SingledadPolo73

So after a couple of months of crazy drama, the plot thickens. A quick reminder, I left my AW with my 3 daughters about 8mths ago, but a couple of months ago and after too many drinking situations (she left the kids at the hair salon and went home to drink, she was too drunk to let the kids in after school, she had been agressive towards the kids, etc.) I decided enough was enough and took my daughters and just left her to drink. I promised my girls I wouldnt let them down again. She didnt bother to even call the kids for about 2 weeks. I filed for a divorce and custody of the girls.
She moved out of town and actually tried kidnapping our 8 and 10yr old planning to leave our 14 yr old with me. All this was done with her mother helping her which I find totally revolting!
Our 1st court hearing is next week and 5 days ago said that she will fight for the kids, keeps texting me saying how she is going to destroy me, take away everything I have. I know for a fact that she offered my accountant a bribe in exchange for anything she could use against me. I must add that she has been sober everytime she calls the kids.
All this is getting very tiring and depressing. She is forcing me to take out the big guns which I never wanted to use, but the only option I see is that I need to attack in order for her to stop this crap. I want what is best for my girls and she is on some blind, raging mission to destry me. Thanks for allowing me to vent.

Kat60

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this! I wish I had some advise for you...
All I can say is SAVE all that crazy correspondence from her. I do have a friend who won full custody of his girls after sharing the crazy correspondence during the child custody trial. He was also able to show that the Mom was negligent (medically and emotionally) and did not properly care for them when she had them. He had to fight hard, but he won!!!
You are doing the right thing for your girls!!

lillamy

Because I'm a Codie I go intro fixit mode.
Keep every single text message. Screenshot them and print them but also have your attorney make an affidavit that they are real messages taken off your phone.

She should have a snowball's chance in hell after the stunt with the kidnapping but gm have a good lawyer and cross all the ts and dot all the is...

SingledadPolo73

I am really trying to gather all evidence but I gotta admit, the stress is getting to me and I know thats what she wants.
Concerning the kidnapping, I got the school to email me her attempt but now she is claiming she wanted to take the kids shopping. She told the school that she was taking them to see a doctor...

RollTide

I feel for you. I didn't have kinds involved and it was still horrendous dealing with an alcoholic.

My advice would be to get the best attorney you can find.

peanut44

Keep a daily calendar of every thing she does. Threats, broken promises, missed times to see the kids, bribes, phone calls, everything!!!

My husband did this and only because of it did he won full custody of his daughter when she was an infant. It works. She has no business with those kids.

Good luck !!!

lillamy

Breathe.
Remember, if you always tell the truth you don't have to have a good memory.
Most of the time (my attorney told me this and I wanted to smack him, but he was right), addicts don't need a lot of help hanging themselves in court. All you need to do most of the time is document, stick to the truth, and wait.

hopeful4

I am so sorry you are going through this. Keep a journal and evidence of EVERY SINGLE THING you know of.

She is trying to wear you down. If she is that much of an alcoholic I agree that she will hang herself.

((Hugs to you))

SingledadPolo73

Thanks Guys, she def is trying to wear me down, promise is that it is working...I am tired. She seems to have been sober for a few days now. I am only guessing that her lawyer convinsed her to be sober and wants to destry me. I can cope with the hatred but how did she convinse herself that the kids should be with her all of a sudden. She kept on yacking about how she brought the kids up and they "belong" to her...oh, just the 2 younger ones because she cant handle our 14yr old....She actually wants to seperate 3 loving sisters!!!

Seren

I'm so sorry for the attacks you are getting right now...I know how tiring and stressful that can be.

I hope that you keep all of her threatening texts, e-mails, etc. They may be helpful for you in the future and show her pattern of behavior.

Sending prayers and good thoughts for you and your precious girls!

SingledadPolo73

I cant help but think that this is all a sneaky plan. She has tried to make a point of calling the girls everyday and just called. She spoke to our 10yr old for about 2mins and when she heard that our 8yr old isnt feeling too well, she just said that she wouldnt bother her then....wouldnt a mother want to hug her sick child even over the phone?

marie1960

Doing the right thing, is never easy. You are trying to protect your children, and if you have to bring out the "big guns" so be it.

Your children deserve better, you deserve better.

Your efforts are teaching the kids that addiction is unacceptable, and as parents it is our duty to educate our children so they may grow up and be healthy, balanced, self sufficient adults.

I applaud your efforts.

Stay strong, you can do this.

hopeful4

Yes, a normal mom would want to hug their child. She is not normal. Remember, she is an addict. It is my opinion that all addicts are sneaky creatures. If she cared so much about their well being she would never have done the things she has done. REMEMBER THAT. She is not calling for them, she is calling because her attorney told her to call and told her to do it sober. I would say her mother has a big input into what she is doing. I am so so sorry.

Florence

Anybody can white knuckle sobriety for a few days. But a couple of months? A couple of years? Based on what you're saying -- too drunk to let the kids in the house, leaving them places and then driving drunk to drink more -- it's unlikely she's quite ready to turn this around.

She has a lot to lose right now, including her "happy family except for her mean ol' husband" cover which she probably uses to explain her flakiness, heavy drinking, depression, etc. This may be a sneaky plan, or she might be acting on advisement from her lawyer to behave in ways that won't put her chance at joint custody or visitation at risk.

I've been through this a couple of times, and I can tell you a few things. The court is not going to look at whether she is a *good* parent, they will be concerned that she can dothe bare minimum care for her children. Can she pay the bills, do so on time? Can she provide a safe and stable environment for them? Is she safe? Is she prone to rages, or intermittent on following through on her promises? Is she where she's supposed to be when she commits to something? Can she follow through? They don't care whether she calls, really, or hugs them. All that is icing on top. The things you mention that are major red flags: drunk driving, drunk driving with the children, being too incapacitated in the afternoon to open the door for the kids returning from school, etc. Do you have this documented anywhere? Has she received treatment for drug or alcohol abuse, including from a GP or a therapist? Does she have any criminal charges for her using behavior?

I completely agree with this. Resist the urge to do more than document. Stand there and do nothing. More will be revealed. Since she's an alcoholic, she's unreliable and immature, and she won't help but be able to show her *** in court. It's what alcoholics do during conflict when they're not in active recovery.

jazzfish

I hope you have already obtained a lawyer and had him advise you on what not to do. It is a very emotional time and it would be shame if one misplaced outburst gave her something extra to hold against you. Best of luck!

SingledadPolo73

Unfortunately, I can't prove she couldnt open the doors. That happened when I was 300miles away and I basically turned around and drove back home. Only the kids can confirm. Back in 2008, I was out of the country and had to get my co-worker to stay with the kids after my daughter told me mum had passed out in the afternoon and they were hungry...
She has been taken to hospital by the police after claiming she wanted to comit suicide, so there will be records. I have videos of her pushing our 14yr around and screaming at her.
I have all her threats, promises, agreements, lies etc documented... I just hope I can keep the kids safe and not make a mistake.

Thanks for your input Florence.

Recovering2

This too shall pass. She's acting out right now, you have upset her alcoholic world by forcing her to face consequences. I know it's tiring, hell it's exhausting to deal with their tirades, but keep your eye on the prize. Remain calm, don't let her get a reaction out of you. As others have said, document document document. Be calm and stick to the facts in court. Can a mental health professional talk to your 14yo as part of the court proceedings? Seems like 14 is old enough to have some input?

As for her being "sober" right now. She's not in recovery, she has a lawyer telling her not to drink. That won't last. Her only coping mechanism is alcohol.

You're doing great, and those kids are lucky to have you.

SingledadPolo73

You are so right, I need to step up and keep my eyes on the prize!!! I notice that the mental fatigue just makes me lose focus sometimes.

My 14yr old will take part in the court case once the judge sends her for evaluation. I feel bad using her, because she could do without the drama, but we need her.

You Guys are amazing!!! I cant thank you all enough for your input. I hope my case helps others.

coco8

You are absolutely doing the right thing. Your daughter is strong enough to go to court. She needs to learn that people shouldn't put up with abuse. All of your daughters will come out of this stronger.

I wish my dad could be like you. You are a great father. Stay strong against her and don't let your emotions get the best of you. Good luck!

FireSprite

Yes, ditto absolutely everything that's been said, based on having watched my sister go through similar with both her children's fathers. They always end up hanging themselves with their own ropes.

Another assumption you could make (if you are so inclined) about her motivation could be that she either fears having to pay you support for the kids or that she hopes that by having custody of the 2 that she feels she can control, she'll be entitled to support from you. I cannot imagine that this comes from anything but a selfish motivating factor on her part.

Stay strong Dad, you're doing GREAT!