ZenMe

Most of us have/use Facebook. I blocked my axgf a while back using the privacy settings -> blocking. With all the talk about no contact I figured it is worth mentioning.

This way:
-you won't see any of the pics they are tagged in, or comments
-won't see their replies/likes to any comments from friends
-wont be able to search you or know what groups you are in
-wont be able to see what events you are attending

sadielady

Doing
That
NOW!!!

Thank you, ZenMe. Sheesh, why didn't that occur to me. I have checked his page and that isn't NC. Man.

DreamsofSerenity

Good idea but why not just defriend them so you are never tempted to look at their page and never have to see their photo pop up on your friends' list?

I quit FB. It was too much of an emotional liability for me.

ZenMe

Defriend and block.

If you just defriend you can still See each other On posts and what not. I deactivated my account for a while because xagf was scrutinizing and blowing every like and comment out of proportion. A girl would post " hey haven't seen you in a while hope all is ok" and she would flip.

I should have defriended her and blocked her back then haha.

DreamsofSerenity

I didn't know you had to do both, but now that I think about it, you're totally right!!

izzyrose05

if you block them they are automatically unfriended

AnonK

Ironically, I just blocked my XABF the other day. He wasn't trying to contact me or anything, but it was just too painful looking at his page. He looked drunk in the last picture he posted, though I can't actually confirm this. Even if he wasn't, he didn't look healthy at all. I don't know how seriously, if at all, he's taking his recovery; and I can't keep wasting time hoping.

I also deleted his number and our text message thread from my phone. I did keep our FB message thread; but may let it go one day.

ZenMe

I deleted our text message thread which had gotten pretty long with her one sided texts. When she calls her picture shows up, I also have some pictures of her on my phone. I'm going to get those off my phone today.

fourmaggie

Ya, i am curious why people have face book?I have a bad enough time coming in here with my busy days, never mind being on FACE BOOK

DreamsofSerenity

Agree with defriending and deleting any reminders, BUT I recommend keeping anything negative and crazy you can refer back to on days you find yourself magically thinking about your A.

I recently went back and read through about twenty vitriols from my ex. It snapped me out of missing him pretty damn quickly. I really wish we were allowed to share letters on SR because I would love to share them. They are masterpieces of the alcoholic mind.

AnonK

I know what you mean. I kept the private message thread that we shared during the duration of out knowing each other (2 years). None of the messages were particularly negative, though the last one is a wake up call. When I read it, it reminds me that he cannot give me what I need -- and that I mustn't give him my time and energy.

EverHopeful721

I also have, to date, kept the message thread of every text we ever sent, save for the first few when I had a different phone....however, the only one I ever go back and read is the very last one he sent me, the one that shattered my heart and my world into a million little pieces. It was at my brother's advice that I kept it and go back and read it periodically (and especially when I feel my heart softening towards him again), because it's like a bucket of ice water thrown in my face - it wakes me up and snaps me back to what matters, and what matters is HOW HE ENDED IT. NONE of the good stuff that came before that matters, because when it came down to it, rather than do the right thing, he instead chose a coward's way out, yet even then, managed to add insult to injury by sh*tting on me before kicking me completely out of his life...

AnonK

THIS.

My ex and I literally had this major conversation 72 hours beforehand about how we (meaning I) needed to be more open and trusting of our relationship. How I could talk to him about anything, how he wouldn't hurt me, how he had good intentions, etc.

Then, he started avoiding me.

One day, I get a FB message with "It's not you, it's me. I'm an alcoholic and not good enough for anyone right now. See you later". That was the short version. I texted him about it, because I was at work. I was like "Why are you doing this?". And he just kept going in circles. That was the last I heard from him.

I allowed myself to feel the hurt. Once I began healing, I realized that I didn't need him. He couldn't care less. He was living the life he wanted to live, a life that had no place for me. So, I blocked him and deleted every trace of him except for that message thread.

A reminder, for if he comes back... or if I find myself vulnerable, under the influence of another such man.

Who needs them?

EverHopeful721

^^^^^YES.

Anon, that is almost exactly the same scenario as mine (right outta the A's playbook, as they say). The last time I saw him face to face, he was telling me he still loved me and wanted to continue seeing me (albeit he was also telling me to get the f*** out of his house, too) and the next time I texted him, I got a text back basically saying, "Oh, almost forgot about you, but now that you reminded me, I guess I should tell you that I started seeing someone else." I was just....FLOORED. I never texted him back - I was just shocked and couldn't even gather my thoughts, because I was too busy crying hysterically and screaming from the pain of having my heart ripped out, and that was the last contact we had, four and a half months ago.

And you're right, THEY COULDN'T CARE LESS. I have seen three videos posted of him on FB in the last month, sh*t-faced drunk, singing and dancing and having a grand old time making an ass out of himself as all of his 'friends' laugh AT him (not WITH him, as he likes to believe). And in NONE of those videos does he look for ONE SECOND like he's missing me or feeling bad about hurting me, even though he also professed to never want to hurt me, how he wanted us to always be friends, blah, blah, blah!!

And here I am, STILL trying to pick myself up and put my life back together, piece by piece....all I can say is that this has CHANGED ME, more than ANY OTHER experience I've ever had in my life. But my therapist has promise me that that's a GOOD thing and that my future is going to be SO MUCH BETTER than my past, once I'm ready to embrace it. As you said, Anon, WHO NEEDS THEM?? Not us - we are on to bigger and better things, because we ABSOLUTELY DESERVE it!!

AnonK

My first ex, who I spent a year and a half with pulled this number on me. He moved in with his new "woman", and was like "You can stay here as long as you need". Then one day, he comes in like "I'm tired of your crap in my house. I'm going to put you out"

WTF?

So, I moved the next week. He ended up coming by one day (by my blissful wishing). He was like, "Wow, this is a great apartment. Baby, I wish you hadn't moved out, you can't afford this". Two months before this, I would have been living out of my car if he had his way; now he's worried me affording my rent?

They don't care... they really don't!!!!! I've posted before about how I had reached out to my second ex (the one who dumped me on FB) when I had a car accident. I got no response, and I couldn't understand why. He said he cared. But his actions spoke the truth.

I recently saw a picture of my ex, and he looked drunk or hung over. So much for recovery, right? Granted, I can't be for sure -- since he's pushed me away. But my gut tells me that he's stumbled on his road of recovery.

You and me both. Piecing myself back together has been an extreme roller coaster of raging emotions. I look back and it's like, "Wow, where was my head at?"

It really is a good thing though. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, but about leaning to dance in the rain... and after rain are rainbows. Hate to get all cliché, but it holds merit. If I hadn't gotten myself into these entanglements, I would still be the naïve person I was over two years ago. Who knows what kind of trouble I really could have gotten myself into?

Embrace that future! It's yours for the taking... it's mine for the taking. Our alkie exes have their own futures that they are (or aren't) embracing.

Diva76

Why wouldn't that be allowed?
If you don't mention names, shouldn't it be ok?
Sharing these letters may actually be very helpful....
Can someone offer any clarity on whether or not posting a letter would go against the rules?
I certainly don't want to misinform anyone!

Many thanks,


Linda

AnonK

Linda,

I'm searching for the specific text. However, if memory serves me correctly, the reasoning behind this rule is due to, at least in part, by the expectation that any communication that you had with another person has expectations of privacy.

EDIT: I just found it.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ting-tips.html

Diva76

Thank you, AnonK for clarifying this....
You gave a fine explanation!

All the best,


Linda

Shadydeal

Blocking my XABF and his new girlfriend has been helpful to me! I didn't do it for any other reason other than I knew I didn't need to know anything anymore as thinking I need to know everything has prolonged my healing a great deal. I use to look all the time only causes more pain for me. This way I can't look them up nor could they look me up! I can always unblock I guess but I don't ....if you unblock you have to wait another 24 or 48 hrs to block them again. I have & still considering getting off all together but was recently chairing my class reunion and it was a helpful tool. Now I have reconnected w people & hate to lose that connection. Who knows....I think FB has some positives but many downfalls too!

ZenMe

Well I got contacted by the XAGF again. Texting me how she went on a camping trip, only drank tea, stayed warm with the beanie I got her and how she is 2 weeks sober. Sigh...she can't even keep track of the days right. She picked an arbitrary date that didn't coincide with her I'm sober x days texts. Fact is she hasn't met a new guy that's worth her time so she's still hung up on me. I'm sure she will meet a new guy fast, she's good at that. See how one text sucks me back in?

Now it's time to block her texts/calls. Yawn, had to happen.

I am amazed at the sheer amount of lying. I had another, aha that's why! moment in my car. She would often times get sick from "the dinner she ate" and would puke in my bathroom or hers. Now I realize it's because she had about 3 glasses of chardonnay before I picked her up, plus 2 at the restaurant and bam.

This sounds so bad guys but I don't feel an ounce of love towards her, who the hell is that anyway?

What I really want to do is go over to her place, call her out on her BS, make her admit she's lying and leave her crying on the floor. I know talk about dark right? See how one text brings me to a dark place?

Of course I am not replying to the text message. Did I just hijack my own thread?

+1 to No Contact