fourmaggie

remember they are in the HONEYMOON phase....thats it...

your a smart woman, you are out of that coatic crap...i agree, do something for you..nails, feet, hair done...just do!

TakingCharge999

Well if you spot them in a social occasion you can get some distance away from them. Or leave. Or stay for a shorter time. Or avoid going at all, if you know they are going to be there..?

I used to ask 'why should I avoid events just because of them'? I went, the heartbreak was not worth it. I decided taking care of myself included removing myself from situations that brought me sadness, that it was about ME not the others. I decided I could celebrate stuff later when I felt like it. surrounded by healthier people and not feeling dread at the same time!

I also saw XABF and GF EVERYWHERE, it was almost a joke, and the city was not that small. When I started healing -took time- *magically* I never ran into them again. I feel people appear so you are aware of the emotions you got to heal, its like torture but in the end you become stronger! and when the moment arrives where you actually stop caring, you want to throw a party, its awesome.. hang in there Rosiepetal


Learn2Live, it can be funny indeed, my ex dedicated the new GF the same songs he dedicated to me LOL! Way to make a woman feel special !! Some people told me she even looked a bit like me.. sheesh

They could throw a monkey with makeup and they would make it their GF and parade 'her' around town. I agree with the others, for active addicts people are just tools. It has nothing to do with healthy relationships. Or even break ups with 'normies'- I never had an ex boyfriend move right away to a new person AND parade it to me. Its the addiction really, a mechanism so they can go 'see! I got someone! I DO NOT have a problem!" .. because deep down, someone leaving their life sheds light on their addiction - and they don't like that.

TakingCharge999

Someone had already placed this image in an older thread.

TakingCharge999

Great reading
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...special-i.html

lovesunandsnow

Thank you so much for posting this. I just read it and wow I was that special woman that the ex-gf was so bad he had to leave her for me! EX-ABF used all those lines and more. Good one to read.

Mrshat

Why is it that we know in our hearts we are much better off without the negativity that comes from being in a relationship with an a. But it is so painful to move forward. We spend years crying, screaming, loving, hating, etc etc just to have to walk away because its so unbearable being around them. We all know we have the capability to cope but can't. We weep we break we mourn we loose. But ultimately we have to win, don't we? If we help each other and give each other strength we will survive. I am very early on my journey and know that when and if my ah finds a new partner she will take on extremely damaged goods. Good luck take each meeting each new challenge in your stride and get strength from within. We all have it somewhere we just have to stay strong and strength will come.

fourmaggie

lmao

why? because we are CO DEPENDENTS thats why

read Melody Beatties books...so comforting and many time the "aah ha" moments

Rosiepetal

Taking charge, that photo is so funny I think I might put the exs name under it, print it out & use it to help me see the light side.
Thank you so much.

cr995

Oh So sorry you are feeling like this. I can really identify with you. I have felt like this too. But while I have not had the mis-fortune to set eyes on them together I know that they are together living in my house, using all the things I planned to use for 'our' family. The more I see though, and the more hurtful things that are said and done by STBXAH, I start to believe I am a nice and good person and do not want to be with such a horrible person. I think only a certain kind of person gets involved with somebody who is already in a relationship. Finally I really believe in karma. Those who cause suffering will end up suffering for what they have done, but it is not our place to follow them into that cesspool or punish them. I must have gained only the teeny tiniest bit of self-esteem recently but it's enough to make me know that I will not be treated like dirt. If you cannot cherish me go find someone else to treat like dirt. People are as they are if they treat one person badly they can treat all people badly, they have no integrity. One day you feel sorry for this man. That you feel so hurt is a credit to you, because you can love and it is normal to feel your feelings unlike him. Yes I agree things happen for a reason and you are facing your feelings. I watched 'When Love is not enough' the other evening, a film I had been avoiding. It resonated with me so much and I wept buckets but we have to let the gremlins out otherwise they stay in there and hurt us like razor blades whizzing around.

I know I have all these horrid things ahead of me and I am sorry any of us have to feel like this. But I am starting to feel some little pieces of happiness and suspect what is in front of me is so good. If you had stayed with this person you would have a horrid partner. He is lying about giving up drinking , if he could give up like that he would not be an alcoholic. Think of it like a brain tumour, thats what I do, you wouldn't expect reason or rationality from such a person, you would just realize they are controlled by a horrible disease that makes them less than honorable, not the kind of person you would like your child to grow into.

I have been remembering a lot about the happy childhood I had and how much love I felt. I now look forward to living a loving life with my now adult children and my extended family. I remember that there was a time I was treated well and it's wonderful to know I have a family who love me even if they are all involved in their own lives, their good intentions for me mean a lot.

Thinking of your Rosiepetal *Hugs*

Carol Star

this too shall pass

Learn2Live

So funny TC! And that monkey! Hilarious!

Learn2Live

Why? To be honest, I have found that it is because I LET myself react this way. I KNOW I have the ability to not drag it out like this but for some strange reason, I keep wallowing in my friggin feelings! IDK WHY I do this but I do. It's like I do it because I'm supposed to. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't feel the pain, I really do and it's intense. But I know I am overreacting and I want to let it go, but feel like I can't. Or like if I do, the entire world will be all wrong.

Does that make me a drama queen? Just sensitive? Overreacting? Immature? IDK.

Shadydeal

I am sorry! I am well aware of how very painful this and really makes you feel worse than you already felt! Even a bigger rejection! For me when this would happen I had/have this crazy idea that things had changed since he found someone new that his life was great now, clean, happy and everything coming together. I know it was crazy to think that but still I did but the truth was ALWAYS that things were even worse for him. So, If you can tell yourself that (likely true anyway) and try to tell yourself to be so very grateful it isn't your problem it might help easy some pain. Easier sad than done but certainly true! People don't fix their problems and change over night. Hang in there! Try to take care of yourself!

ZiggyB

I had to go to therapy to get through this one myself... I realized I didn't want to let go of the pain and hurt because I didn't truly believe I deserved happiness.

Learn2Live

That makes sense Ziggy. I also feel like if I let go of it, then who am I now? What am I left with? As if the emptiness will be even more empty because now there is nothing but nothing.

ZiggyB

Right, my therapist also told me I didn't want to let go because there was a big void in my life and nothing to replace it with. So I've been trying to stay busy and focus on my hobbies as well as getting out there and meeting new people. But I still have a few bad days here and there. Last night I was crying a bit for what was.... but mostly I can't believe what a creep he turned into. My big problem to overcome now is FEAR. Fear of intimacy. Fear of falling for another a*hole. Fear of getting hurt again. I don't think my heart can take being broken another time.