Perhaps I am learning
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Behaving badly myself during fights with AH really helped keep me stuck. If he could get me to lose my cool and fight back, then all of our problems were not just his fault. I behaved so badly at times that I really became ashamed of myself. I slammed cabinets. I called him an idiot. I told him that I hated him. Which at that point I really and truly did on some level.
When we fought, he trapped me in a room and wouldn't let me leave. Then he would say horrible things to get me furious and then my own mean words would fly.
Then I felt that I could never leave him because I would get in trouble myself.
He even said that because I yelled at him in front of the children that social services would take the children away from me.
That's when I vowed that I would stay with him and never open my mouth again.
Stuck. Stuck. Stuck.
Then things got so bad I didn't care what happened any more. I just had to get away from him.
I wish I had never reacted the way I did. I know I was not always kind or encouraging to him. Like other posters, there were times he just disgusted me over the years. I knew he was cheating on me, manipulating me, controlling me.
If I had found this site and Al-Anon earlier, I wouldn't have gone down that road so far. I would have understood the role alcohol was playing in my situation and had some new tools to guide me through.
I used to think I was a really nice person. I never had such trouble with boyfriends. But my father was abusive to my mother and I did say some choice words to him, too. And I felt awful about myself - both because of what he said to me, and because of how I yelled back at him. Stuck then, too.
I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone if it means turning into a yelling fool again.
I agree with SoloJohn. Putting alcohol in the mix really does make everything crazier. Especially when you, as the partner of an alcoholic, don't have a much of a clue what's going on or what to do.
When we fought, he trapped me in a room and wouldn't let me leave. Then he would say horrible things to get me furious and then my own mean words would fly.
Then I felt that I could never leave him because I would get in trouble myself.
He even said that because I yelled at him in front of the children that social services would take the children away from me.
That's when I vowed that I would stay with him and never open my mouth again.
Stuck. Stuck. Stuck.
Then things got so bad I didn't care what happened any more. I just had to get away from him.
I wish I had never reacted the way I did. I know I was not always kind or encouraging to him. Like other posters, there were times he just disgusted me over the years. I knew he was cheating on me, manipulating me, controlling me.
If I had found this site and Al-Anon earlier, I wouldn't have gone down that road so far. I would have understood the role alcohol was playing in my situation and had some new tools to guide me through.
I used to think I was a really nice person. I never had such trouble with boyfriends. But my father was abusive to my mother and I did say some choice words to him, too. And I felt awful about myself - both because of what he said to me, and because of how I yelled back at him. Stuck then, too.
I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone if it means turning into a yelling fool again.
I agree with SoloJohn. Putting alcohol in the mix really does make everything crazier. Especially when you, as the partner of an alcoholic, don't have a much of a clue what's going on or what to do.
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