LexieCat

OK, my suggestion is that you keep ONLY an outline in front of you. If the judge sees you reading a statement it will hurt your credibility. An outline so you don't forget the main points is fine, but if you read it, the judge will think less of your believability.

Good luck, and yes, get a good night's rest.

stronger12879

Good morning everyone. The court hearing is this morning. I am a little nervous, but I also feel strong. I know I'll get through this.
I overslept a bit so I don't have time for morning Mass, but I will carry my Bible with me in my purse in case I need to read it for reassurance. Psalm 23 is my favorite.
I'm very looking forward to putting this all behind me and moving on!

stronger12879

I just got home from court a little while ago. When I arrived at court this morning, I checked in with the clerk in the waiting area for plaintiffs. I asked if my ex had arrived yet and the clerk told me he had not. The clerk asked me for the affidavit of service documenting that my ex had been served with the order of protection. I explained that the sheriff in my ex’s hometown told me they served my ex with the order and mailed the affidavit of service to the courthouse because they do not give the affidavits directly to plaintiffs. The clerk replied that he had to mark me down as not having served my ex because I did not have the affidavit and he did not have the affidavit, and that I could explain the situation to the judge when I was called into the courtroom.
I took a seat in the waiting area, read over my notes for the hearing, and read my Bible. After a while, I went to the clerk and told him I was leaving for a few minutes to use the restroom. After I used the restroom, I walked over to the Domestic Violence Unit office, which is on the same floor of the building as the courtroom. I asked the clerk there if they had received the affidavit of service from the sheriff yet. The clerk said they had not, but said I should call the sheriff and give them the fax number to the unit and ask the sheriff to fax over the affidavit. So I did that.
I walked back to the waiting area outside the courtroom and approached the clerk there to tell him that the sheriff was about to fax over the affidavit. Before I could even speak, he handed me a sheet of paper and said that since my ex had not shown up and I did not have the affidavit, the judge rescheduled my court hearing.
UGH I WAS SO PISSED!!!!
I wanted to scream and shout all kinds of profanities in frustration, but I knew that would be extremely foolish, so I calmly accepted the paper detailing the new date and time for the court hearing from the clerk and walked out. I returned to the DV unit office. After a few minutes the clerk there confirmed they had just received the affidavit of service from the sheriff, and gave me a copy.
While I was there I called the organization in my town that provides legal info/advocates/lawyers to domestic violence victims and left a message requesting that I be scheduled for an intake appointment before the new court hearing date so that they can provide me with a lawyer or at least an advocate. Then I left the courthouse and made my way home.
I am so disappointed and furious at my ex for failing to show up for court today. I wanted this matter to be completely resolved today so that I can put it behind me and move on with my life. I feel like he is dragging this out on purpose out of spite. Regardless, I will maintain no contact with him and his family. I will wait as patiently as I can for the new court date, try to obtain a lawyer or at least an advocate in the meantime, ask my close friends if they can accompany me on the new court date, and get the security chain I bought for my apartment door installed (the locks have already been changed). The only good news I got today is that the temporary order of protection is still in effect until the new court date.

SparkleKitty

Hey there -- thank you for the update, I'm sure I'm not the only one who spent this morning wondering how you were doing!

Of course you are frustrated, but this seems like an okay thing to me. You have time to make other arrangement and hopefully have the DV advocate by your side.

He's going to do what he's going to do, and you can't control him. It sucks, but the less personally you try to take it, and the more business-like this whole business is, the less emotional energy he will consume. First and foremost, he's hurting himself. Sending strength your way!

stronger12879

Thanks for the reassurance @SparkleKitty. I am not going to hold onto my anger and frustration. I will keep moving forward, take care of myself, and use the time to get an advocate. I just hope and pray now that this will all be completely settled on the date of the next court hearing...

Janana1313

So sorry you were unable to get your RO today. Hopefully your new court date isn't too far off and you'll be able to get it soon. In the meantime, take good care of yourself and know that you are moving in the right direction. Keep us updated!

LexieCat

As I recall, wasn't he supposedly going into a rehab or something? Wasn't that why you thought from the beginning he might not show up?

Instead of getting all bent out of shape (and yes, since he was served, he should called the court to reschedule if he had a problem), why not consider it the best possible news? You will not have to go into court alone. You will have a lawyer and/or advocate with you. It will probably be a better experience for you.

Besides, suppose he had shown up with a lawyer? In that case, YOU were going to ask for a postponement. So it worked out the way it was supposed to. You have already done lots of your prep work, so you are ahead of the game. Relax, let things take their course. He has been served with the temporary order, so you are protected as much as if you'd received the final order.

stronger12879

Thanks LexieCat. Yes I agree that ultimately this isn't a bad thing because now I have time to get an advocate or possibly a lawyer. And he may very well be in rehab right now. I just wish it had occurred to me to go to the DV unit BEFORE reporting to the courtroom to get the affidavit faxed from the sheriff. If I had done that, the judge might have proceeded without my ex present and granted me the permanent order of protection by default. But that did not occur to me, and what's done is done. So I will just use the 3 weeks I have till the next court date to prepare more thoroughly, and in the meantime, focus on getting back to school and taking care of other things I neglected in my personal life because I was too busy devoting so much time and energy to this man and our relationship. Now I will redirect that time and energy to ME!!! What I should have been doing all along.
When all is said and done, I do not regret meeting this man or being in a relationship with him for 7 months. Because as painful and stressful as this situation is, I have learned extremely valuable lessons that I will NEVER forget for the rest of my life!
I was talking to my girlfriend this evening about everything and I joked that I'm considering joining a convent and becoming a nun. I'm convinced that all the good men are either engaged/married already, or gay. OR they're single straight men who have been screwed over by a woman and don't want to be "good" anymore.
Of course I don't really intend to join a convent. And I don't believe that there are no good men available. I mean, this world has over 6 billion people. There's got to be good single men out there! But I'd rather find humor in this situation and laugh then shed one more tear over this man. He doesn't deserve my tears.

stronger12879

Today after morning Mass, I stopped to talk to a nun whom I met a couple of weeks ago. I asked her for information about volunteering opportunities with the church. I have a lot of free time on my hands now, and while some of that time has to be dedicated to improving myself and addressing issues in my personal life, I would like to also use some of that time to keep myself busy by helping others. As many problems as I have in my life today, I know that there are people with even more and worse problems, who may not be as fortunate as I am to have a strong support network. I used to be a lot more active in community service years ago, but as problems developed in my personal life, I got lost in my own troubles and stopped helping others. I want to reclaim that sense of purpose I used to have, that faith and conviction that God has blessed me and it is my duty to share my blessings with others. "From those to whom much is given, much is expected."
Years ago, when I did my confirmation at my Catholic church, I had to choose a confirmation name. Individuals undergoing confirmation choose the name of a particular saint who inspires them. I chose the name "Angela." There are several saints named Angela, and these women were named as saints because of how they dedicated their lives to service. Among them are women who took it upon themselves to educate poverty-stricken girls, in a day and age where education was a privilege only for wealthy women and nuns. There were also women who dedicated themselves to nursing the poor and the sick who were isolated in their poverty and suffering. There were women who nursed soldiers with war wounds, no matter what side of the conflict the soldiers had fought for.
By helping others, I will also be helping myself. It will not be useful or beneficial for me, after I handle my own personal business, to stay at home wallowing in self-pity and feeling sorry for myself because of all the problems I have to face. That's not going to solve any of my problems. This morning, while reading my Bible, I came across a verse which really spoke to me: Matthew 6:27 "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
Yes, at times I know that my problems will cause me to worry. But dwelling on the negative aspects will not help me to solve my problems. So I am choosing to focus on the positive: I have food, shelter and clothing. I have the support of my family and close friends. I am in good physical health. I am college educated, and while I may have debt from student loans, I am intelligent and have useful skills that I can use to find employment and earn money to support myself and pay off my debt. I am not married and don't have any children, so really the only person I have to be responsible for is myself. That gives me the luxury of time to get my life together, use the gifts God has given me to improve my life, and also serve others.

stronger12879

A couple of days ago, after my XABF did not show up for our court hearing regarding my temporary order of protection against him, I broke my no contact rule against my better judgment and called his best friend to find out whether the XABF was in rehab and that was the cause of him not showing up. His best friend expressed to me that he was upset about me getting the order of protection. He said what I did was "foul" and I shouldn't have "retaliated" that way. I told him he was entitled to his opinion and I respected his right to have that opinion, but I pointed out my reasons for getting the order of protection. What the XABF did to me was abusive, plain and simple, and I felt I had to do whatever was necessary to ensure my safety and wellbeing after he made me feel so unsafe. This wasn't about retaliation or revenge; this was about protecting myself. I pointed out to him that as a father of a little girl who will one day become a woman, he would encourage his daughter to do whatever she felt she had to do to protect herself if God forbid a man ever abused her. After I presented my actions from that perspective, he calmed down and we had a civil conversation. He said that he knew I did not have closure in ending the relationship because of how everything went down, and that if I had any lingering questions about my XABF I could ask him and he would answer truthfully. So I did ask the questions that were burning in my mind, and I got some very interesting and shocking answers from my XABF's best friend, who at this point in time, is also fed up with the XABF's behavior and how it has affected their friendship. Turns out that my XABF had been lying to me about a lot of things since the beginning of our relationship. Because our relationship has been long distance from the beginning (we met when I was back in his home state where I also grew up, visiting my best friend for the weekend) and we saw each other only on weekends, he was able to hide the truth about a lot of things from his past and present life... He pretended to be someone who he is not. I am not in love with him anymore. I am in love with the man I thought he was, who has turned out to be a farce, a figment of his own imagination. I am convinced that not only is he an alcoholic, but also a pathological liar and master manipulator.
After speaking with my XABF's best friend, I confided in one of my girlfriends about the disturbing things I had learned. She said that while it was good for me to learn the truth finally, I shouldn't obsess over it because it would only make me feel bad. Finding out more things won't change the present situation, and I'm already determined to keep my distance from my XABF and never take him back. So she encouraged me to go back to having no contact at all with his best friend and family, and I agree that's the best thing for me to do. She shared with me that years ago when we were in college, after she had obtained a restraining order against an XBF (whom I remember vividly) who turned out to be abusive, controlling and very jealous, she had made the mistake of talking to his best friend and family, and these people who had previously been so nice to her turned on her in anger because she had obtained a restraining order against her XBF. I know the best thing is to maintain no contact, even though I do feel like I don't have closure. No matter how badly my XABF has treated me, his friends and family will take his side. He could be telling them any number of things about me and what went down between us. Just the way he told me lies about himself to paint a pretty picture of him as a man that convinced me he was a decent, upstanding guy, he could be feeding them all a story that is a far cry from the truth of what actually happened. I can't control what he says to them, and I can't control what they think of me. And I don't care what they think of me, because deep down I know the truth about who I am. I won't necessarily be able to get full closure, and tell my XABF how I really feel about him and all his lies (although I really wish I could). However, I WILL have my day in court and I am confident that justice will be served. All these lies he's been telling will come back to haunt him. I won't bring up what his best friend revealed to me before the judge, because it's not relevant to the incident of abuse that made me get this order of protection. So even if I wanted to tell the judge what I know now, the judge is not going to want to hear it because it doesn't pertain directly to his abuse. But my XABF will have to live with the consequences of his lies and his behavior. He has lost me for good, and I know that I am a good woman. All I ever gave him was my love, support, affection and fidelity. He took that all for granted by being dishonest and mistreating me.
Ok... *sigh* I just had to get that out of my system.

After morning Mass today, the nun I met recently asked me if I was available on Holy Thursday which is coming up later this month. At the service she is planning for the church that day, they'll be doing the ritual washing of feet, and this year all the people getting their feet washed will be women. She asked me if I would like to be one of the women in the service and get my feet washed. Of course I said yes! While I have attended these services in the past, I never actively participated by having my feet washed. I feel blessed and honored to have this opportunity to take part in something like this. I am going to read the Bible passages on the washing of the feet in the New Testament and reflect on what that means.

stronger12879

Hi everyone, I hope all is well with you. I haven't posted for several days... I was a little embarrassed about having contacted my XABF's best friend. Since that slip up I have maintained no contact.
My intake appointment with the organization that helps DV victims is tomorrow. I already told them over the phone about what happened, and tomorrow I'm bringing all the paperwork I have related to my case as well as the evidence I want to present in court later this month. I am so grateful they are able to help me, and I feel hopeful about getting this matter resolved peacefully.
Recently I got into an argument with my younger brother, who wants me to drop the order of protection. He is a college student planning to go to law school. He had an internship where he worked with police officers and lawyers, and he asked a few of them for advice regarding my case. These people have never met me, nor have they heard my full account of what happened. They said that since I never filed a police report after my XABF assaulted me, the judge would probably not grant me a permanent order of protection anyway and would probably order me to pay court fees. My brother said that since my XABF has not contacted me at all, I should let the matter go because it will go on the XABF's permanent record and probably hinder his efforts to obtain employment.
When my brother said all this to me, in a hostile manner I should point out, I was like, Whose side are you on?? You're MY brother! What is it to you whether this goes on my ex's permanent record?? This is not about revenge; this is about keeping myself SAFE!!
My brother really hurt my feelings by not supporting me on this. He and my XABF, although they met in person a few times and got along ok, were not particularly close (to my knowledge anyway). So I don't understand where all this is coming from...
My brother is 8 years younger than me, and he may have taken a few intro to law classes in college, but he does not have a law degree and I will not take his advice, nor the advice of a few cops and lawyers who never met me and don't know the whole story...
I will seek and follow the legal advice of the organization for DV victims tomorrow...

In other news, I've been applying for jobs and today was offered an interview (I got the call less than 30 minutes after emailing my resume and cover letter to this particular company).
So while I'm upset about the argument with my brother, I am feeling very excited and hopeful about finding a job and getting back on my feet

firebolt

Stay strong - we're all pulling for you! Good luck tomorrow, and with your interview, and with your brother seeing the light!! You can do this, and I'm proud of you for moving forward in such healthy ways! (((HUG!)))

stronger12879

Thanks, firebolt! I needed to hear that

LexieCat

OMG, a college student planning to go to law school, and he's already hanging out his shingle. LOL, I hated almost EVERY MINUTE of the three years I spent in law school--fortunately I have had a career that I LOVE, so it was well worth the agony. Don't worry, those first-year professors will take him down a peg or two in the arrogance department.

He has no clue WTF he is talking about, and neither do the cops he purportedly discussed the case with. Most cops have little to do with restraining orders, other than providing the info and paperwork (and other necessary assistance after regular court hours) to victims needing a TRO.

stronger12879

Hi all, I just wanted to give an update on what happened when I went to the organization that helps DV victims for my intake appointment. When I got there, the receptionist gave me some forms to fill out with my basic info and my XABF's info. A few minutes later, the social worker came and got me from the waiting area and took me into a conference room. We sat down and talked one-on-one for almost two and a half hours. She basically did a very detailed interview with me to get all the information about the abuse that occurred, as well as some background info on how the relationship started as well as background information about me. She was very nice and empathetic and I felt comfortable speaking with her. She made copies of all my paperwork from court, and she is going to present my case to one of the lawyers who works as a consultant for the organization. She will give me an update early next week and let me know whether the lawyer can represent me (it would be free) and how I should proceed with my case. She gave me some very useful information on local free resources for DV victims.

I did feel foolish and embarrassed talking about some things. Not that she made any faces or comments to indicate that she thought I was a fool. I guess it was more in my own head. Like when she asked me about whether he had a criminal record, and I mentioned the DUI's he got way before we ever met, and his charges for petty larceny... Now I am a college educated woman who is almost done with graduate school (had to take extended leave of absence due to health and financial problems). I'm not saying that makes me "better" than my XABF, because I don't think I'm better than anyone else, but I feel like others might think, when they hear my story, how could a seemingly smart girl choose to be with a man with this kind of past??? At the time we met, I had been single for 2 years. He seemed like such a nice guy. And while I always felt that any potential partner of mine should have a college degree (because I worked so hard to earn mine), I decided to look past the fact that he didn't finish college because he presented himself as someone who worked diligently to support himself. Also, he did have some college credits and spoke about planning to go back and finish. We did have interesting and intellectual conversations; I've always admired when people enjoy reading, and he and I could read the same books and discuss them. I liked that about him... So I chose to look past his lack of credentials and get to know him.
Because our relationship was long distance and we saw each other on weekends only, I feel like I could not see how bad his drinking problem really was. Although there were some red flags. Times at my home when we had plans to go out but had to stay in because he got too drunk and fell asleep. Or him passing out drunk on my bathroom floor. Times he went to work late or missed work altogether because he drank too much the night before. The fact that he was always broke, even though he worked a full time job and earned a decent wage... I mean, he has no car note to pay, no children he supports, minimal household bills... What was he doing with all his money??? I'm pretty sure now he was drinking it all away but I didn't know how bad it really was because we lived in different cities.
He admitted to me that he had a violent past. Used to get into lots of fights in the street when he was younger. Even said he shot at a man once... I should have run for the hills when he told me all that. But he presented himself as a changed man, and I believed him. Why did I believe him?? Well for the first 5 months of our 7 months together he was a great boyfriend. Very sweet and respectful. Made me feel beautiful and sexy. He would help me around the house during his visits by washing dishes and taking out the trash without me even asking him to. He was the first boyfriend I had who ever did stuff like that. Most times I cooked for us, but many times he took the initiative to make me breakfast or dinner, and again without me asking him to. And we had a great sex life. Overall, all those things made me turn a blind eye to the red flags about his drinking. I was happy.
Then the abuse started on New Year's. First verbal, then physical by the last fight we had that made me decide to leave him. I had bruises that lasted a week. Several weeks prior, he had attacked a random stranger in the street who had bumped into him and not apologized for it. And he wasn't even drunk when he did that. That day he didn't go to work, didn't call in, and spent the day wandering around drinking. He got fired from his job a few weeks after that. Everything about his behavior and drinking became out of control and scary so quickly... It was like a plane that malfunctions and just starts free falling back to Earth, picking up speed every second. I feel like I had to grab my parachute and jump off to save myself... so that I wouldn't get hurt when he finally hit rockbottom.
I have no plans to contact him, and I am definitely not going to do that with this order of protection in place, but part of me wishes so badly that I could. I really want to give him a piece of my mind. Let him know how badly he hurt me. Confront him about the lies I found out he had been telling me since we met. I wish I could ask him questions I already know the answer to (but he doesn't know I know the answer to) just to see if he will be honest or continue lying to my face. I just wish I could call him out on all his ********...
But I can't do that, so I won't... The court hearing is a week from this Wednesday. I just want to get it over with already. Meeting with the social worker, even though she was very nice, was difficult because for over 2 hours I had to rehash everything that happened in front of a stranger. I know it will be even tougher to do that before a judge in the courtroom, and to be in the same room with my XABF again... I just pray that God continues giving me strength to get through all this with a positive attitude, and not get depressed and overwhelmed. Because sometimes I do feel that way

redatlanta

You are making great progess and whatever turn out in the court hearing you DID what you needed to do in order to protect yourself.

I was hit by a drunk driver hit & run last summer (she got a DUI about 30 mins after hitting me). Her plea date was last month - I was required to go by my attorney as I had to hire one to handle the insurance issues. I would have gone anyway - but, I was there, I had to cover work (I am freelance). She was not there. Her attorney submitted her plea of not guilty when the Judge asked where she was her attorney said she had to work and is supporting her grandchildren. As the victim required to be there who was unpaid that day it really infuriated me even though I worked in the legal field for 8 years and I know this is how it goes. Now it will be 2 years probably and at least 7 - 8 unpaid visits back down there before it is ever heard. But that's just the way it goes.

I am glad you have your advocate - I am sure you wish you could say something to him but I think the Order of Protection says it all. Quite certain his history will be a subject at the hearing. Please let us know how it goes.

LexieCat

Just so you understand, if she did not explain it to you, the reason for all those questions is to put the violence in context--I'm not sure of the exact requirements for a RO in PA, but here in NJ you have to show not only that an act of domestic violence occurred, but that the victim (sorry--it's a legal term, I know you don't like to think of yourself as a "victim") is in need of protection. The history helps to show that this is not some accidental one-time incident, but that you are legitimately at risk of harm unless the order is granted. It also helps the court to decide exactly what the terms of the order should say, and whether any particular additional conditions (batterers' intervention, alcohol treatment, etc.) should be imposed as well.

Incidentally, someone passed this along to me recently, as a way for DV victims to keep track of important information concerning their cases: My Case Info. It has space for info pertaining to any criminal and/or family court proceedings just as a way to keep everything in one convenient place.

stronger12879

Hi everyone... It's very early in the morning. I had zero sleep last night. I've had a lot on my mind, and I have insomnia once in a while when I think about stressful things... It didn't help at all that I started looking at pictures and videos of me and my XABF that were taken early in our relationship... when things were still blissful and peaceful. It hurts that it came to an end the way it did, with verbal and physical abuse and now an order of protection. It's very strange going from having daily contact with someone (whether by phone call, text, email, or in person) to NO CONTACT overnight... I feel like I have so many emotions and thoughts swirling around in my head... and I can't talk to the one person who I want answers from... But I'm not even sure what I would say to my XABF if I could see and talk to him... I feel a mixture of anger, fear, sorrow, disbelief... It's made me think of all my previous relationships that didn't work out. I know I'm not perfect by any means, and I've made mistakes and done things to hurt others... But each of my exes hurt me so badly. I can't help but wonder if there are any good men out there (not that I'm interested in dating now because I am NOT - my heart is way too wounded for that - I'm just questioning whether I will ever have an opportunity to meet and fall in love with a good man). Men who are honest and respectful and face life's problems without the use of alcohol or drugs... I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust another man. I had stayed single for 2 years before I met my XABF because the relationship prior to that hurt me deeply... I'm wondering how long it's going to take me to get over this one now.

I guess I should try and focus on the good stuff that's happening in my life, and stop obsessing over the negative... I started a part-time job at a cafe on Tuesday. Not my dream job by any means and it doesn't pay as much as I would like, but a job is a job! I need the money to pay my bills, especially what I owe my school, so I can get back on my feet, return to school, graduate and start a career. The work is fairly easy and all my coworkers seem like decent, down-to-earth people. I interviewed on Wednesday for a hostess position at a restaurant. It pays more than the cafe, and I hope they hire me. I would have preferred 1 full-time job but since I haven't been able to obtain that yet, I am definitely willing to juggle 2 part-time jobs. I have another interview on Monday for a tutoring center... I'm praying that I get hired for another part-time job as soon as possible.

In other good news, I'm going out of town this weekend to celebrate one of my best friends' 30th birthday We are going on a party bus with a group of people that's taking us to a nightclub at a resort. I am sooo looking forward to hanging out with my best friends! They live in another state so we don't get to see each other that often. Also I haven't gone dancing since my birthday a few months ago, so I could really use some good music in the company of great people!

Next week is my court date, and thank God, one of my good girlfriends from college is coming with me. She has a week's vacation from work, and she is using one of her days off to visit me. I am so grateful that she is coming!! I know a day in family court is not her first choice of places to spend a vacation day, but she knows how much it means to me to have her support. I will be sure to cook her a delicious meal to thank her

LexieCat

My suggestion is that you avoid dwelling too much on the past. Look, but don't live there.

You've got some good things going on in your life. Don't worry about finding Mr. Right--the people I know who seem to have the healthiest relationships found partners when they weren't really looking--they were living their lives as whole people on their own. That's where you are likely to meet people who will respect that, and who are likely to be doing the same. There isn't this desperate NEED to be with someone--it just happens naturally.

Glad you have someone lined up to go to court with you. You've got good employment and prospects, good friends in your life--like I said--good things. Focus on that.

stronger12879

It’s been a while since my last update… I’ve been busy putting the pieces of my life back together after my AXBF verbally and physically abused me, and I got a restraining order to keep him away. It’s been a little over 3 months since I broke up with the XABF, and over 2 months since I got the final restraining order. In that time, I got a job. I did a thorough spring cleaning of my apartment to make it my personal haven and sanctuary. I’ve made plans to return to school full-time, which I’ll be doing in August. With a generous scholarship offer from my school, and my family’s financial assistance, I am now able to pay what I owed on my student account, so that I can register for classes again. I’ll have my graduate degree by December 2013!!!!

I have been doing infinitely better since I made the decision to stand up for myself, recognize my self-worth, and remove permanently all negative people and influences from my life. I was raised to treat others with compassion and respect all the time. Anyone who does not treat me the same way does not deserve to be a part of my life, PERIOD!

So yesterday, upon checking my mail, I saw a big envelope from the XABF! I felt sick to my stomach immediately. I thought this was finally all behind me. Haven’t seen or heard from him since I first filed for the temporary restraining order. He never showed up for our scheduled court hearings, but based on my evidence (pictures of bruises he gave me etc), the judge in family court granted me the final protection order by default. I had the sheriff in my hometown send the paperwork over to the sheriff in his hometown, and verified that he was served with the order. So I know, that he knows, he is not supposed to contact me BY ANY MEANS, including mail!!! So last night, I went straight to my local police station to report this. I am not vindictive. It’s not that I want him to face possible jail time and/or a fine. But he is not respecting this restraining order. If I stay silent and don’t report it, he may mistakenly take that as an invitation to continue contacting me. Maybe next time it will be by email, or phone, or God forbid, in person!!! I am dead serious about wanting him out of my life. He abused and mistreated me, when I was always faithful and respectful and kind to him. I didn’t deserve what he did to me, and he doesn’t deserve to be a part of my life. He lost that privilege when he laid his hands on me. In my heart I have forgiven what he did to me. That was so that I could release all the anger and sadness that was plaguing me, free up my mind and heart so that I could move forward with hope and a positive outlook for my own life. But forgiving him does not mean he gets a second chance to be with me!!!

So yesterday a detective in the DV unit at the police station took a statement from me, made copies of the mail the XABF sent, which basically entailed a long letter saying how he had completed rehab, was so sorry for what he did, and wanted another chance. The detective is going to send that to the district attorney, who will make the decision whether or not to press charges against the XABF. The detective commended me for reporting the contact, which is forbidden by the court order. He basically said, many women in my situation, would not report something like this, because it may seem benign or non-threatening. But that could open up the door to further contact and violations of the protection order. He said I was doing the right thing in standing up for myself, making my boundaries crystal clear, and making sure that this protection order is enforced.

I’m happy I had the courage to report this. But I am nervous about what comes next. I’ve never in my life been through something like this. If the district attorney presses charges, does that mean my XABF has to stand trial for violating the order? Do I then have to appear in court to testify and see him again??? So many what if’s at this point. I’m just trying to stay calm and focused, continue handling my day to day responsibilities, and not get too carried away with anxiety about the unknown.

Peace and blessings to all of you! I know we all came to this site because of difficult circumstances in our lives, and I hope that your hardships are behind you now.