lillamy

I chose my AH over my children for years. Not that my kids moved out. But instead of having their back and defending them against AXH, I tried stepping in and redirecting him (as if he was a toddler). I tried talking to them about how to act around their father so that they didn't evoke his anger. In retrospect, it's absurd, trying to teach a five-year-old how to not make their father angry rather than talk to an adult about controlling his temper.

I am in no place to judge.

I want to tell you that I was very frightened about how to support my children and myself. I can tell you that the peace of mind I got leaving and moving into a tiny apartment in a borderline neighborhood was worth more than anything. You really don't need much. And since it sounds like you're already the breadwinner, you'll do just fine.

You don't have to fix it all right now but I understand that you feel like you want to. Have you thought about consulting a lawyer? Many lawyers will do a consult for free. I was going to ask if you have thought of simply moving out, but I'd want to make sure you don't forfeit your right to the home if you do.

Lots of hugs to you.

JustAGirl1971

Thanks lillamy & WTBH. I haven't consulted a lawyer but do need to do that. AH literally can't pay child support. His job is so low paying that he'll barely scrape by on his own. We live in a good neighborhood with moderately priced homes for our area. Our house payment is actually comparable to rent for a 3 bedroom apartment in the same school district. Given the kids' ages (14 & 15), I really don't want to move out of the district. My plan is to ask for the house, split the contents & 401k and consider his share of the equity in the house as child support. He was considering moving out right after ds left and was willing to leave me the house then so I'm assuming he will now. He's very much a "path of least resistance" kind of guy.