have already done, your only option here is to not be around them and to move on. I know it is easier said than done, but continuing to twist yourself into knots over their actions is only easy because it is familiar. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
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