KRA

I have 2 sisters, one of whom died last month. I'm just finding this out today. She's had a service, been cremated, and had her ashes scattered. I missed everything. My other family was "too busy" to tell me.

I found this all out because I called my brother to wish him a happy Father's Day and ask how my sister was doing because she stopped responding to my emails.
She lived in a different state.

If there is an award for dysfunctional families, I've just won it.

Yurt

Dear Lord, I am so sorry for your loss. KRA, I also come from a family where communication only occurred when it was convenient for THEM. I am just so sorry...

Soberpotamus

Wow, just wow.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sometimes I wonder if this is going to happen to me when my grandfather finally dies... I come from a nutty family too.

Sending you warm thoughts of peace and love as you grieve the loss of your sister.

Springs

I am so so sorry for your loss. Would it feel good to you to do a mourning ceremony of sorts yourself or with someone you trust? Maybe release a candle onto water or write a goodbye and say it out loud in a place that is special to you?

bless5

So very sorry for your loss. Hugs!

NTurn

Im so sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you ..hugs

LexieCat

I echo the "wow." I'm so sorry for your loss, and that you had to find out about it this way, so long after the fact.

I agree that having your own "memorial service"--even if it is going to a beautiful place and meditating alone, might provide a bit of comfort.

Hugs,

peanut44

Holy crap!!!!
That's just not right. It doesn't matter how dysfunctional a family is, they should've told you!!!

I'm so sorry

KRA

I have my issues, but I consider myself functional, especially when compared to the rest of my family. My sister who passed was the only other functional person in my family. She wasn't addicted to anything, didn't have a personality disorder, had a job, etc.

My family sucks and I know I should go out more so I can meet new people and create my own functional family. I think I may have just found my motivation.

peanut44

About a month ago, i found out thru a text that my step dad had a stroke. We used to be very close.

My mother was not going to tell me. I can't even imagine how devastated i would've been had he died.

Again, I'm sorry for you. That just blows my mind!!

dandylion

Dear KRA, I will confess to you that I am crying as I am typing this for you. Certain ones in my family are just distorted enough to do this very thing--tho, I hope not. I see myself in you in a sort of way.

My heart truly is going out to you. Consider, as the others have said, honoring her memory is some special way. I believe it will bring you comfort.

When my husband died--my extented family got together and made a pact not to tell me that my favorite cousin died, shortly afterward. She and I spent a l ot of our childhood together. I found out 6mo. later, when my sister called to confess to me. I asked her why they didn't tell me---she said they all agreed that it would "be too hard to know". Many years ago when my grandmother died--we were very close as she largely raised me--I love her dearly--My sister called me to tell me the news---but, warned me not to tell h ow I found out--again, my m other was "afraid to tell me". When my youngest sister died 3 years ago from complications of multiple sclerosis---she had told my m other not to tell anyone until after she was buried--so, my mother h ad a crisis because she tried to "honor my sister's wishes". I rebelled against my mother on that--and came to the funeral and told other family members!! My mother was mad at me for a long time.

I am telling you this KRA so that you will know that you are not alone in having the craziest family alive!!!!!

dandylion

britgirl

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister and equally sorry for the way you found out, so harsh.

My thoughts and best wishes are with you x

ShootingStar1

How unbelievably outrageous. I am so sorry for their madness, and it is truly madness.

When my dear aunt died, I had a private memorial service with a pastor I really liked for me and my children, and it meant the world to us. Her actual funeral was a circus of fighting relatives, and I didn't attend because I would have been attacked viciously. The memorial service my kids and I did truly recognize her life and mourned her passing, and it was healing.

ShootingStar1

irisgardens

I am so sorry for your loss.

I was the 'communicator' in the family...and when Dad died...all communication from them to me died. It was as if I had died...I think I did...and am resurrected...it has been hard...but every time I tell them something...they go silent...so went no contact finally after 13 years.

I am putting virtual arms around you in your loss and glad that you are going to look for your 'functional' family...because they are there and here. I had a hard time 'letting go' but have found that I get so much love from those who love me in my new life...and I can give my love as well without being drained dry.

You are strong...and please receive care and love...in this time of heartache for you.

BrokenBottles

I'm really sorry for your loss. My family is highly dysfunctional as well and I predict a similar thing will happen to me one day.

I'm so sorry about your sister. Your own memorial service is a good idea.

Tuffgirl

I am going to wholeheartedly agree here. I am totally shocked at this. WTF happened that they didn't tell you something like your sister died. I mean, sure, I can understand not telling you she went on a sabbatical to Africa or ran off with the circus, but died?

I'm flabbergasted.

So sorry for your loss - death + dysfunctional family combined.

Seren

KRA, I'm so very sorry to hear about the loss of your sister. What incredible sadness...and then to find out in this way is even worse!

Please accept my deepest sympathies

FireSprite

I am so sorry and am just as blown away as the rest of the posters that your family would handle it this way. I'm sorry that they managed to make a terrible situation that much worse. You should definitely consider having your own private service for her. We recently had one for our friends' little boy because they live many states away and we couldn't go to his services... We released balloons in his favorite colors and watched them soar to the heavens.

BlueSkies1

I am so sorry for the loss of your sister.

I have been in a similar situation although not a sister. Me and some others were excluded because of some other people's agenda.

When you've missed out on the whole thing, you feel very cheated. I know this feeling too.
I put a picture up on my monitor screen, and had coffee with this deceased person for many mornings. I would talk to this person and share my feelings with that photo. It truly helped. I didn't do this to the point of obsession, but for healing time.

theuncertainty

I'm so sorry for your loss, KRA.