Dealing with homeless XAH
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 237
Dealing with homeless XAH
Hi all! I haven't posted in a while, but I'm facing an issue again that finds me kind of...reverting back to some old bad habits, so I'm trying to get a reign on myself by going back to therapy and finding some support on these boards again. To make an excruciatingly long and complicated story short (aren't they all when dealing with active addicts?), I'm going to attempt to briefly sum up the recent events that find me back here.
I have been divorced from XAH since 2009; we have an 8 yr old dd. Any of you who may remember my story might also remember that my ex becoming homeless was a constant, nearly obsessive fear of mine. Last September he left the Salvation Army after doing quite well there for about 4 months. He said he left because he had managed to set up some job interviews and if he stayed there, they wouldn't give him permission to leave to go to them. I do believe this is true, because I believe they really want their clients to focus solely on their sobriety for the first six months and not even look for outside work. He didn't get either of the jobs he interviewed for; frankly he wasn't qualified for either of them. He is a law school graduate and thinks that that and his intelligence qualifies him to do all of these white collar jobs that really he has no experience in. I don't think he will ever have a "prestigious" job again unless and until he gets and stays sober and builds his career again from the bottom--meaning putting his tremendous ego aside and just doing a decent job at a low-level job that he can actually get and eventually working up. But I digress...
When he left the Sal Army with no money, he told me his plan was to just "go homeless", and I guess that's what he did, with a little detour involving staying at a female friends house for a few weeks until she got sick of his drunkenness and kicked him out. It was around that time that I went no contact with him, after he met up with me to get some of his things I had stored for him, begged me for money, and got angry and abusive when I wouldn't give him any. I told his friend at that time that I needed a long break from him, and that if he wanted to see his dd and could stay sober until Christmas I would revisit the matter then. In December I got an email from him saying that he had a job, was staying at a weekly flophouse in the city, and was having electro-shock treatments done for his depression. I gave him a brief and encouraging reply, and then the next I heard from him or about him was a text from his sister saying he was in jail serving his two-month sentence he was supposed to serve in July 2011 but never did. She said she and another sister had intervened with him and gave him a few options, of which serving the sentence was one. I know both sisters supported him in jail by visiting him and giving him commissary money, and basically told him they would be there for him if he would just get into recovery. This was an encouraging development for me because for a few years there these sisters would have nothing to do with him, so I was glad he had the support. I stayed no contact during this time.
Then he was released at the end of Feb. His sister contacted me and told me that once he was out, he really wanted to be able to talk to dd and maybe see her if he stayed sober. I agreed to this, and had her call him about a week after he was out of jail, and gave him a number that he could reach dd on (not my main phone because I didn't want to have to deal with him blowing up that phone all the time). A week after that, I got a frantic call from him telling me that he was going to be homeless and asking if I would keep his stuff for him. I ignored it and called his sister. She said that they had put him up in a motel but that he relapsed within days so they were washing their hands of him.
While he was homeless and staying in a shelter, I responded to an email he wrote me because I appreciated the direct and self-aware manner of it--he basically said he was a drunk, he didn't know what would make him stop drinking, he wasn't asking for money because he clearly couldn't be trusted with it, but if I could help him with a bus pass in exchange for food he would purchase me on his EBT card, it would help him look for work. I met up with him and did exactly that. He also complained about how the shelter he was staying at did not let them store their bags during the day, so he didn't know what he was going to do with them during job interviews, of which he had two lined up in the following week. He didn't know what to do about showering either, although I did find out that the shelter actually has shower facilities, but that they are gross and communal so he didn't want to use them. I later emailed him and said if he was really in a bind with the bags he could drop them off in my parents garage before he went on the interview and come pick them up later (my parents live near a bus stop and agreed to this).
Wow, I said that would be short, and it isn't, and I'm not even done. Hang on, we're getting there...So brother in law (sisters husband) came into some money, and took pity on him, told him that he was his last chance but that he still believed in him so he was gonna put him up in a weekly motel and drop by occasionally to check that he wasn't drinking, and that if he stayed sober and continued to look for work, he would continue to help him. That lasted for three weeks--he did go on quite a few interviews but got none of them (of course, he's only been looking for about a month). Got a text today from his sister saying that brother in law went by the motel today and he's drinking again, a fact I already suspected because I took dd to go out to lunch with him the day before and highly suspected he had been drinking. Sister says she and brother in law and sister number 2 are all done.
So, now he's going to be begging ME for help again. And it is very hard for me, because I do think that being homeless, particularly in our city which has shelters but not a lot of good programs to get someone back on their feet, tends to trap people and get them in this rut that is very very hard to dig out of. I don't think he was lying earlier about the bag situation, and I can see where that would be a problem with looking for work. I have probably too much pity for him, considering how much he has done to bring it on himself, and I certainly don't want to do anything enabling, but I do think it's a very difficult situation to dig oneself out of with no help. The fact that I can be relatively calm about this and not let it ruin MY life is a testament to how far I've come in my own recovery, because this was literally my worst fear for years and now I know I actually am strong enough to deal with it, and not revert back to all of my old ways,....but it hurts. And is difficult.
I would love to hear other's thoughts on this situation, and if any of you have been there dealing with an alcoholic ex, child, sibling, parent and homelessness, I would particularly love to hear from you.
OK--thanks for reading my magnum opus. I guess that's what not posting for about a year will do for you--give you lots to discuss when you come back
in advance
I have been divorced from XAH since 2009; we have an 8 yr old dd. Any of you who may remember my story might also remember that my ex becoming homeless was a constant, nearly obsessive fear of mine. Last September he left the Salvation Army after doing quite well there for about 4 months. He said he left because he had managed to set up some job interviews and if he stayed there, they wouldn't give him permission to leave to go to them. I do believe this is true, because I believe they really want their clients to focus solely on their sobriety for the first six months and not even look for outside work. He didn't get either of the jobs he interviewed for; frankly he wasn't qualified for either of them. He is a law school graduate and thinks that that and his intelligence qualifies him to do all of these white collar jobs that really he has no experience in. I don't think he will ever have a "prestigious" job again unless and until he gets and stays sober and builds his career again from the bottom--meaning putting his tremendous ego aside and just doing a decent job at a low-level job that he can actually get and eventually working up. But I digress...
When he left the Sal Army with no money, he told me his plan was to just "go homeless", and I guess that's what he did, with a little detour involving staying at a female friends house for a few weeks until she got sick of his drunkenness and kicked him out. It was around that time that I went no contact with him, after he met up with me to get some of his things I had stored for him, begged me for money, and got angry and abusive when I wouldn't give him any. I told his friend at that time that I needed a long break from him, and that if he wanted to see his dd and could stay sober until Christmas I would revisit the matter then. In December I got an email from him saying that he had a job, was staying at a weekly flophouse in the city, and was having electro-shock treatments done for his depression. I gave him a brief and encouraging reply, and then the next I heard from him or about him was a text from his sister saying he was in jail serving his two-month sentence he was supposed to serve in July 2011 but never did. She said she and another sister had intervened with him and gave him a few options, of which serving the sentence was one. I know both sisters supported him in jail by visiting him and giving him commissary money, and basically told him they would be there for him if he would just get into recovery. This was an encouraging development for me because for a few years there these sisters would have nothing to do with him, so I was glad he had the support. I stayed no contact during this time.
Then he was released at the end of Feb. His sister contacted me and told me that once he was out, he really wanted to be able to talk to dd and maybe see her if he stayed sober. I agreed to this, and had her call him about a week after he was out of jail, and gave him a number that he could reach dd on (not my main phone because I didn't want to have to deal with him blowing up that phone all the time). A week after that, I got a frantic call from him telling me that he was going to be homeless and asking if I would keep his stuff for him. I ignored it and called his sister. She said that they had put him up in a motel but that he relapsed within days so they were washing their hands of him.
While he was homeless and staying in a shelter, I responded to an email he wrote me because I appreciated the direct and self-aware manner of it--he basically said he was a drunk, he didn't know what would make him stop drinking, he wasn't asking for money because he clearly couldn't be trusted with it, but if I could help him with a bus pass in exchange for food he would purchase me on his EBT card, it would help him look for work. I met up with him and did exactly that. He also complained about how the shelter he was staying at did not let them store their bags during the day, so he didn't know what he was going to do with them during job interviews, of which he had two lined up in the following week. He didn't know what to do about showering either, although I did find out that the shelter actually has shower facilities, but that they are gross and communal so he didn't want to use them. I later emailed him and said if he was really in a bind with the bags he could drop them off in my parents garage before he went on the interview and come pick them up later (my parents live near a bus stop and agreed to this).
Wow, I said that would be short, and it isn't, and I'm not even done. Hang on, we're getting there...So brother in law (sisters husband) came into some money, and took pity on him, told him that he was his last chance but that he still believed in him so he was gonna put him up in a weekly motel and drop by occasionally to check that he wasn't drinking, and that if he stayed sober and continued to look for work, he would continue to help him. That lasted for three weeks--he did go on quite a few interviews but got none of them (of course, he's only been looking for about a month). Got a text today from his sister saying that brother in law went by the motel today and he's drinking again, a fact I already suspected because I took dd to go out to lunch with him the day before and highly suspected he had been drinking. Sister says she and brother in law and sister number 2 are all done.
So, now he's going to be begging ME for help again. And it is very hard for me, because I do think that being homeless, particularly in our city which has shelters but not a lot of good programs to get someone back on their feet, tends to trap people and get them in this rut that is very very hard to dig out of. I don't think he was lying earlier about the bag situation, and I can see where that would be a problem with looking for work. I have probably too much pity for him, considering how much he has done to bring it on himself, and I certainly don't want to do anything enabling, but I do think it's a very difficult situation to dig oneself out of with no help. The fact that I can be relatively calm about this and not let it ruin MY life is a testament to how far I've come in my own recovery, because this was literally my worst fear for years and now I know I actually am strong enough to deal with it, and not revert back to all of my old ways,....but it hurts. And is difficult.
I would love to hear other's thoughts on this situation, and if any of you have been there dealing with an alcoholic ex, child, sibling, parent and homelessness, I would particularly love to hear from you.
OK--thanks for reading my magnum opus. I guess that's what not posting for about a year will do for you--give you lots to discuss when you come back
in advance
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 237
Did it seem like I was implying that his homelessness was not his fault? Or was not a consequence of his alcoholism and refusal to seek real recovery? Because I did not mean to imply that at all....I am well aware that that is the case. Nevertheless, as a compassionate human being, it is difficult for me to know that the father of my child, a man I once was loved, is living in a homeless shelter and spending the days wandering the city with all of his possessions in a garment bag.
You know how on these boards, no matter how miserable a drunk a poster's ex, sibling, parent or child was, when alcoholism takes their life, we still say we are sorry for the person's loss and wish the poster and the drunk peace? It's kind of like that for me...I can know full well with my brain that his disease and refusal to take responsibility for it are what caused this, but it still makes my heart hurt. Much, much less than it used to, and not in a way that causes me to not have my own personal joy in my life, but it still hurts nonetheless.
You know how on these boards, no matter how miserable a drunk a poster's ex, sibling, parent or child was, when alcoholism takes their life, we still say we are sorry for the person's loss and wish the poster and the drunk peace? It's kind of like that for me...I can know full well with my brain that his disease and refusal to take responsibility for it are what caused this, but it still makes my heart hurt. Much, much less than it used to, and not in a way that causes me to not have my own personal joy in my life, but it still hurts nonetheless.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
MamboQueen,
You have been doing well. You detached, took care of your dd, and yourself.
What I see now, it is HIS problem.
The showers are gross? Tough titty. We (drunks) have to hit a bottom, and maybe, just maybe..... homelessness is his bottom?
Everyone seems to want to stop him from being around "those people".
He is one of those people, meaning he is a drunk just like they are, he cannot get more than 3 weeks sober at a time.
Apparently he still believes that his law degree gives him some sort of special dispensation, it doesn't. But it seems to work on every relative he has.
Let him go. Let him go. Let him go.
Said with deep caring and having been there (trying to save someone from themselves)
Beth
You have been doing well. You detached, took care of your dd, and yourself.
What I see now, it is HIS problem.
The showers are gross? Tough titty. We (drunks) have to hit a bottom, and maybe, just maybe..... homelessness is his bottom?
Everyone seems to want to stop him from being around "those people".
He is one of those people, meaning he is a drunk just like they are, he cannot get more than 3 weeks sober at a time.
Apparently he still believes that his law degree gives him some sort of special dispensation, it doesn't. But it seems to work on every relative he has.
Let him go. Let him go. Let him go.
Said with deep caring and having been there (trying to save someone from themselves)
Beth
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
Read your post again, you will see the pattern for yourself. I have experience with the Salvation Army due to my brother....the A always finds excuses to leave a rehab/shelter. He didn't go "homeless",he found a gal to shack with and then got mad at you for not helping out when she kicked him out. Finds a sibling to put him up in a motel for awhile. Admits to you he's a drunk...hey I need a bus pass. Hey I need somewhere to store my bags. Shower doesn't suit him, because "those" people use them (ugh). Then he gets more family to put him up in a motel again.
Do you see the pattern here? Someone always listens to his excuses, steps in to rescue at the moment even if short term. He is playing you all. Now he's back to you. He's had several interviews according to your post, although you can't be sure.
If you step back into this you ARE enabling. He is an adult. If he chooses a life in the street, give him the dignity to make that choice. Live and let Live. Don't decide for him that it will be too hard to dig out. You're saying that he's not smart enough to do this himself. There IS help out there. He can go to AA and form a network with the people who have been in his shoes. He is choosing not to.
Do you see the pattern here? Someone always listens to his excuses, steps in to rescue at the moment even if short term. He is playing you all. Now he's back to you. He's had several interviews according to your post, although you can't be sure.
If you step back into this you ARE enabling. He is an adult. If he chooses a life in the street, give him the dignity to make that choice. Live and let Live. Don't decide for him that it will be too hard to dig out. You're saying that he's not smart enough to do this himself. There IS help out there. He can go to AA and form a network with the people who have been in his shoes. He is choosing not to.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 237
Yeah, but the thing is, I would complain about a homeless shelter too...I too don't want to bathe in a communal, grungy space. I begrudge my XAH many of his feelings and complaints, but, no one wants that. It is at least our right to complain. I don't know..I wanted to say, first that I thank those of you that tried to get me to see the light in a compassionate way. I feel like the situation itself is difficult enough that I don't have time for people who want to make me feel bad for feeling bad. but in my feeling bad, there has been growth. I have been researching online and found a place that will take an addict in, no money, and just ask them to repay them when they find work. I will pass that info along to my xah. I just, have always, wanted to know that there is an option to seek recovery in. I have perhaps misrepresented my ex's story in the sense that I have NEVER in the past four years excepting these last few months had an ally in his family. all I have ever wanted to feel good about laying my head down at night is the option for recovery being there for him. I feel it may be now, I feel good about it. If he ***** it up, then I did what I could and I can live with it.
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Your ex reminds me of my ex BIL. Actually almost the exact same story except he's been homeless in Key West for several years now. I no longer feel any compassion for him or his self imposed self destruction. I'm proud of my sister for finally giving up on him and breaking all contact, but I'll never, EVER forgive him for the damage he has done to my two nieces. They can google his name and see updates of his jail mug shots. They need a really good therapist but my sister can't afford one.
I can not be objective about your story MQ because all I feel for your ex is seething hatred over the damage he's done to your daughter. My heart goes out to you and your daughter and I wish only the best for the two of you.
I can not be objective about your story MQ because all I feel for your ex is seething hatred over the damage he's done to your daughter. My heart goes out to you and your daughter and I wish only the best for the two of you.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
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Mambo, I would just like to say that he is probably telling you the truth about the bag situation. Most shelters will not allow you to store anything during the day & most will kick you out in the early morning. Homeless shelters are not vacation type hotels & are frequently filled with criminals, alcoholics/addicts & those with mental illness. The fact that he graduated law school shows that he is a extremely intelligent & hard working individual. Sadly, addiction can take down anyone.
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((((((((mambo))))))))))))
I've dealt with my exah and homelessness. It's really sad. He might be your ex but he's your duaghter's father so therefore you will always care. The only thing you can do is pray for him. He has a HP. He has the ability to stop the descent into insanity at any time he chooses. he knows where the salvation army is. he knows where to find AA meetings. he has all kinds of options. right now, he's choosing to be homeless. I know its hard to wrap your brain around that but its true. Plenty of people have pulled themselves out of the muck but they had to want it. anything you do to 'help' will only hurt him. Say a prayer for him...turn him over to your HP...and turn your focus back to you and your daughter. She's lucky to have such a strong mom.
I've dealt with my exah and homelessness. It's really sad. He might be your ex but he's your duaghter's father so therefore you will always care. The only thing you can do is pray for him. He has a HP. He has the ability to stop the descent into insanity at any time he chooses. he knows where the salvation army is. he knows where to find AA meetings. he has all kinds of options. right now, he's choosing to be homeless. I know its hard to wrap your brain around that but its true. Plenty of people have pulled themselves out of the muck but they had to want it. anything you do to 'help' will only hurt him. Say a prayer for him...turn him over to your HP...and turn your focus back to you and your daughter. She's lucky to have such a strong mom.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 25
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, I can imagine it would be really hard. Are you seeing a therapist? I would definitely suggest doing so, someone can give you unbiased/professional advice on how to deal with healthy boundaries and your emotions.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
I am so sorry you are dealing with this I do understand feeling bad.
As recovering2 stated there is a pattern in your post. He asks for help, he gets it, he blows it. You have been around the block on this so you know the drill. What you are doing is enabling - it just IS. Even looking for a shelter for him is enabling. You aren't helping him, you are helping yourself to feel better instead of feeling bad/guilty.
I am glad his family saw the light (finally) - they get it, they have stopped.
As far as the communal shower, well it made me chuckle a little. Yet to me it says a lot. Drunk and homeless but I will be damned if I get in that shower.
How about accountability? He CHOSE to remain drunk and homeless. He CHOOSES every day to remain drunk and homeless. He has had so many opportunities to get sober. He has had so many people try and help him. He is not the typical "homeless" person - I get it about how these shelters can be a trap and I don't see that parallel for him at ALL. His alcoholism is the "trap" not the shelters - its the alcoholism that has ruined everything. Get the alcoholism under control and there is no reason why he can't have a great life.
Its so very, very sad. I feel your pain truly.
As recovering2 stated there is a pattern in your post. He asks for help, he gets it, he blows it. You have been around the block on this so you know the drill. What you are doing is enabling - it just IS. Even looking for a shelter for him is enabling. You aren't helping him, you are helping yourself to feel better instead of feeling bad/guilty.
I am glad his family saw the light (finally) - they get it, they have stopped.
As far as the communal shower, well it made me chuckle a little. Yet to me it says a lot. Drunk and homeless but I will be damned if I get in that shower.
How about accountability? He CHOSE to remain drunk and homeless. He CHOOSES every day to remain drunk and homeless. He has had so many opportunities to get sober. He has had so many people try and help him. He is not the typical "homeless" person - I get it about how these shelters can be a trap and I don't see that parallel for him at ALL. His alcoholism is the "trap" not the shelters - its the alcoholism that has ruined everything. Get the alcoholism under control and there is no reason why he can't have a great life.
Its so very, very sad. I feel your pain truly.
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
My AS has been homeless from time to time and I have felt the discomfort you are feeling. (I have also enabled many times to get him out of those pinches!) But when I am working on detachment, I approach it from the point of working on "acceptance". I try to accept my feelings of anxiety and hurt and just sit with them. I pray and I work on handing him over to HP. I try to accept that its going to hurt and instead of doing A, B & C to "fix" the situation and relieve my anxiety....I just try to be still. I try to focus on soul-soothing activities, meditation, and I lurk on SR about 10 hours a day (LOL).
I know you know all this stuff. I'm just reminding you that it's OK to feel bad. It's OK to do nothing. When Carl Jung treated alcoholics and the worst of them stopped making progress, he would tell them, "There is nothing more that I can do for you." And what he was doing by saying that was, "This is between you and your HP now...and HP is the only one that can help." He understood that addiction is a spiritual malady, he stepped out of the way, and allowed the shift to happen (or not) in God's time.
It is most unfortunate that our "help" is of no help at all, really. Never was. It's always been between them and their HP. We just choose to be actors in the tragedy. We can choose differently at any time.
I know you know all this stuff. I'm just reminding you that it's OK to feel bad. It's OK to do nothing. When Carl Jung treated alcoholics and the worst of them stopped making progress, he would tell them, "There is nothing more that I can do for you." And what he was doing by saying that was, "This is between you and your HP now...and HP is the only one that can help." He understood that addiction is a spiritual malady, he stepped out of the way, and allowed the shift to happen (or not) in God's time.
It is most unfortunate that our "help" is of no help at all, really. Never was. It's always been between them and their HP. We just choose to be actors in the tragedy. We can choose differently at any time.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
once upon a time, poor HIM had a life, a house, and a wife. and a beautiful little girl. and he p*ssed it all away. he has had countless people and programs TRY to help him. and he p*ssed it all away. he was IN a treatment program and came up with some cockamamie excuse to leave on the ruse of needing to get a job. he stated his PLAN was to go homeless. he was shacked up with some female friend until she couldn't deal with his BS anymore. off to jail for a bit. put up by family members, p*ssed that away.
always has an excuse why it won't work for him. now he has the audacity to COMPLAIN about the showers at the homeless shelter. and now again, he's asking you for HELP.
i'm not sure what the agreement was in the divorce decree regarding child support, but if we do a conservative estimate of $200 a month and you've been divorced for three years, aka 36 months give or take, that's $7200 that could have gone towards your daughter's well being....activities, sports, camp, college fund. there's a really good reason why he has avoided getting work. he'd have to act like a grown up, be responsible, and take care of his obligations. much "easier" to stay homeless, unemployed, indigent, off the grid, irresponsible and looking for a handouts. he is EXACTLY where he chooses to be....time after time he rebuked HELP.
always has an excuse why it won't work for him. now he has the audacity to COMPLAIN about the showers at the homeless shelter. and now again, he's asking you for HELP.
i'm not sure what the agreement was in the divorce decree regarding child support, but if we do a conservative estimate of $200 a month and you've been divorced for three years, aka 36 months give or take, that's $7200 that could have gone towards your daughter's well being....activities, sports, camp, college fund. there's a really good reason why he has avoided getting work. he'd have to act like a grown up, be responsible, and take care of his obligations. much "easier" to stay homeless, unemployed, indigent, off the grid, irresponsible and looking for a handouts. he is EXACTLY where he chooses to be....time after time he rebuked HELP.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South central USA
Posts: 11
You are divorced. You need to move on with your life; without the chaos of alcoholism.
Stop enabling him. Let him suffer the consequences of his own actions. Perhaps someday when he hits rock bottom he will decide to change his life. In the meantime, remember that you are powerless over alcohol. The only thing you can change is yourself. Its time to move on!
Stop enabling him. Let him suffer the consequences of his own actions. Perhaps someday when he hits rock bottom he will decide to change his life. In the meantime, remember that you are powerless over alcohol. The only thing you can change is yourself. Its time to move on!
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Savannah
Posts: 190
Our situations are so different, yet so much alike. I don't want this to sound harsh but the reality is that he is not ready to change. I completely understand feeling pity for an addict, & feeling like they will die if we don't somehow interviene because I am still struggling with those feelings. But what I have learned on this forum is that we need to let our addicts fall, & the harder they fall, the better chance they have of changing. That means completely stepping away & letting them find their own way. They deserve to figure it out for themselves. Your ex doesn't need your help; he has only convinced you of this. Addicts are very wise. Right now he still has you & his sisters occasionally helping him when his situation gets especially desperate. I think it is interesting how your ex talked his sister into contacting you so he could speak with you. My brother has done the same thing many times. When my brohter would get into trouble, he would contact me & then I was suppose to contact his ex for him, etc. But what I have realized, is that he was just using me. He should have made contact himself. Right now, your ex, even though he is homeless, seems to think things are still working out ok. He hasn't lost complete touch with your or his sisters yet but what if all of you went no contact? Just something to think about. I wish you well & I hope you hang around.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
Posts: 700
Mambo Queen, you had said you didn't blame him for not wanting to use a communal shower, you wouldn't either. Well you don't have to because you are not a drunk. Simple as that. He on the other hand is and has had many many yes many chances to seek and get the help he needs. He has chosen to continue to QUACK at all of you. The family members that have finally washed their hand of him once and for all are the smart ones in this whole scenario. They tried, he wanted no part of it long term, so there you go. Protect your child, let the chips fall where they may for him and you and your daughter get the life you deserve. If you continue to get sucked in by him you are going to be the one in three years or more offering others the same advice you are getting now. Save yourself.
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