New beginning
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I commend you, too, on taking action to protect yourself. I was a DV prosecutor for many years (now retired but still working in the DV field).
You have the actual piece of mail that he sent you. I would be very, very surprised if he chose to go to trial for it. More than likely he will be offered a plea agreement. I don't know the exact penalties in PA, but in NJ he would probably (depending on his criminal record) either get a term of probation or possibly probation with a bit of jail time.
You are very smart to not give him an inch, for the exact reasons you stated. Next time it would be likely to be something like calling you or contacting you in person. A restraining order is only good to the extent it is enforced.
He is unlikely to experience any dramatic consequences, but he should receive some--enough, hopefully, to deter any further attempts to contact you.
Nice job on protecting your boundaries! Hopefully it will be peaceful for you from here on.
You have the actual piece of mail that he sent you. I would be very, very surprised if he chose to go to trial for it. More than likely he will be offered a plea agreement. I don't know the exact penalties in PA, but in NJ he would probably (depending on his criminal record) either get a term of probation or possibly probation with a bit of jail time.
You are very smart to not give him an inch, for the exact reasons you stated. Next time it would be likely to be something like calling you or contacting you in person. A restraining order is only good to the extent it is enforced.
He is unlikely to experience any dramatic consequences, but he should receive some--enough, hopefully, to deter any further attempts to contact you.
Nice job on protecting your boundaries! Hopefully it will be peaceful for you from here on.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: PHILADELPHIA
Posts: 46
Light at the End of the Tunnel
Hello SR community!
I tried writing this update yesterday, but due to tech issues, my post accidentally was deleted, then I was too tired to retype it. So here goes:
I am doing much better than my last few posts… For the past several months since breaking up with my abusive XABF, I have maintained a part-time job I enjoy. I have had several meetings and regular communication with the administration at my school, and I will officially be re-enrolling (finally!) as a full time student next month, and graduate with my doctorate in May 2014 I have reconciled with my brother and sister, thank God! We had been estranged for a bit, and part of that had to do with their disapproval of my relationship with the XABF and the choices I was making. I couldn’t see clearly at the time. I was on psych meds and had been for over a year, following a severe depressive episode (mental illness, depression in particular, runs in my family). The meds I was on were at too high a dosage, and kept me way too subdued. Although I wasn’t suicidal anymore, I wasn’t really living either… I wasn’t making real efforts to get a job and return to school to finish my degree. My family, while grateful that I no longer wished to harm myself, was getting frustrated by the snail’s pace of my recovery. To add to their frustration, I was dating a man who clearly was trouble…
I have a new man in my life, and he is wonderful. We have been dating for nearly 5 months. He is actually someone I’ve known for 10 years, as we went to the same college and were classmates for a course between sophomore and junior year. Back then, we were acquaintances, but didn’t know each other well because we hung out in different circles. But I always wondered why he never tried to flirt with me, lol. He used to sit behind me in class and I always thought he was so smart and cute and humble and hardworking, all that good stuff. In my immature 18 year old mind, I assumed he was homosexual (he must have been, right?? Not to flirt with me even once, lmao.) Turns out he was just a faithful guy, committed to a girl already, and not the type to play games. Well, that girl turned out not to be the one. Funny thing is, we have reconnected by accident a few times since graduating from college 8 years ago. Once at a business in my current neighborhood a few years ago (we had ended up moving to the same city and neighborhood for grad school, unbeknownst to each other), once on a dating website (I’m embarrassed to admit that, lol.) It never led to anything, because he was too shy to ask me out. I didn’t want to make the first move either, so we just exchanged a few platonic “How’ve you been and what have you been up to since graduation” messages.
Then nearly 5 months ago, on the exact day I was granted my final PFA against my XABF, we ran into each other a 3rd time on the street in our neighborhood in the afternoon. Turns out he had been living exactly 5 blocks away from me for the past 4 years! And we never even knew! We agreed to go out for dinner the following week, and as we got to know each other (really for the first time in depth), we found out that not only did we live in the same neighborhood as kids (in a city in a totally different state than where we went to college and the one where we presently live), but also our families lived in the same apartment complex, 3 floors apart!!!! I believe wholeheartedly, that is what you call FATE!!! He is so smart, and handsome (even more so now) and humble and hardworking still, and as I’ve learned, super sweet, considerate, respectful, and funny as hell. Whenever we spend time together, we end up laughing so hard my tummy muscles start aching lol. He is so much like me, in terms of values, life goals, professional interests, music/food/art tastes, and we are also of the same religion and ethnicity (not that if he weren’t it would be a deal breaker, but it just makes him GET me, you know?). I know in my heart of hearts I have found THE ONE…
As painful as it was to suffer abuse at the hands of my XABF, I have no regrets. Surviving the ordeal, maintaining NO CONTACT, finally making moves to get a job and go back to school made me so much STRONGER!!! I was already on my way to becoming independent and self-sufficient when God put my love in my path. Now was the right time, after all these years. And all the sorrow and pain from previous relationships has helped me to truly appreciate how blessed I am today. I am so very grateful for the positive turn my life has taken.
I pray for all of you, that if you are suffering in an abusive relationship, you find the strength, courage and conviction to leave. People will treat you (in my opinion) the way you allow them to treat you, not necessarily as they wish to be treated. Have ZERO tolerance for abuse, because you deserve BETTER! And if you fear for your safety should you escape, do your best to find resources that can help you… They definitely exist but you have to be proactive in seeking them out!
Till next time…
Peace and blessings!
Hello SR community!
I tried writing this update yesterday, but due to tech issues, my post accidentally was deleted, then I was too tired to retype it. So here goes:
I am doing much better than my last few posts… For the past several months since breaking up with my abusive XABF, I have maintained a part-time job I enjoy. I have had several meetings and regular communication with the administration at my school, and I will officially be re-enrolling (finally!) as a full time student next month, and graduate with my doctorate in May 2014 I have reconciled with my brother and sister, thank God! We had been estranged for a bit, and part of that had to do with their disapproval of my relationship with the XABF and the choices I was making. I couldn’t see clearly at the time. I was on psych meds and had been for over a year, following a severe depressive episode (mental illness, depression in particular, runs in my family). The meds I was on were at too high a dosage, and kept me way too subdued. Although I wasn’t suicidal anymore, I wasn’t really living either… I wasn’t making real efforts to get a job and return to school to finish my degree. My family, while grateful that I no longer wished to harm myself, was getting frustrated by the snail’s pace of my recovery. To add to their frustration, I was dating a man who clearly was trouble…
I have a new man in my life, and he is wonderful. We have been dating for nearly 5 months. He is actually someone I’ve known for 10 years, as we went to the same college and were classmates for a course between sophomore and junior year. Back then, we were acquaintances, but didn’t know each other well because we hung out in different circles. But I always wondered why he never tried to flirt with me, lol. He used to sit behind me in class and I always thought he was so smart and cute and humble and hardworking, all that good stuff. In my immature 18 year old mind, I assumed he was homosexual (he must have been, right?? Not to flirt with me even once, lmao.) Turns out he was just a faithful guy, committed to a girl already, and not the type to play games. Well, that girl turned out not to be the one. Funny thing is, we have reconnected by accident a few times since graduating from college 8 years ago. Once at a business in my current neighborhood a few years ago (we had ended up moving to the same city and neighborhood for grad school, unbeknownst to each other), once on a dating website (I’m embarrassed to admit that, lol.) It never led to anything, because he was too shy to ask me out. I didn’t want to make the first move either, so we just exchanged a few platonic “How’ve you been and what have you been up to since graduation” messages.
Then nearly 5 months ago, on the exact day I was granted my final PFA against my XABF, we ran into each other a 3rd time on the street in our neighborhood in the afternoon. Turns out he had been living exactly 5 blocks away from me for the past 4 years! And we never even knew! We agreed to go out for dinner the following week, and as we got to know each other (really for the first time in depth), we found out that not only did we live in the same neighborhood as kids (in a city in a totally different state than where we went to college and the one where we presently live), but also our families lived in the same apartment complex, 3 floors apart!!!! I believe wholeheartedly, that is what you call FATE!!! He is so smart, and handsome (even more so now) and humble and hardworking still, and as I’ve learned, super sweet, considerate, respectful, and funny as hell. Whenever we spend time together, we end up laughing so hard my tummy muscles start aching lol. He is so much like me, in terms of values, life goals, professional interests, music/food/art tastes, and we are also of the same religion and ethnicity (not that if he weren’t it would be a deal breaker, but it just makes him GET me, you know?). I know in my heart of hearts I have found THE ONE…
As painful as it was to suffer abuse at the hands of my XABF, I have no regrets. Surviving the ordeal, maintaining NO CONTACT, finally making moves to get a job and go back to school made me so much STRONGER!!! I was already on my way to becoming independent and self-sufficient when God put my love in my path. Now was the right time, after all these years. And all the sorrow and pain from previous relationships has helped me to truly appreciate how blessed I am today. I am so very grateful for the positive turn my life has taken.
I pray for all of you, that if you are suffering in an abusive relationship, you find the strength, courage and conviction to leave. People will treat you (in my opinion) the way you allow them to treat you, not necessarily as they wish to be treated. Have ZERO tolerance for abuse, because you deserve BETTER! And if you fear for your safety should you escape, do your best to find resources that can help you… They definitely exist but you have to be proactive in seeking them out!
Till next time…
Peace and blessings!
I tried writing this update yesterday, but due to tech issues, my post accidentally was deleted, then I was too tired to retype it. So here goes:
I am doing much better than my last few posts… For the past several months since breaking up with my abusive XABF, I have maintained a part-time job I enjoy. I have had several meetings and regular communication with the administration at my school, and I will officially be re-enrolling (finally!) as a full time student next month, and graduate with my doctorate in May 2014 I have reconciled with my brother and sister, thank God! We had been estranged for a bit, and part of that had to do with their disapproval of my relationship with the XABF and the choices I was making. I couldn’t see clearly at the time. I was on psych meds and had been for over a year, following a severe depressive episode (mental illness, depression in particular, runs in my family). The meds I was on were at too high a dosage, and kept me way too subdued. Although I wasn’t suicidal anymore, I wasn’t really living either… I wasn’t making real efforts to get a job and return to school to finish my degree. My family, while grateful that I no longer wished to harm myself, was getting frustrated by the snail’s pace of my recovery. To add to their frustration, I was dating a man who clearly was trouble…
I have a new man in my life, and he is wonderful. We have been dating for nearly 5 months. He is actually someone I’ve known for 10 years, as we went to the same college and were classmates for a course between sophomore and junior year. Back then, we were acquaintances, but didn’t know each other well because we hung out in different circles. But I always wondered why he never tried to flirt with me, lol. He used to sit behind me in class and I always thought he was so smart and cute and humble and hardworking, all that good stuff. In my immature 18 year old mind, I assumed he was homosexual (he must have been, right?? Not to flirt with me even once, lmao.) Turns out he was just a faithful guy, committed to a girl already, and not the type to play games. Well, that girl turned out not to be the one. Funny thing is, we have reconnected by accident a few times since graduating from college 8 years ago. Once at a business in my current neighborhood a few years ago (we had ended up moving to the same city and neighborhood for grad school, unbeknownst to each other), once on a dating website (I’m embarrassed to admit that, lol.) It never led to anything, because he was too shy to ask me out. I didn’t want to make the first move either, so we just exchanged a few platonic “How’ve you been and what have you been up to since graduation” messages.
Then nearly 5 months ago, on the exact day I was granted my final PFA against my XABF, we ran into each other a 3rd time on the street in our neighborhood in the afternoon. Turns out he had been living exactly 5 blocks away from me for the past 4 years! And we never even knew! We agreed to go out for dinner the following week, and as we got to know each other (really for the first time in depth), we found out that not only did we live in the same neighborhood as kids (in a city in a totally different state than where we went to college and the one where we presently live), but also our families lived in the same apartment complex, 3 floors apart!!!! I believe wholeheartedly, that is what you call FATE!!! He is so smart, and handsome (even more so now) and humble and hardworking still, and as I’ve learned, super sweet, considerate, respectful, and funny as hell. Whenever we spend time together, we end up laughing so hard my tummy muscles start aching lol. He is so much like me, in terms of values, life goals, professional interests, music/food/art tastes, and we are also of the same religion and ethnicity (not that if he weren’t it would be a deal breaker, but it just makes him GET me, you know?). I know in my heart of hearts I have found THE ONE…
As painful as it was to suffer abuse at the hands of my XABF, I have no regrets. Surviving the ordeal, maintaining NO CONTACT, finally making moves to get a job and go back to school made me so much STRONGER!!! I was already on my way to becoming independent and self-sufficient when God put my love in my path. Now was the right time, after all these years. And all the sorrow and pain from previous relationships has helped me to truly appreciate how blessed I am today. I am so very grateful for the positive turn my life has taken.
I pray for all of you, that if you are suffering in an abusive relationship, you find the strength, courage and conviction to leave. People will treat you (in my opinion) the way you allow them to treat you, not necessarily as they wish to be treated. Have ZERO tolerance for abuse, because you deserve BETTER! And if you fear for your safety should you escape, do your best to find resources that can help you… They definitely exist but you have to be proactive in seeking them out!
Till next time…
Peace and blessings!
Hello SR community!
I tried writing this update yesterday, but due to tech issues, my post accidentally was deleted, then I was too tired to retype it. So here goes:
I am doing much better than my last few posts… For the past several months since breaking up with my abusive XABF, I have maintained a part-time job I enjoy. I have had several meetings and regular communication with the administration at my school, and I will officially be re-enrolling (finally!) as a full time student next month, and graduate with my doctorate in May 2014 I have reconciled with my brother and sister, thank God! We had been estranged for a bit, and part of that had to do with their disapproval of my relationship with the XABF and the choices I was making. I couldn’t see clearly at the time. I was on psych meds and had been for over a year, following a severe depressive episode (mental illness, depression in particular, runs in my family). The meds I was on were at too high a dosage, and kept me way too subdued. Although I wasn’t suicidal anymore, I wasn’t really living either… I wasn’t making real efforts to get a job and return to school to finish my degree. My family, while grateful that I no longer wished to harm myself, was getting frustrated by the snail’s pace of my recovery. To add to their frustration, I was dating a man who clearly was trouble…
I have a new man in my life, and he is wonderful. We have been dating for nearly 5 months. He is actually someone I’ve known for 10 years, as we went to the same college and were classmates for a course between sophomore and junior year. Back then, we were acquaintances, but didn’t know each other well because we hung out in different circles. But I always wondered why he never tried to flirt with me, lol. He used to sit behind me in class and I always thought he was so smart and cute and humble and hardworking, all that good stuff. In my immature 18 year old mind, I assumed he was homosexual (he must have been, right?? Not to flirt with me even once, lmao.) Turns out he was just a faithful guy, committed to a girl already, and not the type to play games. Well, that girl turned out not to be the one. Funny thing is, we have reconnected by accident a few times since graduating from college 8 years ago. Once at a business in my current neighborhood a few years ago (we had ended up moving to the same city and neighborhood for grad school, unbeknownst to each other), once on a dating website (I’m embarrassed to admit that, lol.) It never led to anything, because he was too shy to ask me out. I didn’t want to make the first move either, so we just exchanged a few platonic “How’ve you been and what have you been up to since graduation” messages.
Then nearly 5 months ago, on the exact day I was granted my final PFA against my XABF, we ran into each other a 3rd time on the street in our neighborhood in the afternoon. Turns out he had been living exactly 5 blocks away from me for the past 4 years! And we never even knew! We agreed to go out for dinner the following week, and as we got to know each other (really for the first time in depth), we found out that not only did we live in the same neighborhood as kids (in a city in a totally different state than where we went to college and the one where we presently live), but also our families lived in the same apartment complex, 3 floors apart!!!! I believe wholeheartedly, that is what you call FATE!!! He is so smart, and handsome (even more so now) and humble and hardworking still, and as I’ve learned, super sweet, considerate, respectful, and funny as hell. Whenever we spend time together, we end up laughing so hard my tummy muscles start aching lol. He is so much like me, in terms of values, life goals, professional interests, music/food/art tastes, and we are also of the same religion and ethnicity (not that if he weren’t it would be a deal breaker, but it just makes him GET me, you know?). I know in my heart of hearts I have found THE ONE…
As painful as it was to suffer abuse at the hands of my XABF, I have no regrets. Surviving the ordeal, maintaining NO CONTACT, finally making moves to get a job and go back to school made me so much STRONGER!!! I was already on my way to becoming independent and self-sufficient when God put my love in my path. Now was the right time, after all these years. And all the sorrow and pain from previous relationships has helped me to truly appreciate how blessed I am today. I am so very grateful for the positive turn my life has taken.
I pray for all of you, that if you are suffering in an abusive relationship, you find the strength, courage and conviction to leave. People will treat you (in my opinion) the way you allow them to treat you, not necessarily as they wish to be treated. Have ZERO tolerance for abuse, because you deserve BETTER! And if you fear for your safety should you escape, do your best to find resources that can help you… They definitely exist but you have to be proactive in seeking them out!
Till next time…
Peace and blessings!
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