Rosiepetal

Hi SR friends
Just an update to let you know that xabf has now 1 month sober.
He is doing well. At the moment I think he is experiencing some shame for his past drunken mistakes & has some depression.
I continue to offer encouragement.
I am trying to learn as much as I can about recovery & am not putting any pressure on his life & continue to live mine.
Telling my children recently he was back in my life was the hardest. It made me realise the journey I face, the odds against sobriety & relationships & the risk I run of being hurt all over again.
The only reason I told the kids was because I have them 24/7 & wanted to know if they would be comfortable enough for coffee visits only at this stage.
The younger one had no problem & the older one gave me a lecture on the potential to get hurt again & my recovery etc etc but said it was my choice & she would accept coffee visits. (12 going on 30!)
At this stage I am still living one day at a time as it is the only way I can live & I find if I look into the future I get stressed. I can't predict what the future holds but I will live in the present.
I know a lot of you don't approve of my support for this man & I completely understand why but I am very happy he has managed 1 month sobriety.
I know that is nothing & a lifetime change is needed but it is a start.
Thanks for listening.

ZiggyB

Rosie,
That's nice, I hope he can keep it up for the long haul. One month is nothing to sneeze at. Nobody wants to see you get hurt, that's all...

zig

dollydo

I hope that you have made the right decision, not in regard to you, but in regard to your childrens emotional well-being.

Good Luck!

NYCDoglvr

I hope you don't expect much of a change after one month, it takes years of hard work to battle with the demons of alcoholism after someone stops drinking. Try to let go of expectations and above all, protect the children.

Tuffgirl

Rosie, I don't think it has to do with approval at all. Just concern that you proceed with caution. Don't let hope and optimism cloud your good judgement.

owathu

Nevermind. I am in a mood.

Loveblossom79

you sound similar to me! My now sober boyfriend (he was very much an ex at 1mo sober) is hitting his 90 days sober mark next week. The difference is a breath of fresh air, but it's hard to reconnect fully when you've been hurt to such a degree so many times I have a daughter (who sounds similar to yours) and that conversation to allow him back in our lives was a tough one for sure. She is now completely OK with the situation (he stays overnight sometimes and we go out and do things all together, but he won't be moving back in with us for at least a year). I've found that talking to her about it has helped a lot. Part of us being able to even get to this stage was him embracing AA and going to regular meetings. The message being that even if you really mess up, you can pick yourself back up again and help yourself be a better person...this is a good message for kids (that and, no matter what you ALWAYS have me). I take things 1 day at a time with my bf and just try to enjoy the lack of drama...it will take awhile for me to relax enough to really fall back in love with him though...and you know what? That's ok too.

thislonelygirl

Wonderful that you have included your kids . They should be made aware st this point
And your daughter sounds very level headed hopefully everything works out . Just take of yourself and kids first. Best wishes

Rosiepetal

Thank you for your responses.
I've always been honest with my children & I will put them & me first.