Anyone else's A think AlAnon is a cult?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Muskegon, Michigan
Posts: 131
I live in the Midwest and am surrounded by Christians. I grew up as one but left the faith. I use to be in a relationship with a recovering A who has been sober over 30 years and he still spoke of AA all of the time and with quotes and lived his life in that selfish mode to protect his sobriety. At all costs the AA program becomes the life of the recovering alcoholic. Not sure if it is the same for people in Alanon but it's all based on the 12 steps so I'm sure it's similar. Ive been to Al anon meetings a number of times. When in crisis, it is a huge support and I think the twelve step program is a lifesaver for those that embrace it and as I see it, that can only be a good thing.
However, that said, I do think for people with addictive personalities it's a little like switching one addiction for another and here in the Midwest of America that's a LOT of religion right in the mix.
I suppose if someone is going to be addicted to something that keeps them healthy and sane and living a productive life then it can only be a good thing. But can these very rigid lives always mesh in relationships with people who don't understand it? I think it can definitely be a challenge.
So is it a cult? I suppose that's a relative term and defined by how much it encompasses your everyday life and or interferes with your relationship. Sounds like you both have a choice to make. How important it is for each of you to support the other in your journey through life and the paths you each take. If you can't do it or he can't do it, doesn't make either of you bad...just maybe not so compatible.
However, that said, I do think for people with addictive personalities it's a little like switching one addiction for another and here in the Midwest of America that's a LOT of religion right in the mix.
I suppose if someone is going to be addicted to something that keeps them healthy and sane and living a productive life then it can only be a good thing. But can these very rigid lives always mesh in relationships with people who don't understand it? I think it can definitely be a challenge.
So is it a cult? I suppose that's a relative term and defined by how much it encompasses your everyday life and or interferes with your relationship. Sounds like you both have a choice to make. How important it is for each of you to support the other in your journey through life and the paths you each take. If you can't do it or he can't do it, doesn't make either of you bad...just maybe not so compatible.
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
A lot of people saying the same thing does not a cult make. Especially if what they are saying makes sense. Not like they're making you worship comets, wear Nike clothes, and shack up together.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Originally Posted by lillamy 
Yes, it's a cult. You have been assimilated. Welcome to the Borg. 
Resistance is futile!
I heard that from my ex one time. It was the last time.
I told him my other options were even less appealing than me dropping a dollar in the basket each week.
He actually heard it from one of his crack buddies.
So, consider the source.
I take what I need and leave the rest.
Lexie already explained all the other stuff so well.
there are some who troll the internet just to hit up on sites like these,
(recovery sites where 12 steps are discussed)
"just asking questions".
hehehehe, i heard this on another forum, they called it
jag-ing off
(pronounced jack)
just causing a stir, because that is what trolls do.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: NSW, Australia
Posts: 197
Well I have a slight variation for you 
My son recently did his second self referred stint in rehab. He is neither an alcoholic nor a pot addict but he does abuse both & it's not a big jump from where he is to outright addiction & he knows it.
His more outstanding personality features are his intense desire to control, manipulate, disrupt & then take command of every situation & relationship he is in. And true to form, he found a way to do it in rehab. He took exception to the compulsory AA program, the idea of "defects" was repulsive to him & he thought it demeaning. He also strongly objected to the concept of declaring oneself an alcoholic when one had not consumed alcohol for years ... there was other stuff ... I let it just float over the top of me when I got the rants. Anyway he staged a revolution & managed to get not only many clients to revolt but also convinced many staff members that it was wrong. He actually had the rehab policy regarding compulsory AA attendance changed. Vairous staff members were fired or resigned & everyone - workers, management & clients, took sides as the battle raged. What a drama.
Because of the knowledge & experience I have gained as the result of my years reading here on this board, I was able to watch what was going down, see & understand what he was doing (he's only 22, but this has been his life long pattern), sit on my hands & do nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Now that is recovery And I learned it here Thank you - all of you.
My son recently did his second self referred stint in rehab. He is neither an alcoholic nor a pot addict but he does abuse both & it's not a big jump from where he is to outright addiction & he knows it.
His more outstanding personality features are his intense desire to control, manipulate, disrupt & then take command of every situation & relationship he is in. And true to form, he found a way to do it in rehab. He took exception to the compulsory AA program, the idea of "defects" was repulsive to him & he thought it demeaning. He also strongly objected to the concept of declaring oneself an alcoholic when one had not consumed alcohol for years ... there was other stuff ... I let it just float over the top of me when I got the rants. Anyway he staged a revolution & managed to get not only many clients to revolt but also convinced many staff members that it was wrong. He actually had the rehab policy regarding compulsory AA attendance changed. Vairous staff members were fired or resigned & everyone - workers, management & clients, took sides as the battle raged. What a drama.
Because of the knowledge & experience I have gained as the result of my years reading here on this board, I was able to watch what was going down, see & understand what he was doing (he's only 22, but this has been his life long pattern), sit on my hands & do nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Now that is recovery
And I learned it here Thank you - all of you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
Is consistantly...
...exercising an addiction? Consistent dietary habits? Consistently going to Church? Going to therapy? Breathing?
Doing something all the time to maintain health, sobriety or sanity, I would argue is not an addiction.
Having said that, people who are addicts/alcoholics were introduced to addiction the first time they learned a pill or medicine could make them feel better. Children's aspirin is a gateway drug for them. A real addict can be addicted to ANYTHING, and I'd much rather have them manifest their addictions in a way that does not injure them or others.
My two cents.
Cyranoak
Doing something all the time to maintain health, sobriety or sanity, I would argue is not an addiction.
Having said that, people who are addicts/alcoholics were introduced to addiction the first time they learned a pill or medicine could make them feel better. Children's aspirin is a gateway drug for them. A real addict can be addicted to ANYTHING, and I'd much rather have them manifest their addictions in a way that does not injure them or others.
My two cents.
Cyranoak
Originally Posted by Crazed
I have to say, Izzy's comments hit home with me. At what point does AA or AlAnon become the addiction, and merely one addiction substituted for another. .... Granted one is more healthy without the drinking consequences....
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
AL ANON to me is a healthy ways to deal with me and my reactions and the life with an A/NA...
i am going through the same thing but my A is in RECOVERY for 7 years...
my AL ANON program gave me a BACK BONE, to stick up for me and not listen to his crap...
it also helped my set healthy boundaries for ME and STOP THE ENABLING and keeping away from such toxic "things" in my life(or shall i say the crazies )...
I am POWERLESS due to people, places and things!! not only to the As and NA of my life....
i am going through the same thing but my A is in RECOVERY for 7 years...
my AL ANON program gave me a BACK BONE, to stick up for me and not listen to his crap...
it also helped my set healthy boundaries for ME and STOP THE ENABLING and keeping away from such toxic "things" in my life(or shall i say the crazies )...
I am POWERLESS due to people, places and things!! not only to the As and NA of my life....
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
Originally Posted by LexieCat
I don't doubt there are some people for whom Al-Anon or AA becomes an unhealthy obsession, just as work or a hobby could be. I personally don't know any.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Bournemouth
Posts: 3
I went to an Al Anon meeting as the partner of an alcoholic - I was at my wits end having a nervous breakdown and need to be able to talk to someone - over half of the meeting was quoting religious texts, and then listening to other peoples stories, there was no chance to discuss my situtaion at all with anybody
I did not like the religious part of it and never went back again, talking about the 12 steps was not going to help me, I needed help and advice, a chance to talk, none of which was vailable , for me a complete and utter waste of time
I did not like the religious part of it and never went back again, talking about the 12 steps was not going to help me, I needed help and advice, a chance to talk, none of which was vailable , for me a complete and utter waste of time
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Rayuk,
You misunderstand the purpose of the meetings. The meetings aren't the place to talk about your personal problems. But there is plenty of time before, after, and in between meetings to talk with individuals in Al-Anon about your problems--and lots of helpful, loving people who would be happy to do that.
The Steps that you think would be "unhelpful" are actually the key to getting your life on track and staying there. Meetings focus on the solution, not the problem.
You misunderstand the purpose of the meetings. The meetings aren't the place to talk about your personal problems. But there is plenty of time before, after, and in between meetings to talk with individuals in Al-Anon about your problems--and lots of helpful, loving people who would be happy to do that.
The Steps that you think would be "unhelpful" are actually the key to getting your life on track and staying there. Meetings focus on the solution, not the problem.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
The bottom line for me is that Al-Anon is helpful for many people, but not for others. Many here advise trying several different meetings to determine if there is one that is a good fit for you. Not all meetings or groups are the same.
If you decide that Al-Anon is not for you, there are many other options available for support including individual counseling, and various in-person or on-line meetings through SMART, Rational Recovery, LifeRing, SOS or other programs. Many members use SoberRecovery as their primary means of support.
Since the original poster's question has been answered many times over and has, frankly, been lost in the criticisms and defenses of Al-Anon, this thread is now closed.
If you decide that Al-Anon is not for you, there are many other options available for support including individual counseling, and various in-person or on-line meetings through SMART, Rational Recovery, LifeRing, SOS or other programs. Many members use SoberRecovery as their primary means of support.
Since the original poster's question has been answered many times over and has, frankly, been lost in the criticisms and defenses of Al-Anon, this thread is now closed.
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