Momzo

First contact since 12/15/12. He texted me this below:

Happy new year. I heard my stuff is in garage. need a couple things. then will get rest soon. maybe tonight. or actually this weekend. little brat. miss u baby but this is what u wanted babe. ur still r a good girl

It broke my heart. I wanted to text back saying how hard it was for me to do this and tell him why...again... but I didn't. I've been so sad before when we were together and he didn't care or change then. I'm so hurt though. A stupid voice in my head tells me that maybe I'm wrong about all of this. Why do I feel that? Why is this so hard? Is it bad to trust your guy instinct?

Anyway, I texted him back this: I didn't put in garage yet. I wont be able to put in garage until tomorrow

I don't want to see him...I'm scared I'll fold and he'll see me cry and tell me it's all my fault again and that I wanted this.

Please advise...support...thanks

Kimmieh

I don't know how many times I read this from my XABF! If you ask me, it's pure manipulation: "hey, it sucks, but this is what you wanted. If I tell you that I love you, you will miss me and feel bad that you did this to us and take me back."

And "little brat" and "good girl"? Maybe it's just me, but the red flags go up when I read this.

MsPINKAcres

for me I had to remember these phrases & repeat them aloud often . . .

"Nothing changes if nothing changes"

"If you want something different you have to do something different"

When I had to go back to the house to get my stuff I asked to be able to do it when he wasn't there ~ it was safer & saner for everyone involved ~

just my e, s, & h ~

pink hugs ~

ReflectingOnMe

Sending thoughts your way. I hope you are able to really dissect his message, a lot of times I get distracted by the "baby and babe" titles. It is so very difficult, all of it. We are here for you.

Impurrfect

Just my 2 cents, but I always hated the "this is what you wanted". No, what I WANTED was a partner who contributed to the relationship and didn't put me second to alcohol or drugs. Don't know about you, but even after I repeatedly said something along the lines of "if this keeps up, I will leave" it kept up.

Soooo, don't fall into the guilt trip he's trying to lay on you. HE made the decision of continuing to drink and you were wise enough to give him the dignity to live his life as he chooses.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Momzo

well his next text was very short... 'K thnx. Thats all I wondered.'

I didn't bite his bait...it is manipulation...you are so right on that! and I HATE being called babe!

I'll put all of his stuff in the garage tomorrow and I won't have to see him get it. Much better that way.

Thanks...more to come...

Sungrl

They tell us it's what WE wanted because it takes all accountability and responsibility off of them. Typical alcoholic manipualtion. Like was said a post or so before, we wanted a happy healthy relationship with a peer. Not a one sided hell fest with an immature a hole.

Said

Momzo, you were so smart to keep it short and sweet and detatched! I know how hard it is-you just want to go to them and tell them how you feel-but you'll continue to go to the hardware store for bread, and then you'll feel used, and worse. You want to believe there is something salvagable after all the time and effort, but your instinct is right- there just isn't and they don't really care. Stay strong! Is there any way you can be away from the house when he comes? (hugs!)

bamboo10

I got something not as bad but similar last night-i didnt answer. is there a way you could have a friend or something meet him for him to get his stuff? That way you dont have to see him.

fourmaggie

just put everything on the front lawn and put a great big sign FREE to take...and be down with it...

or put it in the garage for something to hold on to him by....

YOUR CHOICE...

Rosiepetal

So sorry your going through the mind games through text.
I had one to me saying "I want you" on Xmas day but he was with his new girlfriend & his drinking had upset her so he turned to me.
Says it all really aye. Lucky I had no coverage & didn't get it til 2 days later.
Try to stay strong, there are many good things ahead if you focus on yourself.
Hugs.:ghug3

Shadydeal

Good for you for being so strong and handling things as you did!! These text use to real me right back in which was the intent! Smart Girl!

redatlanta

He went fishing and you didn't bite - congrats!

Listen to your gut if you feel seeing him would be a mistake DON'T. Have a friend meet with him or move his stuff to storage.

Momzo

My garage is detached. I plan on moving all of his stuff into the garage this weekend. I will text him and tell him he has until march 1st to get his belongings. He has to tell me when he's coming. If he don't come by march 1, I will assume his belongings abandoned and I will take ownership. I believe that's fair...what do you think? I can be home when he gets his stuff...but I don't have to see him. However, I will make sure I'm not home on that day.

It's still so hard for me to understand how and why he don't understand what he's done. I went out with a 'normal' guy friend last night and had a blast! Talked and laughed for hours! I couldn't remember the last time my XABF and I did that...most of our conversations were all about him. I never got to say anything...when I would attempt, he would trump me with talk about him. Sick.

I have to change my way of thinking...I don't like to be angry or bitter. I'll look at is as tough love...like we do with our kids. I'm letting him go regardless that I still love him so hopefully he can wake up. If not, then let him find someone that will love him for all he is. We both don't need the arguing and fighting everyday.

I feel pretty strong today 😉 I hope to keep it that way!

Thanks for your posts! I deeply appreciate it!

Jennie

Carol Star

I would tell him exactly when they would be in the garage and I would be gone......if he didn't get them......put them outside the garage under a tarp and tell him. I took my X's stuff to his aunts garage......done......didn't have to see him.......stuff was safe.

Momzo

You are right...I don't want to be his storage garage. He doesn't have anyone around here for me to take his stuff to....his ex wife lives close, but I don't want to do that to her

FindingJoy

I've fallen for many texts like that from my EXRABF. He still writes them even after a year of sobriety. The latest was " I finally like my self enough to move on from you." WOW that was painful but I reminded my self that was all manipulation.

Real question is why am I even reading his messages. :-/

BoxinRotz

I'd give him til 2/6/13 and then get rid of it. That's 30 days plus 2+ weeks since he's left. If not collected, consider it abandoned... keep it, GoodWill it or trash it. DONE!

Momzo

BoxnRotz, I like your timeframe better 😄.

He's been gone since 12/16/12. It's been very peaceful at my house. I can come home straight from work with no worries of how he will be. Worrying about his lies. I miss some things. But then I realize that what I don't like out weights what I did. I hope he realizes what he's losing, but I'm sure he won't. I took care of him and his kids. All I did for him.. vanishes...poof!

I'm going to start spoiling the one person I've been neglecting these past years...me!

Maylie

Great job not taking the bait.

It makes my stomach turn when they still send messages saying babe, baby, love, miss you, etc. "This is what you wanted" just makes me laugh. If we got what we wanted life would be so so so different.

I agree with giving him a small time line and then not being there when he picks his stuff up. I'm sure he will have a plan in mind with some saying to say to try to get you back. If only they put half the effort into changing their lives that they put into manipulating then things would be so different.