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Old 04-01-2014, 09:54 AM   #41 (permalink)
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Deep down you already know the truth.

11 months is a short period of time and in this period of time you have discovered he has issues that make you question what you already know deep down.

He has character traits you don’t like – lying – aggressive – annoying – drinking excessively – sneaky - distant - distrustful and the list goes on and on.

Cut your and most importantly your children’s loss now before it gets worse because it always does.
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Old 04-01-2014, 05:42 PM   #42 (permalink)
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I agree on the trust thing, it probably is the soul destroyer of relationships, and its so hard to see relationships breaking apart all over the place.
I ran into my ex BF the other day, he told me he had a single can of bourben after we broke up, was proud he has not touched anything else even saying he was surprised in himself. and he understood completely and wished me a good life and apologised for letting it get out of hand.
It was a good closure and although he made no mention of his own personal recovery I felt better knowing he was okay and I am okay and the breakup was not a total disaster.
I am gooing to stay on the group as I need ongoing support also with my young adult daughter who used to have a terrible drinking problem, I put it to teen issues and will be looking to research the issues and differences in teen drinking/ binge and alocohlism
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Old 04-01-2014, 05:47 PM   #43 (permalink)
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SierraRose, so glad things are working out for you, and even more glad that you're going to stick around for some support. It will be great to have your voice added to the crew here!
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Old 04-01-2014, 06:19 PM   #44 (permalink)
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Thank you honeypig..
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Old 12-13-2015, 08:06 PM   #45 (permalink)
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Dating a bourbon drinker

I was married to an alcoholic for 23 yrs and divorced now for 4. I just started dating and wouldn't you know a great guy who I've found drinks a lot of bourbon. It's been about 7 weeks of dating and due to kid visitation arrangements and the fact that he lives with his parents - I broken it off today. I'm very sad about it but also noted previously his drinking and the fact that he has severe snoring and apnea. Thanks for the information because I realize now that it's better for me to get out now and not get more attached to another alcoholic and have the break be harder later. Thanks for the post. I REALLY need it today - you're a Godsend and please let me know how your situation resolved.

Shannon
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Old 12-13-2015, 08:25 PM   #46 (permalink)
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Hi Shannon. This thread is over a year old and the OP hasn't been on since. You might want to start a new thread and introduce yourself. Welcome to you.
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Old 12-13-2015, 08:27 PM   #47 (permalink)
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Burdsong, the OP hasn't posted since April 1 of last year, so she probably isn't reading.

Sorry for your breakup, but glad you're looking out for yourself.
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Old 12-13-2015, 08:28 PM   #48 (permalink)
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Hello all, I just got a notification.
I am happy to update you all. Give me a minute.
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Old 12-13-2015, 08:39 PM   #49 (permalink)
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I feel absolutely awful about not updating you all. It all ended rather badly and since this is a safe place, I will give you the details in order to help explain and identify the patterns of behaviour that we often miss or know and need cementing is not our imagination.
We had moved in together after he was sober for 4 months. He got treatment for his apnoa and I felt I was still babying him, but he was a permanent fixature in the house and was good with the kids and I studied and got a cert 4 so could not have done it without his help...we could save some $$ by sharing a rental.
Shortly after we moved in, he was downloading lots on my laptop and I had a check on the router and was some odd porn. I questioned him about it and he looked at me oddly and also asked me not to tell his mother. I was cross and had to run an errand that took 2 hours (Picking my son from his dads) anyway I came home to find him gone.
It did not end, he naturally commenced drinking an also smoking weed again, moved in with his mother and sent endless texts begging me back./ I ignored most of them , but he did a few that worried me and I responded. One evening I was at the local pub with friends for a birthday and he was there very inebriated he was rude and aggressive and suicidal. He was asked to leave and he snuck in the back and was asked to leave again. I got a text saying i was horrible and would overdose in a few minutes. I ignored and got more tests saying he did it. This was 1 am
I rang the police who said leave him ..so I did.. and I left a text to his mother.
I got a call at 6am from him saying how horrid I didn't care he overdosed, and he just got back from having his stomach pumped.
I said that was amazing quick recovery and I accused him of lying.. he denied it.. and I said well did your mum take you to the hospital because I text her.. and he was "like WHAT THE F** you told my mum!!!!!"" He admitted he didn't take any pills and I said I never wanted to hear from him again...except in October to return my motobike as he needed to use it till then.
I didnt get the bike back, I see him occasionally at the bottle shop purchasing and no more contact thank god.
I feel so free and so stupid that I dated him so long. This time last year he was drunk and ruined Christmas.
I have practically zero tolerance for suicide talk to gain attention..my mother used it on me to control my behaviour and I hate it with a passion.

I do feel stronger now.. now I am free, it is funny how emotional and torn you are when in a relationship or freindship with someone struggling.

Last edited by SierraRose; 12-13-2015 at 08:43 PM. Reason: not finished
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Old 12-13-2015, 08:47 PM   #50 (permalink)
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Update

Quote:
Originally Posted by Burdsong View Post
I was married to an alcoholic for 23 yrs and divorced now for 4. I just started dating and wouldn't you know a great guy who I've found drinks a lot of bourbon. It's been about 7 weeks of dating and due to kid visitation arrangements and the fact that he lives with his parents - I broken it off today. I'm very sad about it but also noted previously his drinking and the fact that he has severe snoring and apnea. Thanks for the information because I realize now that it's better for me to get out now and not get more attached to another alcoholic and have the break be harder later. Thanks for the post. I REALLY need it today - you're a Godsend and please let me know how your situation resolved.

Shannon
You have done so well, it can be really hard. I posted an update, and to be honest I "cheated" in how we broke up.. , 'he' left over a completely separate issue and I probably would have stayed longer...ie it was not actually me who left him.... even though I wanted too, I felt guilted by his manipulative stories.. I should have the same zero tolerance for drinking as I did the porn and other things. But am getting stronger each year
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Old 12-13-2015, 08:52 PM   #51 (permalink)
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Sorry it ended this way but that was to be expected....I remember your original post where you said he was drinking straight from the bottle with a coke chaser.....after that point I guess virtually everyone on the board knew where this was going. Good luck with rebuilding your life and Happy Christmas....there are lots of good guys out there too!
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Old 12-13-2015, 09:05 PM   #52 (permalink)
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Thanks for the update! It's no fun seeing this play out the way we know it's likely to, but thank goodness you got out when you did.

Hope things are looking up for you now! I know what you mean about finally getting free and getting a whole new perspective that isn't possible when you're still in the middle of it.
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Old 12-14-2015, 06:30 AM   #53 (permalink)
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Well, I have moved on and feel more confident in a few ways. After my split, my daughter hit the bottle pretty hard and was very much out of control. It was past why I was not online, I spent the last year working hard with her and she went to rehab, she nearly lost her baby and she now lives with me and I have overseeing role with my grandbaby. She went 6 months sober after she was in rehab and met a nice bloke..and he took her out for a drink which immedietaly negated her bipolar meds and last week was a nightmare and I am now alert in case she begins again.. I tried to explain to him.... dont let her drink.. but its not my place surely..she needs to explain her mental and physical health and etc.. it is me trying to balance not being nosy but also ensuring my daughter does not drink again..
It takes a LOT out of you with all this.. am so very tired.
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Old 12-14-2015, 06:40 AM   #54 (permalink)
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You can't really "ensure your daughter doesn't drink again." It isn't just a matter of being "nosy," but trying to control someone else's drinking is exhausting and futile. I'm glad you're there for the baby, but these are some tricky waters you're trying to navigate.

Have you been to Al-Anon? With the previous marriage and now your daughter's issues, living with alcoholism has probably affected you pretty deeply. If you haven't been, now might be a very good time to start.
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Old 12-15-2015, 03:55 AM   #55 (permalink)
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She may lose custody if she commences drinking.. some serious issues arose out of her last few drinking bouts prior to going to the hospital..
I am also her carer so have greater responsibility.
I have been to al anon occasionally. Not a lot of meetings near me and always when I have the children. I do go when I get the chance.
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