wegle

Hello everyone.

I'm not really sure how to start this but I have a feeling it's going to be long so please accept my apologies for that. I think it's probably best if I just start right at the beginning.

I met R four and a half years ago when I was living in a house share with friends. I was immediately attracted to him and we got along amazing. He had recently divorced from his ex wife and moved back to the area. We went on a few dates and soon were a couple. I had to drive him everywhere as he had recently lost his license due to drink driving. 1st red flag there but he assured me he had learnt his lesson and he never once drove a vehicle during his ban.

We would often have a drinks together and sometimes would stay up late drinking and putting the world to rights. My house was the party house for my group of friends so there was always group drinking going on and R fit straight in.

After being together for only 5 months we decided to move in together in our own place. We found above house near to his work so he could walk in and I could drive to my job. Things were great for a while but I started to notice how often he would buy a pack of beers on the way home for no reason. When I mean no reason I mean, we didn't live in the party house anymore, weren't having friends over and it wasn't any sort of occasion. I never said anything though as it didn't seem to affect much really. We still spent time together.

About 6 months after we moved in R came home saying he had bumped into an old friend in the shop who also lived on the estate. He asked if it was ok if he went over there that evening to catch up. I was initially really pleased for him. He was isolated by not grind able to drive and I thought having a friend so near would help him feel better and maybe curb the daily drinking. I was wrong. This friend is a very nice person and I get on with him, however he is a canabis addict and also drinks every day.

It wasn't long before R was spending 6 out of 7 nights round there and always getting home after I had gone to bed. Some nights I would wake up and he wouldn't gave even made it bed, instead falling asleep on the couch. He was drinking every night and also smoking weed. The times he did come home early "to spend time with me" he would be so off his face stoned and drunk I couldn't get any sense out of him.

I eventually decided to confront him. I expressed my dislike for him being out every night and him smoking weed. I think at this time I hadn't admitted to myself fully that the booze was a problem. I got the immediate defensive responses. "You're making he feel guilty", "You would go out too if you had friends nearby", "It's not like I'm sleeping around", "All you do us watch telly anyway.". After the confrontation he would make the effort for a while to spend more time at home and even quit smoking weed. Soon the visits picked up again but I thought as long as he stays off the weed if will be fine.

I can't remember the first "accident" that he had but I was shocked. Waking up realising your in a pool of someone else's urine is not pleasant. This us when I knew that drinking was a problem. He was so drunk that not only had he peed the bed, but he had got up and taken himself off somewhere else to sleep without even realising.

Cue another confrontation, more defensive behaviour, I'm boring, just because I don't drink at home blah blah blah. However a couple of days later came the promise of no more drinking. I was hopeful.

Things started great. We were spending more time together, we were having loads if fun, we were more intimate. But soon the odd drink here and there started reappearing. "I've had a stressful day at work", "It's so and so's birthday". It wasn't long until we were back in the old routine. This cycle has occurred at least 3 times. Vows to quit, quits for a while, starts drinking a little, ends up drinking a lot, has some accident or incident..... Rinse and repeat.

During one of these cycles at some point he started smoking weed again. I only know because I came home one day and he was in the garden. When I went to say hello I could smell weed. I said that I could smell it, where was it coming from? He said he didn't know. When I grabbed his hand and smelt the "cigarette" he was holding it was obvious that he damn well did know where it was coming from. I stormed off on a huff and once calmed down came downstairs and asked him outright if he was smoking weed. Thinking to myself that if he lied again I would go mental. He didn't lie. He fessed up. I said "If you want to smoke weed that us your decision but if it starts to affect our relationship or if you lie to me about it again I will be very upset.". This is important to remember for a bit later in the story.

During the cycles we had various accidents. One being when his step son was staying with us for the weekend. As I was stripping the bed the little one came out his room and asked what was going on and where was his dad. I had to lie to him and got him back to bed. His dad was fast asleep on the sofa downstairs.

Last year R proposed and we set a date for our wedding. I know the picture I've painted so far doesn't seem like marriage material but he us a great guy and I do love him. At the beginning of this year his drinking was at very acceptable levels and he even made the decision on his own to quit weed (important bit there). Our wedding was amazing and I loved every minute. I did fret in the run up that he would drink too much and make a fool of himself but he was perfect.

The first two months of married life were brilliant a pretty much alcohol free. But then I started to see the cycle warning signs. Spending more and more time at his friend's house, buying beer on the way home. I kept my mouth **** though not wanting to have to go through the usual "You make me feel guilty" routine. I did well until the other night.

For the last 2 weeks my husband has spent 1 evening in with me. So when he piped up that he was going out I jokingly said "what again!!?" and made a sad face. The defensive behaviour started so I said "I'm sorry I was only joking, you go out". But too late, he was already in strop mode and decided he was going to stay in. I said there would he no point now as it wouldn't exactly be fun if he was going to be in a foul mood. But no he was staying, but he did just have to pop to the shop.

He came home with a 10 pack of Carlsberg and proceeded to start drinking. I went to bed at about 11 and promptly fell asleep. I was awoken at 4am by the sound of trickling water. Upon turning on the light I see my husband have a pee on the bookcase and dog's bed. I woke him up and cleaned up the mess. By the time I'd cleared out the sponge and washed my hands he was back asleep.

I was too angry to speak to him about it yesterday but today asked if we could have a chat when we both got home from work.

I explained I didn't want an argument and was only trying to tell him how I feel. I explained that I have been worrying about the cycles, that I worry about what life will be like for our children and I worry about his health and the effect his drinking has on our relationship. These were some of the responses I got.

"I didn't curb it because you didn't say anything."
"You're making he feel guilty again."
"I won't drink when we have children, the only reason I do now is because I don't have any responsibilities."
"I always stay up for at least an hour after drinking before bed and have 2 pees, it's just my system didn't work this time."
"It's not that bad because I did get up I just couldn't find the bathroom."
"If I was an alcoholic I would be drinking in the day."
"Who else have you told about this."
"I gave up weed because you said I had to and now I have to give up drinking."
"You worry about everything."

Not once in our conversation say that I wanted him to do anything. I only told him how his actions worry and scare me. He maintains that if we have children this won't be an issue but yet it has occurred when his son has been here. I did in the past ask him to quit weed but it never stuck. When he eventually did quit he did this through his own choice.

I've had the silent treatment since until about 10 minutes ago when he announced he was going round his friends. I said "OK babe see you later" and immediately got "Don't worry I'm not going to go get wrecked." in a sarcastic tone. I just let it go.

I've read stories on this site before and even nearly joined last year but chickened out on the end. Maybe still clinging to the hope that this wasn't a problem but I know it is. I believe my husband is a high functioning alcoholic and definitely a binge drinker. He has never missed a days work through alcohol and is never abusive, not even verbally when drunk. In fact his most annoying behaviour is being overly stupid and overly amorous. But when he's drunk I do not find him sexually attractive at all! When sober he's fun, loving, interesting and motivated. All qualities I love.


So here I am. Hoping to meet some like minded people and hopefully find my way through this mess. Thank you if you got this far and sorry for any typos as I'm posting this from my phone. Xxx

ladyscribbler

First off, thanks for posting.

"I didn't curb it because you didn't say anything."
"You're making he feel guilty again."
"I won't drink when we have children, the only reason I do now is because I don't have any responsibilities."
"I always stay up for at least an hour after drinking before bed and have 2 pees, it's just my system didn't work this time."
"It's not that bad because I did get up I just couldn't find the bathroom."
"If I was an alcoholic I would be drinking in the day."
"Who else have you told about this."
"I gave up weed because you said I had to and now I have to give up drinking."
"You worry about everything

We call this quacking. It's self-serving nonsense and ridiculous excuses that mean nothing. The entire function of quacking is to protect his addiction. You cannot control his drinking/pot use.

He maintains that if we have children this won't be an issue

Sounds like things are pretty bad right now. His drinking is already an issue. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. Bringing (more) children into this relationship will not help anything, and will likely make a bad situation worse.

My only real advice is to stop trying to fix him and solve his problems. Start focusing on yourself. Try out Alanon or Celebrate Recovery. Read the book Codependent No More. You can improve your own life whether he is choosing to drink or not. But only he can make that choice. You sound like a caring person. You deserve better. Take care. Hugs to you and your stepson.

wegle

Hi ladyscribbler, thanks for your reply.

I know from my reading on here that I can't make him do anything, that he had to choose to change. I tried to make this clear today by saying that I was not asking him to quit drinking and he was free to do as he pleases. His response is to get stroppy and say "But I'll have to because it makes you feel bad. I'll always feel bad when I drink because of you."

Having written it all down it's really obvious how much blame I get for him drinking too much!! Especially considering I only drink about 3 times a year!!

The children thing is my biggest concern. I was raised in a household that had a very sensible approach to alcohol. I will not have my children live in a house where one of the patents drinks every night of the week. I will not have my children growing up believing this is normal. He can make all the promises in the world but the proof is in the pudding so they say. If he is so sure he can do it then, why can't he just do it now. I think when I reminded him about the accident when step son was staying hit a nerve as that was the conversation ender. All I can hope is that he took in what I had to say.

I've looked in to Al-Anon and am interested in going to a meeting but a couple of things worry me. Firstly I live in a small town, we have a local meeting but I am petrified that there will be someone there I know. I worked in the pub trade for many years so had no end of contact with alcoholics and their families. I don't know how I would feel about there being someone I know there. I also gave a very unusual and distinctive first name. The Al-Anon website says they maintain anonymity through using only first names. This more likely to identify me rather than keep me anonymous. And lastly, I'm not at all religious and don't think I could get any benefit from a group that is based on spiritual ideology. I would feel uncomfortable in that setting. The local meeting here is at the church and that worries me. Maybe I should ring them and talk over the phone first.

ladyscribbler

I'm not religious either, and my meeting is in a church. The spiritual component doesn't get shoved down anyone's throat. I know that's a sticking point with a lot of people. As for the anonymity, well, what if someone did recognize you? Someone who binges and regularly wets the bed (mine did that too- probably still does, but I'm no longer there to sleep in the mess) isn't what I'd call high functioning. This probably isn't as big of a secret as you think.

Justwantnormal

My husband always assured me he'd stop drinking if I got pregnant. I got pregnant, and nothing changed. Then he assured me he'd stop once I had the baby. I had the baby, he drank more. Then assured me the second time around he'd stop when that baby came. Again, he did not, he drank more. So here I am with two small children and a husband that's sinking further and further into an ocean of alcohol. He's never kept his promises. It may not feel like it now, but you have a lot of freedom in your current position. It's you and only you that you need to look out for. It (the drinking) doesn't stop when children enter the picture, it just gets more complicated

HealingWillCome

During the cycles he had various accidents. At no point were you responsible for his inability to control his bladder. Purely his choice.

Maybe it's time to let him start cleaning up his own puddles of urine.

I think you're on track, wegle, to discovering the things that allowed you to ignore all the red flags and marry your husband in the first place. Al-Anon is a great start. You may very well know someone there, but please don't let that stop you from going. This is about finding your own health and happiness without worrying what others think. Reading and posting here will help tremendously. Keep your focus on you, since...as you know...there is nothing you can do that will change him.

RhodeIsland

It's been said in another post on the "Quackers / Normies wouldn't know" threads "

What is with alcoholics and peeing the bed / on furniture in the bedroom?"

I never experienced this with the XAGF

RhodeIsland

Woah, calm down you. We can have a thriving "ACOA" forum if we stop giving that advice out.

wegle

Thanks ladyscribbler. You are right. I think it is still a pretty good secret (the peeing) but the drinking to excess has certainly been noted by friends and family in the past but they tend to think it's just a one off thing. They don't see it at home every night. I'm going to work on my confidence for going to Al-Anon. After all there should be no shame in wanting to look after myself.

Thank you Justwantnormal. I'm sorry you're having to go through all that. I'm working out how best I can make it clear that we will not have children until he addresses his drinking. I want this to be a boundary for me, but need to get it across to him but in a way that doesn't sound like an ultimatum. He is very good at turning things around so it's me that has the problem and me that should be apologising or changing!

Thank you HealingWillCome. Yes you are so right!! I have to work on remembering that. Most of the time we are a team and a happily married couple, but when he indulges in destructive behaviour that I do not condone, nor partake in, the results of that behaviour are his fault/problem and his alone. It's so hard to get sucked into it all though. When we were having our "Chat" last night I told him that I didn't want to be in a marriage where I had to be cleaning pee up off the floor. His response "Well I would have but you always take control of everything.". He's got me there, I do. So I replied that I would work on that but would like to revise my earlier statement to "I don't want to be in a marriage where I wake up and my Husband is cleaning up his own pee off the floor.". That shut him up for a bit!!

One of Husbands excuses was that all men do this! Really???? I've had about 3 ex boyfriends and more male friends than I can count and I can assure you, not one of them has peed the bed since they were about 6 years old!!

Haha! This made me chuckle! Put the survival of the forum above all else!!

wegle

Thanks for everyone's responses you are all so supportive and nice!

Husband came home after he went to his friend's last night. He came home at around 11pm. A pretty reasonable time for him. I was just brushing my teeth so popped down to say hello and good night. I pretty sure he had been drinking as he was frantically making a cup of tea and didn't want to give me a kiss on the lips. He could have just still been feeling very sorry for himself. Who knows and whatever!

Woke up this morning and he was already up and getting ready for work. I went downstairs and he said he was leaving. He used to walk to work all the time but over the last couple of months I've been driving him as he hasn't got up in time or couldn't be bothered so I was quite shocked he walked this morning. This is probably a combination of making a token effort of change and not wanting to spend time in an enclosed space with me!! We said have a good day and off he went. I shall not see him now until much later tonight as I am going to go visit a friend after work.

This forum is so great to read and see that other people have been in the same position, but it's also scary. So many people on here have had to leave their husbands, wives, boyfriends or girlfriends. I'm starting to accept that this might be something that happens for us down the road, but at the moment I'm still clinging to hope that things can change and we can live a life together. I love this man very very much. It took me a long time to find that person I felt I could live my life with and I'm scared about the possibility of a future without him.

wegle

I’ve got various thoughts running through my mind today and think I need to sound them out here. I’m sure the answers are obvious but I’m struggling with it all in my head.

First thing I am worried about. It is my work’s Christmas party tomorrow. This is one of about only 3 nights a year that I drink. I really look forward to it. But now I’m panicking. Since I confronted AH last night and outright said I think he has a drinking problem. I pretty sure that this night out is going to be thrown back in my face. Before I confronted him he had made his own decision not to attend his own Christmas party saying he couldn’t be bothered. Part of me thinks he chose not to go because he remembers the state he got into last year. But I can already see the conversation unfolding:

“I gave up my Christmas party, but you still get to go out and enjoy yours and come home drunk. Not very supportive is it, if you think I have a drinking problem.”

So far nothing has been mentioned about it, but AH isn’t really talking to me at the moment anyway. How do I respond to something like that if it does happen. I’m pretty sure it isn’t my responsibility to give up my absolutely tiny amount of drinking because he can’t control his own. But I’m just not sure how to communicate that.

Second problem. A foolish act on my part. Buying Christmas presents for AH a couple of weeks ago and I found a really nice local beer presentation box containing 3 beers and a really nice etched glass. This is now sitting wrapped up under the tree. I would just remove it, but AH was with me when I bought it so he knows what it is. If I remove it I will be accused of trying to control him. If I don’t I’ll be excused of condoning his behaviour or not really thinking he does have a problem. I wish I had never bought it but the truth is, I know it will make him happy, and what can I say…. I love to make him happy.

RhodeIsland

Just make it a gift to yourself. Bam.

How he responds to you attending your Christmas party is HIS issue - not yours.
The problem is HIS. Not yours. If he uses it as a reason to drink, or to fight that is HIS choice to use it as a way to justify a predetermined outcome. You did not cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it.

I hear a LOT of denial. You don't have to come out of it and face it yet. But it would probably be better to face it now and do what's necessary to have the kind of life you'd like to live with someone. With an alcoholic that means changing (lowering) expectations or leaving. Both choices often are accompanied by detachment.

RhodeIsland

I meant to preface those statements with "might" and "often". He could decide to get sober. Just be aware that if he doesn't there is nothing you could have done to change that. He had to want sobriety. He might not be sick and tired if being sick and tired yet

wegle

Hey Rhode Island, thanks for your reply. I'll admit when I first read the above I immediately thought "What the hell!! I'm not the one in denial here!!", but I have been doing some reading over the last hour on co-dependancy and come across the following on one particular website:

This is so true. I often think that if my Husband would just sort himself out, then I would be fine. Instead of doing what I can to improve my life, I'm putting all the blame on him and believing it is his responsibility to make all the changes.

A couple of other things I've found which ring really true for me.

For as long as I can remember I have always compared myself to others and never match up to them in my own head.

Perfect example above. I purchased husband a destructive gift because I knew it would make him happy, even though it would likely make me unhappy.

This this this!! I think I believe that everyone else is as honest and open as I am, so if they are saying something then it must be the truth, even if it conflicts with my own opinions.

The number of times I have been called a control freak, not only by my Husband, but others in my life, are too numerable to count. I recognise this behaviour and I see it in my own Mother. It drives me mad when she behaves in a controlling way, but for some reason I think it is acceptable that I do.

The evidence for this is already on this thread. I spent most of the morning today obsessing about my Christmas party. Worrying about something that hasn't even happened yet and may not. This behaviour has caused problems in the past, and I had a bit of a breakdown about 5 years ago and had to seek medical intervention. I was told I was suffering from anxiety and was referred to counselling. I now think I can see that the anxiety is merely a symptom of my overall co-dependency.

I've bolded and italiced the bit that I see in myself. I am so scared that my Husband will leave me. The logical brain sees how foolish this is, but still this is something that scares me.

When I was in counselling previously it was discussed that my fear of abandonment possibly stemmed from when I was a small child. At the age of 9 I left my parents home to attend boarding school. My parents lived in the Middle East so I moved back to the UK and went to school. I would stay with my Grandmother every now and again.

I have a great relationship with my parents and always have, but I do think that underneath everything that incident at a young age has stuck with me. This is possibly something that I need to dig into again as obviously I am far from recovered in terms of Co-dependency.

So again, thank Rhode Island, you pushed me to delve a little deeper today. And it's been a really nice break just to think about my own feelings for the last hour, instead of how AH might be feeling.

ladyscribbler

And it's been a really nice break just to think about my own feelings for the last hour, instead of how AH might be feeling.

Sounds like you're on the right track, then. Thanks again for posting.

wegle

Good morning all, I hope you don't mind if I continue to post on this thread. I find it quite therapeutic to just write down some of the things that are happening and going round in my head.

I am feeling much more positive today. After work yesterday I went to meet a good friend for coffee. I had a brilliant talk with her and explained what had happened the other night. The shock on her face was a huge relief to me (strange I know), but it confirmed that I wasn't just stuck up and didn't understand that this is "what men do.". We didn't focus on the conversation long but I did feel shame when my friend said "What if next time it he pees the bed with you in it.". I didn't have the courage to admit to her that this has already happened several times before. But again I felt vindicated that what I believe to not be normal is true for others also.

We spent a lovely few hours chatting about anything and everything and doing a little bit of shopping. We have both decided to join a slimming club together after Christmas to shed a few pounds and I'm really looking forward to having that time and focus on me. The other bonus is the slimming club is on the same day as the local Al-Anon meeting so if I build up the courage I will be able to go to slimming club and then to al-anon afterwards.

When I returned home, husband was in a much brighter mood, he was actually pleased to see me and we had a nice little chat about our days. At around 8pm he went upstairs and got changed into his pyjamas. We watched Band of Brothers for a couple of hours and then... SHOCK! HORROR! We went to bed at the same time. He did not drink at all yesterday.

Whilst I enjoyed our evening together I am trying not to read anything into it, just enjoy it for what it was, a rare night when I could cuddle up to my husband in bed before we fell asleep.

Tonight is my Christmas party and I'm all dolled up ready for some fun. Husband waved me off this morning with a "Have a great time, and don't forget your wedding ring, it's in the bathroom!". I haven't asked what he plans to do tonight and I'm not even going to worry about it. His life, his choice. I'm just going to dance my socks off and enjoy time with my friends and colleagues.

I ordered the book "Co-Dependence No More" yesterday from Amazon so I'm looking forward to reading that and trying to be open to the insights within. Generally I'm not a fan of self help books, having the attitude of "Just pull your socks up and sort yourself out!". But I have started to think (maybe realise) that I have my own issues tied up in this and other areas of my life and now is as good a time as any to explore this.

Thank you again everyone who has replied on this thread, and for everyone that posts here. I've been reading all the stories for the last couple of days and whilst heart breaking and scary at times ultimately there is a lot of inspiration here.

NWGRITS

Post away. That's what we're here for. Everyone has given you great insight, so I'm just going to reiterate one thing: don't have children with this man. Grew up in an A home, wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Welcome to SR!

wegle

So the weekend is over and it was a pretty mixed bag in terms of good and bad.

I went out for my Christmas party on friday and had a brilliant time. I got a text from hubby at around 11pm to let me know he was at home having a few drinks with his friend from down the road. I took the attitude of "Fine. That's what he wants to do, I'm not going to let it upset me and I am going to continue enjoying my evening.".

At about 1:30am I was at my friends house having a chat before I was going to get a cab home, my phone rang and it was hubby informing me that he and his friend were now going to go out. I tried to inform him that it was 1:30am and they wouldn't have anywhere to go, but he was adamant, so I just said "Whatever. I'm going to be coming home soon.".

When I got home him and his friend were still at the house, both had obviously had a skinful. Hubby was at the stage where I know he will not remember anything from one second to the next. His friend was in a much more "happy, normal drunk state" (Not sure if I know how to describe that, but it's pretty much the sort of state I was in). Hubby is asking about my night and I'm telling them both the sort of things I've been up to. All of a sudden he starts questioning me about one of the guys I was out with. He knows I work with all men and it's never caused a problem but for some reason that night he just got a bee in his bonnet about it. His friend tried to talk to him about it, but I just said, I'm going to bed see you tomorrow.

I woke up at about 4am needing a glass of water so downstairs I went. I find hubby curled up on the floor asleep. Now usually I would try to wake him to get him back to bed, but I remembered that he got himself into that state so he needs to deal with it. So I stepped over him and left him there.

At about 8am the bedroom door opened and hubby took about 10 minutes to stagger in and finally got himself into bed. I didn't want to be in bed with him when he's all drunk and twitchy so I got up. I cam downstairs and the house was a complete **** pit!! And I could not believe it but there was a wet patch on the floor!!! Grrrrr!!!!!! Remembering our conversation from the other day about how he would clean up after himself but I always jump in, I decided that I would not clean up his mess. I went upstairs and informed him that there was a wet patch downstairs and it needed cleaning up.

He came downstairs, still obviously drunk, inspected the mess and then just seemed to forget about it and started asking me how my night was. I said it was good, could he not remember asking me last night. He kept talking about random stuff so I just asked him when he was going to clean up his mess. He stormed upstairs swearing and shouting stuff and then came back downstairs and started to clean it up. He started to blame the dog (comedian my husband!!) and when I just sort of shrugged he ran upstairs saying "That wasn't effing me!!" slammed the door and that was it. I didn't react, I didn't try and talk to him about it, I just got on with enjoying my quite saturday morning.

Around 12pm hubby's friend came round as he had left something at ours. I explained hubby was still in bed but did he want to stop for a cup of tea. This friend asked me about hubby's behaviour the previous night regarding my co-worker, saying he's never seen him like that before. I said that I didn't understand why he had said it apart from he had obviously got himself into such a ridiculously drunk state. And that I was 100% sure he would not even remember it this morning.

Hubby must of heard us downstairs so he got in the shower and then came down to join us. His friend left soon after.

Now I'm not sure if I handled the rest of the day correctly, but I did not confront husband about his behaviour the previous night. He already knows how I feel about his drinking. I was not unpleasant to him but I didn't go out of my way to clean up for him. In fact the house stayed a mess until hubby finally took it upon himself to clean up.

Saturday and Sunday were spent alcohol free and I actually enjoyed his company. Both nights we went to bed at the same time around 11pm.

I'm not really asking for any advice about what happened just really typing it all out so it's out there. I'm not reading anything into his not drinking for the last 2 days. If he wants to have a couple of nights off great but if he wants to drink again then I'm sure he will. Friday night being the perfect example.

I have started to think about things that I should start doing to look after myself in the long term. We have a joint savings account that we both pay into but I am going to start my own one, the idea being if things get to a point where I need to make the decision to leave then hopefully I will not have to worry about the financial implications of this. I've also been trying to think of potential bolt holes that I could run to should I need to. Being open with my two best friends about what is going on has helped this as I know that I would not feel too ashamed to call them should I need to.

Writing things down here has helped me to realise that his behaviour is not normal. In fact it's taken me most of the day to post on here as I was feeling shame for his behaviour and didn't want to admit it! Oh my god! That sounds ridiculous now that I type it. Why should I be ashamed of something that he did.

Anyway that was my weekend, the thrills and spills of living with an alcoholic!

wegle

Ugh! Just arrived home to a big box with our Christmas present from my parents in it. 12 bottles of wine. The collection starter gift.

A lovely present for most people but now all I can think about is the 12 ticking time bombs sat in my kitchen. I would love a wine collection or to be able to have a liquor cabinet but history has shown that any booze in our house soon gets devoured.

I'd like to just pour it all away now but then I would have to lie to hubby and my mother. Neither if which I want to do.

Refiner

Why do you have to lie to your own mother? Why can't you just tell her about your husband's having drinking issues and it's best not to have anything in the house? Keep it at her house so YOU can enjoy a glass once and a while if on a visit or ask that your mother re-gift or exchange it. If you don't do that, you are enabling your husband's behavior and should not complain about it.