brightstar43

My ex sent me a text tonite saying 'want to know what you want from me no f****** about'. I'm not sure how to respond and I'm not one for text communication. I want for him to address his issues ie. drinking and avoidant behaviour. Don't know what to do.....

m1k3

It really isn't up to you as to whether or not he addresses his issues whatever they might be. He is an adult and he has the right to live his life anyway he wants to.

Now, if he is your ex, why are you texting with him at all.

Your friend,

brightstar43

Always break no contact it's a very dysfunctional relationship. How can I answer what is it you want from me?

m1k3

You don't have to answer. How he lives his life is none of your business to be honest. He's an adult so just let go, let God and move on with your life.

Your friend,

KKE

I'd also say texting is not always the best way to have a conversation about your relationship. Things can get misread and misinterpreted.

Is there any rush to reply tonight? Perhaps sleep on it?

Seren

Ah....hooks. Those little messages, texts, tweets, e-mails that keep us hooked in the world of a dysfunctional relationship.

Does his question really need an answer? Isn't this ground you have covered in conversations dozens of times already?

Whether or not your respond is up to you, of course. What do you think will happen if you DO respond?

brightstar43

I don't think he is going to change. Your right it a a hook to reel me back in

KKE

And usually feel worse afterwards too......

LexieCat

Yup, I vote for NOT taking the bait, and ignoring. Can you block his number?

Seren

He has had 5 years (if I am remembering correctly) to change while the two of you have been in this on-again/off-again relationship. Other than his words, what actions has he taken to become sober?

brightstar43

I think he knows I'm at my limits and he's now the scared one chasing

neferkamichael

Brightstar, Make it clear to him, give up the booze, and whatever else or get lost. Also think about the fact that a recovering addict is almost as dysfunctional as a active addict. Think about yourself first. Rootin for ya.

brightstar43

He's texted to say he's sorry he hurt me so much (he doesn't normally come running with sorrys) and he didn't like seeing me like that, so upset. I don't know what to o I'm so confused

OnawaMiniya

Sounds like manipulative guilt tripping to me, trying to tug on your heart strings.

Is he "sorry" enough to get sober and stay sober? You know the answer.

Sorry he's bothering you.

Peace.

LexieCat

Isn't there a way to block the texts? He is tugging at your heartstrings. Still manipulating, still working on reeling you in.

brightstar43

I'm so confused. I'm going to just try and take my mind off it. I've never been at the stage to block him.....I'm still struggling to accept and let go

KKE

What part of it is confusing you?

If you're not ready to block do you feel strong enough to switch the phone off for tonight?

love4menotu

Hi brightstar-

If you are confused as to what to do.

Just wait.

More will be revealed.

Do nothing for now - if you do have the impulse to respond, wait just five minutes... see if the impulse passes. Then go over in your mind every reason why you left.

No decision is still a decision.

Lyn

spiderqueen

You have told him what you want from him. Time and again. You want a partner who is not drinking, who is actively addressing his addiction and all other problems, who is not constantly undermining your future together (and his very life) with his destructive habits. The only way to say it a new way is to stop saying it.

I understand your confusion and pain, brightstar. I have been at the point you are now several times over the last 3 years with my ABF, I am ashamed to admit. I am a mature, intelligent, sensitive, well-educated person - but you'd think I was a newborn babe when it comes to this.

Stay strong and visualize a future for yourself without this awful self-doubt, without the games, without the disappointments. That's what I am trying to do. Take care.

fedupbeyondall

I'm going to quote Gone With the Wind, "You're a theif who's sory he got caught but not a darn bit sorry he stole".