choublak

It's not a very long ride over there.

She pulled a fast one though. Came to our door asking if SHE could have a ride, like it was going to be just her, and then when my boyfriend went out there with his keys to get in the car, she brought her kids out.

wicked

Yeah, I am curious about that too.

choublak

I don't even have anything against her kids; it's not the kids that are the problem here. I'm now thinking she probably pulls that kind of stunt regularly.

fedupbeyondall

Wow. This made me think about a time many, many years ago when I first moved to a big city (grew up in a tiny farm town). I had this neighbor who was very nice, a bit over bearing, but nothing I wasn't used to growing up in the country. She would ask for rides occasionally and I obliged. One day she had a friend with her and wanted a ride, I had just gotten in from work and had my checkbook and work stuff sitting in the front seat so tossed it in the back and her friend got in the back while she got in the front. Well, a few days later a bunch of checks started hitting my bank account. What a complete mess. She literally ripped a handful of checks, duplicate and all, out of the book. What a mess that was to get corrected and stopped before checks started bouncing.

Come to think of it, I think that was the last time I have ever given a neighbor a ride anywhere.

fedupbeyondall

And, yeah she sounds like a total creeper and I would steer as clear from her as possible. Just sounds like a bad situation getting ready to happen. I'm always suspicious of people who seem "too nice" tho.

wicked

Oh yes, and this is just the beginning.

Please try to avoid doing anything for her.
Something is not right here.

Beth

aasharon90

I may have missed something you wrote,
but I was thinking the same thing about
them having 2 cars and she said she didn't
drive. How did both cars get to the apt.?

Were they towed in? Or did she drive one
car and the husband the other?

Remember you are not obligated to do
anything for these folks, strangers. Even
for the kids. They are not your responsibility.
Right? So they can ask all they want and
you guys choice to say no with no explaination
needed. Right?

lillamy

I think you're spending way too much time worrying about something that really shouldn't even be on your radar. I wouldn't waste another minute thinking about or talking to this woman.
You have no obligation to answer your doorbell or your phone just because someone rings.
You have no obligation to drive her to the store, babysit her children, cook with her, or explain to her why you say no.

I agree that the biggest question here is why you are trying to figure out ways to not offend her when she's the offensive one.

choublak

I'll just pretend to be on the phone whenever I see her outside. Ha!

choublak

Not answering the doorbell seems passive-aggressive.

ZenMe

Who cares what it seems like as long as she is out of your life. I had neighbor like this and I had no problem telling her to leave and no. If you can't handle a neighbor like this then you really need to stop and think about why you already feel indebted to her.

She's trouble and you have enough to worry about if you are on SR =)

Will you invite trouble into your life and home or will you leave the door shut?

Kat60

You have NO obligation to her or her family. You have NO obligation to tell her why you say no, don't answer the door, or anything else for that matter.

I don't explain to anyone why I don't answer the door. It ain't nobody's business but my own. Same with my phone. Sometimes I answer, sometimes I let it go to voicemail. My life, my choice with who and when I want to engage.

I would stay as far away from that situation as I could. And I certainly don't think it is prudent in any way for your boyfriend to be in a car with her alone with her children. The stories she could create around that if she were so inclined (or pissed off) could be far reaching and scary!

Don't be afraid to say NO.
I once heard an expression that stayed with me forever. "No is a complete sentence"; which means that you do not have to explain it or make excuses for why you say it. Just No is ok!!

They managed before they moved in below you and they will continue to manage after you stop engaging.

Good Luck!!

Kat60

No, I don't think choosing not to answer the door is passive aggressive at all...

Passive-aggressive behavior is behavior that expresses aggression in an indirect, passive way. This includes procrastination, hostile jokes, stubbornness, resentment, sullenness, or deliberate/repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible.

Argnotthisagain

Better discuss Boundary Enforcement ideas with your boyfriend! !!!!!!

Agree together what you rules you will enforce and stick with.

choublak

Funny story...

When my boyfriend was driving her to the grocery store, she started telling him about all these problems she's having with her laptop. Boyfriend is good at fixing laptops; he's the unofficial go-to guy among his family and during holidays his mother, sisters, always somebody going to him with computer problems. He almost started explaining things to the neighbor "oh you just need to do xyz..." but thought better of it and didn't say anything.