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Hello. New here. Worried, sad and unsure what's coming next.

Old 12-16-2013, 11:58 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I'm not ready to tell my mum about all this, and even if I was, I can't give it back as she lives in another country. My mum and dad only see us once a year at most so they have no idea what goes on. I have no other family here that I could give it to.

Husband has come home now and has seen it. I just said "That is my present from my Mum & Dad." Hopefully he will respect that.

I am going to ask my mum that in future she does not send alcoholic gifts but I'm just not ready yet.

It seems no matter what I do somehow I end up enabling him. I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself as that never got anyone anywhere, but I am struggling a bit.
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Old 12-16-2013, 12:00 PM
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I see, wegle. I wish you well in your journey. Be good to yourself.
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Old 12-16-2013, 03:48 PM
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I would find a friend to give the wine to. Stop looking for ways to rationalize or excuse what's happening. Bottom line, you don't need the wine in the house. He's an alcoholic, putting 12 bottles of wine in front of him is adding fuel to the fire. That, IMO, is more important that keeping the wine to save Mom's feelings.

You are realizing that there are issues here...both his and yours. AlAnon could really help you sort out what is causing you to enable his disease. We learn that we didn't Cause it, can't Cure it, and can't Control it. If you really want to stick with this guy, then you have a long bumpy road ahead of you. Better to educate yourself now, so you know what you're in for. Read over in the Adult children of Alcoholics if you want to think about having kids with this guy. I don't think anyone on this forum would advise you to have children.
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Old 12-16-2013, 04:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Recovering2 View Post
I would find a friend to give the wine to. Stop looking for ways to rationalize or excuse what's happening. Bottom line, you don't need the wine in the house. He's an alcoholic, putting 12 bottles of wine in front of him is adding fuel to the fire. That, IMO, is more important that keeping the wine to save Mom's feelings. You are realizing that there are issues here...both his and yours. AlAnon could really help you sort out what is causing you to enable his disease. We learn that we didn't Cause it, can't Cure it, and can't Control it. If you really want to stick with this guy, then you have a long bumpy road ahead of you. Better to educate yourself now, so you know what you're in for. Read over in the Adult children of Alcoholics if you want to think about having kids with this guy. I don't think anyone on this forum would advise you to have children.
I'm certainly not looking for ways to rationalise or excuse his behaviour, just trying to find my way through this mess.

I'm coming to terms with the I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it. But the last bit seems to be a minefield. What switches something from preventing enabling to controlling. He knows the alcohol is here now. If I give it away is that trying to control things? That is a genuine question, not trying to make an excuse.

I'm not only trying to save my Mum's feelings but my own as well. I know I will have to open up at some point but I don't think I can be expected to go from naive little me to super alcoholic dealing with expert in a week. And unfortunately having never in my life given me an alcoholic Christmas present I just didn't see this coming.

Yes on the children thing. This has been discussed and I had already before I joined here decided that children would not be an option until he could show long term commitment to sobriety.
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