Those Who Have Left Alcoholic Partners - Tell Us How Great It Is!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,099
Originally Posted by liloleme 
Thank you for posting this. I thought of your post first thing when I woke up. I have some chooses to make and have a million things running in my head, Although I am not thinking of another relationship right now it was nice to think that I have a chance for happiness down the road.
I chuckled thinking how "normal" I was before AH and now if I met someone today they would think i'm "Nuts" lol. "(I ran into a friend the other day and I use to be very affectionate I loved HUGS. My friend gave me one and I was shocked I haven't felt a hug in so long) I have several things to work on myself now but wanted to tell you your post brings a smile to my face and i'm so happy for you.
I chuckled thinking how "normal" I was before AH and now if I met someone today they would think i'm "Nuts" lol. "(I ran into a friend the other day and I use to be very affectionate I loved HUGS. My friend gave me one and I was shocked I haven't felt a hug in so long) I have several things to work on myself now but wanted to tell you your post brings a smile to my face and i'm so happy for you.
Lord Have Mercy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 242
Hi There,
This an uplifting thread for certain people (like me) who took a lot of very hard steps to make major changes and call it quits to the old routine. I was on the merry go round for 17 years with XAW until I finally left 2 years ago.
In fact, the whole process has taken 3 years for me to be feeling 100% apart, everything divided up, each fully equipped to live independently, etc.
But I have arrived and I am feeling happier and more grateful than I ever have, that I divorced my alcoholic wife.
Every step along the way, she has literally HELPED to move me forward by either lying, getting drunk, continuing affairs -- I needed the emotional PAIN to get so horrible that I felt I had no choice, it was a matter of emotional self-protection.
What I realize now is how hard I had to work, in order to have any happiness for myself. Getting in my runs or my al anon meetings or my friends and family. I did it, but it was hard and I always felt guilty to some degree.
So it was unfaithfulness that provided the proper pain level -- and I started moving. It took forever, because I was trying to be nice, and I wanted her to be OK. I wanted to give her a soft landing in every possible way. To reduce my guilt I guess.
First I filed for divorce, then she moved out, then she got sober and I let her move back which was a terrible mistake. Then she started drinking and I was trapped in the house with her, until I finally moved to an apartment months later.
Here is a truth: I started feeling better THE VERY MINUTE, THE VERY SAME DAY as I got this 850 square foot one bedroom apartment. As the weeks and months passed, I felt all kinds of emotions include confusion, sadness, and doubt -- but after a while every time I reviewed my life, it hit me -- "I am so glad I moved out!!"
Every time I walked in the door after coming home, "Ahhhhhh . . . " Peace and quiet. No drama because there are no alcoholics living here.
So now 3 years have gone by and I am starting to get interested in women again! I have not dated, in fact I have not been with any woman except my wife since 1994. That is 20 years of faithfulness, thank you Lord.
About 2 weeks ago I read an e-book (which was recommend on this board and infinite thanks to whomever recommended) called "Releasing a Person" by Kathryn Alice. I have finally realized that XAW was not my soul mate. Someone else might be. I can tell XAW was not my soul mate from the fact that every time I have seen her for the past 3 years I have been sad, worried, agitated, upset, essentially feeling like crap. What a revelation: my soul mate will not make me feel like crap.
Long story short, I did the ritual in the book including writing down false thoughts I have about love and relationships, and then burning the slips of paper on so on. I also started a soul mate journal to imagine what being with my real soul mate will be like. And holy cow has my outlook changed!
I joined Match.com and OKcupid.com the following weekend (last weekend), and now I have 4 dates set up for the week after Christmas. I have no idea what I am doing and my heart is racing like teenage boy. These women are beautiful, smart, and funny. OMG. I had completely shut down my "romance side" dealing with XAW.
But now I am feeling like I have healed somehow.
I know this is a long story but I do hope it encourages you. Keep monitoring your pain level and if it is truly miserable enough, take out an imaginary hammer and start breaking patterns and routines until you get somewhere where you can feel really good again, day in and day out.
Blessings and Merry Christmas!
This an uplifting thread for certain people (like me) who took a lot of very hard steps to make major changes and call it quits to the old routine. I was on the merry go round for 17 years with XAW until I finally left 2 years ago.
In fact, the whole process has taken 3 years for me to be feeling 100% apart, everything divided up, each fully equipped to live independently, etc.
But I have arrived and I am feeling happier and more grateful than I ever have, that I divorced my alcoholic wife.
Every step along the way, she has literally HELPED to move me forward by either lying, getting drunk, continuing affairs -- I needed the emotional PAIN to get so horrible that I felt I had no choice, it was a matter of emotional self-protection.
What I realize now is how hard I had to work, in order to have any happiness for myself. Getting in my runs or my al anon meetings or my friends and family. I did it, but it was hard and I always felt guilty to some degree.
So it was unfaithfulness that provided the proper pain level -- and I started moving. It took forever, because I was trying to be nice, and I wanted her to be OK. I wanted to give her a soft landing in every possible way. To reduce my guilt I guess.
First I filed for divorce, then she moved out, then she got sober and I let her move back which was a terrible mistake. Then she started drinking and I was trapped in the house with her, until I finally moved to an apartment months later.
Here is a truth: I started feeling better THE VERY MINUTE, THE VERY SAME DAY as I got this 850 square foot one bedroom apartment. As the weeks and months passed, I felt all kinds of emotions include confusion, sadness, and doubt -- but after a while every time I reviewed my life, it hit me -- "I am so glad I moved out!!"
Every time I walked in the door after coming home, "Ahhhhhh . . . " Peace and quiet. No drama because there are no alcoholics living here.
So now 3 years have gone by and I am starting to get interested in women again! I have not dated, in fact I have not been with any woman except my wife since 1994. That is 20 years of faithfulness, thank you Lord.
About 2 weeks ago I read an e-book (which was recommend on this board and infinite thanks to whomever recommended) called "Releasing a Person" by Kathryn Alice. I have finally realized that XAW was not my soul mate. Someone else might be. I can tell XAW was not my soul mate from the fact that every time I have seen her for the past 3 years I have been sad, worried, agitated, upset, essentially feeling like crap. What a revelation: my soul mate will not make me feel like crap.
Long story short, I did the ritual in the book including writing down false thoughts I have about love and relationships, and then burning the slips of paper on so on. I also started a soul mate journal to imagine what being with my real soul mate will be like. And holy cow has my outlook changed!
I joined Match.com and OKcupid.com the following weekend (last weekend), and now I have 4 dates set up for the week after Christmas. I have no idea what I am doing and my heart is racing like teenage boy. These women are beautiful, smart, and funny. OMG. I had completely shut down my "romance side" dealing with XAW.
But now I am feeling like I have healed somehow.
I know this is a long story but I do hope it encourages you. Keep monitoring your pain level and if it is truly miserable enough, take out an imaginary hammer and start breaking patterns and routines until you get somewhere where you can feel really good again, day in and day out.
Blessings and Merry Christmas!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Originally Posted by liloleme
Thank you for posting this. I thought of your post first thing when I woke up. I have some chooses to make and have a million things running in my head, Although I am not thinking of another relationship right now it was nice to think that I have a chance for happiness down the road.
I chuckled thinking how "normal" I was before AH and now if I met someone today they would think i'm "Nuts" lol. "(I ran into a friend the other day and I use to be very affectionate I loved HUGS. My friend gave me one and I was shocked I haven't felt a hug in so long) I have several things to work on myself now but wanted to tell you your post brings a smile to my face and i'm so happy for you.
I chuckled thinking how "normal" I was before AH and now if I met someone today they would think i'm "Nuts" lol. "(I ran into a friend the other day and I use to be very affectionate I loved HUGS. My friend gave me one and I was shocked I haven't felt a hug in so long) I have several things to work on myself now but wanted to tell you your post brings a smile to my face and i'm so happy for you.
Above in bold...oh my...
I'm sorry that you've been so cut off from affection and warmth that it can't add s shock to you. That says so much!
But, I suppose you can use it to your advantage - realizing that something so warm, pure, and lovely like affection has been sorely missed, can "shock" you into turning that sounds, know what I mean? You could take it as a reason to feel down and hopeless that it got that bad, or as inspiration to make sure you never forget what that warmth feels like again!
Hope I put that well, I'm so very tired today! Lol
Well, here are some nice **(**(**(**(** BIG HUGS})})})})} from me!
"Although I am not thinking of another relationship right now it was nice to think that I have a chance for happiness down the road."
Amen!
Take good care of yourself.
Peace.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
I can breathe now. Literally, my breathing has changed. I was amazed when I noticed that I no longer sigh unexpectedly.
I am completely free from the unpredictability of his alcoholic/addict actions.
I am myself again with my friends and family. I no longer have to juggle between he and them...they had long recognized that he was never going to change and they didn't want to be around him. How sad is that? I was trying to make everyone happy and in the process, I was losing myself.
I get to come home to my sanctuary, my safe place, the home I built, love, and share with my girls. Every day. That is complete joy in itself.
I no longer have the constant nagging, underlying question..."Is he lying to me?"
I am in a better place, financially. He owned no major assets, had no savings other than a small retirement account. He lived month-to-month after 35+ years of drinking, smoking away his money. Our financial future was bleak as a couple. I didn't really appreciate that one until after I left and started thinking about that reality.
I still love him and still miss the good in him and the good that we shared because there was so much of it. He is good and loving at his core. I still pray for him every day. But I don't miss his addictions. I am free, free, free.
I love him from a distance and am able to love and honor myself at the same time, and life is good.
It took courage, enormous how-can-I-possibly-do-this courage to separate from the one I loved. I couldn't do that until I had finally accepted that his illness was lifelong. I woke up one morning with no idea it would be the day that I would find my courage. Somewhere inside I broke free from the paralysis. I said the words out loud, to him, that had been tumbling around in my brain for weeks, "this is never going to work," and that was my starting point.
Some encouragement for those trying to find their courage: Incomplete Manifesto for Growth
"John Cage reminds us that not knowing where to begin is a common form of paralysis. His advice: begin anywhere."
I am completely free from the unpredictability of his alcoholic/addict actions.
I am myself again with my friends and family. I no longer have to juggle between he and them...they had long recognized that he was never going to change and they didn't want to be around him. How sad is that? I was trying to make everyone happy and in the process, I was losing myself.
I get to come home to my sanctuary, my safe place, the home I built, love, and share with my girls. Every day. That is complete joy in itself.
I no longer have the constant nagging, underlying question..."Is he lying to me?"
I am in a better place, financially. He owned no major assets, had no savings other than a small retirement account. He lived month-to-month after 35+ years of drinking, smoking away his money. Our financial future was bleak as a couple. I didn't really appreciate that one until after I left and started thinking about that reality.
I still love him and still miss the good in him and the good that we shared because there was so much of it. He is good and loving at his core. I still pray for him every day. But I don't miss his addictions. I am free, free, free.
I love him from a distance and am able to love and honor myself at the same time, and life is good.
It took courage, enormous how-can-I-possibly-do-this courage to separate from the one I loved. I couldn't do that until I had finally accepted that his illness was lifelong. I woke up one morning with no idea it would be the day that I would find my courage. Somewhere inside I broke free from the paralysis. I said the words out loud, to him, that had been tumbling around in my brain for weeks, "this is never going to work," and that was my starting point.
Some encouragement for those trying to find their courage: Incomplete Manifesto for Growth
"John Cage reminds us that not knowing where to begin is a common form of paralysis. His advice: begin anywhere."
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Originally Posted by HealingWillCome
I can breathe now. Literally, my breathing has changed. I was amazed when I noticed that I no longer sigh unexpectedly. I am completely free from the unpredictability of his alcoholic/addict actions. I am myself again with my friends and family. I no longer have to juggle between he and them...they had long recognized that he was never going to change and they didn't want to be around him. How sad is that? I was trying to make everyone happy and in the process, I was losing myself. I get to come home to my sanctuary, my safe place, the home I built, love, and share with my girls. Every day. That is complete joy in itself. I no longer have the constant nagging, underlying question..."Is he lying to me?" I am in a better place, financially. He owned no major assets, had no savings other than a small retirement account. He lived month-to-month after 35+ years of drinking, smoking away his money. Our financial future was bleak as a couple. I didn't really appreciate that one until after I left and started thinking about that reality. I still love him and still miss the good in him and the good that we shared because there was so much of it. He is good and loving at his core. I still pray for him every day. But I don't miss his addictions. I am free, free, free. I love him from a distance and am able to love and honor myself at the same time, and life is good. It took courage, enormous how-can-I-possibly-do-this courage to separate from the one I loved. I couldn't do that until I had finally accepted that his illness was lifelong. I woke up one morning with no idea it would be the day that I would find my courage. Somewhere inside I broke free from the paralysis. I said the words out loud, to him, that had been tumbling around in my brain for weeks, "this is never going to work," and that was my starting point. Some encouragement for those trying to find their courage: Incomplete Manifesto for Growth "John Cage reminds us that not knowing where to begin is a common form of paralysis. His advice: begin anywhere."
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
One of the amazing things about leaving my toxic first marriage? My emotions were mine...they did not fluctuate with his--go figure.
I somehow felt I had to be on his emotional, drama-filled rollercoaster ride every day! It was exhausting!!
What really helped me going forward was couseling to make sure that I did not have to respond to drama brought about by anyone else, and that I was responsible for my own
What an enormous sigh of relief
I somehow felt I had to be on his emotional, drama-filled rollercoaster ride every day! It was exhausting!!
What really helped me going forward was couseling to make sure that I did not have to respond to drama brought about by anyone else, and that I was responsible for my own
What an enormous sigh of relief
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
and, now that Christmas morning is past, I can tell you that leaving x was also great in that I could spend Christmas morning watching my children open presents, LOTS of presents, I didn't have to scrimp and save what little money I was given to buy them either, or justify my spending to x.
Just got to enjoy seeing my kids really happy.
Just got to enjoy seeing my kids really happy.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 41
As I was spending this Christmas with my family, it hit me that I didn't have to be "on guard" in case someone said something that might, in 1 out of 100,000 instances, possibly be understood as an insult or a disrespectful remark.
I remembered that he used to be on the outlook for these kinds of comments and it always made spending time with my family usually was emotionally draining, as I had to be on the outlook as well, and intervene in case someone said something that could be misunderstood. As we were from different cultures, this happened now and then and always led to drama and more aggressive drinking. And I always had to sit and take the yelling for it, on behalf of my "guilty" family member.
I remembered that he used to be on the outlook for these kinds of comments and it always made spending time with my family usually was emotionally draining, as I had to be on the outlook as well, and intervene in case someone said something that could be misunderstood. As we were from different cultures, this happened now and then and always led to drama and more aggressive drinking. And I always had to sit and take the yelling for it, on behalf of my "guilty" family member.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: The planet Earth, or at least that's what I've been told.
Posts: 130
Wow PF, you have such a powerful voice! It's not everyday that you see someone standing up for what they believe in and being so articulate about it.
You're right, it isn't easy. It's not easy to stay and not easy to leave either. The deciding factor is what a person's heart is telling them to do. I've learned after many mistakes and over many years that no matter what it calls for, my heart is always right. Sometimes it tells me to leave a relationship, and sometimes it tells me to stick it out. It doesn't mean the choice will be easy, but I know that whatever happens I will have stayed true to myself and I will have a fulfilled life.
Many people agree with you, don't be discouraged.
You're right, it isn't easy. It's not easy to stay and not easy to leave either. The deciding factor is what a person's heart is telling them to do. I've learned after many mistakes and over many years that no matter what it calls for, my heart is always right. Sometimes it tells me to leave a relationship, and sometimes it tells me to stick it out. It doesn't mean the choice will be easy, but I know that whatever happens I will have stayed true to myself and I will have a fulfilled life.
Many people agree with you, don't be discouraged.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Hi SR friends!
I haven't posted in months...although I do read when I feel the occasional need for inspiring words and pop in to read threads! Here's why:
Distancing myself from my "past life" was the final step to moving forward with my new life. I've stayed here at SR for several years now, from that first desperate post to today. I've put great value on the support I've received here, as well as being able to "pay it forward" to others walking the path I finally got off of. Embracing my new life means letting go of the old, which includes SR, to a large degree. However, I've not forgotten my friends here!
This thread made me want to say something for the first time since making my decision to stop being a "regular".
I met someone. We've been dating for 6 months now. And what a difference this is, compared to my alcohol-fueled 2nd marriage-that-wasn't (see old posts for the full backstory). I didn't think at first he and I were a good match, because on paper he's not quite my style, so to speak. But in trying to be open-minded to new experiences as well as put my newly developed coping skills to the test, I gave it a chance. He's a good man who treats me with respect, consideration, and kindness. What a difference!! I mean, its glaring obvious the difference between being treated like that and being treated like a doormat for some sick individual to wipe his feet on whenever he felt like it. I am grateful I gave this man a chance, because even in this short time frame, he has opened my eyes in ways no man has done before.
To be asked for my opinion and actually have a man follow up on it - wow! To experience good manners and chivalry - wow! To have someone show up and be present, all the time - wow! I could gush more...but I think all of you get the idea. And you probably all know of men like this anyway...because they do exist!
I don't know the future holds with this man, but I know I am enjoying the heck out of the present! And my daughters like him too. Although with some wariness that I think it very healthy. I don't know if I "love" him, because I am still redefining what love actually means to me now. I don't trust him completely either, because I recognize trust - while it may be a choice we make - can be given in increments based on behavior, rather than a full blanket cover based on meaningless words from a stranger distorted by my own fantasies.
I am learning to relax and enjoy each day, to sit with my fears and embrace them, rather than stuff it way down deep, only to come out sideways. I'm learning to be vulnerable again, and very patient, and to let this man show me, through his actions, that he is worthy of me. Yes, I have found my self confidence and live by a whole new set of rules!
It's been almost two years since I last talked to my ex A. I haven't laid eyes on him in that time, either. I can say with great enthusiasm that the concept of NO CONTACT works and works very well.
My ex A broke my heart and broke every promise he made to me and my girls. I won't ever forget that, nor do I believe because he's an alcoholic and he's "sick" that he is excused from those choices. He made them, each time he put the bottle to his lips, screamed obscenities at me, drove drunk with my daughters in the car, and walked off into the sunset with nothing but threats and BS in his wake. Those are his choices and only he owns them.
But I refuse to let it define me any longer. And that's my choice. My power. This is MY life, and you bet I am going to live it to the fullest. I am not a victim of my circumstances.
So Happy New Year to all of you, and may 2014 bring you clarity, peace, and resolution.
I'm signing off now, because my new man - emphasis on man - is coming over to plow my driveway from our last snowfall...just because he thinks I'm awesome and "real men take care of their women".
I couldn't agree more. Peace,
~Tuffgirl
I haven't posted in months...although I do read when I feel the occasional need for inspiring words and pop in to read threads! Here's why:
Distancing myself from my "past life" was the final step to moving forward with my new life. I've stayed here at SR for several years now, from that first desperate post to today. I've put great value on the support I've received here, as well as being able to "pay it forward" to others walking the path I finally got off of. Embracing my new life means letting go of the old, which includes SR, to a large degree. However, I've not forgotten my friends here!
This thread made me want to say something for the first time since making my decision to stop being a "regular".
I met someone. We've been dating for 6 months now. And what a difference this is, compared to my alcohol-fueled 2nd marriage-that-wasn't (see old posts for the full backstory). I didn't think at first he and I were a good match, because on paper he's not quite my style, so to speak. But in trying to be open-minded to new experiences as well as put my newly developed coping skills to the test, I gave it a chance. He's a good man who treats me with respect, consideration, and kindness. What a difference!! I mean, its glaring obvious the difference between being treated like that and being treated like a doormat for some sick individual to wipe his feet on whenever he felt like it. I am grateful I gave this man a chance, because even in this short time frame, he has opened my eyes in ways no man has done before.
To be asked for my opinion and actually have a man follow up on it - wow! To experience good manners and chivalry - wow! To have someone show up and be present, all the time - wow! I could gush more...but I think all of you get the idea. And you probably all know of men like this anyway...because they do exist!
I don't know the future holds with this man, but I know I am enjoying the heck out of the present! And my daughters like him too. Although with some wariness that I think it very healthy. I don't know if I "love" him, because I am still redefining what love actually means to me now. I don't trust him completely either, because I recognize trust - while it may be a choice we make - can be given in increments based on behavior, rather than a full blanket cover based on meaningless words from a stranger distorted by my own fantasies.
I am learning to relax and enjoy each day, to sit with my fears and embrace them, rather than stuff it way down deep, only to come out sideways. I'm learning to be vulnerable again, and very patient, and to let this man show me, through his actions, that he is worthy of me. Yes, I have found my self confidence and live by a whole new set of rules!
It's been almost two years since I last talked to my ex A. I haven't laid eyes on him in that time, either. I can say with great enthusiasm that the concept of NO CONTACT works and works very well.
My ex A broke my heart and broke every promise he made to me and my girls. I won't ever forget that, nor do I believe because he's an alcoholic and he's "sick" that he is excused from those choices. He made them, each time he put the bottle to his lips, screamed obscenities at me, drove drunk with my daughters in the car, and walked off into the sunset with nothing but threats and BS in his wake. Those are his choices and only he owns them.
But I refuse to let it define me any longer. And that's my choice. My power. This is MY life, and you bet I am going to live it to the fullest. I am not a victim of my circumstances.
So Happy New Year to all of you, and may 2014 bring you clarity, peace, and resolution.
I'm signing off now, because my new man - emphasis on man - is coming over to plow my driveway from our last snowfall...just because he thinks I'm awesome and "real men take care of their women".
I couldn't agree more. Peace,
~Tuffgirl
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 485
Originally Posted by suncatcher
lilolme, when you said you used to be affectionate and loved hugs I thought, wow that used to be me! I got so tired of XABF rejecting me that I stopped asking for hugs or any sign of affection from him. I convinced myself I didn't need hugs! How sad it is that we deprive our selves of hugs when we love someone who can't give us those things. I often felt like he just didn't love me or he would want to show me affection. I was sad and lonely and isolated much of the time. Luckily I am started to see glimpses of the old me again ..that girl that smiles and loves hugs and enjoys life! I was lost for a long time. OnawaMiniya, this has been a wonderful thread!
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Has it changed anyone in the opposite way? My AH wants to be all lovey and hugging on me. For me, it has changed me from a hugger to someone who just wants him to get off me! It goes deeper I know, as I have to look at the reason I don't want physical contact with him, and they are valid reasons. I guess I wish I were either with a man I do not want to back away from when he comes near me for affection....or with no man at all.
My friend and I were talking the other day, I told her if we divorce that I do not ever want to even date another man again in my life. I see it as nothing but trouble and crave time alone and peace so badly. Hmmm....food for thought I guess.
Thank you all for letting me ramble on!
My friend and I were talking the other day, I told her if we divorce that I do not ever want to even date another man again in my life. I see it as nothing but trouble and crave time alone and peace so badly. Hmmm....food for thought I guess.
Thank you all for letting me ramble on!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
I don't trust him completely either, because I recognize trust - while it may be a choice we make - can be given in increments based on behavior, rather than a full blanket cover based on meaningless words from a stranger distorted by my own fantasies.
And this:
My ex A broke my heart and broke every promise he made to me and my girls. I won't ever forget that, nor do I believe because he's an alcoholic and he's "sick" that he is excused from those choices. He made them, each time he put the bottle to his lips, screamed obscenities at me, drove drunk with my daughters in the car, and walked off into the sunset with nothing but threats and BS in his wake. Those are his choices and only he owns them.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Originally Posted by EmmyG
This post really hit home with me. I'm an affectionate person, and my husband isn't anymore. He's too busy being miserable. I've had to initiate any hugs in the recent past. Anyway, the other day when he was trying to convince me we should live together and try to make it work for a few months, he said "As long as you're not expecting me to be there emotionally for you, and complain if I'm not affectionate, etc." It just made me think to myself, "No! What about what I want? And should I really be with a man who feels the need to say that to me?" I can't be content with that for the rest of my life, no way. And why should I/we be?
Please tell me that entire sentence was a typo.
Holy. Holy. S#!?!
Wow.
Did you tell him that sounds like a great deal? His wants being met and your needs ignored - what lady doesn't want THAT in a relationship?
Wow....
I'm.....literally unable to get past the fact that He. Said. That.
In. All. Seriousness.
With. A. Straight. Face.
Peace.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 873
Originally Posted by EmmyG
This post really hit home with me. I'm an affectionate person, and my husband isn't anymore. He's too busy being miserable. I've had to initiate any hugs in the recent past. Anyway, the other day when he was trying to convince me we should live together and try to make it work for a few months, he said "As long as you're not expecting me to be there emotionally for you, and complain if I'm not affectionate, etc." It just made me think to myself, "No! What about what I want? And should I really be with a man who feels the need to say that to me?" I can't be content with that for the rest of my life, no way. And why should I/we be?
"As long as you're not expecting me to be there emotionally for you, and complain if I'm not affectionate, etc."
When I was talking to my husband about separation he told me he wasn't going to stop drinking and drugs but he could try to be more caring. I told him I wasn't going to take bread crumbs anymore and I deserve better. Then he began to tell me everything I do wrong And how i'm educating myself on alcoholism and drinking and i'm acting different now but good for me. I told him I wasn't going to lecture him or talk about the effects because he knows about alcoholism and drugs from his family and friends and has seen enough to know and if adding ruining his marriage to his bucket list so be it. These men oh how they are in a world of their own.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
TUFFGIRL!!!!
I have missed you but that's one damn good reason to be not here!!!
I'm excited you have met a good man (we both know about the odds and the goods in AK) and you sound... calm. Happy. Balanced.
Love it.
Take care of yourself.
I have missed you but that's one damn good reason to be not here!!!
I'm excited you have met a good man (we both know about the odds and the goods in AK) and you sound... calm. Happy. Balanced.
Love it.
Take care of yourself.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
I just want to come back in here and add on "leaving your crazy FOO." Oh.my.good.Lord. Those five days I just spent in Tennessee were painful to get through. Having been away for so long, and working my program, I couldn't stand to be in the same room with any of those people. The verbal abuse tossed around, the backstabbing talk about whoever wasn't there at the time. I was disgusted, and I told my grandmother (I was only there for her 90th birthday) that I just can't do it anymore. Even DD (14 months old) knew it wasn't a good place to be. She cried the entire five days we were there!
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