shil2587

Hello all,

I am having a two-month long pity party and thought I would throw open the door and let in some air. Here goes.....

There are four things in life that people value, at least in my head there are. Relationships, family, career, health. In the last two months I feel like I've taken a hit on all four.

My xRAB left me without warning and only a week after we had the most wonderful holiday together. Needless to say, I was and still am, devestated (although not crying so frequently anymore - progress right?). I loved him, love him still and cannot see past this to being with someone else.

A week later, my new boss called me in to say that he had tried to change my holiday allowance in my contract because he wouldn't have given it to me in the first place and would not have hired me (it's so I can attend a religious observance every year and my old boss was fine with it). As he has been having difficulty doing that, he told me that he was revoking my payrise on the basis that I have not been there long enough, in his opinion, to be eligable for one until next year (despite that fact that every single other person who started at the same time as got theirs). He also would not pay me for the agreed holiday time that I had taken the previous month. I spent this month on half pay; barely able to pay my bills as a result. I now have to look for another job because if he gets his way and changes my contract I will have to take the time anyway and so get sacked for it. I am now looking for a change in career as I have had enough of this industry and it's politics.

Two weeks after that, I was diagnosed with PCOS. In some ways it's a bit of a relief to know that my inability to eat more than 1000kcal a day without putting on weight is not my fault, but it's depressing to know I have to take medication for the rest of my life and that fertility could be an issue later down the line and I could develop diabetes, ovarian cancer or have a heart attack as a result.

Yesterday I just got the news that my grandmother died. A month ago. But because her and my dad had not spoken for some time, no-one bothered to tell or us or let us know about the funeral. So I never got to say goodbye to her properly. I will never get to see her again.

So, family, relationships, career and health. What else is there to go wrong? How much is one person supposed to take on. Only two months ago, everything was going wonderfully, I was incredibly happy and thought that finally after so many years of fighting to build a life for myself, things were falling into place. Turns out they were just falling.

That's my pity party. Hopefully there will won't be dessert in the offering. I've had enough courses for one event.

Yancy

I'm sorry to hear of your misfortunes. In my experience the bad things seem to happen in bunches. But the recovery is often more dramatic than the fall. Good things happen in bunches, too. I'm a big fan of hope. You might want to add that to your list of important things. Hope.

readerbaby71

I'm so, so sorry you're going through such a hard time. Maybe seeing a counselor/therapist would help. I went through an AWFUL patch like this and without my shrink I don't know how I would have made it through.

Take good care of yourself. Do nice things for yourself. Spend time with friends and family who uplift and support you. Maybe this situation at work in just the kick in the pants you need to change your career path.

Sorry about your grandma. It's very hurtful that no one told you about her passing. Hold her in your heart. I''m sure she knows you loved her.

Take care and come here to vent. Try to enjoy the weekend!

dandylion

Dear shil---I am soo sorry that these things have happened to you. Most of all, I am sorry about your grandmother. I REALLY understand your grief on that one. Try to forgive yourself--it sounds like it was out of your control. Don't you think you grandmother would forgive you--did she know that you loved her?
My heart goes out to you.
dandylion

shil2587

So, he just came over to give me all my stuff back.

So much for leaving me because he needs to focus on nothing but his recovery. So much for leaving me because he doesn't want to drag me down with him.

He's applying for jobs because he 'needs something outside myself' (WHAT THE HECK WAS I THEN?!!!!). Don't get me wrong, I am not against him working, it's just that this is the opposite of what he told me was the reason for going. Did he ask how I was doing? No, not a word in that direction. Just talked about himself and what he is currently doing. Considering he claimed to leave because he didn't want to drag me through it, how could he not even ask how I was keeping?

I cannot understand how we got to this. Not at all.

Redheadsusie

I am so sorry for your pain. I know you are hurting but I also feel that with time things will get better. You can still talk to your Grandma- I talk to mine all of the time and both of my parents- they all died in the past 3 years when AH was raging. A new career sounds exciting! My Ah is gone now and is still a wreck and living with his parents at 50 - how sad. He would not pay any bills here - none for years- I paid mortgage and he just paid for his expensive boat and truck and beer. SOB! Anyway- try to stay positive- pity parties are good to have and then you can move forward - little baby steps are fine! Sending love -

ShootingStar1

Shil, I am so sorry for all the grief you have been bombarded with in such a short time span. You are entitled to a pity party - really it is more of an expression of the truth of what has happened to you than a pity party.

I don't know how to help you except to say that you will have a better life with someone who cherishes and adores you than someone who cheats and lies. Sometimes space alone allows us to heal enough to draw a healthier partner toward a healthier us.

My family was also very destructive, and I was not able to attend my aunt's funeral, and we had been very close. The pastor in a local church was very willing to have a small private ceremony in remembrance of my aunt for me and my children, and it meant a great deal. Perhaps you can do something of the sort. Going to a funeral with disruptive punitive relatives is not the best way to remember, mourn, and cherish someone you loved, anyway.

Take care, we're here for you.

ShootingStar1

NWGRITS

When everything else is going wrong, I put the focus back on my relationship with God. It's usually when I slack on that, that everything starts going to hell. I am so sorry for your loss. That is a huge hit to have to absorb at this time in your life. As for the ex, just remember that the only person he cares about is himself. He hasn't done anything TO you, he has just done things because that's who he is. I wouldn't waste my time pining for someone who doesn't have their sh*t together. Work on that new career and make a life for yourself, since you're the only one you can change or control. Enjoy this time to yourself and use it to find out who you are, and why you've made unhealthy relationship choices in the past. All my best to you.

fourmaggie

talk to your HP, and release some of the "resentment"

these are things out of control of you....I am so sorry your going through this...KEEP IT SIMPLE and ONE DAY AT A TIME...heal yourself....