you sound similar to me! My now sober boyfriend (he was very much an ex at 1mo sober) is hitting his 90 days sober mark next week. The difference is a breath of fresh air, but it's hard to reconnect fully when you've been hurt to such a degree so many times
I have a daughter (who sounds similar to yours) and that conversation to allow him back in our lives was a tough one for sure. She is now completely OK with the situation (he stays overnight sometimes and we go out and do things all together, but he won't be moving back in with us for at least a year). I've found that talking to her about it has helped a lot. Part of us being able to even get to this stage was him embracing AA and going to regular meetings. The message being that even if you really mess up, you can pick yourself back up again and help yourself be a better person...this is a good message for kids (that and, no matter what you ALWAYS have me). I take things 1 day at a time with my bf and just try to enjoy the lack of drama...it will take awhile for me to relax enough to really fall back in love with him though...and you know what? That's ok too.