5 days to go...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
5 days to go...
until he moves out and signs already point to him lining up another woman.
He went out yesterday, drinking as usual, but he wore his best shirt, had a shower and made himself look slightly respectable rather than sporting his usual "homeless chic style".
I wonder when/if he will tell me or if I'll accidentally find out?
He needs an enabler right?
He went out yesterday, drinking as usual, but he wore his best shirt, had a shower and made himself look slightly respectable rather than sporting his usual "homeless chic style".
I wonder when/if he will tell me or if I'll accidentally find out?
He needs an enabler right?
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 317
Chances are, you're right but try not to focus on that....focus on you. It hurts I know. Living it myself but it doesn't matter what he does or who he's with, he has given up on your life together and you can't control it. You'll drive yourself crazy...I did too. Know that you are worth more and deserve better. Keep telling yourself the good things until you believe it! Appearances...you know what the next enabler is getting, not healthy! Remove yourself from chaos.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
He is here drunk now. Taking in a low voice to the kids so I can't hear most of what he is saying. He is manipulating them.
"You know if you don't want to come here after school you can just jump on a bus and come to my place."
"Macdonalds and KFC are just over the road from my place."
"Help me choose a new computer for my place."
Oh and the cracker: "I need a really good computer because I'm going back to Uni next year."
BACK? What does he mean by BACK? He has FAILED so many educational programs because he is so fecking DRUNK all the time. His student loans entail thousands and thousands of dollars.
edited because I just heard him instruct the kids where to scatter his ashes as they are his next of kin now...
My head really feels like it will explode.
"You know if you don't want to come here after school you can just jump on a bus and come to my place."
"Macdonalds and KFC are just over the road from my place."
"Help me choose a new computer for my place."
Oh and the cracker: "I need a really good computer because I'm going back to Uni next year."
BACK? What does he mean by BACK? He has FAILED so many educational programs because he is so fecking DRUNK all the time. His student loans entail thousands and thousands of dollars.
edited because I just heard him instruct the kids where to scatter his ashes as they are his next of kin now...
My head really feels like it will explode.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Out at Sea
Posts: 1,177
We understand your anger. He is not handling the transition well with the kids. Poor things. He's turning them into thirtysomethings at an early age. He's making them into persons who will become adult children of alcoholics. He is manipulating them too. Such an injustice. Be strong for them too. Get to some Al-Anon meetings as soon as you can.
Give the kids special support during this difficult time. "You are kids, that is good and that is all you need to be now! It is not your job to take care of Dad, or me. Whatever you are feeling is important and okay. Let me know how you are feeling. I am here to listen to you. We share our feelings with those we love. You matter. I am here for you." Assuage their fears. Do something purely fun with them.
I wish serenity for you and the kids today.
Give the kids special support during this difficult time. "You are kids, that is good and that is all you need to be now! It is not your job to take care of Dad, or me. Whatever you are feeling is important and okay. Let me know how you are feeling. I am here to listen to you. We share our feelings with those we love. You matter. I am here for you." Assuage their fears. Do something purely fun with them.
I wish serenity for you and the kids today.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Real World
Posts: 729
LuLu, I have never dealt with alcoholism until the past year. BTW, I am starting to differentiate alcoholism from my adorable bride. Hate one, love the other :-)
I have, however, dealt with a manipulative ex trying to woo my daughter who is now 17 and has spent most of her life with me. Her mom isn't an A, she's a BC (Batsh1t Crazy).
Example: When DD decided she could no longer live with her mom part time and came to stay with me fulltime instead of 5 nights/week my ex started sending pictures of puppies and promising all sorts of goodies.
Thing is, DD loves puppies but needs stability and predictability in her life because kids need that.
So... do NOT get in an arms race around who can buy the biggest stuffed animal or provide the best approximation of Disney World. DO have a consistent and predictable and calm place for your kids, spend time with them, talk to them, avoid bringing dad up unless they do (Kids HATE being the spy) and just focus on you and on them. Help with homework, know who the kid is they have a crush on, know how they like their teachers, make them do their chores and just love them.
My DAW cried last night, she says she knows that if she doesn't stay sober that I would take our son away from her in a heartbeat. I tried to ease her mind and remind her that with me DD (17) I only did that whne mom was incapable of caring for her but she had a point - to protect son and to protect mom's relationship with son and mom's dignity I would not let son be around her if she starts drinking and from reading all the stories here about the impact on kids She and I agree that is what has to happen and it scares her but it is a motivator. She said "I can choose not to take that first sip".
After her slip last weekend that's the one I wonder about.... can she? Time will tell and I sure hope so and I am proud of her. Time to wake her up and start Recovery, round 2, week 2.
I have, however, dealt with a manipulative ex trying to woo my daughter who is now 17 and has spent most of her life with me. Her mom isn't an A, she's a BC (Batsh1t Crazy).
Example: When DD decided she could no longer live with her mom part time and came to stay with me fulltime instead of 5 nights/week my ex started sending pictures of puppies and promising all sorts of goodies.
Thing is, DD loves puppies but needs stability and predictability in her life because kids need that.
So... do NOT get in an arms race around who can buy the biggest stuffed animal or provide the best approximation of Disney World. DO have a consistent and predictable and calm place for your kids, spend time with them, talk to them, avoid bringing dad up unless they do (Kids HATE being the spy) and just focus on you and on them. Help with homework, know who the kid is they have a crush on, know how they like their teachers, make them do their chores and just love them.
My DAW cried last night, she says she knows that if she doesn't stay sober that I would take our son away from her in a heartbeat. I tried to ease her mind and remind her that with me DD (17) I only did that whne mom was incapable of caring for her but she had a point - to protect son and to protect mom's relationship with son and mom's dignity I would not let son be around her if she starts drinking and from reading all the stories here about the impact on kids She and I agree that is what has to happen and it scares her but it is a motivator. She said "I can choose not to take that first sip".
After her slip last weekend that's the one I wonder about.... can she? Time will tell and I sure hope so and I am proud of her. Time to wake her up and start Recovery, round 2, week 2.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Real World
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by titanic 
"you are kids, that is good and that is all you need to be now! It is not your job to take care of dad, or me. Whatever you are feeling is important and okay. Let me know how you are feeling. I am here to listen to you. We share our feelings with those we love. You matter. I am here for you." assuage their fears. Do something purely fun with them.
I wish serenity for you and the kids today.
I wish serenity for you and the kids today.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
More lies today...
He pretended he was going to work. Except he was late. Missed his bus, as usual. Usually he begs me to drive him, which makes me late. Didn't ask today. Said he would catch some other bus. HE CAUGHT NO BUS TO WORK! He is pretending to go to work! I can see from Internet banking that he is no-where near his work. Thankfully my money no longer goes into that bank account.
This is a HUGE week for me at work - I haven't spoken to him about it. I am trying to hold it together just for this week but I can sense he is going to pull some drama or the other. Hopefully he'll pull the drama on a new enabler, not me.
Thanks for listening to me vent. Pretending to be normal at work is so exhausting.
This is a HUGE week for me at work - I haven't spoken to him about it. I am trying to hold it together just for this week but I can sense he is going to pull some drama or the other. Hopefully he'll pull the drama on a new enabler, not me.
Thanks for listening to me vent. Pretending to be normal at work is so exhausting.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Originally Posted by discTosser
He seriously should not have contact with kids while under the influence. Damaging them in that way should not be negotiable.
I agree.
There should be some international law that when drunk fathers act like manipulative arseholes we can call the police and have them removed, no questions asked, no raised voices, no late night trauma for the kiddies.
Unfortunately there is no law like that where I live. How about you?
Until he leaves in 5 more nights and 4 days I have to console myself with the fact that my children have me as a responsible parent and that they know this TO BE A FACT. My children also know that I am not going to take any more **** from him.
My children also know that I could drag them off in the middle of the night without any preparation whatsoever because their father is, again, being a DICK, A DRUNKEN ARSED *******. However, they and I agree that such an action would only inconvenience us.
We are sticking this *****'s selfish drunken behaviour out. This is OUR HOME.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: South Africa
Posts: 44
Well I'm sure once the split happens and a custody agreement is reached that can be part of it. Last thing we want is kids being kept away from there fathers, but I'm sure that's pretty easy to put in a custody agreement. Others here would know more I'm sure.
Best of luck. Besides being an alcoholic/addict myself i had to 'deal' with this as a child. I'm not blaming it, but that cant be good for any human being.
Best of luck. Besides being an alcoholic/addict myself i had to 'deal' with this as a child. I'm not blaming it, but that cant be good for any human being.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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There will be no custody agreement. That is not even an issue.
To first apply for "custody" which doesn't even exist in my country, the drunkard would have to demonstrate a stable work and life history. :rotfxko
To first apply for "custody" which doesn't even exist in my country, the drunkard would have to demonstrate a stable work and life history. :rotfxko
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Jesus F@#$ing Christ.
He's turning it on tonight ladies and gentlemen.
It might be my birthday but F@CK IT ALL TO HELL, it's got NOTHING TO DO WITH ME! Except for the fact that I am a bitch from hell who has ruined his life.
He's spent all day at home pretending to go to work but smoking pot and drinking.
I've copped it since I walked in the door 2 hours and 20 minutes ago.
His f@#$ked up life is all my fault.
Why can't he just ******* DIE!
Happy Birthday to me.
7
He's turning it on tonight ladies and gentlemen.
It might be my birthday but F@CK IT ALL TO HELL, it's got NOTHING TO DO WITH ME! Except for the fact that I am a bitch from hell who has ruined his life.
He's spent all day at home pretending to go to work but smoking pot and drinking.
I've copped it since I walked in the door 2 hours and 20 minutes ago.
His f@#$ked up life is all my fault.
Why can't he just ******* DIE!
Happy Birthday to me.
7
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Soon, very soon, he will be gone. Hang in there. My x did the same song and dance with the kids. Offered to get them a puppy. Their own iPads. Etc. They still choose the healthy environment of my home over his house. Chin up, girl.
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