You knew/know your life with your A was dusfunctional when...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 42
There were many moments when I realized our lives when completely dysfunctional. At some point I realized that while my friends would sometimes complain about their husbands I never said anything negative about my husband to them. That was because there complaints were normal everyday things while my marital problems were based insanity. No one other than a spouse of an A would believe the crazy things that happened in my home. I couldn't even tell my best friend of 25 years how horrible things were.
Another aha moment was when I realized that although I knew my husband was buying bottles of brandy everyday and I would sometimes find them hidden throughout the house I had never in 10 years of living together ever seen him drink this brandy. I don't know why it took me 10 years to finally realize that not only is it abnormal to hide alcohol it's also a serious problem if the person buying the alcohol is too ashamed to drink it in front of his family.
Another aha moment was when I realized that although I knew my husband was buying bottles of brandy everyday and I would sometimes find them hidden throughout the house I had never in 10 years of living together ever seen him drink this brandy. I don't know why it took me 10 years to finally realize that not only is it abnormal to hide alcohol it's also a serious problem if the person buying the alcohol is too ashamed to drink it in front of his family.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 179
this is all so helpful to read. thank you. it is making me realize just how bad things have been with AH. I started cringing inside when I heard a bottle open, and feeling relieved he went to sleep because the night's unpredictability was over and suddenly, just now I'm thinking about two years ago a friend's boyfriend picked us up from the airport and I thought how amazing would that be to have an SO who would offer to pick you up from the airport. Ugh. These are hard truths.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I admit, I haven't read the other posts, but I will.
I'm an RA, my XABF#3 was addicted to the same drug (crack) that I was.
When I had a good bit of recovery, then relapsed and ended up back with him? I was worried about losing my car (something I was VERY proud of getting).
He told me "F the car, you can make all the money we need (read prostitution) and it hit me...that's it, I can't do this any more.
I left him, came back home, and I've been in recovery ever since (6+ years). Him? He's dead. Smoking that crack pipe was more important than going to a dr. and he died of pneumonia in a crack house.
I was still lurking on SR (2 years or more) but at 6 months clean, I signed on and the rest is history.
I clung to the F&F forums and started working on my codie recovery. I still slip and slide into codie-land, but I don't stay there long, and I have everyone here to thank for that
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm an RA, my XABF#3 was addicted to the same drug (crack) that I was.
When I had a good bit of recovery, then relapsed and ended up back with him? I was worried about losing my car (something I was VERY proud of getting).
He told me "F the car, you can make all the money we need (read prostitution) and it hit me...that's it, I can't do this any more.
I left him, came back home, and I've been in recovery ever since (6+ years). Him? He's dead. Smoking that crack pipe was more important than going to a dr. and he died of pneumonia in a crack house.
I was still lurking on SR (2 years or more) but at 6 months clean, I signed on and the rest is history.
I clung to the F&F forums and started working on my codie recovery. I still slip and slide into codie-land, but I don't stay there long, and I have everyone here to thank for that
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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