Moving on

Old 04-26-2014, 02:37 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
iamthird's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
Moving on

So I was feeling really good that my scans came back clear and of course separated AH kills my good mood. He texts me saying hes tired of being financially tied to me and hes going to start having our 6 year old daughter around other women. It really made me sick to my stomach. He said that hes tired of living in a hole because he knows our daughter will report back to me....

I guess theres nothing I can do about this and just take a breath and pray for Gods assistance to help me manage the pain. We have been over, so I guess this is just the next step...divorce on the steps.

Alcoholics dont just abandon. They abandon in the most painful of ways. I need to be just as far away from him as possible....
iamthird is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to iamthird For This Useful Post:
chicory (04-26-2014), HealingWillCome (04-26-2014), Pia (04-26-2014)
Old 04-26-2014, 04:00 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
chicory's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,061
Blog Entries: 1
Iamthird, he surely has no timing. but perhaps God knows that you are strong enough to deal with this now, because you are moving forward now, free from cancer. Perhaps this was the best time to hear this.
I am sorry though. I know it hurts no matter what.
You have been through tougher times and made it, lady. You will make it through this.
big hug
chicory is offline  
Old 04-26-2014, 04:43 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
CodeJob's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,179
Blog Entries: 6

Yesterday I worked where I could hear women getting 6 and 12 mo surgical oncology check ups. As the MD moved from patient to patient you could hear the relief in the patient and family members voices. Some like you were alone. I am so grateful to hear your check up was clear. I don't meet those patients, but I found it very powerful to hear that relief, joy and hope. Hugs again for that hope and joy. Don't let anyone or anything steal that from you.

Let's think about this from another viewpoint. AH wants to see the ladies. You know its over. One of my work friends got divorced from her AH. Eventually he had a relationship. She was surprised to find an ally for the two kids. This person was able to help normalize the relationship a bit. All of a sudden shoes and coats were purchased for the kids. Birthdays were marked. Christmas was a bit more marked. She knew it was not her XH, it was the GF! She and the GF remained friends after the woman got tired of the A and moved on. So maybe this could be bringing someone into your life that won't be as bad as you envision. No reason to expect the worst before it even happens.

Men and women, if you've got a lump, you have skin changes, nipple discharge, nipple retraction, skin pulling, armpit or breast pain do not ignore it!
CodeJob is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to CodeJob For This Useful Post:
chicory (04-26-2014), dandylion (04-26-2014), Pia (04-26-2014)
Old 04-26-2014, 06:25 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
dandylion's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 15,831
Iamthird---I guess he is implying that if he is dating that you will see that the relationship is finally over and move to divorce him? Is that it?

I was thinking about what I would do if I were in your shoes.....I think I would tell him that if he would attend classes with me on parenting in divorce--I would sign the divorce
papers with a smile. It is a shame that the kids are so often used as a battleground weapon in divorce....

That is purely me...however.....

dandylion is online now  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to dandylion For This Useful Post:
chicory (04-26-2014), CodeJob (04-26-2014), Justshy (04-27-2014), Pia (04-26-2014)
Old 04-26-2014, 10:23 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
iamthird's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
I never even thought of reconciling with him because he is still actively drinking, etc. I just barely went into remission in October and am bouncing back physically, emotionally, financially, etc. Divorce just was not at the forefront of my priorities but I guess it has to be now...

I really just have to assume the progression is getting worse. He pays me like clockwork even though we have no order but he always seems to surprise me by sinking to a low that I have never seen before.

I woke up this morning and it is just sadness all over again. She goes with him after her soccer game this morning so I guess last night was his way of preparing me that our daughter would be around a woman today. Probably the enabling gf he cheated on me with long ago. So sad that they just make these moves with not even a thought of talking to the children, who are supposed to come first. I guess if he put the kids first, we wouldnt be where we are today.

Oh well. Take it as it comes. Each day is a blessing so Im trying to look at it that way.
iamthird is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to iamthird For This Useful Post:
chicory (04-26-2014), CodeJob (04-26-2014), Designgrl (04-26-2014)
Old 04-26-2014, 11:03 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Taking5's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,069
Does he think having your 6yo around other women is going to break those financial ties? Its too bad he is tired of it, because his daughter makes him financially tied to you for another 12 years minimum. Tell him this. Maybe that reality will seep in.
Taking5 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Taking5 For This Useful Post:
chicory (04-26-2014), dandylion (04-26-2014)
Old 04-26-2014, 08:53 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
I'm SOOO happy to hear your scans came back clear!!!
Recovering2 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Recovering2 For This Useful Post:
chicory (04-26-2014), Thelou (04-26-2014)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:59 AM.