ilovehim1104

What does that mean "perfect wife for an addict"?

CarrieTX

That I made it very easy for him. I was a great enabler

AtATotalLoss

So sad But I think you sound like an amazing gal that has a very healthy respect for what a fraught situation you were treading into.
Hang in there!!

CarrieTX

I do believe people in active recovery can be desirable partners. I have many friends, certainly not all of my friends, who are in recovery and live happy healthy lives with functional romantic relationships. I knew there was a risk in dating him, but given what I knew of his recovery program and his amount of time sober decided I would give it a chance. His relapse doesn't make it wrong for me to have done so. It just means that I continued until I saw evidence that he wasnt solid in his recovery. And yes, I do have some codependent traits that can surface from time to time. That is part of my own path.

Re making you "question this whole therapy counseling stuff", therapists are human too. It is much easier to see other's dysfunction than our own. It is much easier to be a therapist than to be a person dealing with relationships at times.

Florence

Therapists are people. People make mistakes, rectify their mistakes, and sometimes have difficult or failed relationships. There's no way in hell I would ever want to see a therapist that had never experienced disappointing or dysfunctional relationships. My favorite therapist had experienced serious rejection from her family of origin as a young adult and figured out a way to make a life regardless of losing her family and dealing with depression. She changed my life.

Hollyanne

The best therapists are those that understand from personal experience.
Not everything can be learned from a book.

ilovehim1104

I know therapists are people to not questioning that its just My exabf was in great active recovery and so was I for codependency but I get confused because I read so much about this and that and how wrong I am.for the actions or wanting to stick around when he was in recovery and doing well thats I should just move on and past it then I read that a therapist whom was not the same one who told me to.get away from.exabf and then.tobfind out a therapist who dates addicts that part is what it confused me as to why I couldnt remain hopefully.I knw loving.me and working mx own codependent recovery is firstvor for most but again.I am human and my exabf was desirable as carrietx had mentioned I guess its like this.everyone has and.opinion of.whats right and wrong but to.each there own is how i am feeling. But def never meant any disrespect to the situation.but how diff.am I than those wifes or husband still working side by side and providing support.to their current addict bf/gf or husband/wife

allforcnm

From my understanding relapse signals a need for a renewed commitment to treatment. But if relapse happens over and over, under the same treatment plan (in this case AA); then it seem logical this plan may not be providing your ex with all he needs for his specific recovery. Has he ever broke out of this pattern? Tried other treatment options ? Private therapy, outpatient, inpatient, other types of group support? To me, crazy is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different result.....

mely86

[QUOTE=CarrieTX;3786472]It's also crazy how quickly my life can get crazy when I'm close to someone who uses.


Wow! I thought I was the only one here...U don't know how much I can simpathise with u on this....After only one year with my ex addicted bf I was all messed up and honestly I cannot say who was being more disfunctional me or him....I thought it was me to be particularly weak to start the path of codependency and loose control so quickly...and maybe it can be...who knows, someone could respond much better than me...All i know is that suddendly anxiety started and fear and confusion...he dragged me there, with both hands.