ZenMe

For those using android phones I used an app called "Mr Number" free, hopefully it works. Doesn't show me calls or texts and hangs up on the person immediately if they call.

AnonK

Hijack away!

If it makes you feel any better, I always wanted to confront my exes. I even did confront the first one. It didn't help as much as focusing on me did. I found that I held on to the hostility for so long, and I couldn't figure out why.

One day, I saw screw this and thought about me. How is AnonK feeling today? What does AnonK want? It sounds selfish, but I think of me. It's only fair, right? They're not thinking of me... of their family... of anything or anyone other than themselves.

Set the XAGF aside... what do you want, ZenMe? Crop her out of the picture and let's focus on you.

ZenMe

I also blocked a telemarketer who has been relentless. Woohoo. What do I want? To goto bed, get some great sleep and kick ass tomorrow. Have lots to do and accomplish =). Gnight SR.

DreamsofSerenity

AnonK, thanks for clearing up the rules about not posting letters for Linda. I understand the reason for the rule, but also think it would be really helpful if we could share letters. We could compare all the alcoholic BSing; it'd be illuminating!

Anyway, Zen, I don't see how you can possibly hijak your own thread. LOL. Worrying about doing so is kind of codie which is actually a relief to me. I was starting to feel like you were a psychology student posing as a codie on SR to do research.

I totally get wanting to punish the ex! I'd love to leave mine crying on the floor too, and maybe kick him in the nuts as I walk away. It'd also be cool if he could shout after me, "I'm sorry!! Please forgive me!!"

funkynassau

My alcoholic friend unfriended me sometime in the last week, so he beat me to it! I was going to unfriend him. It's a very good idea to block and unfriend those who we cant cope with. My settings are as private as I can make them.

What is actually sad, but a reality, is he has about 3 friends on his facebook page, people who live nowhere near him and he never sees. He's done a good job of alienating most people.

sadielady

ZenMe, your reaction is verrrrry familiar to me, as I had a text or call a day for about 10 days until recently. What I love most about your post is that, even thoug you have that anger, you aren't wishy washy about being pulled back in. Woohoo ZenYou! I've found the same thing, it becomes clearer how pathetic it all is. And easier to see how NO WAY do you want it back. I agree with Dreams you sound like you have a great deal of healthy self-honesty in you. Keep on trucking, find another outlet for your anger with her, sounds like you're already committed to not responding.

I'm glad you're on here. I always enjoy your posts.

izzyrose05

If you didn't care, you wouldn't want to do those horrible things regardless of how much she deserves it. Yea, you care, and you're angry. GREAT FOR YOU! I have found (whether healthy or not), being mad motivates me to work towards my health and sseparation. Eventually, you will find your ZEN! Good for you for not responding!!!!! GREAT JOB!!! I pray I am as strong as you when it happens to me.

ZenMe

Ok small update. I got on Facebook and she still showed up in one of my friend's pictures, because she was tagged but hasn't approved the tag yet. She hopped on their camping trip at the last moment. She is also with a new guy from her home town. Great for her, took her 2 weeks? lol gluck with that one!

I realize now I have had to deal with death lately. My girl (19.5 dog) died last year and it was hard for me. Likewise ending this relationship with my xagf is not just ending it, but once again dealing with the death of a relationship. I believe having to deal with my dog's death, and being at peace with it has helped me deal with this new death. I've always had a problem with death and I'm starting to learn to accept death as a part of life, something like that.

So I have a wedding coming up on Sat where she tried to invite herself and the groom very nicely said they had already sent out the invitations and there was no room for her. If she's there with her new guy I can handle it. My initial emotional reaction to this is to leave, but that's just silly. They are more my friends than hers although we have others there in common. I however do not want to cause any drama on my friend's wedding day. Any advice on this, has anyone had to deal with something like this?

PippiLngstockng

Go to the wedding and tell a friend you can trust that you might need extra support. Feel confident and strong and have fun!

As to FB:

No contact works if you don't have children together. I find I have to keep both eyes open when it comes to stbxah. I read his FB page because then I know what country he's in, i know when he's out with friends when he's lied and says he can't see the children because of work, I can tell when he's drinking sometimes.

I hate having to think about him but I have to know what I am dealing with when it comes to protecting the children.

Otherwise, NC would be a dream.

ZenMe

The wedding went smoothly! Xagf did not show up and it was so pleasant. She did show up to today's house concert. Game On!

DreamsofSerenity

Zen, I missed out on what the house concert was exactly. Was she drunk?

ZenMe

A friend of mine organizes house concerts and another hosts. She showed up for a little while then took off. No she did not drink but I can see that she's been drinking just by the look of her face. I was supposed to get a "20th day sober" text today, said she would text me every 10 days (I never replied). Her new fling or whatever drinks so there ya have it (he was not present). The way I saw this playing out was.

she starts drinking again, she feels like crap because she is drinking again and descends into her hole, hopefully she will get back up and try again. It was pretty interesting we each gave each other space mingling, an unspoken dialog between us. I was actually in a really good space (a 5 hour hike earlier including summiting a peak helped) so that was cool. No scene which was good too, I'll be ok next time I run into her and see her all love dovey with another guy =). I'm committed to myself and I will not falter, can't afford to.

It's so overwhelmingly clear that I can not engage with her. For example if I get a phone call or text out of nowhere with "HELP, I'm going to jump" I call 911, I can't save her. In my case anything I do is counterproductive. I also meditated a little bit on the fact that I really had no other choice but to end this relationship.

LexieCat

Zen, just a thought, here. Do you really need to be getting those text updates on her "sobriety"? Maybe, since you have broken up, it's time to just block the number?

ZenMe

She's been blocked for a while now. I didn't explain it right. When I didn't reply was back 3 weeks ago to her telling me she would send me updates before I blocked her. As for the 911 call thing I was more thinking if she got a hold of me again, nurse called? in other words what would make me break nc. She's dying in the hospital?

My post also stems from someone else can't remember the username handling the x's call for help without saving the person but getting the person to go to the hospital. Had me thinking.

DreamsofSerenity

I can't believe she is with someone else already. That is so classic A. Sometimes I wonder who my ex is with but I have done such a good job at separating myself from him, that I haven't heard anything at all. It must be hard though. I think I'd be okay now but after two weeks? That's intense, Zen. You do know though that it just further proves how un well she is?

funkynassau

Mr Number is a great idea. Thanks for posting it. I did download it and then found my phone already offered such an option, so I deleted it and set up the one on my phone. My no contact person is now on it.

Thanks,
Funkynassau

ZenMe

btw for those using Mr Number/ or other if there is an option to disable notifications and pop ups do so. When I first started using mr number it would hang up/block the text but then show me in a notification it had done so and show the occurrence of it on the mr number log. You also have to uncheck the "save content of texts" otherwise you can go into the log and see the actual text message.

Dreams, yea one thing I worked on was understanding that her doing stuff like that isn't a reflection off my own self worth.

LexieCat

Oh, OK, I understand now. I thought you WERE getting the daily updates.

Sounds like you're doing good! Keep it up!

Diva76

Dreams, yea one thing I worked on was understanding that her doing stuff like that isn't a reflection off my own self worth.[/QUOTE]

Zen, I really admire your strength...
You're absolutely right, her behavior is not a reflection of your own self worth...
It took me FOREVER not to take what happened between me and my guy personally....

Isn't it amazing how these people can toss us aside like it's no big deal?

I'm glad you're doing well...

Linda

ZenMe

Yes it's crazy what they do. Like dreams said it's another indicator that they are not well. I could not break it off with her till I could make peace with the fact that she was going to jump on someone else fast.

Before I unchecked the option "save content" 1 text message made it through to the MrNumber log. Today I have 3 blocked texts (doesn't show me the text content anymore) and 1 blocked call. I saw it in action. The phone rang for like a split second and then hung up on her, it will probably **** her off and get her to stop haha.

I find it odd that she is already messing around, is continuing to drink yet thinks she can still try to contact me for some sort of support or to complain. She doesn't know she has been blocked.

Maybe that's a good tactic for others dealing with this. Tell them "i'm blocking you on my phone and will not even see your texts or calls".