Do they all behave like they are entitled children, first in line to the throne?
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Originally Posted by Lulu39 
Last night he refused to eat the meal I prepared. Said it was "slop", as usual.
I would NOT be that accommodating... You must be a saint! LOL!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
[QUOTE=Lulu39;3556880]Sweetheart I ain't leaving - HE IS.
Unlike many women, I am the money earner in this ****** up marriage with an alcoholic. I have the means to kick him to the curb which is what I have done. He's bought the furniture and signed the lease.
Not being from Gen X and needing immediacy, I have the ability and the $$$ to wait him out. I'm not changing the locks or getting a violence order or calling the cops or doing anything manipulative to remove him from my house. I'm going to be as civilised as I CAN BE. NO matter how he behaves.
Like I said, vent all you want.
Also understand that some people are viewing this from the point of view of your children. I know when I read the initial post, about your husband eating the kids' treats, I felt that. I felt that from a child's point of view. And in my head I was screaming "WHO CARES if that's a trait of all or most alcoholics?!" because when a child is abused by a parent, be it mentally, physically or what have you, to that child it doesn't matter if this or that is typical of alcoholism or whatever. FWIW, my dad behaves like an entitled child first in line to the throne, and he is NOT an alcoholic. He's probably a narcissist or a sociopath or perhaps a combination of the two, I really don't know and you know what? It really doesn't matter. It's the behavior that matters.
When people mention having your husband removed from your house and changing the locks, that's not manipulating him, it's protecting your children. It is your job as the sober parent to put your children (as well as yourself) first.
Unlike many women, I am the money earner in this ****** up marriage with an alcoholic. I have the means to kick him to the curb which is what I have done. He's bought the furniture and signed the lease.
Not being from Gen X and needing immediacy, I have the ability and the $$$ to wait him out. I'm not changing the locks or getting a violence order or calling the cops or doing anything manipulative to remove him from my house. I'm going to be as civilised as I CAN BE. NO matter how he behaves.
Originally Posted by Cyranoak
...and when are you going to stop thinking he's going to change?
I don't recall ever posting ANYTHING about how I hoped he was going to change LMFAO! Your assumptions are just that, assumptions.
So, you are suggesting I hide food like some codie women hide alcohol? Are you serious?
If I recall correctly, you were the first person to ever reply to my very first post on this forum...of course, that post has been removed.
For goodness sakes, I don't expect or even want him to change. I don't give a fat rat's clacker what he does for the rest of his life.
I'm not some "young girl" "deeply in love" with an alcoholic asshat who wants him to freaking change! Stop putting your pre-conceived notions on me!
If this is the only place I can vent about what a pathetic ******* loser bludger drunk he is while I wait the next few weeks out until he is GONE then I'm a gonna do it! I did think that doing so was OK. If not, I'm sure a mod will set me straight.
I don't recall ever posting ANYTHING about how I hoped he was going to change LMFAO! Your assumptions are just that, assumptions.
So, you are suggesting I hide food like some codie women hide alcohol? Are you serious?
If I recall correctly, you were the first person to ever reply to my very first post on this forum...of course, that post has been removed.
For goodness sakes, I don't expect or even want him to change. I don't give a fat rat's clacker what he does for the rest of his life.
I'm not some "young girl" "deeply in love" with an alcoholic asshat who wants him to freaking change! Stop putting your pre-conceived notions on me!
If this is the only place I can vent about what a pathetic ******* loser bludger drunk he is while I wait the next few weeks out until he is GONE then I'm a gonna do it! I did think that doing so was OK. If not, I'm sure a mod will set me straight.
Also understand that some people are viewing this from the point of view of your children. I know when I read the initial post, about your husband eating the kids' treats, I felt that. I felt that from a child's point of view. And in my head I was screaming "WHO CARES if that's a trait of all or most alcoholics?!" because when a child is abused by a parent, be it mentally, physically or what have you, to that child it doesn't matter if this or that is typical of alcoholism or whatever. FWIW, my dad behaves like an entitled child first in line to the throne, and he is NOT an alcoholic. He's probably a narcissist or a sociopath or perhaps a combination of the two, I really don't know and you know what? It really doesn't matter. It's the behavior that matters.
When people mention having your husband removed from your house and changing the locks, that's not manipulating him, it's protecting your children. It is your job as the sober parent to put your children (as well as yourself) first.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear Lulu, One thing I feel I can safely say that you and everyone on this board can AGREE on is----that we all want your husband gone from the house as soon as possible.
Our motivation is concern for your children. You are very concerned, I believe, according to the fact that you have said so in several ways. I believe you love your children and that you have been through H***, and back, again.
You have indicated that there is reason to believe that the end is very close---signed a lease, bought furniture, etc..... We are all praying that this comes about as planned!
Could I ask, if you care to share, what do you think you will do IF he disappoints everyone and just refuses to budge? I'll bet anything that you have already anticipated this sticky wicket.
I know that there have been others in this community who have faced the same problem of trying to extract the practicing alcoholic when they can't tolerate it any longer---and it is not an easy task...doable, but not easy. You do not strike me as any sort of "shrinking violet", so I know you can do what is necessary--should it come to that.
There is a saying that I have heard from AA "It is h ard to get rid of an alcoholic" I know what they mean!
dandylion
Our motivation is concern for your children. You are very concerned, I believe, according to the fact that you have said so in several ways. I believe you love your children and that you have been through H***, and back, again.
You have indicated that there is reason to believe that the end is very close---signed a lease, bought furniture, etc..... We are all praying that this comes about as planned!
Could I ask, if you care to share, what do you think you will do IF he disappoints everyone and just refuses to budge? I'll bet anything that you have already anticipated this sticky wicket.
I know that there have been others in this community who have faced the same problem of trying to extract the practicing alcoholic when they can't tolerate it any longer---and it is not an easy task...doable, but not easy. You do not strike me as any sort of "shrinking violet", so I know you can do what is necessary--should it come to that.
There is a saying that I have heard from AA "It is h ard to get rid of an alcoholic" I know what they mean!
dandylion
My emotional baggage
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 285
And sometimes getting him out is easier said than done. I moved out for my kids and took next to nothing just to get away. Do what you think will work for your situation.
My A is a functioning A and doesnt want everyone to think he is a "bad" Dad and needs to show everyone that I am the crazy one and the reason our marriage is breaking up. Even though he would much rather be boozing it up with his buddies day and night rather than spending real time with the boys. So he is fighting me tooth and nail in court to get 50-50 custody.
Sometimes you can go to extremes to get your A out of your life and it still doesn't get them out of your life!!!!!
My A is a functioning A and doesnt want everyone to think he is a "bad" Dad and needs to show everyone that I am the crazy one and the reason our marriage is breaking up. Even though he would much rather be boozing it up with his buddies day and night rather than spending real time with the boys. So he is fighting me tooth and nail in court to get 50-50 custody.
Sometimes you can go to extremes to get your A out of your life and it still doesn't get them out of your life!!!!!
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
*gulps* wow what a thread...
i do hope you put your best foot forward and take care of you and your kids...
funny you said about karate....my sister in law swears about KICK boxing...my brother stressed she has been so good since taking the classes once a week...relieves the stress...
i do hope you put your best foot forward and take care of you and your kids...
funny you said about karate....my sister in law swears about KICK boxing...my brother stressed she has been so good since taking the classes once a week...relieves the stress...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I can hook you up with a women's self defense class, Tuffgirl. 
There's nothing that beats beating the crap out of two healthy 20-year-olds in protective gear after a full day of training.
There's nothing that beats beating the crap out of two healthy 20-year-olds in protective gear after a full day of training.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Originally Posted by outtolunch
Alcoholics/ Addicts and those new to recovery make lousy parents. Children learn how to treat others and allow others to treat them, at home.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Originally Posted by 4MyBoys
Sometimes you can go to extremes to get your A out of your life and it still doesn't get them out of your life!!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
I am hoping that my children have listened to me over the years.
In the past I would try to "discuss" stuff with him when he was drunk. I would end up gaslighted and I would explode.
Therefore, I have refused to engage for the last few years. When they do it to you and you engage it feels like they are just spinning you around and around and around. Every response you give is WRONG! BZZT! Your answer was INCORRRECT! You lose. I'm sorry. Make sure to tune in again tomorrow for another episode of Rounds Of The Kitchen! Cue canned laughter and fake audience clapping.
When he speaks badly to me I do not respond. However after he does, I do tell the children that speaking badly to each other, me and others is inappropriate.
On some level the kids are glad he is leaving. They freaking hate walking on eggshells lest they be subjected to the rounds of the kitchen.
In the past I would try to "discuss" stuff with him when he was drunk. I would end up gaslighted and I would explode.
Therefore, I have refused to engage for the last few years. When they do it to you and you engage it feels like they are just spinning you around and around and around. Every response you give is WRONG! BZZT! Your answer was INCORRRECT! You lose. I'm sorry. Make sure to tune in again tomorrow for another episode of Rounds Of The Kitchen! Cue canned laughter and fake audience clapping.
When he speaks badly to me I do not respond. However after he does, I do tell the children that speaking badly to each other, me and others is inappropriate.
On some level the kids are glad he is leaving. They freaking hate walking on eggshells lest they be subjected to the rounds of the kitchen.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Originally Posted by Jazzman
Wait.. what?!? He's moving out (not soon enough) and you're preparing meals for him?
I would NOT be that accommodating... You must be a saint! LOL!!
I would NOT be that accommodating... You must be a saint! LOL!!
To cook an entire meal and deliberately leave one person staying in the house out of the meal would be passive aggressive and achieve nothing except create more aggression and nastiness.
I can behave in a civilised fashion (I know I can, I know I can, I know I can) and I can treat other people as I would like to be treated no matter how much of an ******** they are.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Originally Posted by RidingHood
if he wants to fight you tooth and nail maybe now is a good time for you to start video taping his drunk episodes
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Detroit MI
Posts: 2
I don't know your story but from a guys perspective leaving him for a while will make him change his ways... Long as you are there he will never change... Once you are gone his eyes will open... And he will try very very hard then to quit what you dont like... Leave for a while or have him leave for a few weeks to wake him up from his kingdom fanstasy... It's been done to me... And made me realize she will get fed up eventually
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Originally Posted by Calqlus
I don't know your story but from a guys perspective leaving him for a while will make him change his ways... Long as you are there he will never change... Once you are gone his eyes will open... And he will try very very hard then to quit what you dont like... Leave for a while or have him leave for a few weeks to wake him up from his kingdom fanstasy... It's been done to me... And made me realize she will get fed up eventually
In my case, leaving him fueled the fire in the end. It was the catalyst to justify a divorce - that I left him and refused to live with him again. His words, not mine. His reality, not mine. His ego unable to accept it all, not mine.
Whatever you do, do it for you without any attached ideal outcomes other than a better life for yourself and your kids.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Originally Posted by Calqlus
I don't know your story but from a guys perspective leaving him for a while will make him change his ways... Long as you are there he will never change... Once you are gone his eyes will open...
I actually think he is quite excited about leaving. Then he can behave how he wants to behave without anyone disapproving.
I remember one of the days when I knew I was done: He'd been out drinking with his drunken friends - all (mostly) males, all divorced/separated and all drunken arseholes. Poured himself in the door and spat at me how his mate Nick was with a beautiful new woman and he had had a wonderful time with both of them that day, drinking all day.
I could hear it in his voice and see it in his body language toward me that he too wanted a 20 something woman on his drunken arm just like drunken Nick had. He wanted SO BAD what drunken Nick had!
As I am a forty-something ****** up and emotionally damaged woman I doubt any guy would even look at me sideways ever again. And I can live with that. As long as I have some peace.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: rural Germany
Posts: 311
Originally Posted by Lulu39
As I am a forty-something ****** up and emotionally damaged woman I doubt any guy would even look at me sideways ever again. And I can live with that. As long as I have some peace.
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Heres my take...
My XAH was just like Nick and your AH... A dog off a leash when we separated. He longed for that life of freedom... To drink and party with reckless abandon. To no longer deal with the nagging wife (aka. RESPONSIBILITIES at home!). Losing his home and family didn't phase him one bit. He quickly replaced me with all sorts of younger AND older women who were also looking to party.
So be it. His life... His choices. My life... My choices.
40-something?!? Phhtt... That's YOUNG! Girl, you are moments away from your new life in a home free of alcoholism. You will be amazed at how much younger you will look and feel when you are now longer living every day in a war zone!!!
I'm 9 months removed and I amazed how much better I feel. I look in the mirror and LOVE what I see I see pictures of me in my former life... And I feel sad for that woman. I looked horrible... Tired, strung-out, sad... A shell of a person.
I am excited for you and your children... Good things are coming.
My XAH was just like Nick and your AH... A dog off a leash when we separated. He longed for that life of freedom... To drink and party with reckless abandon. To no longer deal with the nagging wife (aka. RESPONSIBILITIES at home!). Losing his home and family didn't phase him one bit. He quickly replaced me with all sorts of younger AND older women who were also looking to party.
So be it. His life... His choices. My life... My choices.
40-something?!? Phhtt... That's YOUNG! Girl, you are moments away from your new life in a home free of alcoholism. You will be amazed at how much younger you will look and feel when you are now longer living every day in a war zone!!!
I'm 9 months removed and I amazed how much better I feel. I look in the mirror and LOVE what I see
I see pictures of me in my former life... And I feel sad for that woman. I looked horrible... Tired, strung-out, sad... A shell of a person. I am excited for you and your children... Good things are coming.
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