Oh Boy, this is getting ugly...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Europe
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by FireSprite 
Yes, ditto absolutely everything that's been said, based on having watched my sister go through similar with both her children's fathers. They always end up hanging themselves with their own ropes.
Another assumption you could make (if you are so inclined) about her motivation could be that she either fears having to pay you support for the kids or that she hopes that by having custody of the 2 that she feels she can control, she'll be entitled to support from you. I cannot imagine that this comes from anything but a selfish motivating factor on her part.
Stay strong Dad, you're doing GREAT!
Another assumption you could make (if you are so inclined) about her motivation could be that she either fears having to pay you support for the kids or that she hopes that by having custody of the 2 that she feels she can control, she'll be entitled to support from you. I cannot imagine that this comes from anything but a selfish motivating factor on her part.
Stay strong Dad, you're doing GREAT!
This is going to sound wierd, but I really thought that being a single dad to 3 girls would be difficult. I do needed to step up on planning domestic stuff, shopping, educating yourself on girlie stuff, making sure the girlie cosmetics are in stock at home...and so on, but over the past couple of months, despite the bad blood from AW, I have managed to become so, so close to my girls. I have fallen in love with them so many times and noticed that we laugh a lot more at simple things, but we get to cry about stuff too...like just now, they miss our dogs that AW took away
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by SingledadPolo73
Oh Yes, she or/and her mother definately would not want to pay me child support! I have to admit that I forgot about the financial aspect , which just makes me angry and sad...
This is going to sound wierd, but I really thought that being a single dad to 3 girls would be difficult. I do needed to step up on planning domestic stuff, shopping, educating yourself on girlie stuff, making sure the girlie cosmetics are in stock at home...and so on, but over the past couple of months, despite the bad blood from AW, I have managed to become so, so close to my girls. I have fallen in love with them so many times and noticed that we laugh a lot more at simple things, but we get to cry about stuff too...like just now, they miss our dogs that AW took away
This is going to sound wierd, but I really thought that being a single dad to 3 girls would be difficult. I do needed to step up on planning domestic stuff, shopping, educating yourself on girlie stuff, making sure the girlie cosmetics are in stock at home...and so on, but over the past couple of months, despite the bad blood from AW, I have managed to become so, so close to my girls. I have fallen in love with them so many times and noticed that we laugh a lot more at simple things, but we get to cry about stuff too...like just now, they miss our dogs that AW took away
You know what? The girls will be A-ok with mistakes & inconveniences - you'll all learn how to live together in the new environment you've created. None of it will hold a candle to what living with active alcoholism was like for them or what it was going to become in the near future. You're illustrating for them, in action, a model of everything they'll eventually want in a partner themselves.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 598
You will do great! I can honestly say that raising my 2 sons as a single mom was one of my life's biggest blessings. Not saying it was all great- they were hurt by their Dad who was an A- his attention to them slacked off majorly once we split- but the great far outweighed the tough times. We got so close and laughed and enjoyed just being together and because of that time alone together which I cherish so much- we are so very close now- ! They are 24 and 21 now- 1 graduated from Virginia Tech and the other 3rd year at Longwood here in Virginia! You have ladies here to ask girlie questions to if you need help! I have faith you are a great Dad - they are lucky to have you and you them!
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: East Coast
Posts: 427
I swear divorcing an addict/alcoholic is ten times worse than divorcing someone who isn't. They simply don't care (until in recovery). Sorry you are having such a hard time. Mine is making it very difficult as well. No kids involved, but it seems like every way he can make it difficult, he does. It's incredibly frustrating and you just think to yourself "all they want to do is use, so why don't they just go do that and let the people in their lives that aren't sick, be happy. Hopefully your battle won't go on too much longer. A good parent removes their children from this situation. My parents are both alcoholics and I wish one of them had been sober so that I wouldn't have gone through some of the things I had. My dumb self thought that since my husband was in recovery, that he knew his issues, worked the program and surely he would never choose to go back to that life....yeah I was very wrong!
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
I don't have any advice. I just want to say that I wish ANYONE would have cared about me as much as you care about your girls. You are doing the best you can and are giving them the best gift in the process. Stay strong, it won't take much for her to hang herself.
Stoic
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wash D.C.
Posts: 321
The advice I can give, is ignore her quacking. It sounds like we're married to the same woman, the behaviors are so similar...
...it happens to me every time; AW will go into Lucid mode for a few days, and just come at me with everything she has, threats, talking rationally, sounding like she has everything she needs to successfully fight custody...and it makes me anxious and nervous every time. Then I have to take a step back, and realize this has happened ten, twenty, thirty times already, and she's never followed through on anything she's said. Then, sure enough, she takes her first drink "because she can handle it now", and I get a few weeks of peace while she binges herself into the emergency room, starting all the above again.
It's rough on our psyche, that's for sure. Stay strong sir.
...it happens to me every time; AW will go into Lucid mode for a few days, and just come at me with everything she has, threats, talking rationally, sounding like she has everything she needs to successfully fight custody...and it makes me anxious and nervous every time. Then I have to take a step back, and realize this has happened ten, twenty, thirty times already, and she's never followed through on anything she's said. Then, sure enough, she takes her first drink "because she can handle it now", and I get a few weeks of peace while she binges herself into the emergency room, starting all the above again.
It's rough on our psyche, that's for sure. Stay strong sir.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 577
You've described an alcoholic who is dry for a while to try & get something accomplished (taking the kids). Unless she gets into recovery, and even then there are no guarantees, she's gonna drink again & do stupid shiznit again. Do all you can to protect your girls & educate them, take care of yourself (maybe check out an Alanon mtg?), and just let her do what alkies do. Give 'em enough rope.....
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 136
To SingleDad:
This is long so I apologize in advance but your post brought back memories of when my son was young. I went through kidnapping by ex father-in-law, my son at age 4 being left in an unlocked car while his father went into the bar & drank. Although like everyone said you have to document everything sometimes the law just isn't always on your side because if police are called they hear 2 stories and sometimes the child's story is not admitted in a court system because of their age.
I knew I had to keep my son safe at all costs. So although I documented everything I went a few steps further. The babysitter & the school & my son were given a code word (simple for child to remember like: umbrella, baseball, etc). If my ex or his family tried to pick him up at the school, my son's immediate response was "what's the code word". We made a game of it--He even had to ask me everyday when I picked him up at the sitter's house. The code word was changed every month.
In addition I enlisted the help of 2 close friends who had the code word in case they needed to pick up my son. Even the school realized that my son was adament that he refused to leave his location with the person (no matter what story they told) unless they knew the code word.
I also, got my son a cell phone with access to only call me, the sitter, the school, 911, and the selected people who had the code word. Whenever he found himself in a situation where dad had left him in the house by himself or outside of a bar (i explained all situations to him that were unacceptable), he was to pick up that cell phone (we kept it hidden from his father) and to call me & my 2 others and say the following (just like law enforcement) "Officer Down -then he gives his location. I would immediately call the other 2 people who would have received this message and we decided who was most available to go retrieve my son. But of course before he got in with any person, including me, they needed the code word.
So, instead of standing in a parking lot outside a bar trying to convince a police officer that my ex was in the bar drinking & left my son in the car his father would come out to find his son gone. Believe it or not, he never called the police to report his son missing--he knew I took him but could never figure out how I knew.
I hated having to involve my young son in this but eventually he became grateful for it--he was not put in the position of trying to locate his father when left alone and he knew that one phone call and he would be back home. He learned very quickly to always trust me and knew I never let him down.
Sorry to be so long but wanted to drive a point home. You need to document her actions but while doing that you need to come up with ways to protect your daughters at all all times. Hope if nothing else, this will give you some ideas so you won't feel so helpless, not knowing how your children are being treated while in her care.
You are in my thoughts & prayers for what you are going through is enough to break even the strongest of parents.
This is long so I apologize in advance but your post brought back memories of when my son was young. I went through kidnapping by ex father-in-law, my son at age 4 being left in an unlocked car while his father went into the bar & drank. Although like everyone said you have to document everything sometimes the law just isn't always on your side because if police are called they hear 2 stories and sometimes the child's story is not admitted in a court system because of their age.
I knew I had to keep my son safe at all costs. So although I documented everything I went a few steps further. The babysitter & the school & my son were given a code word (simple for child to remember like: umbrella, baseball, etc). If my ex or his family tried to pick him up at the school, my son's immediate response was "what's the code word". We made a game of it--He even had to ask me everyday when I picked him up at the sitter's house. The code word was changed every month.
In addition I enlisted the help of 2 close friends who had the code word in case they needed to pick up my son. Even the school realized that my son was adament that he refused to leave his location with the person (no matter what story they told) unless they knew the code word.
I also, got my son a cell phone with access to only call me, the sitter, the school, 911, and the selected people who had the code word. Whenever he found himself in a situation where dad had left him in the house by himself or outside of a bar (i explained all situations to him that were unacceptable), he was to pick up that cell phone (we kept it hidden from his father) and to call me & my 2 others and say the following (just like law enforcement) "Officer Down -then he gives his location. I would immediately call the other 2 people who would have received this message and we decided who was most available to go retrieve my son. But of course before he got in with any person, including me, they needed the code word.
So, instead of standing in a parking lot outside a bar trying to convince a police officer that my ex was in the bar drinking & left my son in the car his father would come out to find his son gone. Believe it or not, he never called the police to report his son missing--he knew I took him but could never figure out how I knew.
I hated having to involve my young son in this but eventually he became grateful for it--he was not put in the position of trying to locate his father when left alone and he knew that one phone call and he would be back home. He learned very quickly to always trust me and knew I never let him down.
Sorry to be so long but wanted to drive a point home. You need to document her actions but while doing that you need to come up with ways to protect your daughters at all all times. Hope if nothing else, this will give you some ideas so you won't feel so helpless, not knowing how your children are being treated while in her care.
You are in my thoughts & prayers for what you are going through is enough to break even the strongest of parents.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Europe
Posts: 47
Thank you All!!! My tolerance level is indeed very low, the stress is getting to me, the support on this site really helps. Thats because I am regarded as a strong person.
My Girls are worth it though ... even if I feel like some animal in a cage that my AW keeps proding. Sometimes, I just feel like exploding!!!
My Girls are worth it though ... even if I feel like some animal in a cage that my AW keeps proding. Sometimes, I just feel like exploding!!!
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
She would not stand a chance of custody.
You are the strong responsible parent.
Let her rant & rave.
Your kids & their safety are the most important issue here.
Fight for what you believe in & do not fear upsetting her.
Get the big guns out because your kids deserve quality of life.
You are the strong responsible parent.
Let her rant & rave.
Your kids & their safety are the most important issue here.
Fight for what you believe in & do not fear upsetting her.
Get the big guns out because your kids deserve quality of life.
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