m1k3

Morning y'all, I've been reading a lot of threads lately on giving up control and how hard and scary it is. About a year ago I was in the same place and started a thread that was very interesting and I know I learned a lot from it.

One of the things I did was start a list of things I could control and things I couldn't control. Too be honest the list of things I couldn't control got very big, very fast. So I focused on what I could control. It lead to some very eye opening information from lots of people.

So, gentle readers, lets hear your input on what you think you can control in your life. As we go along I'm sure, well I hope, we will get replies from people in all stages of recovery and with all sorts of points of view.

Anyone interested?

Your friend,

sweetteewalls

I can only control myself.

fourmaggie

*still thinking about this* i will come back to it

Tuffgirl

I can control me and my reactions to what life brings.

Everything else is beyond my control.

And I am still amazed at how simple it all really is, and how freeing!

FireSprite

As in, I can't control other's action but I CAN control my reactions to them?

I can control how I choose to eat which directly impacts/affects my health & overall well being.

You're right - it's a heckofalot easier to list the things I CAN'T control!

m1k3

Can you be more specific?

That was one of my answers and I got called on it by a member who sort of became my online sponsor. It was her opinion that it goes a lot deeper than that and I happen to agree with her.

Thank you Lexicat for your support at that time. "All your base are belong to us".

Your friend,

Florence

I can control my bedtime, my eating habits, my exercise habits, and my entertainment consumption, and positive choices with these things make me feel better, physically and emotionally.

m1k3

Very good, I agree, these are all choices you can make but...

What if there is an emergency and you don't get to bed latter than you planned?

Whet if you wanted eggs for breakfast but you are all out of eggs?

Your friend,

m1k3

Sorry, for some reason I can't edit my post, keep getting network errors. Something else I can't control.

Above it should read, what if you can't get to bed until later than you planned?

FireSprite

I can control my ability to be flexible & accept everything in life as fluid & changing.

Which, in a sense, negates the need for control in the first place?

BlueSkies1

I can control whether I decide to see life optimistically or pessimistically.

Other than that, I can't even control me half the time. I do think I can control how much I let go of control.

m1k3

We are getting real close here.

The only thing I can control is how I choose to react to what is happening, both inside and outside my head and my attitudes.

Actually, with everything else, when you give up control you aren't giving up anything. You never had the control in the first place. All you are giving up is an illusion.

Your are giving up the illusion of control and accepting reality as it is. When you look at it that way it's not so scary. Just acknowledging the status quo.

As TuffGirl said, it is very freeing. It feels great to put down all that baggage that you were carrying that wasn't even yours to begin with.

Your friend,

Hypatia

I can only control my conscious, voluntary responses to stimuli.

DefofLov

This thread feels somewhat "controlled."

Mike, can you explain what you are looking for in terms of what control means? Like, are you asking us to list what we can control?

ETA: Do you want us to talk about how difficult it is to let go of control?

lizatola

I can truly only control ME.
Yet, as a subset of items I can list these things that I can control:

I can control what route I take to get somewhere and I can control how fast I drive there and where I need to stop.

I can control my responses to others and learn to control my reactions.

I can control what I put into my mouth for nourishment and I can control whether I eat 1 piece of chocolate or 2.


Yet, the most important one is that I can control my thoughts. Yet, when I really thought about it I really don't control anything alone. When I start getting negative thought patterns or set up defense mechanisms in my mind, I start to pray and ask God to help me control them. When I want that 2nd piece of chocolate and know I shouldn't have it, I give it up to my Higher Power and say, "OK, I know I shouldn't have that dang piece of chocolate so help me out here." Stupid and silly, I know, but truly I believe that we have a serious illusion of control.

If I put it another way it's, "I TRY to control as much about myself as I can." But, to me, I know it's very futile because I need a power greater than myself to help me control myself. So, in reality, what do I really control? The weather! Yes, that's it, LOL! I wish, haha!

coffeeclouds

I can decide something, but I cannot control the possible outcome or how others may respond.

In my work, I teach that a person can control what they eat, but not necessarily the number on the scale. Maybe similar to the above.

I see that there is a difference in making a decision and having control. I can decide to live in peace, I cannot control that others cooperate in that decision. But, I can decide to minimize my contact with them if they are not cooperating (and i don't mean that I am controlling their cooperation, some people are just not peace inspiring for me.)

m1k3

I'd like it if you talked about how you see control and what it means to you, and only if you want.

The idea of control isn't exactly clear cut and means different things to different people. To me control meant that if I took an action I expected the results to be a particular outcome. Of course they very seldom were.

For example if I took the action of discussing my AW's drinking and pill abuse with here I expected her to see the light and want to change. Yeah, right. It just didn't happen that way. It all ties to the first step in Al-anon where "I admit that I am powerless over alcohol". I can take actions, I can own the decision to take action, I can own what action I took. I can't own the results. There are simply too many factors involved.

As I got more comfortable with this step I realized that this step applied to so many things beyond alcohol. In fact it applied to my whole life. I can't control what the results of my choices will be. As I understood this better I started making better choices.

I believe Lillamy posted this on that thread and it really helped.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change; (other people, places things)
courage to change the things I can; (me, myself and I)
and wisdom to know the difference.

So, I guess I am asking is how do you see control, what have you tried to control and how well did that work for you. And based on what you have learned in the course of your recovery did you change what you now try to control.

Your friend,

snoopy87

I can control my attitude, who I allow in my life, and my reactions to things.

LuvMySis

I have completely accepted that I can't control the actions of the addicts in my life. I feel good about it, and it doesn't cause me stress. It took me a very long time and SR to get me to this point.

I've also accepted that I should be able to control my reactions and actions to situations and people. However, I don't have this under control at all, and this is the source of my stress.

CentralOhioDad

Those are things that I'm having the hardest time controlling right now.

I feel more out of control now then I used to. And yet I'm trying to control more things..

Ooh, me head is a-spinning!