The good life
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
The good life
I spent so many years (14) married to a narcissistic alcoholic and have now spent 4 years decompressing from that experience, and I want to share some of what I am experiencing about life post-A.
I moved myself and my kids 200 miles away from the homeplace where my XAH is stuck with his parents in their triangle of codependence.
I have a lot of friends here and a really busy social life. I have three young children so most plans include them, of course. I have re-discovered the dinner party and the company of fun people. I have rediscovered the joy of laughing til your side hurts. I have a special make friend who stops after two glasses of wine and while cooking all day for my party, chooses water to drink. He enjoys a nice margarita but doesn't look for excuses to drink.
He says nice things to me and doesn't pick fights. He sends text messages that make me laugh, and when I said "hearing you talk about X makes me see that Y..."
and he responded "I'm sorry - I should be more sensitive" and I thought "WHAT?!?!" You aspire to be sensitive and not hurt my feelings? If I say I need something, he thinks of a way for me to have it.
When he leaves the house after a dinner party at night, he leaves a playlist on the ipod that he thinks I will like.
He tells me that all the mean things the AX used to say to me are "simply not true."
It's a 180 reversal from anything I'm used to. And it's really, really nice.
I moved myself and my kids 200 miles away from the homeplace where my XAH is stuck with his parents in their triangle of codependence.
I have a lot of friends here and a really busy social life. I have three young children so most plans include them, of course. I have re-discovered the dinner party and the company of fun people. I have rediscovered the joy of laughing til your side hurts. I have a special make friend who stops after two glasses of wine and while cooking all day for my party, chooses water to drink. He enjoys a nice margarita but doesn't look for excuses to drink.
He says nice things to me and doesn't pick fights. He sends text messages that make me laugh, and when I said "hearing you talk about X makes me see that Y..."
and he responded "I'm sorry - I should be more sensitive" and I thought "WHAT?!?!" You aspire to be sensitive and not hurt my feelings? If I say I need something, he thinks of a way for me to have it.
When he leaves the house after a dinner party at night, he leaves a playlist on the ipod that he thinks I will like.
He tells me that all the mean things the AX used to say to me are "simply not true."
It's a 180 reversal from anything I'm used to. And it's really, really nice.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 57
Oh man, I've been with mine for almost a decade, and our whole marriage is in the beginning stages of crubling...and it's excruciating. I'm so thankful to hear that others have made it through to the other side. I'm in the most difficult struggle of my life just trying to accept that he is who he is and that I can't do anything to change him into the caring, honest, trustworthy person I want him to be. Thanks for this post.
Oh Stella your post actually made me cry. I too was married to a narcissistic alcoholic. The marriage fell apart recently and I was totally devastated as I thought he was the love of my life.
Your post has given me some hope that one day I may meet someone else who treats me so much better than the hell I have been living for the last couple of years...thank you!
Your post has given me some hope that one day I may meet someone else who treats me so much better than the hell I have been living for the last couple of years...thank you!
Great share Stella. I am 3 yrs out from my ex addict narc and once the fog cleared, I discovered new and healthy people.
I had a few relapses but am now in full recovering. My life has one a 180. The only way to do it is to get up and do it.
I had a few relapses but am now in full recovering. My life has one a 180. The only way to do it is to get up and do it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: acceptance
Posts: 126
I often day dream of the future and one bad day can make me doubt my dreams/hopes for the future. Posts like yours help keep my mind in a better place and know that someday I will be in a happier place.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing.
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