AnvilheadII

always ask....what is BEST for the children? what will help promote a sense of security and stability in which they can thrive and grow.

it sounds right now like you WANT to put the "happy family picture" back together. only your children want nothing to do with the man that has disappointed them so, who still drinks and has failed miserably as a role model.

imagine being 9 and being FORCED to spend time with some creepy grownup. someone you don't trust, don't admire or respect, or even like. and know that as a small 9 year old child YOU HAVE NO CHOICE.

as there is no court order right now, why MUST they go to his house after school? why MUST they spend time with him when they do not want to? why after leaving AGAIN are you trying to have twice weekly sit down dinners? why do you worry more about how THEY treat HIM?

ladyscribbler

My mom forced my brother and I to try to have a relationship with our alcoholic father after she left him. This ended up with us being subjected to verbal, physical and emotional abuse while we were in his "care" and I was also sexually abused by one of his drinking buddies on several occasions while my father was blacked out or unconscious. Not trying to scare you, but if they don't want to be around their father, then it's not your job to try to "make him see" what he's doing to his children. That's his journey, not yours, and not your theirs.

myfreedom

My daughter will talk sometimes. She feels he has lied and let her down too many times. She feels he will never change. She is now onto his niceness and kindness acts alittle more than me. I know she loves her dad but wants him to prove himself to her before she will trust him again. I have told her that I will not force her to feel or do what she doesn't feel comfortable with. My 9 yr old has always been a "mommy's boy". He looks at things as "daddy used to be very mean to you and yelled alot", so now as soon as AH raises his voice, my son takes it as "he is being mean and I want to come home". I think he is also living in the past episodes and it doesn't take much to trigger that in either of my kids or myself for that matter. AH believes I can only see the negative in him and I need to forget the past. How do you do that?

myfreedom

AnvilheadII, THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH FOR THAT RESPONSE!!!! You are exactly right, I don't have to make them spend time with him, or worry right now how they are treating him. He brought this on himself, so let him deal with the consequences. I never looked at it as my 9 yr old spending time with a creepy grownup...... Very big eye opener for me. HUGS TO YOU

atalose

It appears to me that you are trying to push a "normal" father- child relationship between them when "normal" is never in the picture with alcoholics.

You seem to be the one wanting them and him to have a relationship you want them to respect him, you want him to be become the kind of father that matches a fantasy you may have and the reality is he is not.

This is all on him to mend, fix and repair his relationship with his children and that will not happen until he stops drinking.

Your the broker trying to make this deal happen but not really listening to what either side is saying.

Your children are telling you NO DEAL.

Your husband is showing you NO DEAL because he continues to drink.

It's very hard allowing the natural consequencs to happen but it's even harder trying to stop that.