hopeful4

Wisconsin...thank you for sharing your path. I too need to remember it is all in what path we choose for ourselves!

Hugs!

lillamy

RECLAIM JOY!!!!!!!
I love that, Wisconsin!!!

HopefulinFLA

I like to think of myself as learning to be a better me as opposed to in recovery.

I never realized how controlling and miserable I was until I learned the 3 Cs. This set me free! I just didn't understand that I didn't have try to control or fix AH's drinking because it wasn't mine to fix.
Then i could look at him and think, do whatever you'd like, I'm still going to have a nice day and you can't stop me!
AH is recently RAH for about 2 months now. Things are much better, but I'm very cautiously optimistic.
My next self project is working on my anxiety...

Booo

Ok this is brief but the most blatant example. There is a bottle of red cooking wine in the fridge. On its side in a separate area of the fridge I have not picked up that bottle to see if it's been touched. I have not poured it down the drain. For me? Huge accomplishment.

Quish16

For me it was realising that I wasn't insane - he had the brain problem with the hematoma building up! I was able to 'step back' and look at things logically rather than emotionally. One helpline lady asked me what advice would I give my best friend and that helped so much. I still have a long way to go ......still focus much too much on AH and his needs and health rather than my own! I also found the three C's a great help and they did release me from feeling I had to or could 'cure' or 'fix' him. I also found being able to step back from 'normies' views helped - I am sure others must have had ' a good understanding wife can fix him' from my beloved godmother or 'have you tried talking to him'? from a close friend. I would get more sense out of Lysander and Alsan and they have 4 paws and a tail!

Booo

Quish....the advice I have received from two friends sends me right up the wall. Truly, words i thought i would never ever hear in 2013. I actually wanted to start a thread on that, but.

Quish16

Yes Boo - I wondered about starting a thread along the lines of
What is the most infuriating advice a normie ever gave you'!
Glad it is not just me who gets frustrated especially with the 'can't you talk/reason with him' comments! I have been married for 22 years and am blue in the face from trying to reason with him and explain the dangers......talk about denial!

Kassie2

Wonderful thread!
My life has had its ups and downs which I believe is how it just goes without attaching any meaning to it any of it all.

I have had a difficult year and not sure what the future will look like. It seems mixed.

Since I ended my relationship with my exah life is easier most ways and hard in others. I have grown a lot and certainly do not make the same decisions as before and look at relationships with ppl and other activities with a second glance.

I know I am in a better place - I see things differently and others see me as much stronger than I think. Sometimes I wonder if we take the time to notice our progress and recognize the changes until others tell us.

Maybe it good to feel stuck so we can ask others or take the time to see what has changed or what needs changing. So often I hear others expecting to hear the worst about themselves instead of the positive. I hope those who read this post can find the positives.

HealingWillCome

For the first 45 years of my life, I was incredibly naive to the nature and power of addiction. I have an alcoholic father, but he left us when I was young, so I really was clueless as to what addiction really is. I married an alcoholic without recognizing it. That ended in divorce. Years later, I chose another alcoholic/addict...still clueless me...didn't recognize it until he confessed his addictions. During a break-up with him, I stumbled upon SR while Googling "do alcoholics really love us?" After riding a five-year roller coaster, we are no longer together. But in the years since meeting him, I have grown in more ways than I would have imagined possible, thanks to SR, Alanon, and my xabf because we also grew a lot together in his periods of recovery.

The things that come to mind for me:

1. I no longer feel the need to please all people all the time. Sooooooo freeing. I grew up needing constant validation. Related to abandonment by my alcoholic father.

2. I no longer feel bad about making time for myself. It's not selfish. It's necessary. A girl needs to feed her soul with the things that are meant to bring her joy...with the things that she is passionate about. Or that bring her peace. Or that are just freaking fun.

3. Life became easier after I learned to forgive the choices of the alcoholics in my life. Again, sooooooo freeing.

4. Life became easier when I let a soul mate go. That sounds like an oxymoron, I know, but it is true. It may be hard for some to believe that an xabf is someone I consider to be a soul mate, but that's the beauty of not caring what people think. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that learning to let go was big for me. Again, freeing.

5. I think the most important lesson, so far, for me is that I feel better equipped to help my own daughters understand the illness of addiction...with the hope that they won't repeat the mistakes that my mom and I made.

Alysheba

Yep, Babe, I am in that gargantuan, bleeping, longa$$ tunnel too. LOL.

Good to read that others seem to be making to the light at the end.

Booo

Well..let me add this, because I looked at the Dang wine bottle I mentioned earlier,( shame on me) being here has really brought back all of the things that I KNOW I need to do for me, thanks to my my time with alanon years ago..and the things that I cannot control. But I still need to work on actually APPLYING them a bit more consistently.