Is he an alcoholic
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Bronx
Posts: 24
Is he an alcoholic
Hi iam an alcoholic .... I was a functioning alcoholic for many years and then I suffered a traumatic event march 25th 2012 and I could not function. I drank because I couldn't face myself and I couldn't face reality. I drank by myself and only left the house to go to work if I made it to work. I would pass out on my couch most of the time I showered. I have been in aa since may 2012. I have bounced around. I was in and out for some months and then I put some time together I made the 6 month mark and went out again and I've been struggling yet I still attended and tomorrow is my 7th day sober.
Now my husband on the other hand who has been staying at his mothers house. I'm not sure if he is or isn't an alcoholic. He doesn't drink everyday like I had. However when he does its like something, the alcoholic of the family, I have never seen before. At first he is fine and then he starts to sweat profusely and he creates these delusions in his head and starts cursing, slurring, screaming. It kind of looks like a tantrum. One time shortly after New Years 2013 he was drunk and slapped me across the face because I didn't want him to pack up and leave in the middle of the night. There is immediate chaos once his delusions start. He constantly accuses me of having affairs with other aa members. I try to go to strictly go to women's meetings but there are only 2 meetings a week for women only. He gets mad that my childhood friend and his wife go to aa so automatically he envisions I'm having a threesome with them and then acts on it?
My question is he an alcoholic or just over does it? Is he actually hullicinating. I have recorded these episodes that he has on my cell phone and played them back to him the day after and he said i must have said something to set him off. He barely remembers drinking when he does and he starts to ramble. This Friday was the worst arguement ever. He called me every name you could imagine and hates being married to me. He blames me for ruining everything by going to aa. I can't friggen believe aa ruined my marriage. All I want to do is find peace within myself and not drink to quiet out the chaos in side me. Does he mean the **** he says during his blackout episodes or is this the alcohol. I'm very confused. I ve asked him a hundred times to come to a meeting. We took vows when we got married and I feel their just empty promises. I can't really forget the **** he says. How can I rest my head at night with the same man who I love to be touched by hearing "your a *****" "you gained weight ... You remind me of a fat short troll" "why did I marry you" "you don't go to meetings you go to sleep with the guys from the meetings" "I should have my sister break your jaw" "my biggest regret was marrying you".
Now my husband on the other hand who has been staying at his mothers house. I'm not sure if he is or isn't an alcoholic. He doesn't drink everyday like I had. However when he does its like something, the alcoholic of the family, I have never seen before. At first he is fine and then he starts to sweat profusely and he creates these delusions in his head and starts cursing, slurring, screaming. It kind of looks like a tantrum. One time shortly after New Years 2013 he was drunk and slapped me across the face because I didn't want him to pack up and leave in the middle of the night. There is immediate chaos once his delusions start. He constantly accuses me of having affairs with other aa members. I try to go to strictly go to women's meetings but there are only 2 meetings a week for women only. He gets mad that my childhood friend and his wife go to aa so automatically he envisions I'm having a threesome with them and then acts on it?
My question is he an alcoholic or just over does it? Is he actually hullicinating. I have recorded these episodes that he has on my cell phone and played them back to him the day after and he said i must have said something to set him off. He barely remembers drinking when he does and he starts to ramble. This Friday was the worst arguement ever. He called me every name you could imagine and hates being married to me. He blames me for ruining everything by going to aa. I can't friggen believe aa ruined my marriage. All I want to do is find peace within myself and not drink to quiet out the chaos in side me. Does he mean the **** he says during his blackout episodes or is this the alcohol. I'm very confused. I ve asked him a hundred times to come to a meeting. We took vows when we got married and I feel their just empty promises. I can't really forget the **** he says. How can I rest my head at night with the same man who I love to be touched by hearing "your a *****" "you gained weight ... You remind me of a fat short troll" "why did I marry you" "you don't go to meetings you go to sleep with the guys from the meetings" "I should have my sister break your jaw" "my biggest regret was marrying you".
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
I hope the best for you. You are doing well. Day 7 one day at a time. I'd keep the focus on your recovery and safety, and don't try to figure out a diagnosis for him. At this point it wouldn't matter if he's alky or not, you can't do anything to change that, and it wouldn't matter anyhow.
His behavior is unacceptable and you should write up a safety plan, crisis numbers, women's shelter #, let family, friends, church know what's going on.
I think Alanon would be helpful to you along with your AA program. Contact Alanon locally and maybe set up a meeting with women members before a meeting or have someone meet you at the group. You may help someone too by attending.
You need to put your sobriety and welfare first. Please don't keep these things secret, you revealed them here, which is great and I appreciate it, but from what you write you are living with a very sick man, controlling, and abusive.
Accept help from anyone...may your recovery be swift and sure.
His behavior is unacceptable and you should write up a safety plan, crisis numbers, women's shelter #, let family, friends, church know what's going on.
I think Alanon would be helpful to you along with your AA program. Contact Alanon locally and maybe set up a meeting with women members before a meeting or have someone meet you at the group. You may help someone too by attending.
You need to put your sobriety and welfare first. Please don't keep these things secret, you revealed them here, which is great and I appreciate it, but from what you write you are living with a very sick man, controlling, and abusive.
Accept help from anyone...may your recovery be swift and sure.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I don't know what your husband's issue is--it doesn't exactly sound like typical drunken behavior, it almost sounds like he is psychotic. Is there any possibility he is using some other drugs?
Whatever his problem is, YOUR sobriety is the most important thing. He is living at his mom's now? I think for your own safety, sanity, and sobriety you are better off keeping your distance from him. You can't do anything about his problems, but you deserve a peaceful, happily sober life.
Whatever his problem is, YOUR sobriety is the most important thing. He is living at his mom's now? I think for your own safety, sanity, and sobriety you are better off keeping your distance from him. You can't do anything about his problems, but you deserve a peaceful, happily sober life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Bronx
Posts: 24
He went to his mothers Friday. I haven't answered his calls or text messages. He doesn't use other drugs. I forgot to mention also after he finally passes out he wets the bed. I think it's a mental disorder that when he drinks comes out bc he can't control maybe inner rage? I have never seen it. I know plenty of people in the rooms that I knew when they were active I have never seen his behavior from addicts or alcoholics. I'm confused and hurt. I'm trying to focus on me but we have a child who is 7 and I work 25 hours week. I'm not sure if financially ill be okay. I keep trying to focus on just today but its difficult. I thought he might have been jealous that I was able to put time together in aa since he completely makes fun of it. You and your friends pray to door knobs. We're really just people who want to get sober and remembering and sharing helps us to maintain sobriety. Or at least I want to believe that.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Bluetiger, I am familiar with such behavior. I have not been the brunt of it--but, I have been around lots of alcoholics. Binge drinkers can become extremely abusive and violent--and, then, not remember much the next day (blackout). He sounds pretty far along the course of his disease---and you can never be assured how much he is really drinking or what drugs he is mixing with it. Some over the counter drugs will do it.
It is common in co-dependency to minimize the abusive behavior of a partner.
Regardless of the cause--the reality is that you are living with a dangerous man. Hang on to AA like your life depends on it--it does!
Your sobriety and safety are first priority--actually they go hand in hand.
sincerely, dandylion
It is common in co-dependency to minimize the abusive behavior of a partner.
Regardless of the cause--the reality is that you are living with a dangerous man. Hang on to AA like your life depends on it--it does!
Your sobriety and safety are first priority--actually they go hand in hand.
sincerely, dandylion
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