TiredLady

So my ex showed up last night around 11:30 and started beating on my bedroom window. When I didn't respond he came to the front door and started knocking, and when I didn't answer, he found my hidden key (guess I didn't pick the best hiding spot) and walked right in! I was half asleep and he came in my bedroom, had pink roses, a bone for the dog, other gifts. I FREAKED out. He was sobbing, begging for yet another chance, saying he needs me in order to get sober.

Since dumping his drunk hind end this last time I've finally grown a brain and am not listening to his malarkey. I told him we do not work as a couple, that he had no business in my home and that I don't want to be with someone who needs me, I want to be with someone who wants me, and could survive on their own if I wasn't in the picture. I know, I know, that's a bunch of psychobabble to his tequila-pickled brain, but I had to say it.

Anyway, he kept crying, begging to come back, telling me he wants me, the house, the dog, a nice life. I asked him if he was in AA...that would be a negative! "I'm too busy, you know I work constantly in order to survive." Whatever, this guy is so manipulative, I see that now.

I told him get in recovery with AA, be sober with a sponsor for a year, then he could contact me if I was still single. He then said that either I took him as he is now, or he would be gone forever! As if he has ANY leverage in this situation. I told him to hit the bricks! This guy is really out of his gourd.

It went back and forth like this for awhile, I started screaming at him and told him he would take me and anyone else that loved him straight to Hell if they stuck around, and that he has broken promise, after promise, after promise. More tears, attempts to hug me, and finally, as I was kicking him out of the house, he grabbed me and tried to kiss me - I threw him out the door!! Pushed him real hard! I was surprised at my own strength.

So, my plan is this - give the key to a neighbor I trust, so my "hidden" key is off the property, get the landlord to fix the deadbolt on the door, and call the cops if he shows up again. I really hate to do that, because it would likely mean deportation. However, at this point, I have to look out for myself.

And yet, after everything he's done to me, a part of me still loves him. I think, like so many people, I love the part of him that peaks out when he's (rarely) sober, the part of him that's really just his potential, and not who he actually is...makes me extremely depressed to think about.

As for me, my life has never been lower. I'd say I'm at rock bottom in my own right. My weight is out of control, so I have been attending OA phone meetings and tomorrow morning I am going to an in-person meeting...I'm not speaking to any of my family, everything just sucks and I am so very sad.

However, I also realize that I still have my beloved dog and a job I adore, a roof over my head, a car that works, bills paid, no one else to worry about other than me and my hound...God is watching over me. OA is making more sense than my 23 years of dieting ever has...one day at a time, right?

BoxinRotz

He would have been eating lead if he came in my house. And then I'd of called the cops and let them deal with whatever was left.

I know not everyone owns a gun and is protected by our state law (Castle Docterine) but you do own a phone and you should have called the cops as soon as he made entry.

Point is, when I'm sleeping and someone is knocking on my windows and at my door, AND THEN WALKS IN... IT'S GAME OVER! The Rottweiler will be on you first and I'll be following up with the bead on your forehead.

I'll be waiting for Admin to blow my PM's up.

theuncertainty

Oh, man, TiredLady! Please don't worry about calling the cops if he does that again! It was incredibly.... disrespectful at the VERY least. I can't even think of the word I'm feeling. He is an X, he has no key of his own. He went to your bedroom window FIRST to knock, and then, only after you didn't let him in, then the door. AND then when you didn't open THAT, he let himself in anyway. That could have been a very dangerous situation. What of he wasn't all sad and begging? What if the next time he comes back, he's angry that his last attempt didn't work?

Calling the cops is a valid response when some one enters your house without permission. The consequences of what happens to him will be because of his actions. It wouldn't be your fault, but his.

One of the things I felt I needed to do after leaving AXH was taking a self-defense course geared specifically for women. I loved it and hope to be able to do more. It helped me regain some trust in myself and in feeling safe in my own home again.

overit263

Good for you TiredLady!!!! You stayed strong and stuck to your guns. You did an amazing job, you didn't fall for his manipulation!

readerbaby71

Way to go! Change the locks and give the extra key to a trusted neighbor.

lillamy

Good job of standing your ground, Tiredlady! Isn't it amazing how a little distance and no contact makes you go "how on earth could I believe any of that dung before!'???"

I'm glad he left, I'm glad you have a plan for how to keep him out.

BoxinRotz - I totally, completely, and utterly sympathize. I don't have a Rottweiler but if someone breaks into my house, I'm not asking questions.

Hammer

Zombies.

Zombies, I tell you.

MissFixit

HI

sorry you are going through a sad time. it will pass.

a couple diet tricks that have always helped me are: cardio exercise in the morning before i eat breakfast (i think this burns fat before you add to it that day and gets the metabolism going), eat 90% veggies, fruit and lean dairy/meat.

this man doesn't respect your boundaries at all. my ex pulled that flowers crying i love you crap at my office one time and i HATED it. it felt so violating and embarrassing (co-workers saw). please be careful and let someone in your area (neighbor) know that he did this in case he does it or something else more dangerous again.