The tricky part in your case is that there was not a single triggering incident that you are lingering on, but ongoing behavior that you don't want to be around. Of course they say get over it, because they don't want to change.
The bottom line is that they treat your wife and you in a way that is unacceptable. You have done all you can to make them aware of how their behavior affects you and they have not altered it. Since you cannot control other people's behavior, or make them more sensitive or anything other than what you have already done, your only option here is to not be around them and to move on. I know it is easier said than done, but continuing to twist yourself into knots over their actions is only easy because it is familiar. Nothing changes if nothing changes.