Understanding and Supporting boyfriend as he works the Steps
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
The biggest gift of this forum is that one gets to gave feedback from third parties who have no stakes in the situation. What you get is an honest and sometimes seemingly brutal assessment of what you post. Unlike real life friends and families, we do not have any agenda aside from helping someone who's shoes we have walked in.
We do not have to worry to people please, to offend and destroy a friendship etc. therefore when we post here, we get plain honest advice and feedback with no sugarcoating.
When I want someone to pat me on the back and tell me that what I am doing is marvelous and everything will work out and be peachy I call my BFF: she loves me dearly and would never want to hurt my feelings, actually I am pretty sure that if I told her I flipped out on someone and punched them on the nose, she'd say its their fault for having a nose LOL.
When I need a cold look from a third party so I can keep working my program and not sink into codie insanity, I post here.
We do not have to worry to people please, to offend and destroy a friendship etc. therefore when we post here, we get plain honest advice and feedback with no sugarcoating.
When I want someone to pat me on the back and tell me that what I am doing is marvelous and everything will work out and be peachy I call my BFF: she loves me dearly and would never want to hurt my feelings, actually I am pretty sure that if I told her I flipped out on someone and punched them on the nose, she'd say its their fault for having a nose LOL.
When I need a cold look from a third party so I can keep working my program and not sink into codie insanity, I post here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 352
Just been sat here trying to empathise with you and have been thinking about how I'd honestly feel if my partner wanted to meet his exes to apologise....
Honestly? I think I'd HATE it. I think I'd be jealous and I think I'd want to know exactly what he was going to say. This isn't even happening to me and even reading that makes me think "wow, I can be so controlling at times!". But I do see where you're coming from and I think it's probably quite common. I suppose by the time an alcoholic gets to step 9 as a partner you would've seen so many positive changes in them that you might just trust in the steps and what they're doing and know that it's going to make life better for your A and therefore indirectly yourself.
Honestly? I think I'd HATE it. I think I'd be jealous and I think I'd want to know exactly what he was going to say. This isn't even happening to me and even reading that makes me think "wow, I can be so controlling at times!". But I do see where you're coming from and I think it's probably quite common. I suppose by the time an alcoholic gets to step 9 as a partner you would've seen so many positive changes in them that you might just trust in the steps and what they're doing and know that it's going to make life better for your A and therefore indirectly yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
Hi Scarlett,
I agree with Dandelion in that it's probably pretty normal to feel a little twinge of discomfort(doesn't even have to be labeled jealousy) at thought of BF meeting up with XGF. I don't think I'd be completely at ease with it either, at least not the first time it happened. Doesn't make you a bad person!
IMO, time will tell, you'll have a better grasp on this after he's had a first meeting with one of these women. You can reassess your feelings at that time. You might find it's not as hard as you think it will be.
I agree with Dandelion in that it's probably pretty normal to feel a little twinge of discomfort(doesn't even have to be labeled jealousy) at thought of BF meeting up with XGF. I don't think I'd be completely at ease with it either, at least not the first time it happened. Doesn't make you a bad person!
IMO, time will tell, you'll have a better grasp on this after he's had a first meeting with one of these women. You can reassess your feelings at that time. You might find it's not as hard as you think it will be.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
