Rosiepetal

Ok I knew this time would come but I just bumped into the alcoholic ex. We talked & discussed being friends. Me being stupid me just had to ask if he had a new partner, he said yes, I asked if it was the ex which I'd been suspicious of even when we were going out together & he said yes. I am very very upset. I said that he would just hurt her with his drinking & he said he wasn't drinking that once.
I am devastated.
I left.
He went straight to her.
I hate him.
I hope he drinks real bad & screws it all up & looses her because I want him to hurt like he's hurt me.
My marriage ended (20yr relationship) when my husband went off with my best mate.
Now my 2nd long term relationship ended & he goes straight to the arms of another women. Hey they were probably doing it while we were together.
I called him a w3331*er & left. Then our cars met & I extended my finger to him.
I'm a wreck & now I have to go & be joyous at a Christmas Parade.
Please help me friends, I am soooo crushed, it hurts real bad.
I want to leave town so I don't have to bump into both of them.

SparkleKitty

((((((rosiepetal)))))))

I wish I could siphon off all that pain and anger. You have to know he knew exactly what to say to you to really hurt you. Who really knows what is true...and even if it is, he is her problem now. He has not changed, just changed partners. She is not getting the best of him, while YOU are getting stronger and more empowered everyday.

Hang on there. We're here.

LoveMeNow

I am sorry for your pain. She is his problem now...not yours!! After you get healthy, you will meet a wonderful new man and experience a new love like never before. They will be stuck in their own misery.

Where do you want to be in a year? Keep that image, and go for it!!!!

Tuffgirl

Let it hurt right now. Feel the anger, pain, disappointment of the lost fantasy. And then know that is what she has too. A fantasy. And she'll end up an ex all over again, just like you are now. You know this already. Right now your emotions are overshadowing it.

He can't hurt like you. He's a drunk, and until he gets sober and starts dealing with real life, he won't hurt. That's the beauty of drugs. You don't feel anything.

But you get real life, the good, the bad, and the ugly. You are going to be ok. He's still going to be a drunk.

Rosie, there's a nice man out there waiting for a woman like you. Trick is, having the patience and confidence to wait for and weed through the lousy ones until you find him. Hang in there.
~T

ZiggyB

Hi Rosie,
I am sorry... I once ran into a boyfriend of mine while he was holding hands with an ex, we weren't even broken up yet! It is truly a horrible feeling to know they are with someone else, jealousy, pain, anger. Just remember why you and he broke up, he was not the man you needed him to be and most likely he will make her life miserable too... anyway I hope you feel better soon!

hugs,
-z

TakingCharge999

Rosie,

I too bumped on the xabf and the new gf.. many times.. it was the worst period of my life. You can make it through this pain! Use his hurting attitude and his hurting words as PROOF he is not someone worthy of your time. Remember him at his worst and know that he is still the same person.

This happened to me 4 years ago and my conclusion is that HP spared me of pain and saved me from even worse harm. There are good hearted people. I just need to value myself and feel I am worthy of love and attention.

List all the good things that you bring to the table and remember you deserve NOTHING LESS than what you are able to give.

Feel the feelings but know it will pass. There are beautiful things for YOU, you still have your own life to live, and to enjoy; this is just a period. It certainly WON'T feel like this forever.

I truly know, now, that if anyone was a 'winner' or 'got away' from the situation.. it was me.. still with honesty and chances to live real stuff, no longer fantasies, manipulation, deceit, careless actions, etc. That is an addict's world and I no longer want to live there.

It is a true gift to come out of denial - hurts like hell but you are given back your LIFE, imho.

Hugs, hugs, you can do this, I swear.

Confetti

I am sorry for your pain. It hurts. The things he said were so hurtful, and he knew it, that is why he said it.

Remember why you left and how hard you worked to get where you are.

Sending you positive thoughts and lots of hugs.

Learn2Live

AXBF had a new GF before he ever left here. Yes it hurt to be betrayed. But honestly, I didn't let it hurt me that he had a new GF. Because I KNOW, regardless of the words that come out of his mouth, that his actions had NOTHING to do with me. He did all that he did because of who he CHOOSES to be-a narcissistic a$$hole. Another reason I was able to keep from feeling hurt by it is because when I saw the pic of the two of them together, I noticed he had taken the pic with his cell phone, the SAME EXACT POSE he would have us take our pics in. The charade was just so obvious to me! I just looked at the picture, shook my head, and wished the new GF luck in my mind. She looked like a deer in headlights. She has no idea what's in store for her.

Yes, I loved him, with all of my heart. But I've got to be honest with myself and recognize that the drama, chaos, self-absorbtion, and dysfunction that comes with his smiling face is beyond exhausting. It's life-altering. I'm still trying to recover from it, and it's been almost 5 months.

Try to recognize, too, that running into him provided you a special opportunity. An opportunity to revisit exactly how it feels to associate with him. That will never change. Now make a plan for what you will do next time you run into him. I, personally, would turn tail and get the eff out of there before a single word is exchanged. I don't recommend you become "friends" with him. His definition of "friend" likely is nothing even remotely close to your's.

Rosiepetal

I got through Xmas parade just, had my best mate & her kids & my family with me. I can't parent tonight, I just can't, have asked Mum to have kids overnight. I am a trainwreck & alone when kids gone.
My exabf used to live with this women. Why did they break up all those years ago (very long time ago)? You've got to wonder. Personally i think she could be Adult child of alcoholic parent, I'm sure she's a codie. When she couldn't get him she took his brother. She lived out of town, met up with brother & within weeks was ready to move back here. I thought that was fast & weird & he is nice straight normal guy. They broke up. When Ex went to see her she had a boyfriend. within a week she hasn't! She was bloody waiting for him all along & I knew it. It caused mistrust in our relationship, he thought I was overreacting of course but it has now been justified.
I actually felt her.
I have these feelings some times where things come true.
One night I was with ex & I said to him I had all these bad feelings surrounding him & I couldn't explain them. That night he got into a fight with a young fella (not exs fault) but then I knew why I had these feelings.
Before ex went to his ex I sensed her. Then found out that was exactly where he was going.
All my mistrust was true.
My daughter thinks I'm physic lol!
I text after our meeting that I never want to see him again & why did he give up drinking for her & not me. what did he reply?
I'm having one now actually (2pm).
Talk about slap you in the face. I texted that he obviously thought he was funny to hurt me.
He replied later to get over it, go back to that great women I am.
WTF.
What the one I was before I met him & got screwed over?

thislonelygirl

oh rosiepetal. hes a loser. any man who would trample on someone else and then move right on over to the next thing is no man worth the tears or pain. he is a mess and you had supported and dealt with him not the other way around. now he is doing the right thing.....good for him .....until he moves to the next thing with her. some people are selfish cruel and unworthy of a second glance.

i had been cheated on as well . i too had a feeling i actually had a dream i caught my ex wigth a woman named nicole.....then months later at the end of the relationship i learned he was cheating on me with his ex named nicole . i had never met her, knew her name so forth. i guess theres a reason he didnt tell me about her. he was a dog.
the same instance has happened to me 2 other times and i too had friends say it was psychic of me lol. strange things happen

Learn2Live

Those "psychic" thoughts and feelings you have? They are called Instincts. I've learned I've got to trust them, no matter what. So many of us become so far out of touch with ourselves and our feelings for so many different reasons that we do not even recognize our own inner voice. I've had to practice hearing that voice again.

And yes, RosiePetal, he is an a$$ but even he is telling you he is not worth what you're doing to yourself brooding over this loser. I am certain that what attracted him to you in the first place was your STRENGTH. They always choose strong partners because we strong ones are persistent in our relationships and have the resources to take care of them. But we allow these sick people in our lives who have the ability to destroy not only themselves but us too!

We have to find a way to regain that old strength.

dollydo

I am so very sorry, you have just confirmed that he is an azzhat, you are so much better off without him.

Be kind to yourself this weekend, do something special....for you.

eveleivibe

Hugs so very sorry.
Hee is just a complete ******* n you are better off without him.
He's now this women's problem n karma is a ****

Here if you need to talk pm me anytime.
Big hugs
Evey xxx

lovesunandsnow

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this pain. I feel for you. This week I ran into my ex-abf for the first time since he left me homeless in August of this year. Yes he would not pay any bills and made sure I was out of money and went back to his ex-addict girlfriend that he had a kid with because just so happens she moved back to Seattle where we were living, all in the same month.

It was a blow like no other, I could not get off the floor from crying, and thought I was going to die and I think something did inside.

Not only did I have nowhere to live I also had to deal with the pain I felt inside that he walked away, my Mom was sick, not a dime to my name and no job. It is completely life altering to be with an alcoholic. A year ago I had a savings account with money in it, vehicles, an RV and a home. Now I have no money, but by a miracle I was able to save my home, for now! Just in a year.

So remember it hurts now but your strength will come back and when it dose you’ll look back and say what was I doing with him, and also she can have him. That is my hope for me to. I want to look back and just know that a year in a half of my life was a mistake and I moved on to something better because I’m stronger than him.

He will always drink and being back with his ex-gf she is okay with his actions. He disappears for days at a time, no call, no nothing and also to his work he would disappear but they both take him back. So I have come to the point of they can have him.

When I ran into him he was on the side of the street smoking his nasty cigarettes, face was pale white and so thin it looks like he has lost more weight. He just never eats because all he wants is beer. After seeing that and his reaction to me of was a look of complete shock it has made me understand I don’t want him back.

I want what I thought I had when I meet him. Before I know how much he drank, before I paid for everything, before all of his manipulation and lies. That is all I miss and if I could go back I would have told myself to listen to my gut, it was telling me something is not right about this guy.

It will get better, keep your head up and just know the other woman is nothing special to him and she might have a clue he is a drunk but really she is just an object until he is done with that to. That is what I’m finally coming to understanding and I hope you do to.

Much love and light to you!

fluffyflea

Ugh what a jerk. Don,t be friends.

Hugs to you.

peaches08

I agree with others, don't be friends with this guy. Don't talk to him, his mom...they are no longer your problem. This exGF has stepped up to the challenge (again?), then let her have it. What is she really gaining anyway? For him to toy with her again? Oh yippee! How do I join?!

Truly, I'm not trying to make light of your hurt. At all. It hurt me to find out my ex had been all over one of my friends. Even though he got rejected, it hurt nonetheless. It took me a while to realize that the pain I was feeling was not about losing him, it was about losing my fantasy of him. I rmemeber crying over the thoughts of the future I had hoped for...the future! Not the present! Not the past! I was hoping that this time he could do just a few nights a week with no alcohol...what a fool I was. And aside from his disrespect towards me, how about the disrespect I showed myself?! That was eye opening.

Am I completely healed from all this? No. I need to get to the root of whatever is going on with me that I ever thought about a future with that clown. Big hugs and good luck to you, and keep posting!

Anon12

I"m sorry to hear what you're going through - what a childish reply to your text. As for his new/ex GF, sounds she won a real prize there - you are well shot of him. Doesn't mean it won't hurt though and I know no matter how someone behaves, you can still love them. You are worth more though so kick him to the kerb.

Rosiepetal

Thank you so much friends. Your guidance is what is saving me.
I know the new/old ex is taking on a man that won't be emotionally available, and she's doing it for the 2nd time! I told him she'd been lying in wait for him until we split (she had boyfriend a few weeks back then he conveniently disappeared & crossed paths while we were still going out) & he said "well I haven't been lying in wait for her"
Poor girl, says it all really eh?
I drove to work this morning feeling fine & who did I meet right in front of my eyes in his car but him.
My heart felt like it was going to leap out of my chest. Hate that feeling.
I said out loud : Whatever major looser.
We live 2 blocks away from each, far too close.
I know he's all wrong for me but the hurt & grief remain & I will go back to one day at a time for now.

peaches08

Block his and the mom's phone number from your phone while you're at it. Seriously. His mom and new GF have each other to rely on now while "raising" this guy.

Rosiepetal

Thanks Peaches.
I don't think there will be any further contact except when I bump into them which I am dreading.
How do I react if I'm out on the social scene (doesn't happen much but Xmas events coming up) & see them together?
I'm not sure I'll handle it.