aasharon90

I may watch too much crime stories
on tv that are very much true, and
am very precautious now adays. There's
so much craziness out there in the
world that I find it safer to mind my
business and stay safe and sober.

I don't even answer the door anymore
when the doorbell rings because I don't
like confrontations. That includes the
mailman sometimes.

I hear from time to time about people
posing as officers or delivery people
and they are really criminals dressed
in disguise.

If I don't know someone by their name
or personally know them, then they are
all strangers. And what have we learned
about talking to strangers?

It really is sad in todays time with all
the crimes, drugs, shootings, robberies
and so on that you can never be too safe.

Whose to say that these new neighbors
are not wanted in another state for something.
They may be looking for someone vunerable
to target and take advantage of.

Once I open the door out of kindness to
someone, I always feel like im being taken
advantage of. They never know when to
quit asking, bothering, disturbing me.

For me, I like my solitude and peace of
mind while enjoying my recovery safe
and sound with guidance and protection
from the Man upstairs.

Be safe and well. And you never have to
open your door if you chose not to. In
fact, if you want to put a No Soliciting
sign outside ur door like many businesses
do, don't hesitate.

aasharon90

You know, I had a moment to really
reflect back on ur topic while doing a
chore and thoughts began to come
back to me about an incident or
experience I had yrs ago.

We had some apts. behind our little
garden home where my little family
lived before relocating to Tx.

A man asked us if he could borrow a
tool to fix his truck and because my
then husband was more trusting of
people than I was, let him use it and
gave him permission to use the tools
whenever he needed to. Until we had to
go retrieve them for our own use. Then
we made sure the shed door was locked
and that may have pissed the neighbor
off......anyway....

The tools where in a tool box in our little
shed under the car port. One day we saw
that the shed door was wide open and
noticed my husbands tool box was gone.

We as a family who trusted the nice, friendly,
kind man confronted him asking if he knew
where our tools were and he said no. We told
him they were missing from the shed and the
door was open. We believed him when he told
us he didn't know where or who took them.

Little did we know, just feet away from us, the
tool box was inside the back bed of another mans
pick up truck that we didn't notice and had
simple driven off quietly without suspicion
right under our noses.

The man in the truck was the friend of the
man we trusted. So lesson learned....I don't
trust many people, esp. if I don't personally
know them. And never loan ur tools out
because you may never het them back or
in the same shape as they were when you
first loaned them out.

Seren

Perhaps politely tell her that you have so much work to do that you can't really talk now...school work, regular work, whatever. So sorry, have a great evening!

Hammer

Back to the start.

Yeah, Crazy is Crazy.

Sort of sounds like my family could be your new neighbors.

choublak

The doorbell just rang and guess who it was?

My boyfriend answered it, not me.

She (the neighbor) needed someone to drive her to the grocery store, said she would pay them $10. My boyfriend agreed to it, so now they're at the grocery store.

Right now, I probably seem like the bad guy for not wanting to answer the door. But it's more like, I don't touch crazy.

choublak

They have two cars, one of which is here. So she doesn't drive, for some reason...

wicked

I want to validate your discomfort of someone who grabs your hand
(that you offered in handshake) and pulled you outside your door.

That is a violation of your personal space.
Way out of line, and if she doesn't know it, that is HER problem,
not yours.

I feel the same way, "oh, maybe it is just me".
Because I am an introvert too. Normally, my big night out is an
AA meeting! LOL and I do not like it when people hug me
without my express permission (at the meeting).

Well, I have learned to listen to the part of my brain that says,
"wow, I do not like this, do not want this person to talk to me,
and certainly do not want to spend the time to cook and eat with
them."

choublak, as an introvert who has asked herself the same question,
you do not have to be anything at all, other than who you are.
If choublak does not want to be social with an aggressive, pushy
neighbor, then choublak does not have to.

You owe her nothing.
If she wants to get to know you, well that is on her.
Nothing to do with you really, that is what she wants.
Her wants are none of your business, and it is not your job
to be social.

She mentioned about you "stomping around" when they are trying to
sleep?
Unless you are dropping bowling balls in your apartment
at midnight, you are allowed to walk around all you want.
If she does not want to hear people walking around, then
she needs to move, not your problem again.

How ridiculous of her to think that in an apartment with
thin walls that it would be silent. Geez.

I think she sees a quiet person she can push around.
Do not allow her any time or space to do that.
This is not social, it is creepy in my opinion.

I love the idea that you are writing, and put a note on the door.
"Writing! Do not disturb!"
If she violates that very clear sign to leave you alone,
then I would take it to apartment manager or management
company.
You are paying for quiet enjoyment of your apartment,
that does not include the loopy lady who wants to cook with you.

I was thinking about this stuff last night too, like aasharon.
People who take advantage just keep doing it.

I understand this might make you uncomfortable, but better
now to draw a line in the sand than try to explain to
someone you let in that they are too much.
I have been there too, and it was tough.
I guess that is why I am reacting so much to your
story.

There is nothing wrong with you choublak.
She has a problem, she is aggressive and pushy,
and does not sound like someone an introvert naturally
wants to be social with.

If she made you uncomfortable at your first meeting,
then I say, do what you can to avoid her.

Thanks for being here choublak.


Beth

chicory

Choub,
trust your gut!

I will just say, yikes, be busy next time. I mean, how did they survive without you, in their lives before they moved there?

dont feel you have to be nice to strange people.

people say I am paranoid sometimes, but I will be a survivor

hugs
chic

wicked

chicory,
after I posted and read that he took her to the grocery store,
I thought the same thing!
they must have found a way to get to the grocery store, bank, Kmart whatever,
before they moved in to your building.
Choublak, please think about allowing these folks into you and your boyfriends
lives.
This ten dollars could cost you so much more.
Yeah, I am a survivor too.
From my experience, that one ride kind of pulled me in, and kept me stuck
for a long time.
They felt I "owed" it to them, once they got used to and used my kindness
and willingness to help someone as the reason I had to continue "helping".

It stopped only when I started asking them for money.
<snicker>

Beth

choublak

I don't know, her husband is a "big wig" (her words not mine) and drives a company car, he works for the local electric company or something...yeah she told us her husband is "one of the big wigs" not really sure why she was telling us this.

NWGRITS

Any chance you might see the husband and can talk to him? Just let him know that she came to you and seemed to be acting odd. You just want to be sure she's feeling ok. Honestly, I'm getting a vibe of overbearing spouse and she takes any opportunity to talk to people when she can. Coupled with some existing mental illness and you've got a real basketcase. Still, it's creepy. I have a hard time saying no to people too, though. I don't envy you at all.

aasharon90

Both of you can politely say i'm sorry,
and Im busy, like others have suggested,
and close the door. Or don't answer the
door. Once you begin to give in, then you
are forever in their debt. Stand ur ground,
be strong, take care of you and yours,
be safe, and don't indulge or give out
any personal information to them.

Nip it in the bud quickly and before you
know it, they will find someone else to
pick on.

Stick with SR for more suggestion from
fellow members who will guide you to
staying safe.

choublak

Something else that seems strange: she had called a cab in advance to pick her up from the grocery store, so she just needed someone to drive her there. So basically my boyfriend dropped her off at the store, and turned around and came home. The husband apparently got off work in the afternoon, so he came home, switched cars, and picked up the wife and kids from the grocery store. I saw them when they came home in the SUV. The kids went inside and the husband unloaded all the groceries himself while the lady just sat in the passenger seat. She stayed sitting in the passenger seat a little while after the husband had gone inside. Strange.

choublak

I don't know what he would do if I said something to him. Suppose he tells her, and she gets mad, and tries to punch me or something.

wicked

I can only guess of course, but I think she is telling you this
because she has no boundaries.
None.
And whether it is mental illness or just plain bad manners,
you do not have to deal with her at all.
I have had a problem with boundaries too, I would share information
that maybe I should not, waiting for the other person to
share. do not share personal information with her.

Why would a big wig at the local electric company be living in a
thin walled apartment building?
Because he likes to hear people walking around above him?
I would take that with a grain of salt.

I live in an apartment building, my neighbors, well, lets say
they are not any big wigs living here.
(at one time, I think there was a mid level drug dealer, MJ,
but he was arrested and taken out of here. )
My rent is about average for the area, and I have had to listen
to my neighbors dogs howl for hours when left alone.
Thin walls and poor management, thank god the management
is changing.

If I drove a company car, (no car payments) I would lease, rent or
buy a house. Why do they have two cars if she does not drive?
I guess you can't use the company car for personal business.
But wow, she shared a lot of stuff with you, too much for your
very short acquaintance with her.

anyway, the point I wanted to make is what aasharon said,
they will always find another person to do their bidding.

Yes. quickly and quietly stop it.

Beth

choublak

Just to be fair...

I think she was trying to be lighthearted and social when she did this, and it just came across as hostile and weird.

choublak

Haha and my boyfriend was just telling me, "I hope she doesn't ask us to babysit or something in the future"

Talk about foreshadowing...

wicked

It's okay choublak.
I am sure she is not an evil person, just not someone you want to get
tangled up with.
I think it came across as hostile and weird because,
it WAS hostile and weird (to me).

I can be lighthearted and social, but it would never
include touching someone, in any way, shape or form.

If a man had grabbed your hand and pulled you out of your
house, how would that be any different?
Just something to consider.

Personally, I would consider it an assault.

Way too much, way too soon.

wicked

I wonder what she said to him on the ride to the store?
EEK!
I hope he did not give her too much information!
Or, any information about either one of you.

choublak

I think the question here is, why doesn't she drive?

Actually you can...it's more or less your car...at least with some companies, it depends on the company.