He's sober- He's get's the praise -n- a cute chip- And what do I get?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
bobby...you don't deserve a chip. That's right, you heard me right...you don't deserve it.
You deserve a frickin' gold palace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You'll never get one though, neither will I.
There!
I will validate your resentment!
GRRRRRRRRRRRR!
You deserve a frickin' gold palace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You'll never get one though, neither will I.
There!
I will validate your resentment!
GRRRRRRRRRRRR!
My emotional baggage
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 285
You know what bites, I left because he would not stop drinking and was abusive. He gets to stay in the house, have all the good stuff from the house. Still visit the kids. Keep all our friends.
I get majority of the lawyer bills, stress to the breaking point everytime the kids go visit, visit to councelors for the kids and myself. Stress because he won't pay child support. Fear that they will take my car at anytime, due to late bills.
But you know what, I would never, never, never go back. I get to see my kids starting to heal. I found out who my real friends are. I am learning to seperate what I need from what I want. I rediscovered my voice. I remembered I am strong. A lot of days I don't want to but I am fighting to have a life I can be proud of.
He gets to live in the big house by himself and drink.
I get majority of the lawyer bills, stress to the breaking point everytime the kids go visit, visit to councelors for the kids and myself. Stress because he won't pay child support. Fear that they will take my car at anytime, due to late bills.
But you know what, I would never, never, never go back. I get to see my kids starting to heal. I found out who my real friends are. I am learning to seperate what I need from what I want. I rediscovered my voice. I remembered I am strong. A lot of days I don't want to but I am fighting to have a life I can be proud of.
He gets to live in the big house by himself and drink.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Back East
Posts: 704
Originally Posted by BobbyJ 
This was a weird one for me today.
From what I was told from a few of his friends
he posted on his facebook, that he has been sober
for 8 month's now. He got the chip. They are SOooo Happy for him.
{insert: sacrastic remark -Oh, isnt that nice!!!!}....Ugggg
From what I was told from a few of his friends
he posted on his facebook, that he has been sober
for 8 month's now. He got the chip. They are SOooo Happy for him.
{insert: sacrastic remark -Oh, isnt that nice!!!!}....Ugggg
Do you go to Al-Anon?
T
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Originally Posted by 4MyBoys
I rediscovered my voice. I remembered I am strong. A lot of days I don't want to but I am fighting to have a life I can be proud of.
He gets to live in the big house by himself and drink.
He gets to live in the big house by himself and drink.
Great post.
I don't miss the big house either, nor the fancy liquor cabinet.
There's the words I needed today...FIGHTING TO HAVE A LIFE I CAN BE PROUD OF.
Thank-you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
tromboneliness
Yes. I go to Alanon...Have now for 2 years
Have I learned new things about me? Yes
Am I healed? No
Am I honest with what I feel? Yes
Do I hide what I feel? No
Have I come to the right place to share? Yes
Did I ever dream that I would be posting on a site like this or going to Alanon class? No
Does it irk me, still, even after 2 years? Yes
Yes. I go to Alanon...Have now for 2 years
Have I learned new things about me? Yes
Am I healed? No
Am I honest with what I feel? Yes
Do I hide what I feel? No
Have I come to the right place to share? Yes
Did I ever dream that I would be posting on a site like this or going to Alanon class? No
Does it irk me, still, even after 2 years? Yes
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 209
I understand what you're saying..
I get so tired of all the back patting, praise, and other rah rah's they get and expect for not drinking for 1 day, 1 week, etc....yay for me, tell me how great I am..blech.
Well, bully for them. LOL
I get so tired of all the back patting, praise, and other rah rah's they get and expect for not drinking for 1 day, 1 week, etc....yay for me, tell me how great I am..blech.
Well, bully for them. LOL
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 21
This may not be the most inspirational post - but when I kicked out my alcoholic fiance I too had feelings like these. However, when I worked a fourth step and stated all my resentments at him and then got to that column where I had to list my part in it, I realized a lot.
I realized that I had been self seeking and selfish - seeking validation from someone who was sick and could clearly not give it to me. I had not been considerate of the fact that he had a terrible life threatening disease and I did not do the appropriate steps of distancing with love which would have also of saved me a lot of grief in the process. I realized that I was not a victim in the situation BUT a volunteer. I got what I was willing to put up with, until I was no longer willing to put up with it.
That was when I was finally willing and able to let go of my anger and my resentment when I realized that my expectations of what my AF should of been and not he really was clouded my perceptions of reality. Would a normal person lean on an active alcoholic for emotional support, expect consistent monetary support from them, etc? No. I learned that until I was able to validate my own self worth and stop putting other people, places, and things as my higher power (which are all fallible - meaning they will ALWAYS fail me) that I would always be unhappy and disappointed. My sponsor always tells me now - "Climb down from your cross, we need the wood." To remind me that I am not this victim crucified up next to Christ on the hill - I am an active volunteer in these decisions in my life. And now I realize that I can decide to hold a resentment or not. That doesn't mean it's easy for me to let things go, but I at least know now that I have the active choice. And good god do I wish someone would have told me sooner.
I realized that I had been self seeking and selfish - seeking validation from someone who was sick and could clearly not give it to me. I had not been considerate of the fact that he had a terrible life threatening disease and I did not do the appropriate steps of distancing with love which would have also of saved me a lot of grief in the process. I realized that I was not a victim in the situation BUT a volunteer. I got what I was willing to put up with, until I was no longer willing to put up with it.
That was when I was finally willing and able to let go of my anger and my resentment when I realized that my expectations of what my AF should of been and not he really was clouded my perceptions of reality. Would a normal person lean on an active alcoholic for emotional support, expect consistent monetary support from them, etc? No. I learned that until I was able to validate my own self worth and stop putting other people, places, and things as my higher power (which are all fallible - meaning they will ALWAYS fail me) that I would always be unhappy and disappointed. My sponsor always tells me now - "Climb down from your cross, we need the wood." To remind me that I am not this victim crucified up next to Christ on the hill - I am an active volunteer in these decisions in my life. And now I realize that I can decide to hold a resentment or not. That doesn't mean it's easy for me to let things go, but I at least know now that I have the active choice. And good god do I wish someone would have told me sooner.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
Originally Posted by EnglishGarden
If an addict's facebook page isn't humble, then there's something missing. In my opinion.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
I was addicted to alcohol and drugs and left my family holding the bag. BobbyJ, I think it is a perfectly normal response to feel resentment, acknowledge it, and let it pass without trying to assign some sort of defect to your own character. I am now alcohol and drug free and have been for quite some time. I hold the bag of the mess I made and I do not think I deserve any kudos for doing the very things I should have been doing all along. It is my personal opinion that our society coddles addicts, recovered or not. Again, my personal opinion. Best to you and I wish you much peace. 
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