5 days to go...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Austin
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by Lulu39 
I can sense he is going to pull some drama or the other.
You never know, just by the few posts I've read, he seems like a total jerk. (sorry, fuel for the fire I know, but he does seem like it).
Serenity be with you, dearest heart.
You'll pull through-- I just know it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
IME people get fairly unpredictable when things come to a head like this. I'm so sorry, you do not deserve this.
If money allows maybe you and the kids could just go away together for these last few days. Something that is kind of fun but mostly peaceful.
I know it is your house and he'll be out of it soon - but that just seems so hard for you all. I remember. I was so shocked when my xah went ballistic before he moved. It was not how he was before and it was so hard and I regret how I handled it.
If money allows maybe you and the kids could just go away together for these last few days. Something that is kind of fun but mostly peaceful.
I know it is your house and he'll be out of it soon - but that just seems so hard for you all. I remember. I was so shocked when my xah went ballistic before he moved. It was not how he was before and it was so hard and I regret how I handled it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Thanks for your support everyone.
Still hanging in there.
I got home from work today and he seemed sober. Looked and sounded like he had been crying. I didn't ask. He asked me to take his name off a contract we have so he can take out another contract with the same company in his name only. I will do it. I only have 3 months to go with the current contract and I don't give a fat rat's clacker what he does with his money.
Exept for the fact that I have contacted the child support legal people and he only has to pay some $45 a week in child support to me for the kids because I earn too much money
. I do earn a decent wage but I'll never forget how difficult it was to support him all the times he has been jobless because he drank every cent I had leftover after I'd paid the mortgage and the bills.
Yesterday I told some of my colleagues about him leaving on Saturday. One came up to me afterwards and said how she had always admired me because she could see that I carried my family alone: I did all the running around, all the driving, all the organising and all the working. I was surprised because I dislike the woman who said it!
I have made certain to never even use his name around my colleagues, not to refer to him in any way - and she would always ask after him and I would ignore her or dodge the question, she has really pissed me off the last few years. Maybe she gets a little bit of it now?
A male colleague then told me his own story of woe and asked me about mine. I said I could only be the mother of real children not adult males and that my STBXAH was a drunken, abusive, ********.
Anyway, they, my colleagues, all think I walk on water, this week
:
* I've completed another qualification
* completed and submitted the enormous amount of paperwork required to keep my pay level and certification for the next 5 years
* organised and chaired the annual meeting with outside "investors" required to keep my workplace's certifications
* been nominated for and attended an employee of the year type function - I didn't win. My kids came as my dates. When the winners name was announced I was so excited because she was standing next to me on the stage. I looked like a right idiot saying "OMG THAT'S YOU!" to the woman who won.
* inducted a new employee to start a program which was my idea and I was sweating on today, being the first day, that the clients would like it and that the new employee would be a good fit. It looked good with what I was able to see and I spoke to the new guy afterwards and he was happy. Fingers crossed.
Huge week so far and I have another thing to go to tomorrow night which is BIG for my kids (sport).
Then he leaves.
Wow.
And I'm still f@#$ing standing!
GO ME
Still hanging in there.
I got home from work today and he seemed sober. Looked and sounded like he had been crying. I didn't ask. He asked me to take his name off a contract we have so he can take out another contract with the same company in his name only. I will do it. I only have 3 months to go with the current contract and I don't give a fat rat's clacker what he does with his money.
Exept for the fact that I have contacted the child support legal people and he only has to pay some $45 a week in child support to me for the kids because I earn too much money
. I do earn a decent wage but I'll never forget how difficult it was to support him all the times he has been jobless because he drank every cent I had leftover after I'd paid the mortgage and the bills.Yesterday I told some of my colleagues about him leaving on Saturday. One came up to me afterwards and said how she had always admired me because she could see that I carried my family alone: I did all the running around, all the driving, all the organising and all the working. I was surprised because I dislike the woman who said it!
I have made certain to never even use his name around my colleagues, not to refer to him in any way - and she would always ask after him and I would ignore her or dodge the question, she has really pissed me off the last few years. Maybe she gets a little bit of it now?
A male colleague then told me his own story of woe and asked me about mine. I said I could only be the mother of real children not adult males and that my STBXAH was a drunken, abusive, ********.
Anyway, they, my colleagues, all think I walk on water, this week
:* I've completed another qualification
* completed and submitted the enormous amount of paperwork required to keep my pay level and certification for the next 5 years
* organised and chaired the annual meeting with outside "investors" required to keep my workplace's certifications
* been nominated for and attended an employee of the year type function - I didn't win. My kids came as my dates. When the winners name was announced I was so excited because she was standing next to me on the stage. I looked like a right idiot saying "OMG THAT'S YOU!" to the woman who won.
* inducted a new employee to start a program which was my idea and I was sweating on today, being the first day, that the clients would like it and that the new employee would be a good fit. It looked good with what I was able to see and I spoke to the new guy afterwards and he was happy. Fingers crossed.
Huge week so far and I have another thing to go to tomorrow night which is BIG for my kids (sport).
Then he leaves.
Wow.
And I'm still f@#$ing standing!
GO ME
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Originally Posted by Lulu39
I got home from work today and he seemed sober.
He must have been ********* drunk!
I just checked and he is passed out with his slack jawed mouth hanging open, as usual. Does anyone know the pose I refer to? Head thrown back? Mouth wide open? Totally oblivious? So oblivious that if the house or fire alarms went off he wouldn't even realise and get stabbed to death by the robbers or burn to death in a fiery hell?
Unconscious in front of the TV at 9.30 at night without having worked a day in the last 13 days.
Life is so f@#$ing HARD for some isn't it? At least he isn't bitching at me about how "tired" he is from work when we all know that "tired" = ********* drunk and drugged.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Originally Posted by Learn2Live
So he hasn't left, even though the 5 days are over?
I counted 5 days from Monday - Friday this week. Friday night is his last night.
Today is Thursday night.
Tomorrow is Friday.
5 days.
Longest week of my life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Originally Posted by Learn2Live
I hope he leaves tomorrow.
We will see what he can manage on his little ol' lonesome ...:rotfxko
His sh*t is getting outta' here on Saturday morning, by hook or by crook...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Good for you!!!!!! The count down time is excruciating, isn't it? I felt that way as I waited for my moving day. But it does come!
There is always the driveway for his stuff....
Keeping you in my thoughts, sending good vibes your way,
BothSidesNow
There is always the driveway for his stuff....
Keeping you in my thoughts, sending good vibes your way,
BothSidesNow
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
So who is now going to say "I TOLD YOU SO!, NER NER NER NER NER NER"?
Step up, step up one and all. Be my guest.
I have refused invitations for tomorrow on behalf of me and my kids. Because TOMORROW he is/was leaving. He is/was using my car to do so.
Why the is/was you ask? Let me tell you. I'm sure it's not something you haven't heard before....
This afternoon, I got home from work. He was here. I thought he was sober. He was on the phone trying to organise electricity being connected to his new fancy apartment AKA the hovel. Who does this at 10 mins to business close on a Friday? Seriously?
I saw his keys. He has new fancy keys - the keys to his new apartment
He managed to attend the kids sporting activity. He was late and drunk. He was late because he was still on the phone trying to get electricity connected in time for tomorrow.
At the sporting activity he sat next to me - I don't know why. There were plenty of other places to sit. I could smell his drunk.
After the sporting activity he came home with me and the kids. Then said he needed to go out, in my car, of course. Kids and I had dinner while he was out.
Poured himself in the door about two hours later stating:
"I'sh may have to stay another night. The trailer I organised for tomorrow has fallen through."
I don't think I lost it entirely however between him shouting "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME LEAVE HERE IN PENURY!" over and over and over again. I managed to state, very angrily but firmly and with no doubt I mean f@#$ing business: Just because your plans have fallen through doesn't make it my problem.
I told him he is outta here no matter what happens about his fecking trailer.
He is quacking about "logistics" and "I can't help it" and "none of my shizz will fit in the car" blah blah blah and of course the "I WILL NOT LIVE IN PENURY!" shizz.
Meanwhile, I'm thinking, while he is shouting, that if he was sober and sane I could explain how, emotionally, me and the kids have prepared ourselves for him leaving tomorrow. We have altered plans, refused invitations etc. and we have made our own plans that include ME using MY FECKING CAR on Sunday and that him doing this last minute switcheroo (which was ALWAYS GOING TO FECKING HAPPEN - WE ALL KNEW IT DIDN'T WE?) is f@#$ing with my head and my kids' heads. I was not, of course able to say any of that because he was calling me a ******* bitch **** child.
I think I have made it clear, without calling him names to his face, that tomorrow is his D day.
If he is still here at 3.00pm tomorrow I am taking me and the kids to a motel or calling the police to have him removed to his own home, to which he has the keys and a lease and has paid the rent. Correction - paid the rent and the bond with money I loaned him to GET THE **** OUT OF MY ******* LIFE.
Step up, step up one and all. Be my guest.
I have refused invitations for tomorrow on behalf of me and my kids. Because TOMORROW he is/was leaving. He is/was using my car to do so.
Why the is/was you ask? Let me tell you. I'm sure it's not something you haven't heard before....
This afternoon, I got home from work. He was here. I thought he was sober. He was on the phone trying to organise electricity being connected to his new fancy apartment AKA the hovel. Who does this at 10 mins to business close on a Friday? Seriously?
I saw his keys. He has new fancy keys - the keys to his new apartment
He managed to attend the kids sporting activity. He was late and drunk. He was late because he was still on the phone trying to get electricity connected in time for tomorrow.
At the sporting activity he sat next to me - I don't know why. There were plenty of other places to sit. I could smell his drunk.
After the sporting activity he came home with me and the kids. Then said he needed to go out, in my car, of course. Kids and I had dinner while he was out.
Poured himself in the door about two hours later stating:
"I'sh may have to stay another night. The trailer I organised for tomorrow has fallen through."
I don't think I lost it entirely however between him shouting "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME LEAVE HERE IN PENURY!" over and over and over again. I managed to state, very angrily but firmly and with no doubt I mean f@#$ing business: Just because your plans have fallen through doesn't make it my problem.
I told him he is outta here no matter what happens about his fecking trailer.
He is quacking about "logistics" and "I can't help it" and "none of my shizz will fit in the car" blah blah blah and of course the "I WILL NOT LIVE IN PENURY!" shizz.
Meanwhile, I'm thinking, while he is shouting, that if he was sober and sane I could explain how, emotionally, me and the kids have prepared ourselves for him leaving tomorrow. We have altered plans, refused invitations etc. and we have made our own plans that include ME using MY FECKING CAR on Sunday and that him doing this last minute switcheroo (which was ALWAYS GOING TO FECKING HAPPEN - WE ALL KNEW IT DIDN'T WE?) is f@#$ing with my head and my kids' heads. I was not, of course able to say any of that because he was calling me a ******* bitch **** child.
I think I have made it clear, without calling him names to his face, that tomorrow is his D day.
If he is still here at 3.00pm tomorrow I am taking me and the kids to a motel or calling the police to have him removed to his own home, to which he has the keys and a lease and has paid the rent. Correction - paid the rent and the bond with money I loaned him to GET THE **** OUT OF MY ******* LIFE.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Could see this procrastination move coming from day 1 of this thread...they don't go willingly...but kicking and screaming. Same way they don't want to go to AA, not until they are truly ready.
Please take care of your emotions and try to somehow laugh at yet another move by him setting you up for disappointment...if you can find a happy place by going to a motel then do so...anything you can do to avoid stressing yourself out, my sympathies.
Please take care of your emotions and try to somehow laugh at yet another move by him setting you up for disappointment...if you can find a happy place by going to a motel then do so...anything you can do to avoid stressing yourself out, my sympathies.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Oh Lulu. I'm so sorry.
Please speak with a lawyer about how you can take control over this situation. Or make a pre-emptive call to the police at least to see what exactly you can do. I'm not sure you can force him out without legal help. There is a way to get him out but you may need help. Laws are different in different states so I hesitate to give specific advice. I urge you to get organized though.
You are strong. This is your home. You deserve it and you need it. You need a safe and healthy place and you have to right to get unsafe and unhealthy out of it. You can not depend on this man to do as expected or be cooperative and you may not need his cooperation. Talk to that lawyer. This is serious business now.
I got angry. WTF do you mean you won't leave? You sure as hell will leave - you don't get to decide my life for me. I marched down to a lawyers office that very day. Of course I was a mess and backslid and eventually he did leave but I regret not following through with the initial plan made that day. Get a court order to have him escorted out, like it or not.
Please speak with a lawyer about how you can take control over this situation. Or make a pre-emptive call to the police at least to see what exactly you can do. I'm not sure you can force him out without legal help. There is a way to get him out but you may need help. Laws are different in different states so I hesitate to give specific advice. I urge you to get organized though.
You are strong. This is your home. You deserve it and you need it. You need a safe and healthy place and you have to right to get unsafe and unhealthy out of it. You can not depend on this man to do as expected or be cooperative and you may not need his cooperation. Talk to that lawyer. This is serious business now.
I got angry. WTF do you mean you won't leave? You sure as hell will leave - you don't get to decide my life for me. I marched down to a lawyers office that very day. Of course I was a mess and backslid and eventually he did leave but I regret not following through with the initial plan made that day. Get a court order to have him escorted out, like it or not.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
I am so unbelievably sorry he is -- predictably or not -- putting you and your kids through this. I hope you can find a way to stay focused on the Life You Want Starting Today --NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES -- and go from there. I like your plan of vacating the house if he doesn't - it shows you are serious about living apart and protecting your children from utter chaos.
Sending good strong thoughts and courage your way.
Sending good strong thoughts and courage your way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Well, he's gone.
He brought my car home when he was finished moving all his crap. Packed his little backpack with his beloved wineinabox. Asked me to drive him somewhere.
Guess where he wanted me to drive him? Go on, guess......
Instead of going to his new hovel he asked me to drive him to .........
A F@#$ING BAR!
The bar where all his drunken friends who are single due to being drunks and if they are not single then their partners are drunks too. THAT BAR!
Not my problem if he gets wasted and can't find his way to his new place. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem.
He brought my car home when he was finished moving all his crap. Packed his little backpack with his beloved wineinabox. Asked me to drive him somewhere.
Guess where he wanted me to drive him? Go on, guess......
Instead of going to his new hovel he asked me to drive him to .........
A F@#$ING BAR!
The bar where all his drunken friends who are single due to being drunks and if they are not single then their partners are drunks too. THAT BAR!
Not my problem if he gets wasted and can't find his way to his new place. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem. Not my problem.
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