Lulu39

I knew a long time ago, which was why I kicked mine out.

However, I was watching TV on the weekend and accidentally clicked over to an episode of "Here comes Honey Boo Boo". Now, I had heard about this family. One of my friends had also recently posted a meme on her FB wall which read: "Honey Boo Boo's Mom has a boyfriend and you're single, just let that sink in."

Anywho, while watching this train-wreck on TV I started thinking to myself:
Honey Boo Boo's Mom's boyfriend is nice to her.
He takes the family on vacation.
He drives them places.
He has a job that he actually goes to.
He's not drunk and asleep on the couch.
His car works, it's not rusting out the front.

Yes people, I realised, yet again, that my life in the past with my A was was dysfunctional when I found myself envious of Honey Boo Boo's Mom. Sigh.

FeelingGreat

Ok I can top that....I was single in a town which had the biggest imbalance between men and women (more men), and when I left I was still single.

dandylion

Dear FeelingGreat---this reminds me of a joke. I asked a girlfriend who had just returned from living in Alaska (small town), where the men greatly outnumbered the women, how the dating situation was. She replied: "The odds are good; but, the goods are odd".
I nearly laughed my ring off!!

dandylion

Tuffgirl

It's not a joke; it's true...a very common saying here. As is "you don't lose your woman, you lose your turn".

I can't top the Honey Boo Boo one, but I can say that as a newlywed, instead of a honeymoon, I took a trip straight to a therapist's office. I knew then...dysfunction junction!

MamaKit

When I began to hope and pray he would leave me for another woman!

MamaKit

dandylion

OMG, Tuffgirl!! You blow me away. I have come to the conclusion that Alaska is n ot for the faint of heart. I almost moved there early in my career because I was so taken by the splendor of the place.

I must say that it is the first time that I have heard that "The honeymoon trip was to the therapist's office!"

dandylion:

EverHopeful721

When the second to the last time I saw him, I had to basically promise that I wouldn't 'talk.' Just come in, give him sex and leave. Of course, when I got there, we did have a somewhat awkward conversation, where he tried to make light of it. But upon leaving, when I tried to bring up something pertaining to the subject of 'us,' he immediately got agitated and standoffish. That's when I realized what he meant about 'not talking.' It wasn't that I couldn't talk at ALL, it was that he didn't want to talk about anything even remotely connected to 'us,' our relationship, our feelings, etc. Because he had already decided that there wasn't going to be an 'us' for much longer....I now know that he had already gotten back with his ex, and he just hadn't been able to let go of the sex with me yet.

I feel really bad when I think about that night....makes me feel ashamed that I allowed myself to be treated in such a degrading manner, and for what....??? LOVE??? No. For what I tried SO desperately for too long to convince myself was love. I wanted so badly to believe that this man loved me back, this man who is so darkly beautiful on the outside, yet so cold and empty on the inside....

butterfly2013

When my AXBF began pouring beer into a coffee mug and drink *while* driving!

Also, even though he has always had a steady, full-time job, he always seemed to run out of money and borrow from family/friends, and yes, even I would lend him money (which I now realize was very unwise on my end!). Yet, he always ~magically~ had money for cases of beer and hard liquor!

wicked

I wish that nice smiley :ghug3 still worked.
Everyone here needs a big squeezing hug.
Maybe include everyone who is a member of Sober Recovery!

I have moments, I am trying to think of one that stuck out most in my mind.
I will be back.
After thanking my HP for my sobriety today on my knees!

Honey Boo-boo's mom has a nice boyfriend!
I want one too!

(menopausal emotional roller coaster, gotta go to that thread too.)

Beth
(your friend at the depot of dysfunction junction)

Tuffgirl

It is the most amazing place - I can't imagine living anywhere else. However, it comes with some strange folks too! Easy to hide in a state this vast.

MsPINKAcres

You knew/know your life with your A was dusfunctional when...

I heard myself pray my exah would hit me so then everyone would understand why I wanted to leave - because then it would be "physical abuse" and it would be ok to leave!

Today I know that emotional and mental abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse and I could have left anytime I wanted to. I didn't need anyone else's approval - just the guidance of my HP.

pink hugs ~

Florence

When the sex and intimacy dried up. When I started realizing he was lying to me. When I started realizing that a lot of his stories were not true or greatly embellished. When I spent night after night locked in the bathroom crying. When I took a swig off his water bottle and was surprised to find it was vodka. When my mind swept over all the dozens and dozens of styrofoam cups and water bottles in the trash and in his car. When I realized his car trunk was full of empties.

CarryOn

Probably no different than anyone else has ever done, but it was an eye opener nonetheless...

Returned home from work at 6pm (after a sh*t day) to find him passed out on the couch - dogs unfed, lights all on, TV blaring. I locked the beer fridge & hid all the hard liquor. Few hours later I went downstairs to ask him a question, he had "awoken from his nap"...didn't say anything about the beer/liquor and I noticed there was a wine glass out, but figured it was SIL's. A horrible fight ensued. I realized later the wine glass was his & the open bottle of wine was in the entertainment center cabinet; he didn't care what he drank as long as it kept the buzz going.

fedup3

When I got back from and out of town business trip and he was passed out on the couch with a pan on the stove smoking. When he would go out of town and I would get all excited having him gone. When his car pulled up in the driveway and my heart sank, ugh. Yep, knew I wasn't living a normies life.

Newlook3

When I came home from a night out, not late, had only been for a meal with friends. He was in, awake just, talking a bit of nonsense. He was about to have the kebab that he had picked up earlier, it was in my oven. Still in the polystyrene box completely melted!

kmkluvr1

We were on a camping trip on the coast, (I will never forget this) Everyone had gone to bed for the night, the fire was almost out, and it was starting to sprinkle, yet my XABF sits out in the dark, in the rain, alone to drink the last two beers, while I am in the tent......waiting. ugh I couldn't believe it, our relationship was still "new"... and yeah it was disturbing

ElegantlyWasted

When she came home wasted, bragged about being able to bag any of her "Millionaire" clients combined with numerous trips to the Casino. I decided to stop enabling; refused to pick her up when she couldn't drive home after drinking and gambling. She still does it and gambles enough that the Casino gives her a courtesy car for the ride home! She now know to call a cab in the morning to go retrieve car. I think that was a healthy boundary/ I didn't do it out of hate. Just Can't deal with the DRAMA! Needless energy sapping, birthed from her own insecurities and resulting need to try to control things in an unhealthy way... Apologies if this turned into a rant, I actually found it a little cathartic.

Hammer

Check. There.

Check way deep there, too.

mmmmkay. Can't admit to crying. My Man-Card would be revoked.



Great Thread, Lulu. I likkkeee you.

My moment was Thursday night. I was setting in this Huge Church Girl Scout meeting. For Summer Camp. Our daughter is going and one parent had to go hear The Rules. Mrs. Hammer was at T or somesuch. And I am sitting there with probably 200 Girl Scout "moms." And maybe two other weenie guys. And my envy meter started maxing out. I am thinking these 200 moms -- none real hawt or anything -- but most any are all I ever wanted. White picket fence, and to Love and Be Loved. At least in my envy-mind. And I am thinking I walked in the Parking Lot of Life and picked out a Lemon. Not about what is wrong with "her," but what in the world is wrong with me?

And then I go to an Alanon meeting. Speaker meeting by some dingbat who did the Stand-By-Her-Man thang. And I am thinking -- Stupid Bytch -- must have got what you deserved.

I wake up still poed on Friday. Come on here and act like an ass, and the Mods tell me to chill-out - or - get the f-out.

So overall, Lulu. Envy aint no place to go. Especially alone. Thank you all for being here.

Great Thread.

wicked

Not by me Hammer.
I will award you a pin for your Man-Card, and give you an extra star for admitting it,
to add to the pin for crying because you are in emotional pain.

I get it too. I was taught that crying was NOT allowed.
I did not get hurt, I did not feel hurt, or the feelings I had were wrong.

So, there is one of my defining moments, Hammer just reminded me.
I realized I was living my mothers life.
I was a mother of young children, (I was sober so my resentments had reached pyramid size)
my husband was cheating on me, and actually took the children with him to visit this woman.
She bought them all McDonald's.
He was also an alcoholic who would barely be able to pick up side jobs as a talented carpenter,
he could have been a foreman for big places, but his crack and alcohol kept him down.

My father was "retired" by the Army because of his problem.
Both of them underachieving, addicted, cheating and verbally abusive spouse
I had to end that for my sake and the kids.
Yep, I was living my childhood all over again. To the letter.

At that time I would have rather chewed off my arm than let anyone see me as vulnerable, but it always comes out.
We (kids and I) had to stay with my in-laws because my ex was running the streets mostly.
My MIL told me I had been crying in my sleep. Really crying, sobbing and weeping.
She said "Honey, I almost woke you up. But I know it was the only way the pain was getting out."

So Hammer, I will not take your Man-Card, just like you cannot take my "I am too strong to cry" card.

I admit to being vulnerable, and you will award me the oak leaf clusters for new found humility and real strength. (Still writing the award certificate!)

Asking for help and admitting our character defects is all part of the big plan.

Agreed on this very much. Thank YOU for being here.

Beth

Scott6433

I felt that way the first time I watched that show. I think it's sad that people place it in the light they do and perhaps those people making fun of that show have more to worry about in their own lives. I agree with you. I watched it just as I used to watch Roseanne. It doesn't matter how much money you have or if your overweight. Those people are living a life of purpose granted be it their own, but they are very family oriented, loving and good to one another. So sure it's quite easy for some let's say some 20 or 30 year old girl to rank on them after an evening at the new trendy wine bar while pathologically updating her status on Facebook desperately attempting to validate her existence to judge a happy functioning family that doesn't have the need to hide behind a drink.