Arggg
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
You are doing just amazing. Hope that woman calls you soon.
Think of some questions that you would like to get info from her on. Don't have to do too much today, you will be seeing her next week.
Like job training, help with finding housing, childcare. Any other concerns that you might have
Thinking of you. ((((hugs))))
P.S. ---- We can help you with the list
Think of some questions that you would like to get info from her on. Don't have to do too much today, you will be seeing her next week.
Like job training, help with finding housing, childcare. Any other concerns that you might have
Thinking of you. ((((hugs))))
P.S. ---- We can help you with the list
Last edited by amy55; 09-26-2013 at 11:26 AM. Reason: to add P.S.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Hi SC,
Things that I can think of is
job training
finding housing
childcare
staying at the shelter
pro bono attorney
what if you need help immediately? how would they do that?
possible RO
support system - where are the group supports held, time, day of the week
making a list of documents that you should start securing, birth certificates, social security cards, your credit or debit cards, checkbook, proof of his income, pay stub, W-2 forms, tax returns. You can make copies of these. Proof of any insurance that you have. Proof of bank accounts, credit card statements, perhaps you can get these online.
Always have an extra set of keys outside of your house, just in case. Always have your cell phone with you. If possible let a neighbor or close friend know what is going on. Have a "safe word". (This is for your protection now, in case he is sensing that something is up.
This is just a partial list, DV person will also help you with all of this, and I am sure other people will come along with what had helped them.
Take care. Here for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll also keep thinking for the list of questions to ask
Things that I can think of is
job training
finding housing
childcare
staying at the shelter
pro bono attorney
what if you need help immediately? how would they do that?
possible RO
support system - where are the group supports held, time, day of the week
making a list of documents that you should start securing, birth certificates, social security cards, your credit or debit cards, checkbook, proof of his income, pay stub, W-2 forms, tax returns. You can make copies of these. Proof of any insurance that you have. Proof of bank accounts, credit card statements, perhaps you can get these online.
Always have an extra set of keys outside of your house, just in case. Always have your cell phone with you. If possible let a neighbor or close friend know what is going on. Have a "safe word". (This is for your protection now, in case he is sensing that something is up.
This is just a partial list, DV person will also help you with all of this, and I am sure other people will come along with what had helped them.
Take care. Here for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll also keep thinking for the list of questions to ask
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Some states have centralized systems for applying for benefits. For example, in Wisconsin you apply for SNAP, Badgercare (state health insurance), and childcare benefits all at once. You are all set for SNAP, but there might be an online portal to apply for other benefits in one place.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I remember when I went to the DV shelter that I just couldn't even think. They went very slowly with me, and explained all the services that they had. So you don't have to remember everything in the list, just what is most important to you, and know that they can help, and they can make referrals.
I don't want to overwhelm you because I know how overwhelmed I felt.
I don't want to overwhelm you because I know how overwhelmed I felt.
Taking back what is mine!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Ky
Posts: 277
She never has called back, its almost 5 so i am assuming i wont hear anything else today which is kinda a downer but there is always tomorrow i guess. I am going to startbon some of the things you listed and also do a new emergancy bag for my car since it is getting colder here now. My mood has flattened a little, i was hoping to know something about meeting up with her at least but it will come. I am being impatient, now that i got myself going of course iwant to do it all now lol. Thank you all, i feel like a new person is emerging in me, i have a little hope again and that is priceless compared to what i felt like yesterday. It can only go up from here as long as i keep trying, right? Big hugs to you all, have a good night.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Sadconfused---I know that it is a bummer that she didn't call today--since you were so anxious to get the call. But, as you pointed out--tomorrow is another day! My personal suggestion is to call her, again, in the morning. ***tenacity is your friend***
Just keep your eye on the goal--and, you will get there. Look at how far you have come in just a couple of days.
as was mentioned, before, take care not to give any obvious clues that any changes are taking place.
You are doing great. keep posting to let us know how it is going.
dandylion
Just keep your eye on the goal--and, you will get there. Look at how far you have come in just a couple of days.
as was mentioned, before, take care not to give any obvious clues that any changes are taking place.
You are doing great. keep posting to let us know how it is going.
dandylion
Taking back what is mine!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Ky
Posts: 277
I am going to give her a call in an hour or so if I dont hear from her by then. Trying to figure out what else I can do in the mean time. After lunch I am going to sneak down to a cell phone place where I can get a free one to have as a back up to hide in my jeep. Im not sure what is happening to me but I am so beyond taking his crap now. I dont know if thats good or not, I definitely need to get into some counselling fast before I turn into him.
I was on the phone with my cousin last night, she called to tell me she is getting married and is going to have my brother walk her down the asle (her dad died about 8 yrs ago from drinking) She asked me if I minded and I said well of course not, I wont ever get married anyways. This is nothing new, I have said I would never get married for 6 or 7 yrs. I just dont think I need a legal contract to prove my love, I have nothing against anyone who does just not for me. He knew this and I have said it a million times but he flipped. Kicked the chair across the room and started ranting. Got in my face trying to intimidate, Went and almost knocked my chinchilla cage over off the dresser when he slammed the drawers shut. I stood up and told him to stop acting like a child and here he came, in my face. I lost it and shoved him, he palmed me in the chest to knock me back, my daughter came up and hit him telling him to stop. He threatened to call the cops on ME!!!!!! My blood is still boiling. I have to get her away from this ****, No 3 yr old should have to feel like they need to defend their mother from someone. This is why I have to go, my buttons have been pushed and hit for so long that I am having more and more trouble containing my anger. I am gonna end up like him. I fee like crap for losing it but at the same time it furthers my belief in the fact that I am getting stronger, my courage is here and its burning bright. Before I would have sat there on the couch crying and scared while he acted like a fool, I am done being his victim. I dont want to sink to his level though in the process. Just another push for me to keep doing what I am doing and move on. He doesnt matter anymore, only me and her.
I was on the phone with my cousin last night, she called to tell me she is getting married and is going to have my brother walk her down the asle (her dad died about 8 yrs ago from drinking) She asked me if I minded and I said well of course not, I wont ever get married anyways. This is nothing new, I have said I would never get married for 6 or 7 yrs. I just dont think I need a legal contract to prove my love, I have nothing against anyone who does just not for me. He knew this and I have said it a million times but he flipped. Kicked the chair across the room and started ranting. Got in my face trying to intimidate, Went and almost knocked my chinchilla cage over off the dresser when he slammed the drawers shut. I stood up and told him to stop acting like a child and here he came, in my face. I lost it and shoved him, he palmed me in the chest to knock me back, my daughter came up and hit him telling him to stop. He threatened to call the cops on ME!!!!!! My blood is still boiling. I have to get her away from this ****, No 3 yr old should have to feel like they need to defend their mother from someone. This is why I have to go, my buttons have been pushed and hit for so long that I am having more and more trouble containing my anger. I am gonna end up like him. I fee like crap for losing it but at the same time it furthers my belief in the fact that I am getting stronger, my courage is here and its burning bright. Before I would have sat there on the couch crying and scared while he acted like a fool, I am done being his victim. I dont want to sink to his level though in the process. Just another push for me to keep doing what I am doing and move on. He doesnt matter anymore, only me and her.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
wow, I am so sorry that happened to you. When you call this person today, tell her this.
You know, I was in my marriage a very long time. I think when I left I was no longer afraid that he might hurt me, (even though he very well could have), I was more worried about turning into him, and hurting him.
Glad you are getting a free cell phone. Keep it where he will never find it, and where you can always access it when you need to.
Here with you today to hold your hand if you need it or just a shoulder to lean on.
((((((((hugs)))))))
You know, I was in my marriage a very long time. I think when I left I was no longer afraid that he might hurt me, (even though he very well could have), I was more worried about turning into him, and hurting him.
Glad you are getting a free cell phone. Keep it where he will never find it, and where you can always access it when you need to.
Here with you today to hold your hand if you need it or just a shoulder to lean on.
((((((((hugs)))))))
Taking back what is mine!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Ky
Posts: 277
I have always had a good grip on my anger, I can count the times I have "Blown up" on one hand and Ive never resorted to violence against someone else other than when I scratched his arm trying to get my cell phone back from him and it wasnt purposeful. Last night I didnt even think before I shoved him and it did nothing, I weigh all of 100lbs so its not like I could do much against him if he really wanted to hurt me, I didnt think oh it will set him off more, its wrong, im doing what he does. My anger just took over and I went into self defense mode almost. I dont want to lose myself like that, not a good feeling. Far cry from what I wouldve done a few months ago though. I think I need that anger to push me to do what I need to do but I cant let it go unharnessed like that. I agree with you, I am worried I am going to end up hurting him, turning into him because of all the build up over the last few yrs. I did apologize but I really cant believe he said he would call the cops, I told him to have at it, in fact please do maybe I should. That stopped his drama and he went to bed.
I am going to tell her and everything else too, I hadnt gone into my story much with her yet as I hadnt really had the chance. I am about to go ahead and call her back. I was thinking I will hide the phone in the spare tire compartment of my jeep as he would never look there but I didnt think that it might make it hard to get to it fast if I need it so I am going to have to rethink that and try to come up with a new place.
Thank you all for the support, I look forward to coming here every morning now. Its my sanity at this point, some where I can trust and helps push me forward more. Stepping out of my comfort zone is really hard but its easier when I have the support from here cheering me on. <3
I am going to tell her and everything else too, I hadnt gone into my story much with her yet as I hadnt really had the chance. I am about to go ahead and call her back. I was thinking I will hide the phone in the spare tire compartment of my jeep as he would never look there but I didnt think that it might make it hard to get to it fast if I need it so I am going to have to rethink that and try to come up with a new place.
Thank you all for the support, I look forward to coming here every morning now. Its my sanity at this point, some where I can trust and helps push me forward more. Stepping out of my comfort zone is really hard but its easier when I have the support from here cheering me on. <3
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 380
Originally Posted by Sadconfused 
I have always had a good grip on my anger
Just wanted to post and let you know that what you have done in the past day or so are NOT baby steps. They huge, giant leaps forward!!!
Don't give up. Keep trying to get a hold of her.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear Sadconfused---yes, you need to be mindful not to "provoke" him. The problem is that you could wind up in jail..or worse. You don't need any more problems than you have with this guy (LOL).
I'm hoping that you will tell this to the outreach person--so she can know the urgency of your emotional state. Trust me--she is very familiar with this kind of stuff--the dv folks deal with this all the time. They know the best way to handle things.
You are doing great holding your ground.
I have found that the domestic violence web sites give very good hints and information that one might not, ordinarily, think of (about how to keep safe and avoid "suspicion").
Thanks for keeping us informed!!! we are all rooting for you!
dandylion
I'm hoping that you will tell this to the outreach person--so she can know the urgency of your emotional state. Trust me--she is very familiar with this kind of stuff--the dv folks deal with this all the time. They know the best way to handle things.
You are doing great holding your ground.
I have found that the domestic violence web sites give very good hints and information that one might not, ordinarily, think of (about how to keep safe and avoid "suspicion").
Thanks for keeping us informed!!! we are all rooting for you!
dandylion
Taking back what is mine!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Ky
Posts: 277
I called her and got VM again, left another message. Hopefully she calls back cause I cant do anything over the weekend while he is off work.
Im suddenly sick to my stomach, I can have all the courage in the world while he is gone and even some when he is drunk and raging now but its during the day when he is "normal" that gives me that crappy sad defeated feeling. He belittles what he does so much, he is being over the top nice and caring. I am being the same as I always am. Lunch was civil and then he calls me after he left saying he ran into the other guy and blah blah blah. This wave of sickness comes over me, I see his cycle. I feel like none of his emotions are really true because he isnt "normal" even when he seems like it. Anyways whatever, just a wave. Just a feeling, feel and move on. I am doing the right thing........
You are right, I really need to watch provoking him especially when our daughter is around. I really didnt mean too, it just happen. The stress on me gets me sometimes, I feel like a volcano on the brink of explosion sometimes when he is quacking. My dad is also always in the background, he doesnt bother as bad but he is a huge downer, all he does is complain. Its just hard to stay positive around 2 drunks that hate each other. Overwhelmed but going on.
Im suddenly sick to my stomach, I can have all the courage in the world while he is gone and even some when he is drunk and raging now but its during the day when he is "normal" that gives me that crappy sad defeated feeling. He belittles what he does so much, he is being over the top nice and caring. I am being the same as I always am. Lunch was civil and then he calls me after he left saying he ran into the other guy and blah blah blah. This wave of sickness comes over me, I see his cycle. I feel like none of his emotions are really true because he isnt "normal" even when he seems like it. Anyways whatever, just a wave. Just a feeling, feel and move on. I am doing the right thing........
You are right, I really need to watch provoking him especially when our daughter is around. I really didnt mean too, it just happen. The stress on me gets me sometimes, I feel like a volcano on the brink of explosion sometimes when he is quacking. My dad is also always in the background, he doesnt bother as bad but he is a huge downer, all he does is complain. Its just hard to stay positive around 2 drunks that hate each other. Overwhelmed but going on.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Originally Posted by Sadconfused
Im suddenly sick to my stomach, I can have all the courage in the world while he is gone and even some when he is drunk and raging now but its during the day when he is "normal" that gives me that crappy sad defeated feeling. He belittles what he does so much, he is being over the top nice and caring.
Taking back what is mine!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Ky
Posts: 277
Originally Posted by Wisconsin
I dealt with this kind of thing A LOT, and learned that I had to detach not just from the crazy alcoholic behavior, but also from this fakey fake niceness. I don't take the crazy alcoholic crap personally, but I don't take the nice stuff personally either. Because it's all coming out of the mouth of someone who is very, very sick right now.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Hi there,
In one of your posts you said you had 2 #'s for the local DV and a cell phone #. Just so that you feel better about yourself right now, call one of the other 2 #'s that you have. This way you will still feel like you are making progress,
When you call just say that you are feeling a little scared or shaken up right now, and you just wanted to talk to someone.
In one of your posts you said you had 2 #'s for the local DV and a cell phone #. Just so that you feel better about yourself right now, call one of the other 2 #'s that you have. This way you will still feel like you are making progress,
When you call just say that you are feeling a little scared or shaken up right now, and you just wanted to talk to someone.
Taking back what is mine!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Ky
Posts: 277
He wants to go out and get our daughter her costume and take her to chuck e cheese. He is only doing it because he feels bad. I dont want to go but I will have too. Should be fun for her at least as long as we can not argue and bicker. Would it be annoying if I call her back again before 5 if she doesnt call? I want to know something before the weekend so I have a little more encouragement to make it through those weak crappy feelings.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
No, it would not be annoying, and if you can't get her call the other number. Just ask them, tell them that you have been trying to reach her, but you are unable to, perhaps she took a vacation day today.
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